Chapter 26 With Her. Alone with Her.
With Her. Alone with Her.
Marín
Okay. My head is such a fucking mess. I haven’t even been able to swallow my coffee, I can’t stop going in circles…
with my spoon and my head, I should be mortified.
I should be avoiding eye contact with Coco; I should be giving myself a hard time about this stupid shit I’ve gotten into.
But I’m not. Because I can’t stop thinking about her.
In different circumstances, that would be nothing new.
I think about Coco a lot. She’s my best friend, we share an apartment, we…
share everything. Fuck. The problem is that I’m not thinking about her the way I normally do.
Now the only thing in my head is a succession of fantasies.
Images I’m lingering on more than I should: her wet lips, my tongue on her hard nipples, my cock pushing into her, and the relief of her heat running down me like a fuse until it explodes down my spine.
Coming. I want to come with Coco, on top of Coco, inside Coco. Whoa, I want to make Coco come.
Kill me.
We’ve exchanged a few smiles since we got up.
I’m blushing like a little kid because…what the fuck do I have in my stomach?
What I have in my stomach are butterflies.
I’m about to fuck it all up, but in a big way.
My life is a total disaster, I’m confused, and I’m not ready to start another relationship.
I know I should give myself some time; I know I should meet girls, not take everything so seriously, just make having fun my goal for a few months.
I can’t dive headfirst into another relationship right now. With Coco it would never be a fling.
The problem with Coco is that it scares me. The problem with Coco is that she’s not just any girl. She’s the ultimate one.
For fuck’s sake.
I would talk about it with Loren or with Blanca, but I don’t want to embarrass her by talking to them about her when she’d probably be happier keeping quiet.
I’d talk about it with Gus, but he’s a motormouth, and he would take approximately three nanoseconds to make a loud joke about hand jobs in the shower.
Coco riding me. Coco under my body, with her legs spread open, taking my thrusts and my thumb in her mouth, sliding along her tongue, moaning, begging for more, getting really wild…
Fuck it all.
“What the fuck is going on with you?”
I glance at Gus, who’s looking at me with a furrowed brow. We’re in the car, following the RV on our way to our next destination, Mojacar. I’ve always loved the beach there. Coco’s never been, and we found a spot at a campsite and a hotel next door.
Yes, a hotel. I’m not tempting fate anymore.
“Dude!”
“What?” I yell.
“I’m talking to you!”
“It must not be that interesting if nothing’s getting through.”
“Go fuck yourself.” But he’s laughing.
“What were you saying?”
“That I want a kebab right now.”
I have to laugh. “Seriously?”
“Of course seriously. I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.”
“I mean seriously, is that what was so important?”
“It’s not like I interrupted your ascent to nirvana, bro.”
“Feels like it.”
Coco sucking me, looking at me, taking her tongue and…
“Tell me something!” I yell at him frantically.
Gus looks at me with an expression that’s a mixture of confusion, surprise, and laughter. “You’re fucking nuts. You must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Well…um, I dunno.” He shrugs and looks out the window. “I don’t want this trip to end. I’m having a great time.”
“Well, we still have two nights to go.”
“Everyone else wants to go out tonight. To that Mandala place. I don’t know if it’s gonna be my vibe.”
“It’s a place to go dancing. It doesn’t have to be your vibe, and you don’t have to be its. Not everything is about you. Does Blanca wanna go?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, she’s in charge. It’s her bachelorette trip.”
“Dude… Don’t you think she’s acting pretty weird with Ruben?”
“Weird with Ruben? I don’t know. Why?” As if I weren’t uncomfortable enough. Thanks, Gus.
“She’s hella distant.”
“Okay, explain it to me. And try not to sound like my sister talking.”
“She’s just weird; I dunno. I’m getting a bad vibe.”
“In what sense?”
“I’m telling you I don’t know,” he says exasperatedly. “It’s just a hunch. A gut feeling. Like the one that you’re fooling around with Coco…exactly like that.”
Well, I’d have to start paying attention to Blanca because this dude is pretty good at predictions. I pretend not to believe him, of course.
“She’s probably just nervous about the wedding.”
“It’s pretty crazy, all this wedding shit. If I ever get married, I swear not even God will know. What the fuck? I’m not getting married. Why would I put myself through all that shit?”
“I mean…I guess there are people who believe in the institution of marriage.”
“Do you believe in the institution of marriage?” he asks me, very formally.
“I guess. I’ve never really thought about it.”
