Chapter One #2
“Yes, you know the rules,” I say in reply to his earlier question.
Andrew and I have been in a good place for a while. It took us a long time to get here. I wasn’t interested in stirring the pot again.
“Why don’t you want to go?” I stop folding the laundry at my feet and give him my full attention. Although the custody agreement is court-ordered, if I found out something was endangering my boys, I’d call it off.
AJ shrugs. “He never really does anything with us anymore. Usually, we’re entertaining ourselves while he goes out.”
I’m not upset about Andrew going out while the kids are there. AJ is mature and old enough to watch over his brother. I do have a problem with him not spending time with the boys, though. That’s the entire purpose of his weekends.
“Have you talked to your dad about this?”
“No. I don’t really talk to him at all.”
I huff. “AJ, your therapist and I both told you to stop holding in your emotions. You need to express how you feel to your father. You know, when you hold it in, it comes out eventually.” Usually in an angry outburst.
I go back to my basket of laundry.
“Since we’re on the subject of talking more,” he says. “When are you going to date?”
I swing my head around to him, forgetting the shirt in my hand. This topic has come out of nowhere. I’m starting to think he and his grandma are in cahoots.
“This seems random. Why are you worried about me dating?”
He shrugs, the favorite body movement of a teenager. “I think Dad is dating. I heard him talking to some woman on the phone.”
My breath comes out in a rush. Certain things still hurt. Even though Andrew and I are no longer together, I still had lingering feelings for him. Not saying I want him back, but I guess it’s the reminder that what we had was truly over.
I shouldn’t be shocked he’s dating. He’s a handsome, successful lawyer. That draws women’s attention like blood in a shark tank. Plus, he didn’t carry two children. His dating status reminds me of how much harder it will be for me.
“Your father is a single man, and he’s free to date whoever he wants.” That felt like acid spilling out of my mouth. “And when I’m ready, I’ll start dating too. But you boys are my main priority.”
AJ stares at me for a long moment, saying nothing. Finally, he speaks again.
“You sure you’re okay with this?”
Once again, I’m reminded of those horrible six months after the announcement. I really screwed my boys up. Even now, AJ feels as if he has to coddle my feelings like I’m the child.
I plaster a smile on my face, showing strength that I don’t necessarily feel. “Absolutely. I’m fine.”
Once again, he pauses before speaking. “Good, because Malik and I have been talking.”
I scoff at the mention of my son’s best friend. The kid is well-known for his crazy ideas.
“Malik said his mom goes out on dates all the time.”
I bet she does. The woman is gorgeous. She had Malik young, and he’s the only child she has. She’s built like an Instagram model with her delicate features. I bet that woman has to fight men off with a stick.
“Okay,” I encourage him to continue.
“He said it’s not normal for you to not go on dates and that maybe if you dressed up a little, more men would ask you out.”
That little asshole. Instead of calling up the little brat and cursing him out, I exhale and try to focus on my son.
“And what do you think?”
“Well, I think you’re beautiful the way you are.” Before I could smile or say thank you, he continues. “But I don’t want you to be lonely. So maybe you can put on some makeup the next time you and the book club go out?” From the mouths of babes.
I guess I have been frumpy lately. Even the girls from the book club have said this.
But most of my free time is spent with Mitch trying to do repairs on this house.
And if I’m not working on the house, I’m at work or baking something for someone.
My son is right, I don’t really put thought into being pretty. I’ve just been surviving.
“I can’t make you any promises because you and Cameron will always come first, but if it will make you feel better, I’ll try to go out more.”
This brings a smile to his face, and I’d do anything for that smile.
“Good. Because I’m in high school now and I’ll be bringing girls home real soon and you can’t be cock-blocking.” I toss a pair of socks at him and laugh.
“Boy, if you don’t go somewhere and sit down.”
The knock on the door grabs both our attention. I already know who it is. If Andrew Scott is nothing else, he’s always punctual.
“Cameron, your dad’s here.” I stand to my feet, pulling my oversized t-shirt down over my yoga pants, and head to the door.
I always have to take a moment before I prepare myself to see my ex. Unfortunately, he still has the same effect on me as the first time I saw him. It’s hard to turn off your desire for a man you spent most of your life with.
“Hey, Andrew. The boys are almost ready.” I take a step back to allow him to enter. That smell I once loved greets me as he walks in. He’s in a golf shirt with dark jeans and his Tommy Bahama shades over his eyes.
“I still don’t know why you didn’t buy a new build with the money I gave you.”
This is the other reason I have to prepare myself for him. Although I still find him attractive, he’s also an asshole. I feel like he says things just to get under my skin.
For instance, he didn’t give me money. He was supposed to sell the house that we had together and split the money with me. He gave it all to me because I told him I would not accept alimony. But of course, he forgets that. Also, my house is fine.
The bones of the house are in perfect shape.
There’s just some cosmetic issues that need fixing.
We had to pull up carpet, tile, paint, and remove horrible wallpaper.
The two bathrooms needed to be redone, and we’d just finished the kitchen.
After adding more cabinets, updating the appliances, and building an island, I finally had my dream kitchen.
The boys' bathroom is next on the to-do list. The place is coming together beautifully. So he can kiss my ass with his comment.
“I happen to love my home,” I reply sweetly.
