~ 24 ~ #2
Rona thanked the crowd for being here and for being so supportive of her and her journey to getting to this place. I think she knew some of the fans up the front who had been coming to many of her one-off DJ sets over the last year or so.
“This will be the last song.”
The gig ended in a riot of sound and energy. The crowd asked for another song, but the curtain was down, figuratively, as Rona and Nell left the stage.
Rona’s last song was about the moment you go from loving someone based on the fantasy of who they are, in your mind, to the point in time when they fail you and show you who they truly are, but you love them just the same, if not more.
As I waded through the crowd to get backstage, I let my mind marinate in all things Rona and her beautiful music.
Rona and I had gone through what she sang about after our first fight, and we’d come through even stronger.
Also, Rona had told me the song was about us.
In fact, the whole album was about our love, she had said.
Little phrases sprinkled in that we’d said or wrote to each other and moments in time that only we shared.
Rona had so much material from which to release albums at this point, so the fact she chose to launch her solo act with the story of us made me feel special.
I thought back to that night we made up after Dr Elena Muller came on the podcast. I was so full of emotion that night and then when Rona played me her new album, and it absolutely killed me with how good it was, I’d started crying.
I’d cried because of how seen she’d made me feel and how lucky I felt to have her in my life, and how stupidly close I’d come to jeopardising it because of my lack of ability to handle emotional intimacy and what I felt was the pressure of a relationship. That was all in the past now.
Since then, Rona had shown me I could breathe in the relationship.
She gave me more space, and she let me recharge when I needed.
Her new direction with her music seemed to help our relationship click into place.
I found I was even more in love with her and needed less time to myself, ironically.
We were finding a balance and I couldn’t be happier.
“You came!” Rona held out her arms for me to come into them. “I thought you’d be out with the team.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into the biggest hug. She was a superstar and I loved her so much in all of the ways, but mostly, for how she was conquering her fears and living her truth, authentically, out, loud, and proud, in her own way.
“The girls are fine without me. I couldn’t miss this.
I managed to see your last fifteen or so minutes.
I wish I’d been here from the start.” Nothing in the world seemed as important right now than being here to support her.
It was such a realisation that my old club winning the league paled in comparison to the talent and strength of this beautiful woman who happened to be mine.
“It’s okay, baby. You had the match. I totally understood.”
“They won the league, by the way.” I smiled.
“Oh wow! That’s amazing! And you still came here?”
“Of course I did. I’m just glad I caught the end. The way you play it is so beautiful. You were incredible.” I kissed her lips, once, wishing I could do more but realising we were in a public place and I was well aware of her desire for privacy. “I am so fucking proud of you, my love.”
She smiled and her eyes sparkled. “I’m just so happy you’re here.”
I watched as she packed up her bag to leave, putting stuff in absent-mindedly.
I’d missed her so much. There was a time when I thought some time apart was the type of thing that would give me space, distance, and rest and the chance to recharge, but now I was seeing that I didn’t need those things as much anymore, or that the solution wasn’t isolating myself anymore.
I could be with her and still feel like I had the right amount of freedom and space.
She no longer made me feel clung to. She had her own life, and we had our life together because we each had independence.
I was seeing it all so clearly now, and for that, I was grateful that I could get to this point and this level of insight.
“Nell’s at the bar with Vee. They want to know if we’re going to join them or not.”
“Can I have a selfie with you?”
I turned around to see a girl asking for a picture. She had a lanyard around her neck like she worked at the venue. “Yeah, sure.”
“Um, no. Sorry. I meant with Rona.”
I blushed feeling like the biggest idiot that ever existed given we were at the stage door to the venue Rona had just played at.
Rona shook her head and smiled. “Sure, no problem.”
They huddled together for a second while the girl took the picture. “Thanks! You were amazing tonight by the way. I love your new album so much. It’s one of my all time favourites. Are you going to bring out more stuff?”
