Chapter 10 #2
“Looks good on you.” Chris’ gaze travels down Nathan’s neck and keeps going, settling at the very visible top of his pectorals.
“Thanks. Listen, I’d better go. See you tomorrow, yeah?” Nathan escapes down the hallway, hoping Chris doesn’t follow.
In another life, maybe he’d be the kind of man who stayed. Flirted a little. Accepted an offer to head out for a drink. In this life, one where his heart still belongs to a man he lost years ago, he follows a familiar pattern: deflect and escape.
There was a time when he saw it as a weakness, his inability to move on, the inexperience that came with it. Therapy gave him a more nuanced understanding of his emotions, his defenses; taught him to accept himself today and do the work to become the man he wants to be tomorrow.
Trauma stole so much from him. He won’t let it steal his future.
There are two missed calls and a voicemail on his phone when he leaves the gym. As usual, temptation beckons towards deleting it unheard, and as usual, he listens anyway.
“Son. Maybe one day you’ll actually answer? I live in hope.
“You must have seen the news. The civilians and the veterans are protesting together now, half anti-war and half veterans’ rights. There’s concern brewing about safety. Trained tens throwing in with the masses puts everyone at risk.
“I’ve said before I want you to come back to work, son. You’re an eight, and you’re wasting your strength outside of the company. But now I need you to come back. There’s more work than ever, and I need you here. Call me.”
A quick tap and the message is gone, deleted like all the ones before it.
Nathan is only interested in moving forward, and the past assembled itself around working for his father. The future is still a work in progress.
Time passes slowly and then fast, as it always does when there’s something you’re looking forward to and dreading at the same time.
When it arrives, the day demands extra care; a meticulously slow shave and his nicest sweats. Ordinarily he’d run to the park, but he doesn’t want to get too sweaty for coffee with Will, so he drives instead.
Four hours, three clients and one lunch break later, Nathan arranges himself casually on the low brick wall outside the cafe, kitbag between his feet. He spots Will coming a mile off, keeping his eyes averted until the last possible moment.
He looked pretty good in his uniform and jacket, the other night. But in his own clothes, he’s… wow. Tight smoky grey jeans, heavy black boots, and a black jacket that emphasises the width of his shoulders. His dark curls hang loose down his back, and what Nathan would give to just run his fingers…
Nathan swallows, cutting off the thought. “Hey. Good to see you.”
“Thanks for coming.” Will tries a smile, a little stiff. “I’m sorry about the other night.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. Let’s get a drink?” Nathan hefts his bag onto his shoulder and leads the way.
The tiny brick building has been modernised, but it’s still the same old cafe. For a moment Nathan’s mind flits back to the last time they were here together, buying hot chocolate and sitting by the pond and…
He glances up at Will. He’s probably visited the cafe a thousand times since then.
“What can I get you?” Nathan says. “My treat.”
“Black coffee, one sugar, thanks.”
The cafe is quiet enough that the barista makes and hands over their drinks within minutes. He passes Will his coffee, frowning at the amusement on his face. “What’re you laughing at?”
“Caramel latte with extra caramel. Some things never change.”
Nathan allows himself a tiny smile, warm with nostalgia. “Want to walk, or sit?”
“Let’s sit.”
They make their way out of the building and across the outdoor seating area, choosing a table in a quiet area under the spreading branches of an oak tree.
For a few moments, they sit in silence, sipping their drinks.
Nathan watches Will’s hands, curved around his cup.
He wears a delicate braided leather bracelet, a tiny silver skull connecting the strands at the clasp, and his index finger is adorned with a chunky silver skull ring.
He’s graduated from emo teenager to sexy goth grown-up.
“I’m happy you’re alive.” Brown eyes gaze down at him, guarded but infinitely softer than the other night.
Nathan flaps his mouth before his brain has fully engaged. “Me too?”
Will chuckles, and the ice between them is broken. “Alright. Tell me what happened? I was thinking… wondering why you didn’t come back sooner.”
“I should have.” Nathan takes a deep breath, stomach squirming with the discomfort of vulnerability. “You felt the bond fade?”
“Yeah.” Will takes a deliberate sip of coffee. “I was so worried about you.”
“I was depressed. My dad put a lot of energy into keeping us separated. I didn’t have a phone, my uncle home schooled me, I just… I had nothing. Only my Gift, only the training. Nothing to hope for.”
“Nathan.” Will’s voice is whisper quiet, soft and comforting.
“I raged against them at first, tried to run away. Tried to steal my uncle’s phone. But then at some point everything just felt pointless. It was like I wasn’t really there. I felt so… hollow. So weak.” The ghost of that emptiness trails its fingers down Nathan’s spine.
“I wish I’d been there. Did you get help?”
“Eventually.”
Will nods and looks away. “The bond faded because of it, didn’t it?”
“Yeah. Turns out bonds break in real life, not just in shitty soap operas.” Their eyes meet and skitter away, the memory of their freshly forged connection a pang in Nathan’s chest. “I thought I’d broken it. The bond. I thought it was a sign I didn’t deserve you.”
Will blinks. “That’s why you didn’t come find me?”
“Yeah.” Nathan shifts in his seat, shame washing over him. “I told myself you deserved better.”
“Nice of you to ask me for my opinion.”
Will sounds hurt, borderline incredulous. “I… I know it sounds bad.”
“It sounds selfish. You don’t get to decide what I deserve on my behalf. I would have thought that you of all people would understand that.”
Nathan winces, the barb hitting home. “Fair point. If it helps, I wish I’d come back as soon as I turned eighteen. I didn’t feel like I had a choice.”
“So what did you do, Nathan? What have you been doing since then? And why come back now?”
“I went to the university my dad picked out for me. Studied business. Got into fitness on the side.”
“And then? We finished uni years ago.”
Nathan lifts his cup to his lips and drinks, letting the caramel sweetness slide a comforting path to his belly. “What else could I do? I went to work for my dad.”