Chapter 6
Nathan
“Two hot chocolates, one with caramel?”
“Yep, thanks!” Nathan bounds up to the counter, collecting the drinks and sliding them carefully into little cardboard sleeves. He weaves his way through the throng of people waiting for their drinks, using his Gift to nudge the door open ahead.
Outside, it’s a perfect winter’s day: cloudless blue skies, air so crisp it makes your lungs feel refreshed and alive to breathe it.
There are people everywhere, some wrapped up in thick coats and woolly hats, others braving the cold in athletic gear.
Some of the workout clothes look new and shiny, the embodiment of New Year’s resolutions made after the indulgence of Christmas.
Will sits on the wall bordering the cafe’s outdoor seating area, his long hair stuffed into a bright red knitted beanie. The sight of it makes Nathan smile. The gift was a joke more than anything, a splash of colour spilling out of the garish wrapping paper onto Will’s black-clad lap.
The break is almost over now. Christmas Day spent at home with Dad, an attempt at playing happy families spent sat on the sofa in front of endless old movies.
Boxing Day at Will’s, eating leftover turkey sandwiches and too much chocolate, watching Mum’s favourite movies, the ones they always avoid at home.
That strange period between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, the days slipping by in a blur of gaming, TV, sleeping in and staying up late.
He hadn’t seen Will on New Year’s Eve. One of their classmates had a party, their parents away at some fancy banquet at a hotel in the city. Will went, Nathan didn’t, even though he’d spent weeks pleading his case.
No, Nathan stayed home. Nearly eighteen and spending New Year’s Eve at home.
Dad decided they’d host a celebration for his cronies. Had it catered and everything, people Nathan’s age making some quick cash carrying trays of champagne and unsatisfying bites of food.
He’d simmered with impotent rage the entire evening. Wished he’d been at the party with Will, fantasised about them getting drunk enough that when the clock struck midnight they’d end up in each other’s arms, a friendly hug turned into an embrace. Into something more.
But no. Nathan stayed home. Let a girl named Tanya press him into a corner and kiss him when the fireworks started, even though he was thinking about Will the whole time.
He drags in a deep breath, letting the cold air rush into every tiny space in his lungs, blowing the guilt and the jealousy and the regret away. Hands Will his cup, tries not to notice how his jeans stretch over his thighs where he sits on the wall. “C’mon, let’s walk.”
Will hurries after him, ridiculous red beanie complementing the golden undertones in his brown skin. “Slow down, slow down. Nowhere to be, right?”
“What’s wrong, old man? Can’t keep up with the youth?” Nathan manages a grin, elbowing Will in the side in a jokey, matey jab.
“I’m six months older than you.”
“Yeah, but you’re a full-on adult now, remember?”
“Does that make you a child, then?”
“Shut up, old man.” Nathan steers the way through the park, pretending to walk at a slower pace for the sake of Will’s knees. “You still not having a party?”
Will rolls his eyes. “Nah. Only one kind of party at this time of the year, no point trying to squeeze in another one. Sucks having your birthday just before Christmas.”
“I’d party with you. Not every day you turn eighteen.”
“I know. Katie’s party was enough, believe me. I’m done for a while.”
A flash of jealousy tears through Nathan, setting his lower lip trembling like a child denied what he wants. He takes a sip of hot chocolate, swallowing deliberately before he trusts himself to speak again. “You had a good time, then?”
“Yeah. Can’t believe her parents went away overnight, so lucky. I think I finally got home at four.”
“Oh yeah?” Nathan shivers. The frost-tipped grass crunches beneath his feet as they trudge across the meadow in the middle of the park, where the open space invites the chilly breeze to play without obstruction. “The last message you sent me was at two.”
“Yeah.” Will hides a smirk behind his cup. “I was kinda busy.”
Nathan’s stomach sinks, automatically assuming the worst.
If Will kissed someone else on New Year’s Eve, he doesn’t want to know. But what kind of friend would that make him, putting his own pathetic pining ahead of Will’s happiness?
They finally reach the edge of the meadow, taking a path through a small copse of trees, branches bare and jagged in the cold air.
The pond is just around the corner. The one Nathan thinks of as their pond now, the scene of one of the most magical nights of his life, a few short months ago.
There’s a bench that overlooks it, and Nathan leads them there, wondering if the place means as much to Will as it does to him.
He bites the bullet as they sit down. “Oh yeah? Busy with what? Or should I say who?”
By unspoken agreement they drop down onto one of the benches set around the pond.
Is it his imagination, or are Will’s cheeks a little too pink, even with the cold?
“I, uh. His name was Jason. You know Katie has tons of cousins? He’s nineteen.”
