Chapter Fifteen
J osh climbed out of the taxi at the entrance to Split Valley Ranch and gave a little wave as the car peeled off. With just three cars in their roster, the company was kept busy, even in a town the size of Tenacity. There was always someone that needed a ride or a delivery made, which left little time for chatting or meandering, which Josh preferred.
Especially right now. The last thing he needed was the driver asking him any leading questions.
One wrong slip and his business would be all over town.
Did you hear Josh Aventura got beaten out by a movie star? That guy never stood a chance. What was he thinking?
Josh grimaced at the unfamiliar voices that filled his head. He doubted anyone would really say that, at least not to his face, but he couldn’t shake the dread as he lumbered down the gravel drive to the house. He’d opted to get dropped off at the road. He needed a good walk and some fresh air to clear his head, but it wasn’t clearing much of anything.
Josh stuffed his hands in his pockets, feeling every bit as pathetic as he probably looked. He’d barely worked up the nerve to call Amy before he left the Social Club. Moments before the taxi showed up, he’d realized he needed to apologize for rushing out on her the way he had and for making excuses instead of processing the way he was feeling in the moment. He knew that leaving things to linger would only end up making them both feel worse.
But hearing that Tru McCoy was coming to Tenacity tomorrow was like a kick to the gut. He hadn’t realized Amy would move so quickly with the news, but he supposed she couldn’t really afford to wait. The baby had been a surprise, so there was probably plenty to sort out, first of which involved telling the father.
The father. He thought the words over and over, grumbling every time. Tru didn’t deserve to be the father of this baby. Josh wanted to be supportive. He wanted to follow Amy’s lead with this. At least, that’s what he’d told himself upon walking out of the bar. He’d been so sure of himself when he dialed her number. But now the thought of Tru coming into town to sweep Amy off her feet was both devastating and nauseating in turns. It filled Josh with a wicked heat that swelled in his head and made his cheeks burn. He’d never hated someone he’d never met before. Frankly, he’d never hated anyone.
But Tru McCoy left a bad taste in his mouth.
His dad would tell him to take a step back and assess the circumstances with a clear head, reminding Josh that he was far too close to the situation if he was having thoughts like that. But that was the problem. He was already too close to Amy. Too close to simply step aside and pretend like none of this mattered.
He didn’t want to stand aside.
He wanted to be here for Amy and the baby, but did she even want that from him? Or had everything that happened last night just gone out the window? Tru was about to ride into town like a knight on a white horse, making her promises Josh couldn’t hope to match in his wildest dreams. Of course Amy was going to choose him. Why wouldn’t she? Tru could offer her so much more than he could.
Tires crunched on gravel, drawing up behind him and breaking Josh from his melancholy thoughts. He perked up, turning as headlights blinded him momentarily and a vehicle pulled up close. He hadn’t been expecting company, and he jumped aside.
Shane hung out the window of his truck, one hand on the wheel, creeping up slowly. “Hey, man. Everything okay?”
Josh squinted at him in the near darkness. “Hey,” he said, unable to muster an ounce of enthusiasm. “Yeah.”
“Saw your truck down at the Social Club. I popped inside, thought we could have a beer together, but Mike said you’d already gone home in a taxi.”
“Yeah.”
“You could have called me, you know?”
“Not a big deal,” Josh said. Truthfully, he could have called a lot of people. He didn’t though, because there was only one person he’d wanted to talk to, one person he’d wanted to be with, and anyone else would likely have asked about why he needed a ride home on a weekday. Well, maybe not Shane. He probably wouldn’t even have judged Josh for it. But Josh was still getting used to having him back in town.
“So everything’s just fine despite you looking as stormy as those clouds up there,” Shane said. “Am I understanding things?” He cut the ignition and the truck stilled.
“About the gist of it,” Josh muttered.
Shane snorted and got out of the truck. They fell in line next to each other, walking back toward the house slowly. “I can tell when you’re lying, you know. I have known you long enough. You get all broody and avoid looking at me.”
“I’m not lying,” Josh said. “Relatively speaking, everything is fine. No one’s hurt. No one’s dying. The ranch is trucking along. You know, on a scale of one to all the cattle escaping, it’s not that bad.”
“Girl trouble then,” Shane said with a nod.
Josh did look at him then, but only to roll his eyes.
“Don’t try denying it. I could see those slumped shoulders a mile away. And I should know. I became very familiar with that look every time I clocked myself in a mirror lately.” He bumped Josh’s arm. “Feels just like old times, huh? When we were both in high school and couldn’t get a date to save our lives.”
Josh shook his head, smiling despite how wretched he felt. It did sorta feel like old times. But they were kids back then, regardless of how grown up they’d felt. Plus with their shifting infatuations from week to week, there was always someone new to get hung up on. Josh didn’t want to think about anyone else. He wanted Amy, and only her. He sighed. “This feels different. Like there’s more at stake.”
“Because it’s real now,” Shane said. “Because it matters. She matters.”
He was right. If this thing between them didn’t matter, Josh would have stepped aside the moment Amy told him she was expecting. He would have wished her luck with everything and chalked these past weeks up to a good time. And maybe that’s what he should still do. But something inside him refused to acknowledge that option. He couldn’t walk away from her; he just didn’t know where he fit anymore.
He thought it might be by her side. But was there room there with Tru?
“I’m guessing you and Amy didn’t fully break it off,” Shane said.
“No,” Josh said immediately. “We’re not… At least, I don’t think so. I mean… It’s complicated.” He huffed a humorless laugh. How cliché. “How can you tell?”
“I figure you’d be more of a wreck if you had. I saw the way you looked at that girl when you came by the ranch. It’s all Gram could talk about after you’d left. How you’d finally found a good woman who would do right by you.”
