Chapter
Date: December 27, 2004 7:04am
From: [email protected]
Subject: How are you?
Maria,
So, just like my subject line says, how are you? Things here have been good. Erica is 6 months along now, which is hard to believe. So far, and from what I can tell, she has been true to her promise and not drinking. But you are the only one that I have confessed this to, I worry. A lot because I just don’t trust her. I hate even thinking that she would be capable of drinking while growing our child. I honestly can’t think about it anymore.
To answer your question, I should have my official PhD in 6 months. Things are going to be very hectic around here, let me tell you. I’m in the final workings of my dissertation and that has been keeping me busy. Add in being a new parent and things are going to be tough.
I hope that you were able to get a job or find something that is just for you. Maria, stop putting everyone else ahead of yourself. And I know, of course Brielle needs her mom. That’s not what I meant. What I mean is, you will never be the mom Brielle needs if you hide your true self from the world. Because the woman that was all dressed up in those ridiculous clothes and pushing that pretentious stroller was not—is not—you. If Nate can’t see that, well, maybe you need to show him. And maybe it’s time that he accepts it. Don’t change for him. Or anyone. Not even me. I can’t write about it too much because I will get upset. All I know is this, if you were my wife, I would want you to be just…you. There’s no one better. Just my two cents. Sometimes I just want to ask you why are you with him?
Anyway, write soon.
Yours, Sam
P.S. I’ve been waiting 6 months to say that to you. Please don’t be mad.