~ 19 ~ #2
“How’ve you both been?”
“Good, thanks,” Mathilde said, glancing at Vicky. “We’ve been looking into moving to the country. London is too loud. I have my heart set on a cottage by the coast.”
“Wow! That’s great. When are you thinking of moving?”
Mathilde continued. “As soon as we find the right place. We are looking in Kent. I like that mainland Europe is only a stone’s throw away.” Mathilde smiled. “See, I used the correct idiom.”
“You did, babe, well done. Although I really enjoyed it when you merged ‘within spitting distance’ and ‘a stone’s throw’ the other day and said ‘a spit’s throw’. But I’ve probably had a bad influence on you with my overuse of clichés,” Vicky quipped.
Mathilde laughed.
I smiled. “It is closer to Europe down there. It’s nice how you can see France on a clear day.”
“You can?” Mathilde’s eyes went wide.
“Yep. Especially if you’re near Folkestone or Dover.”
“Ah, the white cliffs,” Vicky said.
“I am in love with this new information. I cannot wait to see this!”
“It will be good to be closer to family,” Vicky said. “Especially since both my brother and sister now have kids.”
“Sounds like a great move for you guys.”
“We have more news,” Mathilde said. “We have decided to start fertility treatment. We’ve found a donor and I am going to have IVF.”
I squealed, clapping my hands. “Guys! This is brilliant!”
They were both smiling and holding hands.
“When? When is this starting? Have you started already? Who is the donor? Where are you getting treatment? Does anyone else know?” I couldn’t help myself with all the questions.
“We’ve started already as in we’re in the process with the fertility clinic.
There are a lot of forms and a lot of meetings.
They wanted all my immunisation history, and I had to contact my doctor in Germany to get this sent over.
That took ages. But now it’s all in place.
The donor is from Denmark. We’re getting treatment in London so if we move it might mean a bit of travelling back and forth, but it will be fine. ”
“This really is the best news. So, your treatment should be starting soon?”
“As soon as we get a spot. They have a waiting list for treatment. They are extremely busy. I hope it won’t be too long.”
“They better get a fucking move on, to be honest. Everything’s going great except how slow the clinic is. They’re doing their best but fuck me, it’s all just so slow,” Vicky added.
Mathilde took a hesitant breath. “Kaira and Bouchra know. We’ve been hanging out a lot lately. By the way, did you hear that Kaira quit her job? She finally had enough of her boss. She got offered another job right away and now she’s much happier.”
“That’s brilliant news. No, I hadn’t heard.” I’d been so preoccupied with Lily, that I’d been drifting apart from my friends. The thought saddened me. I did the same with my last relationship but not quite to this extent. With Lily, it was like I’d disappeared into this magical but separate world.
Vicky and Mathilde sat across from me, holding hands, looking forward to taking the next step in their lives. I loved how happy they were together. They were very different, but you knew they were solid. “I’ll have my fingers crossed that you get a date soon for your treatment to begin.”
“So you’ve been spending a lot of time with Lily?” Vicky asked. She took a drink of her beer, watching me over the glass.
“We’re rarely not together, except for work.
I stay over at hers most nights. Actually, every night lately.
I have a key. Her podcast is going well.
She’s been busy with that. She’s amazing.
I’m so happy I got to meet her in Greece.
I think I was ready for it, you know. Like, if we’d met any sooner, I don’t think I would have been open to an actual relationship with her.
I was with Becca obviously or I was recovering from the breakup.
Or maybe I would still have felt this way about her. I don’t know.”
“It was fate,” Mathilde said. “The Greek gods conspired to bring you together.”
“I should thank them!”
“So you’ve moved into Lily’s place? Is that like official? You have a key?” Vicky asked.
“Not really. After all the media attention, it just sort of happened that way. It made more sense for Lily not to have to go back and forth to hers and mine all the time, because she had photographers following her. It’s easier if I’m at hers.”
“Does that work for you?”
“I mean, yeah. I get to see her all the time.”
“Hmmm,” Vicky made a noise.
“The early days are so full of uncertainty, aren’t they?” Mathilde said.
I didn’t know what she meant by that. Lily and I were in love. The past eight or so months had been some of the best in my entire life.
