~ 13 ~
Lily
There was something exciting about international train stations for me.
Like airports, they held the promise of a new place and, in a way, a new beginning.
I’d asked Rona to meet me at St Pancras International at two in the afternoon.
Its huge arched glass roof was always a pleasure to pause for a moment in.
I wanted to take Rona out on a proper date.
I waited for her by the giant statue of a couple embracing, known locally as The Lovers Statue. Rona was a few minutes late.
“Oh my God, Lily Sharpe!” Two teenage girls came over to me. “Would it be okay if we got a selfie with you?”
I smiled, automatically. “Sure.”
The girls, both wearing oversized tracksuit tops, scooshed in either side of me. The taller girl took the picture, holding her phone up high.
“Thanks, Lily,” she said, once she got the picture. “Is it okay if we share this on our social media?”
“Of course, that’s totally fine. Nice to meet you both.”
They both blushed a little and said goodbye.
It was always a bit awkward when people came up to me, but I tried my best to be gracious about it, especially with young people.
The interaction made me forget about what I was doing here, until I spotted Rona coming towards me.
She was dressed casually in loose dark grey jeans and a warm fleece. She smiled when she saw me through the crowd and I found myself beaming back at her.
When we got to each other, we hugged, wrapping our bodies together, pressing so close it instantly turned me on. I didn’t want to let her go.
She pulled back first. “Hi,” she said, tucking some of my hair behind my ear, still pressed close to me at the hips.
“You look beautiful,” I whispered. “Ravishing, actually.”
“Bit spicy, Sharpe. We’ve only just met up.”
Smiling, I took her hand and nodded in the direction of the bar on the terrace. “Let’s have a drink.”
We went to the champagne bar overlooking the station. Rona’s eyes lit up when she saw where we were headed. We sat on bar stools underneath sparkly glasses and low lights hanging from long wires, and sipped champagne.
Rona had the most interesting face because her eyes were so alive, taking everything in.
Observant. Her lips were smooth and full.
Her skin made me want to cry. I always wanted to know what she was thinking.
The inside of her mind felt like the most intriguing place.
I couldn’t stop looking at her and didn’t want to. I had a feeling I never would.
“You know when they say you can tell when you’re being watched,” Rona said.
“You’re so fucking special, Rona, do you know that?”
She pursed her lips, as if surprised. “I don’t know if I know that, no. But thank you.”
“How are you feeling today?” I rested my hand on her thigh, in that place I kept gravitating towards. Her leg was warm. “Really.”
Rona seemed to relax at my touch. I loved having this effect on her.
“Honestly? I’m far too excited to be seeing you again. I’ve been looking forward to it all week.”
It was my turn to smile.
“And you? Really?”
“Same. Is that ridiculous?”
“Yes.”
“How did your session with Flavia go?”
“Great. Well, it was more like a therapy session, actually. Still, I think it helped her work through it and maybe even channel her feelings into some lyrics and music.”
“You really immerse yourself with the people you work with. That’s so cool.”
“She’s young and she’s been hurting. I feel for her.”
“She’s very lucky to be working with you, too.”
Rona puffed out her cheeks, and a bit of her hair flew up. It was so cute. “I just hope I can help her write something decent. The clock is ticking with the record company. They can be such dicks sometimes.”
“I’m sure you’ll both smash it.”
“If not, I’ll give her some of my songs.”
“Rona—”
“I know, I know.”
“You could be a big star with a fraction of those songs.”
“If I wanted it.”
I exhaled, dramatically, but I wouldn’t push her any further. I already felt like I’d overstepped on this topic.
“So where are you taking me to this afternoon?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Rona raised an eyebrow. “You like being in control, don’t you?”
“I do. I’m also happy to follow sometimes too. I think it’s better for there not to be rigid roles.”
Rona sipped some more champagne with a pensive look. I liked the way her lips met the glass. The way she tipped her neck back slightly. I bit my lower lip to steady myself, already feeling a hungry desire.
“I lean more towards following.” Rona replied. “I like to be taken care of. But it depends on my mood, sometimes I like to lead, but I’m rarely that accurate about what mood I’m in.”
“Noted. Did I mention how beautiful you are looking today?”
“Once or twice. So, what have you been up to this week?”
I sat up straight, not wishing to answer the question. “Um, nothing much actually.”
“No more commentating gigs?”
“Not until next week.”
“Did you see any good movies or shows?”