He snorts. “I bet so.”
I don’t ask him what that’s supposed to mean. We’ve worked well on not arguing, especially in front of the boys.
Instead, I change the subject. “You’re still coming to Cameron’s parent-teacher conference next Thursday, right?”
“Didn’t I already tell you yes?”
Once again, I bite back my retort for the sake of my boys.
AJ and Cameron join us in the foyer with their overnight bags.
“Cam, you have your asthma pump?”
“Yes.” He nods vigorously.
“You guys be good, ok. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mom,” Cam says, giving me a hug. “Are you going to be bored without us here?” I place a kiss on my baby boy’s forehead and smile. Both of my boys are mama’s boys, but my youngest is spoiled rotten.
“I’ll be alright. Remember, it’s the third Friday. I have a book club meeting tonight.”
Andrew snorts. “You mean the divorcee wino club,” he says in that demeaning way I abhor.
So what if all the girls in my club were, in fact, divorced? And what if we drank enough wine to put a grown man under the table? We are entitled to our fun. Plus, we discuss books... sometimes.
Ignoring Andrew’s comment, I lean in to give my oldest a kiss on the forehead.
“Love you. And don’t forget what we talked about,” AJ says, winking at me.
I playfully roll my eyes.
“AJ, go outside with your brother and wait for me. I need to talk to your mom alone.”
This catches me and AJ off guard. My son looks to me. He’s waiting to see how I’ll react to this request. I appreciated his concern, but I didn’t need my son to be worried about me.
I nod, letting him know it’s alright. AJ turns and both he and Cameron walk out.
Andrew closes the door behind them and starts fiddling with his watch. He’s about to tell me something I don’t want to hear. I know his tell. He did it that night he stood to make his announcement as well.
“Look, I don’t know how else to say this.” He pauses to look me in the eye. “I’m getting married in six months. We really didn’t want a long engagement. I’m going to tell the boys this weekend. I thought it only right that I tell you first.”
My heart races and my breathing becomes labored like I’d just ran up a flight of stairs. He’s getting married?
One of the things he tried to get me to understand during our arguments during those six months was that he never wanted to get married in the first place.
He said he always felt pressured to marry me because I was pregnant.
The other lie he told was that there was no other woman provoking his decision for a divorce.
Apparently, he just lied all the way around.
“I assume the boys will be upset, but maybe if we approach this as a unified team, like we’ve been doing, it will soften the blow.”
“Who is she?” I didn’t care about any of that other stuff. I wanted to know who she was.
“I don’t think—”
“Don’t play with me, Andrew. Who is she?” I ask through clenched teeth.
He gives another mindless twirl of his watch. “Keily Boyd.”
There’s a ringing sound in my ears and my stomach feels hot. “The fucking paralegal? The one I told you had a thing for you, and you flat-out denied it. Said I was being irrational, and she was too young?”
“Look, she and I formed a connection. She was there for me during the divorce.”
“The divorce that you wanted. It wasn’t like she was mending your broken heart, Andrew.”
“This is why I can’t talk to you.” He throws his arms up in the air.
“Why, because I call you out on your bullshit?” I shake my head angrily at the tears that are flooding my eyes. “If you’re going to lie to my face, at least have the decency to be good at it. She didn’t come to you during the divorce. This was already going on.”
He doesn’t deny my claim, and that hurts even more. It doesn’t matter that I’m finding this out after the divorce. It still hurts to know that he was cutting out.
I close my eyes as one tear runs down my cheek. “Twenty-two years. I guess it meant nothing.”
“What’s done is done,” he says shrugging casually. “The most important thing now is that we make this transition easy for the boys. I think the best approach is for us to present as a united force. You need to attend the wedding as a supportive ex.”
“You are out of your fucking mind if you think I’m going to sit at your wedding with the bitch you cheated on me with.”
His face pinches and he takes a step forward. “Do not call her out of her name.”
I would be shocked by his audacity to defend that woman against me, but at this point nothing he does shocks me.
“You’re right, I shouldn’t talk that way about a child.”
“She’s twenty-four, not a child.”
I scoff folding my arms over my chest. “Sure, if that makes you feel better about sleeping with a child.”
The way his gaze lights up in anger let's me know I’ve hit a nerve.
“I’m not going to go back and forth with you because you're bitter. This is about the boys. You need to come to the wedding.”
“Go to hell, Andrew.” I turn my back on him to storm out of my living room when his words stop me.
“It took AJ and Cameron months in therapy to get over the divorce. Watching you bitch and cry in bed for days on end nearly ruined our sons. Are you going to let your own selfish emotions put them back in that state of mind?”
I turn around to glare at him. He knows I’d never do anything to cause the boys to hurt like that again. Those were the darkest six months of their lives. From the slow grin that spread over his face, he knew he’d made his point.
“The wedding’s in six months.”
“Get out of my house, Andrew.”
He chuckles. “We will see you there.” He turns and walks out of the house.
I quickly go over to the door and slam it shut. The moment the barrier is closed, the hurt and pain hits me. Tears fall rapidly down my face.
Never did I ever think he would move on so thoroughly with his life and be happy. I was replaceable to him. Fifteen years of marriage meant nothing. That is a hard pill to swallow.
Thank God tonight is book club night. I need my girls.