Vicky spoke, softly. “Have you and Nell done any more gigs? Actually, I haven’t seen or heard from Nell in a while. Is she okay?”
“She’s great. She’s in a new relationship too. We haven’t done any gigs.”
“It’s good there’s a reason you guys are MIA. It’s better than you guys ghosting us!”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been as available recently. I really am.”
“Honestly, don’t worry about it, Rona. We know you’re busy right now. I just hope you and Nell don’t stop doing your gigs entirely though. You both seem to really enjoy it.”
It was a good point. We’d built momentum with the live DJ sets, and I didn’t want to lose that. But we were. We’d turned down two invitations this past week alone.
“How is your work going, Rona?” Mathilde asked.
“Not great, to be honest. My artists are doing well but I’m losing interest.”
“You’re a genius. But surely this cannot be expected of you all year round.” Mathilde’s brow furrowed, causing a deep line in between her eyes.
Vicky leaned forward over the wonky table in between us and looked me right in the eyes.
“So to recap, work’s not going great and you’ve stopped doing all the things you used to do, things you love, like making music and hanging out with your friends.
You’re spending all your time with Lily and have unofficially moved into her flat, and you haven’t really discussed it. Is that correct?”
She was correct. Her pointing it out so plainly made me pause.
It didn’t look so good when she put it so candidly like this.
But surely it wasn’t as bad as it sounded, right?
I was just preoccupied with Lily, that was all.
She was my new girlfriend and I was in love.
Okay I was obsessed with her but what was wrong with that?
My neurodivergent brain was always going to do what it does in times of pure chemical connection. I was powerless to fight it, really.
“Rona, can I tell you something, but you have to know it comes from love and I’m only looking out for you and wanting what’s best for you?”
“Don’t tell me it isn’t working. Apart from all the things you said, I’ve never been happier.
” They didn’t need to know that I sometimes freaked out about how much I loved and needed Lily, and that the whirlwind romance felt like it was winding down, or up, into something more real.
Our infatuation phase was coming to an end, and it scared me.
As long as Lily stayed the same towards me, everything would be fine. Was fine.
“Rona, I’m worried you’re losing yourself a bit too much in this new relationship with Lily. Lily is a very energetic and ambitious person. She achieves things most of us don’t even dare to dream about. Do you think you could take a bit of a breather? Give yourself and her a bit of space?”
“What? No. We want to be with each other. We miss each other all the time even when we’re at work. I’m not stepping back. Why would I do that?”
Vicky and Mathilde shared a look.
“I don’t want to see either of you get hurt,” Vicky said. “That’s all.”
“We’re not going to hurt each other. We’re madly in love. Not sure what you mean, to be honest.”
Mathilde hesitated. “I think what she means, and I do as well, is that we can see some signs that might lead to difficult situations. We both know you both, remember?”
I sighed, finally understanding where they were coming from.
“This is different than Becca. We respect each other more. I’m stronger.
Lily is the best person I’ve ever met. I mean, one of.
I trust that she wants to be with me and see where it goes, and that she’s going to treat me right.
She already does.” Even as I said these words, I was already doubting them.
There was a possibility I was holding on too tightly to Lily.
Lily could be kind of distant sometimes.
She also drank too much for my liking and the whole fame and attention thing revolving around us did not sit well with me, even though Lily was doing her best to respect my privacy.
But no one was perfect, right? Everyone had a little bit of baggage, even the best footballer in the world.
I softened my face, feeling grateful they both cared about us this much. “Thank you for looking out for us. I appreciate it.”
“Okay. I hear you. Anything we can do to help you guys, just let us know,” Vicky said.
“How about another drink?” I asked, hoping to change the subject and alleviate my very real growing anxiety that something wasn’t quite right with my relationship.
By the time we left the pub it was late.
I checked my phone and there was a message from Lily saying she was having to work late at the studio and she wouldn’t be finished until midnight.
She didn’t say anything about us meeting up.
I got the feeling that Lily wasn’t bothered about seeing me tonight.
Was it weird that I was practically living at hers when we hadn’t officially agreed to move in together?
Should I go home tonight instead? For the first time, in a very real way, I could see where Vicky and Mathilde were coming from.
Despite this, I headed back to Lily’s.