Chapter 17
Will
There’s a smudge of blood on his wrist.
There’s a smudge of blood on his wrist, and Nathan’s being weird.
Even weirder than could be expected of someone who got back together with their ex-bondmate (assuming we did get back together, for all I know we could be stuck in some strange halfway state) and then walked into a violent incident.
It started after the ambulance left. Nathan looked at him with sombre eyes (expected, under the circumstances) and suggested they go back to Will’s instead of the park.
He held Will’s hand tightly the entire way back, his palm slightly clammy. And when they walked into the building just a moment ago, he didn’t seem to want to let go.
Will finally locates his keys at the bottom of his messenger bag. The front door swings open with a familiar creak.
He hurries into the kitchen and turns on the tap, thrusting his hands into bitingly cold water and scrubbing at the dried blood.
When he’s done, Nathan’s leaning against the counter. Their eyes connect briefly before he looks away, a shallow smile passing briefly over his lips. Will pretends not to notice, busying himself filling the kettle.
They both need something soothing.
The woman’s face… it keeps flashing back into his mind. The cut on her forehead, the bruises blossoming on her collarbone. The sound of her sobs.
He pours hot water into two mugs, breathing the scent of peppermint deep into his lungs, imagining it cleansing him from inside out. “Let’s sit on the couch.”
Nathan stops at the cage, peering inside with curious eyes. “Pets?”
It’s the first thing he’s said since they left the crime scene. “Yeah. Rats. They’re called Sausage and Egg.”
“Pet rats?”
“They’re great pets. Want to meet them?”
“Maybe later? We need to talk.”
What am I missing?
“Okay.” Will leads the way to the sofa, stomach churning. “Did I do something? You’re being weird.”
Nathan grimaces as he takes a gulp of too hot tea. “Look, I… there’s something I need to ask you.”
They sit, knees barely touching. “Alright.”
Nathan sets his mug on the coffee table, taking Will’s from his hands to join it. “I don’t even know where to start. When you pulled her out of the car, you held her hands, remember?”
Where are you going with this? “Yeah. I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Her face keeps popping up in my mind’s eye, you know?”
Nathan reaches out and takes Will’s hands in his, squeezing gently. “I saw what you did, Will.”
Confusion lifts his eyebrows. “I mean, yeah, you were there?”
Nathan’s eyes are intense, focused on Will’s face like he could see into his soul. “No. I saw you. You calmed her down.”
“I, uh… I’m not sure what you’re saying. I talked to her, tried to calm her down before the ambulance turned up, yeah. Offer a bit of comfort. I do a lot of that kind of thing in my job.”
Nathan peers at him, the neutral set of his face dissolving away to reveal suspicion.
Hurt flashes through Will’s body. It’s almost like Nathan’s accusing him of something.
“I don’t understand. Do you think I should have just left her there? Left her in that car? I’m not Gifted, I couldn’t do much, but I had to do something.” Suspicion turns to confusion, confusion melts into incredulity, and Will’s annoyed. “Can you just tell me what your problem is?”
“Shit.” Nathan’s hands tighten around his. “You don’t know, do you? You don’t know what you did.”
Will shakes his hands free, frustration crackling in his veins. “I tried to help someone! That’s all!”
“Okay.” Nathan recaptures one hand, holding it gently in both of his. “Okay. I’m sorry. I thought you knew. I dunno how it’s possible you don’t.”
“Nathan.” Will forces the words out through gritted teeth. “What are you talking about?”
Nathan gazes up at him, green eyes apprehensive. “You’re Gifted, Will. What you did to that woman… you calmed her down. I’ve seen people do things like that before. You have a very rare Gift.”
A beat of silence, a brief moment of wondering if Nathan’s gone mad. Laughter bubbles up his throat. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am. You’re used to Gifted people having a kinetic ability, right? Well, there’s another type of Gift. A very small percentage of the population have empathic ability. They can tune into other people.”
“And you think I’m one of them?” His voice sounds derisive as hell to his own ears.
I’m a Blank. I’ve been a Blank my entire life.
“Will, I saw it. She was sobbing, panicking, and you took her hands and you talked to her and she was calm, just like that.”
“I’m good at talking to people, soothing them. It’s my job.”
I’m a Blank. Certified and recorded.
A memory surfaces. Kehinde, in the locker room at work after they’d been called to help a patient whose despondency turned into anger. A casual observation, praising Will for his ability to help people through the sharpest of emotions.
“I know this sounds unbelievable. But the public doesn’t know about empathic Gifts for a reason.