“You know, I’ve been catching up on some of the old lesbian classics now. All the films I kept saying I’d watch one day and never have.”
“Like what?”
“Desert Hearts. Bound. An Incredible Tale of Two Girls in Love. Loving Annabell. Some of the greats. Not all of them, obviously.”
Rona laughed, hard.
“What?”
“I’m sorry,” she stifled her laugh. “I love those films. It’s just the way you said it. So earnestly.”
“They’re our cultural heritage.”
“I know. I love them. I haven’t seen Desert Hearts, but I’ve seen the rest.”
“You should come over and we’ll watch it together.”
Rona smiled. “I’d love to. Which one was your favourite?”
“Oh it’s got to be the erotic crime-thriller, Bound. For the plot, of course.”
“I do love a lesbian with a tool belt.” Rona’s eyes were sparkling.
“Didn’t I tell you I’m good with a screwdriver?”
“You haven’t mentioned, but I can totally see that.”
“I don’t have a tool belt, but I have a toolbox and everything. If you ever need some shelves built or something, just give me a shout.”
Rona was biting her lower lip. “I’ll let you know.”
“Good.” I held her eyes.
Rona seemed to be thinking something.
“What is it?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Nothing.” Rona sipped some champagne. “You know when we were talking before about being on stage? I’ve realised that one thing I do enjoy about playing to a live audience is how time disappears and I’m totally in the moment.
It’s like I don’t need to think about how I’m playing.
It just comes out of me. I sometimes had it with the band, but it happened less so as time went on and all the shit that I went through.
I often get it when I’m DJ’ing. It’s a total state of flow.
It makes me feel close to God, or the universe or something bigger than myself. ” Rona’s eyes glazed over.
“That’s something I loved about playing football, too.
Especially in the high-profile, high-pressure matches.
You become totally present and concentrated on the game.
Everything else disappears even the crowd sometimes.
It’s the flow of the game, my breathing, how the ball feels on my foot, managing the game and the players around me.
I don’t know if that’s God-like or anything, but I know that I craved it and I now miss that feeling more than anything else in the world. ”
“You’ll get that feeling back one day, Lily. I’m sure of it.”
“Have you got any more gigs planned?”
“No. Just focusing on producing at the moment.”
“It sounds like you like being on stage. I got the impression you hated it.”
“I like the flow state, if I can get there, but I don’t like being in the limelight. It cancels out the flow state for me, usually.”
“That’s a shame.”
Rona shrugged.
We finished the rest of our champagne. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get that feeling of pure flow back, but I appreciated Rona’s confidence.
I stood up from my bar stool. “Are you ready for your surprise?”
Rona smiled. “Lead the way.”
We headed off towards the underground. I felt even closer to her after our chat at the bar. I wanted to hold her hand but then I didn’t want to draw too much attention towards us.
On the tube, we sat on the small seats facing a row of unfamiliar faces across from us. The side of our thighs touched. I breathed slowly and my heart rate was calm. I felt so peaceful around her. Strange, because other times she made me so nervous.
“Do you hear that?” Rona tilted her head.
“Hear what?”
“The clicking of the tube on the rails. It’s consistent. It’s got some depth to it.”
I listened closely, straining hard to block out the roar of the engine and the random screeching of the tube on the rails. She was right. There was a consistent click. “I hear it.”
“I want to record it.”
“Why?”
“Because it will remind me of today and of this moment.” She whipped out her recorder and held it by the window for a few minutes until we reached the next station. At that point, she pressed stop and dropped the recorder in her bag.
“Will you put it in a song?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I already have one in mind for it.”
It reminded me of the waves she’d recorded in Greece. I’d loved that too.
“Can I take a picture of you?” Rona asked. “I want to capture the moment.”
“Then why take a photo of me? Isn’t it the sounds you need?”
Rona blinked at me like I was a bit of a dummy for a second and then her face softened. “You are what’s making this moment special, Lily. Being here with you means a lot to me. And it’s because of you that I’m feeling so inspired to write songs that aren’t sad again.”
The clicking of the tube over the rails was all I could focus on as I let her words sink in.
She took pictures of me while I gazed into her eyes.
Rona smiled and sat back on her seat, seemingly satisfied with her photos. The silence was thicker and full of potential. We’d had sex, but whatever this was that was developing between us felt even more special and equal parts terrifying.
“Can I take a picture of you, too?”
Rona tilted her head towards me and nodded. She gave me a small smile with her lips pressed together, with a pensive expression.