Chapter
Date: April 27, 2005 11:42am
From: [email protected]
Subject: re: How are you?
Sam,
Hey! It’s me! I know, I know … I took forever to respond again. And it’s not because I am mad at you. Far from it. I need to hear stuff like that. It’s just hard to talk about it, especially with you. I wish you would take the time to hear me and understand.
I’ll let you know a few things about Nate and me. He is controlling. I am told what to wear (we’ve already established this), what Brielle has to wear, what to make for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (because GOD forbid I put on even one pound of weight), who I can hang out with, where we vacation, and finally when we are having our next kid. He wants to start trying. My whole life and existence is in his hands.
I am grossly unhappy; I hate myself for walking out of the shed that day. Because deep down I know that my life would have turned out so much different. The life I would have had with you.
But my hands are tied. Just know and accept that they are. And you asked me why I’m with him. You know why. It’s my dad. And now it’s Brielle. I feel trapped and sometimes like a caged animal. I can’t believe I am in a similar relationship that I was in with Chad. And it’s all my fault .
I could ask you the same thing though Sam. Why are you with someone who, more than likely, drank while pregnant and is an alcoholic? Why Sam?
Love, Maria
P.S. Did Erica have the baby? Is everything ok?