Chapter Eighteen
“Y ou want to stop for food?” Faith asked as they turned onto the narrow stretch of highway leaving town.
“There’s not really anything worthwhile between here and Bronco,” Amy said. “Just that little shack of a diner with the stale coffee.”
“And the oatmeal cookies that taste like cardboard. Yeah, I know. I meant when we get into Bronco. Might be nice to have some options for a change. Don’t get me wrong. I love Tenacity, I really do. But—”
“They don’t have your favorite chickpea falafel wrap?”
Faith glanced at her, a smile on her face. She reached over and squeezed Amy’s hand. “It’s gonna be a good day. Everything’s going to turn out fine at the doctor’s. So I think we can make time for a little fun, too. Maybe we can even swing by the arena if you’re feeling up for it. Visit with the horses. Catch up on all the rodeo gossip.”
It felt like eons since Amy had been in the Bronco Convention Center or set foot in the arena. She brushed her hand across her belly. It might be a good long while before she had another chance. “Well how can I say no to that?”
Amy had never fully appreciated Faith’s ability to soothe nerves. She’d been up all night thinking about this OB appointment, tossing and turning as anxiety-inducing questions ricocheted around her brain. They were on their way to see Dr. Rangely, an obstetrician who worked out of Bronco. Amy had also grown quite fond of Tenacity, but her options for medical care were more limited there than they were in the city. Plus she’d wanted to be seen as soon as possible and Dr. Rangely had an opening in her schedule.
Now that Amy knew about the baby, she was certain she’d done something wrong. Many things, probably. Her thoughts turned protective. She just wanted everything to be okay. This poor baby had already been rejected by its father. Somehow Amy had to do and be enough for this child.
“Hey,” Faith said, breaking her from her anxious spiral. “Really. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“I just feel like the baby’s not even here yet and I’m already screwing this up somehow,” Amy said.
“You haven’t screwed up anything. I bet you that if you talk to any new parent they feel the exact same way.”
“I didn’t even bother to notice I was pregnant for four months, Faith. All the signs were there.”
Faith shrugged. “You had other things on your mind.” Her eyebrows wiggled. “Josh-shaped things.”
Amy frowned.
“How’s that going by the way?”
“It’s not,” she said, a little defeated. “We honestly haven’t spoken much since the day Tru left. I thought it might reassure him, knowing that Tru wasn’t going to be around to get in the middle of what we had going on. He seemed happy about that part at least. But he has sort of retreated since then.” Almost a week had passed since their phone call, and though Josh texted her on occasion, things felt different. There was a distance there she didn’t know how to fix. “I think it kind of dawned on him that I was still gonna have this baby. And that being around me, being with me, automatically included that now.”
“Amy, I don’t think Josh is—”
“Of course he is. He’s probably wondering if he could raise another man’s baby. Wouldn’t that be what you were thinking?”
Faith grew quiet. Contemplative.
“I don’t think there’s anything I can do but give him space,” Amy said. She wasn’t going to beg him to want her. The same way she hadn’t begged Tru to want this baby. It would hurt if Josh ultimately stepped away, but she would survive it. She had to survive it. There was someone more important than herself to think about now.
“I think you need to have more faith in Josh.”
Amy smirked a bit. “That’s your advice? Have faith.”
“Hey, if anyone’s qualified to give that advice, it’s me.”
“I think I’d rather just be practical, and not live with some fairy-tale hope right now.”
They passed a sign for Bronco. Amy glanced at her phone. They’d made good time, but they wouldn’t be able to squeeze in lunch before the appointment. That was fine though. Amy was too nervous to eat. Just as she was thinking it, her stomach made a noise to the contrary.
“Well,” Faith said. “You be practical and I’ll hold out enough hope for both of us. Josh is a good man.”
“I’m not disputing he’s a good man. But I also once foolishly thought Tru was a good man.”
Faith snorted. “You were clearly off your rocker with that one. Even I could have told you to tread lightly there. And I was a big Tru McCoy fan until recent events.”
“I fell for the oldest trick in the book. Listening to anything that sweet-talking snake had to say.” Amy’s pulse skipped as Faith pulled into a parking lot outside a squat red-bricked building with Bronco Medical on the side in fancy silver letters. “I just don’t want to do that again.”