“That’s so lovely to hear. I’m glad you like it. Yep, I hope to release more material very soon.”
“Can’t wait. Hope to see you back here soon!”
She left us to it. Me gawping at my own stupidity; Rona looking stunned to be getting asked for selfies.
“I’m such a dick. I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be. It’s unusual for us because it’s always you people come up to.”
“You’re too kind. We’re backstage at your gig. I think that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Old habits, my love. That’s all. They can change.”
“You’re good to me.”
“So do you want to stay for a drink with Nell or go home?”
“It’s up to you.”
“No, I don’t mind, what do you want?”
“I think we should stay and hang out with our friends and celebrate you.”
Rona smiled from ear to ear. “Thanks, Lily.”
We hung out with Nell and Vee at the VIP bar overlooking the now empty venue.
Miraculously, the venue staff had cleared up the floors so you couldn’t see a single spot of rubbish dropped.
There was some background music on at the little bar.
Nell and Vee had just done a shot of tequila.
Rona and I had declined and were instead slowly sipping beer.
I had a zero percent alcohol version because I was driving.
“Wheeesh,” Nell said. She exhaled, holding her solar plexus. “I think I might be getting too old for these.”
Vee agreed. “We both are.”
“Never again,” Nell said. “Anyway, I’m still buzzing from the show, Rona, this has been one of the best weeks of my life. It felt so good to be part of this with you. Cheers, mate.”
“Couldn’t have done it without you, dude.”
“Did you see all those people queuing to get in at the beginning?” Vee said.
Rona and Nell shook their heads.
“It went away around the side of the building. People were trying to get tickets on the door too. I don’t think the venue was big enough. That was the vibe I was picking up from the crowd. You might need to book a bigger venue next time.”
Rona’s jaw dropped slightly. I knew that queues around the corner and bigger venues scared her.
She wasn’t quite there yet with how comfortable she felt, but she was trying, and I respected her so much for that.
Her nerves this week had threatened to take over more than once.
She’d tried to keep it quiet from Nell so as not to affect her.
It seemed like Rona was waiting for something really bad to happen, kind of like what she must have experienced all those years ago when she was in Sculpt.
“Yeah, maybe so.” Rona raised her eyebrows and took a sip of beer.
“Something to think about. Nothing to worry about for now,” Nell said, glancing hesitantly from Rona to me.
Maybe Rona hadn’t been doing as great a job at hiding her nerves from Nell as she’d thought.
I was grateful Rona had Nell to steady her through this new venture into being a solo artist. Rona was billed as her own name, simply as Rona, no surname.
But she wasn’t alone. She had Nell and she got support from people in the industry she’d met over the years.
Some of whom had been helping her out this week with organising the tour and carting her equipment around.
I didn’t know them well yet but I wanted to.
Everyone in Rona’s life seemed so cool and interesting, even the people she had more loose connections with.
I loved everything about Rona’s world and could live in it quite happily for the rest of my life.
After Nell and Vee left, we finished our drinks and sat in silence for a bit. I checked my phone and there was a photo from Sophie of all the girls celebrating together in the club. I smiled at the photo, feeling so proud of them and what they did today.
“What are you reading?” Rona asked.
“This,” I turned my phone around to show her the photo.
“Aw, they look like they’re having fun. What an amazing thing for them to achieve.”
“What a day all round. Everyone in my life is smashing it and I couldn’t be happier.”
Rona smiled and yawned, discreetly, by turning around and looking the other way.
“You tired, my love?”
“A little. Yes. Sorry.” She yawned again. “It’s just hit me. I was a little worked up before the gig. This whole week, really. It’s all gone so well. I mean, each night went perfectly, apart from Leeds when we had some sound issues but other than that, it went off without a hitch.”
“You made the gigs a success. You did so well.”
Rona smiled, humbly. “I think I was too worried about everything and all that anxiety about going on stage. I feel exhausted now it’s over.”