“Right. Jason.” Nathan’s stomach ties itself up in knots. “You like him?”
“I liked him enough.” Will looks away, bending to pick up a pebble. He throws it at the pond’s frozen surface, watching as it clatters across the ice.
“Liked him enough for what?” Nathan wants to curl up into a ball and disappear.
“You sure you wanna know?” Will glances over, eyebrows cocked derisively. “Most straight people don’t like thinking about the mechanics of two men together.”
Nathan’s mouth drops open. “You had sex?”
“Yeah!” Will flinches, lowering his voice. “Yeah. I did. We did. It was… good.”
The lingering taste of hot chocolate turns sour in Nathan’s mouth. Jealousy rips through him, jealousy made sharp with the sudden realisation that Will’s only just getting started.
Maybe he’ll see Jason again. Maybe they’ll end up in a relationship, maybe they won’t. Even if they don’t, Will’s going to date other men. Kiss them. Fuck them.
Love them.
And Nathan, with his pathetic inability to tell his best friend a truth so big it feels like his body’s too small to contain it… he’ll have to sit on the side lines and watch.
“Nathan?” Will takes the hot chocolate from his hands and sets it gently on the ground. Nathan’s hands are shaking, heartbeat speeding as he imagines Will finding love with someone else. “You okay? I didn’t…We can talk about something else.”
“Sorry.” Nathan takes a jagged breath, fighting for control. “Sorry, I just…”
Will slides his arm around Nathan’s shoulders, offering comfort, a ghostly shade of what Nathan wishes he would offer.
He looks up. Will’s face is so close, too close, close enough he can smell the scent of chocolate on his breath. He looks a little worried, a little contrite, a lot confused.
He looks like everything Nathan’s pathetic heart desires.
With bravery born of desperation, Nathan stretches towards his best friend, eyes flickering shut just after he witnesses shock ripple over Will’s face.
Their lips meet, Nathan’s hot and probably too wet and oh god too enthusiastic, Will’s slightly parted and unmoving with what Nathan hopes is surprise.
He reaches up, stroking fingers over Will’s jaw and wishing his gloves weren’t stealing the sensation of his skin. Pulls back, just a little, taking the tiniest of breaths before he kisses Will again.
It’s over too soon and not soon enough. Shame pulses with each heartbeat, boundaries crossed that can never be taken back.
“I’m sorry.” Nathan lets his chin dip close to his chest and turns away.
Will’s hand bunches in the back of his jacket, gloved fingers digging into the quilted fabric. Stopping him. Stopping him.
“Nathan.” Will tips his chin back up, forcing their gazes to align. “You mean it?”
Nathan swallows, hope thick like chocolate in his throat. “Yeah. I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“You said I wasn’t your type.” Nathan flushes, trying to look away.
Will’s fingers hold him steady as he huffs out a disbelieving laugh. “I was lying. I just didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. With me. I didn’t want to lose you.”
“So… I might be your type?”
“You’re exactly my type.” Will smiles and tugs him in.
Their lips have barely met before they’re laughing, joy sparkling in every fleeting kiss.
“I’ve liked you for so long—”
“I don’t know when I started wanting you, but I just couldn’t—”
“We’ve been such idiots, god—”
“Why’d you wait so long, for fuck’s sake—”
Eventually the laughter dies away, leaving a warm glow of wonder that pushes the cold winter’s day into the background. Will’s arms are wrapped around him, and his arms are wrapped around Will.
Their next kiss isn’t fleeting at all.
It starts slow, gentle and affectionate. Their heads tilt, deepening the kiss until it feels like their souls are entwining, melding together in every shared breath.
Something in his chest snaps, the harsh recoil of an elastic band stretched far enough to sting. The pain is over in an instant, leaving a fractured heartbeat skittering rabbit fast, a swell of emotion big enough to drown the entire world.
He pulls back, seeing his own shock and confusion mirrored on Will’s face. Realises it’s not one fractured heartbeat, but two.
A moment later the beats align.
Nathan reaches out, tasting doubled incredulity, doubled desire. He presses his palm against Will’s chest.
Will’s heart beats in a rhythm perfectly aligned with his own.
“We… oh my god.”
“We bonded. Fuck. You’re…”
“You’re my bondmate.” Nathan didn’t know it was possible to feel this elated. The emotion is underscored with a curious blurry shadow, the same shape with a slightly different flavour. “I can feel you.”
“And I can feel you. You’re—”
“Just like I feel, it’s like—”
They break off, giggling for a moment before they press closer together, sharing another kiss, drowning in the reciprocated joy of it.