Faith parked and turned to face her. “Okay, listen here. Josh Aventura is nothing like Tru. Yes, he’s a gruff, stubborn man. And maybe it’s gonna take him a minute to realize the good thing he’s got here, but he will realize it, Amy. Just don’t give up on him yet.”
Amy flashed her a tight, close-lipped smile. She wanted to believe Faith more than anything, but the best thing to do was have reasonable expectations. It would soften the blow when it landed. “I haven’t given up. Not completely.” She glanced out the window and back. “I just have other things on my mind.”
“Speaking of other things. Let’s go see how this little avocado is doing.”
Amy chuckled. “Avocado?”
“Oh, yeah, I was reading on this app that the baby is the size of an avocado now or something.”
“Explains why all my pants are tight.”
They got out of the car and walked into the building. Amy was greeted by a receptionist who took her name and checked her in. Then they sat down in the faux-leather chairs that filled the waiting room. Amy glanced around at the other patients, wondering how many of them had been unexpectedly knocked up by famous movie stars. Maybe there was a club for that sort of thing.
“We should get a pony.”
“Hmm?” Amy glanced over at Faith.
“For the baby. It’s gonna have to learn to ride sometime.”
Amy tilted her head, briefly resting it on Faith’s shoulder. “Let’s just focus on getting to the due date before we start teaching it rope tricks.”
“I am so excited.”
Amy was lucky. What did she need Tru for when she had Faith?
“Amy?” a nurse called, waving her back. She was short, with a full head of gray hair and wore her glasses on a chain around her neck.
Amy liked her immediately. She hopped up.
Faith caught her hand and squeezed. “I’ll be here when you get out.”
The nurse led her to an exam room and had Amy change into a gown. She took some vitals and some blood and chatted with her, completing a basic history. Then she asked Amy to pee in a cup. When the doctor came in, she shook Amy’s hand.
She was a tall, middle-aged woman with dark, curly hair.
“Doctor Rangely,” she said. “But you can call me Gloria.”
“Amy. Nice to meet you.”
“So, babies,” the doctor said, grabbing a seat in a swivel chair.
“Babies,” Amy repeated.
“Your first?”
“Yes.”
“And are we happy about that?” There was no judgment in her voice, and Amy suspected the doctor asked most of her patients this question. Their answer likely determined the direction of the conversation.
“It was definitely unexpected, and I’m not going to say I wasn’t shocked, but yes… I’m happy.”
“Okay, then. I’d like to do an ultrasound. Just to see where we’re starting off since this is your first visit with me.”
“We’re gonna see the baby?”
Dr. Rangely nodded. “You bet.” Amy reclined back on a table, her heart pounding, as the doctor rubbed cold jelly on her stomach. She tried to imagine what this would have been like if Tru had decided to play parent. Would he be standing here next to her, holding her hand? She couldn’t picture it, but she could picture Josh and her chest ached. Dr. Rangely adjusted some equipment, pulling a monitor into focus as she moved the ultrasound wand over Amy’s skin. Amy watched the screen, trying to make sense of the unrecognizable blurs.
Suddenly a swooshing sound filled the room.
“Is that—”
“The heartbeat,” Dr. Rangely said.
“The heartbeat,” Amy replied softly. The swoosh raced faster than Amy expected. “Is that…good?”
“That’s normal. It’s a very strong heartbeat.”
Amy wanted to burst into tears. And she did. “I’m sorry,” she muttered as she was handed a box of tissues. Everything was just so uncertain. She didn’t know where she stood with Josh or how to fix this situation or if there was any chance she might get him back, but the baby’s heart was strong. How could everything be so wrong and so right at the same time? “I guess I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. After not knowing for so long, and not doing the things I was supposed to do—”
“Everything looks really good, Amy,” Dr. Rangely said. “I promise. Nothing out of the ordinary for this far along.”
“I was reading some things on the internet and it said you weren’t supposed to be horseback riding. But then some other websites said you could. And I did. Go horseback riding, that is. But that’s before I knew about the baby.”
