Chapter 49 Chloe
I was thinking about what Dr. Aris said three months ago.
“You got the money, the house, the clothes—and you tried to play the role of the recovered. You were acting 'normal' because that's what the world demanded. But you can't build a new life on a foundation of unaddressed trauma.”
I looked down at my hands. They didn’t feel like mine some days. Today was one of those days.
“Why you cry, Godma?”
Six-year-old Lionel cupped my face in his small hands, his thumbs brushing under my eyes just like his momma’s did. He looked like Julian with a dark tan. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. I did that a lot now.
“I’m okay,” I told him, even though I wasn’t. Not the way people meant when they said it. I’d stopped trying to be normal. Stopped pretending nothing affected me. Stopped believing I could just step out of fourteen years and become someone whole overnight.
I kissed his palm. “Just thinking.”
“Does hugging help you stop crying and thinking?”
I laughed. It came out wet. “Yeah, baby. Hugging helps.”
He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed. I held on. After a few seconds, he pulled away and ran off to chase fireflies. His sister was upstairs already asleep; she always seemed to have way more energy than him.
I was sitting on the stone bench in the backyard, watching the sky turn purple, thinking about nothing and everything at once.
“You’re crying again,” Elara said, coming outside with a frosted glass of something pink that she handed to me.
“I’m always crying.”
I was in D.C. with Elara while she worked.
I’d left Florida and Killian three months ago.
I knew we’d eventually separate—especially when he started saying he was too old for me, that I hadn’t experienced enough on my own.
He said I needed time to find myself without him there.
At first, I thought he was pushing me away, like he’d finally had enough of my chaos.
I was mad at him for a long time after he walked out on me.
Now I understand. He wasn’t pushing me away. He was giving me room to breathe.
He wasn’t scared for my safety anymore. I never confirmed it, but he knew I had done something to Arthur and his family.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. The day after I left, Olivia and Arthur had warrants put out for their arrest. The police didn’t know what happened that night at the beach house; they only knew that two people connected to a massive fraud and abuse investigation had disappeared.
It made them look guilty—like they were on the run.
I hadn’t corrected anyone.
Elara sat down beside me on the bench. She didn’t say anything. She just sipped her drink and waited.
“I booked a flight to Paris for tomorrow,” I said.
She turned to look at me. “Killian said he won’t see me until I’ve been to at least one of the places I told him I wanted to go.”
My chest tightened. “He said that?”
“Yes. And I miss him.” I paused. “So, though I want to stay here with you and be babied, I’m going.”
Elara was quiet for a moment. I reached over and took her hand.
“You know I love you, right?” I said. I hadn’t said those words to anybody but my momma in twenty-five years.
Elara stilled.
“I don’t really believe in fate,” I continued, my thumb brushing over the back of her hand. “Not after everything I’ve lived through.” I let out a small breath. “But… for me to meet you like this, when I needed someone the most…” My voice softened. “And you just… gave.”
I shook my head a little. “I don’t think that’s random. I want you in my life forever. I want to be like you when I grow up. If you’d take it, I’d give you everything I have.”
Elara shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.
“You’re trying to make me cry because you’re always crying,” she said. “If Julian sees me, he’s going to be jealous because he can’t—”
“Can’t what?” a voice said. “What is it I can’t do?”
Julian’s voice came from the back door. He stepped outside, smelling like steak. He looked from Elara’s wet face to mine. “Why are you two crying? What happened?”
Elara wiped her eyes quickly. “Nothing. We’re not crying.”
“You’re literally wiping tears from your face.”
“Allergies.”
“It’s February.”
“February allergies.”
Julian looked at me. I shrugged.
“You made her cry? She never cries for me,” Julian said, crossing his arms and actually glaring at me.
Elara mock-whispered, “I told you.”
I laughed. I couldn't help it.
“Oh my God,” she said. “You are so annoying.”
Julian looked between us. “I’m just saying,” he muttered. “I deserve at least one dramatic crying moment.”
We both started laughing. Hysterically. Lionel ran up out of nowhere and, with no idea what was going on, started laughing too.