Evening time. The sun setting. Coco with her hair loose and one of those golden barrettes with a flower or a dragonfly that she wears sometimes. Lots of fairy lights twinkling over our heads. Friends. Only the real ones. I promise to love you forever.
I slam the brakes so hard it makes Gus and me fly forward. Thank God for seat belts.
“What the hell are you doing?” Gus yells at me, totally freaked out.
I could ask myself the same thing. What the hell are you doing, Marín?
* * *
The only room left at Hotel Marazul, which we booked in a rush through before we left Villaricos, has a double bed. The look of horror on both of our faces makes it clear that no, we’re not a couple.
“Oh God, this sucks,” Gus complains, slumping over the counter. “Can’t I get an extra cot sent up?”
The receptionist looks bemused. She has a customer-service smile plastered on, but she looks like she’s been here a long time already, and we’re a pain in the ass. Let’s be honest.
* * *
The girls are rolling out the RV’s awning when we find their site.
The campsite, El cantal de Mojacar, has a special charm.
It reminds me a lot of the summer camps I was sent off to as a little boy.
I have good memories from those years, even though now that I think about it, it was the only calm month of the year: Not having my mother drunk as a skunk, sprawled out on the sofa or bringing that embarrassing boyfriend around, felt like the height of luxury.
In one of those camps, I got my first kiss.
A few years later, I got my first hand job at one of them too.
The gravel crunches under our feet, announcing our arrival. Aroa is yelling because she says they’re putting all the awning’s weight on her.
“For fuck’s sake! I’m the smallest one here. Blanca should be on this side because she’s the tallest. Her long arms will finally come in handy.”
“Your ex has really turned into an impressive bitch,” Gus murmurs, raising his eyebrows.
We’re far enough away now that it’d be offensive if we run over to help them. I know Blanca and Coco. They’ll shriek at me that they can do it themselves. They’re extremely independent; they want to do everything themselves. And I love it.
Blanca drops what she’s doing, shoves Aroa out of the way, and places herself under the awning to hold it up as they unfurl it. This is not going to end well.
“Aroa, come on. Don’t get pissy. You can turn the crank,” Coco suggests.
Coco’s standing at the other end of the awning, putting up one of the poles.
Her back is to me, but I can’t take my eyes off her.
She’s wearing a loose white button-up with the sleeves rolled up and frayed denim shorts.
On her feet, her white Converse. I want to lean over and whisper into her ear that I have a shirt in my closet I want to see her walking around the house in.
“Ladies.” Gus greets Blanca and Coco by doffing his imaginary hat. “Hey, blondie, did you bring any Tums?”
“Tums?” Aroa asks, confused.
“Yeah, for the bad mood reflux you’re having.”
“Hey, let’s just have a good time in peace,” Coco jumps in grumpily, but she smiles when she sees me. “How’s the hotel?”
“Good. Very romantic. You have to come see it.” I don’t know why the fuck I said that.
“We have a double bed,” Gus adds. “We’re gonna have a blast.”
“This gentleman will probably show you the headboard up close tonight,” Blanca quips, twisting and finally shoving the last leg of the awning in place. “Ah. Done. We’re professional campers now.”
* * *
We eat charred burgers and a disastrous salad that Gus and I, with all the best intentions, tried to make inside the Imperial Boozer Cruiser Coco scratches the blackened part of her meat with a smile, shaking her head with gentle disapproval.
“I swear at home he even makes bread,” she says, trying to cleanse my image. “I expected this from Gus, but—”
“Hey! I used to make you those incredible breakfasts and bring them to you in bed,” he grumbles.
A hit of jealousy surges all the way through me. Wait…what’s going on here? I already knew these two spent their whole relationship fucking like they were possessed. Why does that make me uncomfortable now?
“You bought two baguettes and brought them to me in bed with a glass of water. One time.”
“I brought you a baguette in bed a lot of mornings, Coco Puff.”
The whole table cracks up, and Coco rolls her eyes. “Oh, sweetie,” she complains.
“I brought you oatmeal in bed on your birthday.” It pops out of my mouth before I can stop it. I’m startled.
Coco looks up from her plate and smiles at me. Her eyes are shining. Fuck. I touch my hair nervously and bite my lip. If she knows how to read me, and I think she does, she’ll know exactly how nervous I am right now. What if the dude Coco is crazy about is me?
“You brought me oatmeal with cinnamon and coffee on that beautiful tray we brought in El Rastro, remember?”