Dr. Rangely rubbed the back of Amy’s hand where it rested on her stomach. “It can be a risky activity, especially for people who aren’t used to it. But your file said you worked the rodeo circuit, right?” Amy nodded. “Well, seeing as you do it regularly, I’d say you were probably okay.”
Amy let out a sigh of relief.
The doctor removed her gloves. “You and the baby look healthy. But I’d like you to hold off on the horseback riding going forward. You’re into the second trimester now, and you’re technically high-risk because of your age. You’re fit but we want to be as careful as we can.”
“I can do that,” Amy said.
Dr. Rangely sat down at a desk, making notes on a laptop. “We’ll get you scheduled for the anatomy scan next. We’ll be able to tell you the sex at that appointment if you want to know.”
“When’s that?”
“Between eighteen and twenty-two weeks.”
Amy felt her breath leave her. At the next scan she’d learn if she was having a little boy or a little girl. This was all becoming more real by the second, and she couldn’t help wishing for Josh. Wishing that he’d been here with her, listening to this baby’s heartbeat, the baby they might raise together if any part of him still wanted her. But could he ever want her enough now to make that work? Emotion filled her chest and it was hard to breathe.
Dr. Rangely turned to her. “Now, do you have any questions for me?”
“Oh, so many,” Amy said. “Is it true the baby is the size of an avocado?”
***
“A baby!” Elizabeth said as they crowded into a booth. “I can’t believe it. Congratulations again. I’m going to keep saying that. I’m so happy for you. I know you’ve wanted this for a while.”
“A secret baby!” Tori added, nudging Carly. “This is like one of those episodes of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant . I keep trying to get Bobby to watch it with me, but he just thinks it’s ridiculous.”
“Oh my God, you’re so right!”
“I always wondered about those stories,” Faith said, sipping her sweet tea. She’d gathered up all their sisters at Lulu’s BBQ for lunch, surprising Amy after the doctor’s appointment, and Amy’s heart was full to bursting. And not just because she was starving, and Lulu’s ribs were her favorite of anywhere in Bronco. “Like how do you reach nine months and not know you’ve grown a whole child?”
“Well, I do know I’m pregnant now,” Amy said. “And according to Dr. Rangely, the baby is officially the size of an avocado.”
There were squeals of delight around the table, and Amy had to hush her sisters so as not to disturb the other customers with their excitement. It had been an emotional morning, hearing the heartbeat and missing Josh, but despite everything, Amy was looking forward to welcoming this baby into her life, and knowing that her sisters supported her was the biggest gift of all.
“Your little avocado,” Elizabeth said on a sigh. “I remember those days. Enjoy these moments. Pregnancy will go faster than you think. I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and rainbows—”
“Yes, the morning sickness made sure of that,” Amy said.
The corner of Elizabeth’s mouth turned up. “I don’t miss that, but there are definitely other moments you’ll miss. Feeling the baby kick for the first time, watching your bump grow.”
Amy smiled softly, considering her words. Elizabeth had lost her first husband, but she’d remarried Jake McCreery, and between them they now had five kids. If any one of her sisters should be offering parenting advice, it was definitely Elizabeth. “Well, I can’t say I’m looking forward to giving up horseback riding for the foreseeable future—” she laid her hand on her stomach “—but I suppose some sacrifices are worth it.”
“I guess that’s you off the rodeo circuit for a while longer,” Tori said. “At least for the duration of the pregnancy and some maternity leave.”
“Yeah.” Amy sighed. “I wasn’t in any big rush to get back to it, honestly. At least, not until this nonsense with—”
“Yes!” Carly interrupted. “Let’s talk about Tru. How is the baby daddy doing?”
Tori hushed her, looking around like their conversation might attract the paparazzi.
Amy’s eyes cut across to Faith, who threw her hands up. “Like I was going to be able to keep that a secret.”
“It’s not like we didn’t know,” Elizabeth said diplomatically. “Or we at least suspected you two had something going on. When we learned you were pregnant and how far along you were, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”
Amy grumbled. “I was a fool. I know, I know .”
“You were in love,” Tori said, patting her hand. “There’s a difference.”
“What I can’t understand is why a man with Tru’s money and resources can’t be bothered caring for his child,” Carly said. “It’s not like you’re expecting him to tote the baby down a red carpet in a stroller. But he could at least kick over a bit for formula. Or set the kid up with a small trust fund for school or whatever.”