Josh didn’t know how to respond. Even Angela thought they were good for each other, and that meant a lot.
“So what is it?” Shane asked. “Did you find out she has a long-lost boyfriend somewhere she’s still pining over? Oh, God, she isn’t married, is she?”
Josh shook his head. “No, um… She’s pregnant.” He had no intentions of telling Mike at the bar or anyone else, but Shane was different. He used to be able to tell Shane everything. Anything. And even though Shane had been away for a while, that hadn’t changed. He trusted him not to go blabbing all over town. He even trusted him to keep this from Angela. “Sorta took her by surprise. Unplanned. Unexpected. All that.” At the look on Shane’s face, he added, “It’s not mine. She’s about three or four months along I would figure.”
“Wow,” Shane said, the word leaving his mouth on the end of a whistle. “I was not expecting that.”
“Me neither.”
They walked in silence for a beat, reaching the house. Josh slumped down on the porch steps. He felt like he was carrying sandbags on his shoulders.
“And she really had no idea?”
“No. And I believe that. I don’t think she would have let things get this far without telling me.” She’d been adamant that she hadn’t lied to him, and Josh saw no reason not to believe her.
“Must be a shock to the system. For both of you.”
“Yeah.”
“And the father… Is he,” Shane winced, “around?”
“He’s alive and well, if that’s what you’re wondering. I’m not quite sure about the state of their relationship.” Amy said that it wasn’t good, and he’d left her, hadn’t he? He’d chosen someone else. Married that girl, even. But how did you say no to Tru McCoy? If he wanted back in this baby’s life…
“That’s rough,” Shane said.
“I’ll say.”
“Well, from where I’m sitting, you’ve got two options. One, you walk away. You let her go. She moves on. Has her baby. Plays happy house with her kid and the baby’s father.”
Josh didn’t like that option. “And two?”
“You fight for her.”
“Did you fight?” he asked, wondering about this girl that Shane had chased across Montana.
“For a while, yeah. We had our problems. Not surprise pregnancies, mind you. But we tried to make it work. I tried.”
Josh wanted to try. He did. But the real question was, did Amy want him to fight for her? Did she want him when she could have Tru? The more he thought about it, the more ridiculous it sounded. Why would she ever choose him over Mr. Hollywood Heartthrob? Josh didn’t think he could handle that rejection. He didn’t think he could bear to fight and lose. To let Amy and Tru stomp all over his heart.
“You gonna be okay?” Shane asked.
Josh glanced around the darkened property. There were still a couple chores to do. So even if he wasn’t okay, there were things to be getting on with. “I suppose so. I gotta check in on the cattle once more before bed.”
“You want help?”
“Nah. It’ll be good for me to keep busy. Get my mind off Amy and the baby.”
“If you need anything,” Shane said, getting to his feet, “let me know. Even if it’s just a lift to the bar tomorrow to pick up your truck.”
“Thanks,” Josh said. “That’d be great actually. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.”
Josh watched Shane walk back down the drive to his truck. When he was gone, Josh forced himself to his feet. All he wanted to do was go inside and go to bed and hope some of this turned out to be a bad dream. But the animals needed things and they didn’t care much for matters of the heart interrupting their dinner. Josh switched into his dusty, muck-covered work boots and headed out to the barn.
He called in the cattle, making sure they were fed and watered. Then he popped down to the horse stalls, mucking them out quickly before he called them in for the night.
When he was finished, he stood in the doorway of the barn and whistled. Bella and Mac trotted toward him. Bitsy stood out in the field, just a shadow against the blue-black sky, as stubborn as ever. Josh got the other two horses settled in their stalls before he returned for Bitsy, marching out across the field to get her. He brought a halter with him and strung it over her head so he could guide her back.
“Can we not do this tonight?” he said. It wasn’t lost on him that Bitsy had bonded so well with Amy these past weeks. Was she missing her favorite person too?
She huffed in his face, and Josh took that as a yes.
Josh led her back to the barn as raindrops started to fall. They pattered against the roof as he got Bitsy into her stall for the evening. She immediately dunked her head in the bucket of water, taking large gulps. Josh leaned against the gate, watching her for a moment. Bitsy had really taken to Amy, but without her here, she got on with business as usual. Maybe that’s what he needed to do too.
Maybe Tru coming tomorrow was for the best. It was certainly best for Amy. For her child. It didn’t matter that his heart ached at the thought. He could never compete with the glamour and jet-setting. He couldn’t give Amy or this baby everything they deserved.
Shane had said he could fight for Amy, but if he stood in Tru’s way, all he’d be asking Amy to do would be to give up a life of certain luxury.
Josh thumped the stall door. “Night, ladies. And Mac,” he said, listening to the soft braying of the horses as he left the barn, slumping through the rain to the house. He was soaked to the bone before he reached the porch, but that didn’t matter. It was just another box to check off on the long list of things that had sucked today.
What really sucked was the fact that he couldn’t stop envisioning everything he could have had: Amy moving into his place. Her clothes in his closet. Maybe a horse of her own in the stables.
That was probably the hardest part of today. Giving up that dream. It was foolish of him to let his mind plan for a future.
To long for it.
To want it.
Because this was what happened when he let himself want something. Charmingly handsome movie stars came bursting in to tear it all down.
Josh ran a hand through his damp hair. But why should he have to step aside? Why should he have to give up on this dream? On Amy?
He wanted her.
So, until she told him to go, shouldn’t he keep trying for this future?
Then again, how could he possibly be her first choice? He’d never been anyone’s first choice, and he needed to prepare himself for that reality.