My dad’s company does close protection contracts for the government.
When I did my fieldwork I had to get security clearance, because I ended up working alongside people with empathic Gifts.
Mostly people who can shield others, prevent powerful people from being manipulated. ”
Another memory. Kai, numb in the midst of their breakup. Calling and calling in the days after, begging for another chance. The muddle of his emotions that night after work, how quickly his countenance flipped.
“Will? Are you okay?”
He blinks, returning to the moment.
Nathan leans towards him, worry written all over his face. “Will?”
“I don’t know what to say.” His throat is thick. He reaches for his mug and drinks deeply, stalling for time. “If I have this Gift, like you think, surely someone would have noticed? Wouldn’t it have come up in the tests? The tests said I was a Blank.”
“You remember the woman who held your hand? That was the empathic Gift test. Maybe your Gift came later? I dunno.”
Will shakes his head, a storm of confusion and disbelief raging through him. “No one manifests that late. It doesn’t make sense. Maybe the test didn’t work? Or maybe the woman who did it rigged the outcome? But Mum was there the whole time, surely she’d have noticed if… what?”
“What d’you mean your mum was there the entire time?”
“She came with me. Through all the rooms, watched all the tests. Didn’t your dad go with you?”
“No.” A dawning realisation breaks over Nathan’s face. “No, parents don’t go with their kids. No exceptions.”
A thin stream of incredulity adds itself to the storm. “You think she knows something?”
“I dunno. I think you need to talk to her.” Nathan squeezes his hand, lifting it to his lips and pressing a single kiss against his knuckles. “Listen. I just want you to know, this doesn’t change anything between us. You’re still you.”
We were going to the park. I was going to kiss him properly, like he deserves to be kissed. Hold him in my arms and…
Realisation grips the back of his neck with icy fingers.
He can’t pull his hand out of Nathan’s fast enough, scrambling away along the sofa. Nathan tries to follow, but he throws a hand up, halting him in his tracks.
“The woman who held my hand, right? This Gift works through touch?”
Nathan’s lips thin. “Most of the time, yeah. Unless you’re really strong, then you just need to be close enough.”
His hands. His skin.
How many people has he touched, influenced, corrupted?
More times than he could hope to count, could ever hope to remember.
Every friend he’s ever hugged, every time he’s steadied one of his charges, every time he’s taken someone to bed…
Was every brush of skin against skin a prelude to corruption?
How many moments of human connection has he tainted, how many has he forced?
His skin crawls, the taste of bile sharp and sour at the back of his throat.
And Nate. Did he ever really want me, or did I just project everything I wanted into him?
His heart aches. It aches, afraid that he may have dragged Nathan around a corner he thought they turned together.
“We’ve been holding hands for ages. And last night, when you said you wanted to kiss me, I was all over you.” Will gets up from the sofa, eager to put as much distance between them as possible. “Did you really want me? Or did I just… make you want me?”
“You make me want you just by being you, Will.”
“But how do you know? How does this Gift even work? Is it just on all the time?” He leans against the window frame, looking out at the people going about their lives as if the world hasn’t just shifted on its axis. “I’m so confused.”
“I know. I’m so sorry.” Nathan stands, moving slowly closer as if he’s approaching a frightened animal that could lash out at any second. “Can I hug you? I hate seeing you like this.”
“No.” Will wraps his arms around himself and steps back along the wall. “No, I don’t trust myself. What if I make you do something? Make you feel something?”
“Okay. Whatever you want. I know it’s a lot. Just breathe, Will.”
Why is he…?
Will realises his breathing has turned ragged, each inhalation catching in his chest as if he’s on the verge of a panic attack.
Nathan slinks closer, his steps halting when Will throws up his hand.
He sucks in a breath, deliberately holding it deep before he exhales, making use of techniques he’s long used with others.
“Will?”
“I’m okay.” His voice is a muted rasp, but he is, he is okay. Or he will be. One day. “Just stay there, please.”
“Okay, okay.” Nathan steps back, leans against the wall on the other side of the window. “What can I do? How can I help?”
“There’s nothing you can do. I think… I think I have to go home. Talk to Mum. And Dad. Find out if this is all real. And then figure out…” He can’t find the words, flapping his hand between them and hoping Nathan will get the point.
Nathan’s shoulders slump. “Figure out us?”
Alarm spikes through the cotton wool in Will’s head. “Not in a bad way. I just… My world’s been turned upside down. I need…” He trails off, completely uncertain of what he needs.