“Caleb says he’s too full of himself to genuinely care about anyone else in his life,” Faith said.
Amy nodded. “I can’t help thinking that maybe his rejection was a blessing in disguise. I mean, Tru’s not cut out to be any kind of parent. That became more than obvious when I last saw him. And throwing this baby into the limelight, for the tabloids to exploit before the baby can even understand the situation, feels cruel. If there’s one thing I want to be able to do as a mother, it’s protect this child. Even if that means protecting them from their own—”
“Father?” Carly cut in.
Amy hesitated. “He’s not, though, is he?” She’d been thinking more and more about this since the ultrasound this morning. Lying there on the exam table, alone, she’d come to the conclusion that Tru was not this baby’s father, not in the sense that he should be. “He might have donated his DNA, but he’s never going to do all the things a father is supposed to do.”
Her sisters nodded, and Amy knew they understood. Maybe better than most. Being adopted really gave them a different perspective on what family was. It had nothing to do with DNA or blood. All that mattered were the people who stuck around in the end.
The people who chose you.
“Tru didn’t choose me or this baby. So, I don’t plan to tell him when the baby is born. He won’t be at the hospital with me. I don’t even plan to write his name down on the birth certificate.” She would tell her child, one day, when they were ready to hear the truth, but until then, she didn’t see a reason to weigh them down with the disaster that was Truett McCoy.
“Is there someone else’s name you want to write down?” Elizabeth asked quietly, eyeing her over a plate of corn bread.
Amy opened her mouth, closed it, emotion clogging her throat. It was so hot and tight she couldn’t get the words out. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. When she thought about that moment, about bringing this little life into the world, the only person she saw by her side was Josh.
“Oh, honey, I didn’t mean to make you upset.” Elizabeth reached across the table and squeezed her hand.
“It’s not you,” Amy said. “Honest. I’m just… I’m missing Josh. I feel like we were moving in a really good direction and now it sort of feels like I’ve been bucked off the back of a horse. I don’t really know where we stand or where to go from here.”
“Well, that’s easy enough to figure out,” Tori said.
Amy looked up at her.
“You know exactly what to do when you get bucked off.”
“Get up, dust yourself off and get back on the horse,” her sisters chorused, making Amy chuckle.
“Advice from the great Hattie herself,” Tori said, raising her glass of sweet tea.
“I’m not sure that applies here,” Amy said.
“Of course it does,” Tori said. “Has Josh explicitly said he doesn’t want to be with you?”
“Well, no,” Amy said. “Not in so many words.”
“Not in any words,” Faith cut in.
“Has he stopped answering your texts?” Carly asked.
“No. He hasn’t really called much in the last week, but he’s messaged to check in. I’ve been trying to give him as much space as I can.”
“And did you ever think that maybe he’s trying to do the same thing?” Elizabeth suggested.
Carly nudged her under the table. “It sounds like he’s still interested, Amy.”
“I agree,” Tori said. “And as far as I’m concerned, you have to get back on the horse.”
Try again , Amy heard in Hattie’s voice. Don’t let fear stop you from reaching for something you love. Frankly, she knew Hattie had been talking about reaching for the reins, but maybe her sisters were right. She shouldn’t give up on her and Josh yet.
She just didn’t know how to reach for him. It felt unfair to dump this kind of news on Josh and expect a decision so quickly. If she was going to ask him to choose her and this baby, she felt like she needed to give him the appropriate amount of time to process. But how long was that? Weeks? A month?
Maybe she’d just put it off forever. That would be easier than getting rejected.
“I think you’re scared,” Elizabeth said, squeezing her hand again. “And that’s understandable.”
“What if he doesn’t choose me?” Amy blinked heavily. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“That’s what loving someone is,” Elizabeth said. “It’s giving them the ability to hurt you but trusting them not to. I know it’s terrifying, but I really think you need to put your faith in Josh now. You need to give him a chance.”
“Regardless of what happens,” Tori said. “You’ll always have your family. We’ll be here for you and this baby.”
“Trust me, Amy,” Elizabeth said. “If he’s the right man for you, it’ll work out. But it can’t work if you don’t fight for it.”