Chapter 17 #2
“Okay. I’ll, uh… I’ll go back to mine. Call me later? Or message me? Just let me know how you’re doing. I’m here for you, Will. This doesn’t change anything for me.”
It takes a while for Nathan to leave. He clearly doesn’t want to go, doesn’t want to leave Will with his emotions and his stupid maybe secret Gift.
Will watches him leave from the window. He pauses, looks up, sending a small, hopeful smile up across the distance between them before he finally walks away.
He’s a good man. I just hope whatever’s between us is real. I couldn’t live with myself if I…
He makes another cup of tea. Tips Nathan’s half-drunk cup down the drain, amazed at how easily a few minutes can change the past and cast doubt over the future.
When he’s ready, he calls home.
“Hi Will. Everything alright?”
“Yeah.” A small lie, no need to worry her. “Can I come over?”
“Always. It’d be good to see you, the house has been a bit quiet since Jon moved out. See you soon?”
“Yeah, soon. I’ll leave now.”
“Are you sure everything’s—”
Will ends the call.
He forgoes the bus for the mindlessness of walking, streets melting past as he trudges along pavements and across roads, hands thrust into the pockets of his coat. It’s cold out, autumn’s cool embrace sharpening into winter, but he barely feels it.
She’s biting her lip when she opens the door.
Nervous. Interesting.
He follows her into the kitchen, noting the tension in her shoulders. “Where’s Dad?”
“Work. Emergency surgery. Always happens on his day off. Tea?”
“Please.”
He takes his place at the kitchen table, letting the silence stretch onwards.
It’s childish, he knows it’s childish, but the more time passes by, the deeper Nathan’s claims burrow beneath his skin, into his flesh.
His brain keeps offering snippets of memories which feel false, viewed through the new lens he’s been given.
Fabrications of reciprocated emotion, not the genuine moments of connection he thought they were.
Moments of calmness and understanding with his charges at work, moments of understanding with partners. Were any of them real?
Mum places two mugs of tea on the table and sits down. “Something’s bothering you.”
Will reaches out, takes a fortifying sip. “Am I really a Blank?”
Her flinch is so subtle he almost misses it. “What kind of question is that?”
“Something happened today. It’s a long story, but basically I pulled a woman out of a wrecked car, calmed her down, and now Nathan says I’m Gifted.”
She sighs, pushing a hand through her hair, fingers snagging in the thick curls.
Will waits, but she remains silent, eyes cast down into the depths of her tea. “Mum? Is it true?”
Her eyes flicker upwards, apologetic as they meet his. “I’m so sorry.”
It feels like the world stops in that moment. A seismic shift, the planet shifted on its axis, a change so fundamental things will never be the same again.
“You lied to me.” There’s a tremor in his voice, a reflection of the betrayal trembling at the core of him. “Why?”
She reaches out, takes his hand. He can’t bear to shake her off.
“We thought it was for the best. This kind of Gift… it’s not much of a Gift at all.
Children who have it are usually taken away.
Honed into a weapon, unless they’re weak.
What choice did we have? I couldn’t let them take you away from me. ”
“You let me believe I was a Blank my entire life.” Will wants to rage, wants to yell, but it feels like all the fight in him has fled his body, leaving him cowering in the corner like a frightened child.
“That’s bad enough, but this… Nothing’s real.
Every connection I’ve had, every scrap of love…
it’s all been fake. And you let me believe it was real. You knew.”
“Will, listen to me.” Her eyes are all afire now, lit up with something he can’t identify.
“I have it too. It’s hereditary. I have two Gifts, kinetic and empathic, and I’ve hidden one of them my entire life.
It was my greatest fear that my kids would inherit it.
And when you did, I was so grateful that it wasn’t too strong in you.
That I could hide it during your tests.”
“That’s why you were in the room with me. Nathan said it was strange. His dad didn’t go with him.”
“Yeah. My empathic Gift can shield and manipulate. I shielded you and manipulated the others.”
“You were protecting me?” She nods, sandwiching his hand tightly between hers. “Why didn’t you tell me? Afterwards?”
“I thought your Gift was weak enough that you could only influence, not manipulate, but I didn’t know for certain.
We didn’t want to take the risk at the testing centre.
Then you kept growing and we didn’t see any signs of you being able to manipulate people…
We thought no-one would ever notice, honestly.
And we didn’t want you to feel like you had a target on your back.
Or like your experiences weren’t your own. ”
Will pushes his chair back, tearing his hand from between hers. “But they weren’t my own. How could you let me go through life thinking they were? Fuck, Mum, how can you just sit there like all this is okay?”
His chest feels tight. So much emotion, too much emotion, compressed into a thick, cloying fog that lodges itself in his throat, behind his eyes. It creeps, filling up every available shred of space, taking away reason and breath and sanity with it.
“Will. Look at me, baby boy. Breathe. Stay calm. I’ll call your father. We’ll tell you everything, I promise.”