Chapter 28 #2
I turn into the brush and climb over a small dune and then down the other side, heading in the direction of the water.
I’m pretty sure this is the path I took as I ran from the dock, but it’s hard to find my bearings in the expanse of sand and brush.
The wealthy families around here intentionally leave the land wild and unoccupied to ensure their privacy.
I walk into the beige landscape, scanning the ground for a flash of gold that could be my necklace. The sand sparkles in the sun, and I’m dizzy from the memories coming back to me in a rush, stealing my breath, leaving me disoriented.
I push on, doing my best to retrace my steps, but how can I be sure of exactly which path I took when my last memory of this place is filled with horror and panic? I know that somewhere to my left is the guard house, and then ahead of that, the Langleys’ mansion.
I eventually arrive at the cliff over the water, and I turn my gaze to the house, tall and imposing as it stands on the hill overlooking the ocean. In front of it, the dock juts out from the cliff with the gazebo at the end, its privacy curtains waving in the breeze.
Did Christopher lure other girls to come to the house when his family was away? Did they sit on that dock, enjoying the view, listening to the gentle sound of the water lapping on the shore, feeling the late-afternoon sun on their cheeks, with no idea of what was about to happen to them?
I stare at the wooden structure. I don’t know if I can do this.
But I came this far. And I won’t let Christopher win. If my necklace fell somewhere in the cracks of the couch or under the table, maybe nobody found it yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
I scan my surroundings for signs of the family or house staff, but I don’t see anyone. If Ian is in constant meetings with a lawyer, he’s probably somewhere in town, or maybe even on the mainland. All I have to do is search the couch in the gazebo, and I can be out of here in five minutes.
All of my instincts scream in protest as I walk along the cliff to the dock.
When my first step hits the wooden planks, the memories begin to choke me just as hard as Christopher’s hands yanking the back of my dress.
But I’m so close. I can’t turn around now, so I hurry toward the gazebo.
Slipping past the curtain, I bend over to suck air into my lungs.
“Hey,” comes a voice from a few feet away.
My heart ricochets around my chest as I jump about a million miles in the air. My head swings to the couch—the horrible couch—half afraid it’s Christopher sitting there, offering me a drink, staring at me with that mysterious, sinister expression.
But instead, I find Ian.
I press a hand to my heart.
“Sorry if I scared you,” he says with a sad, crooked smile.
Why is he the one apologizing? I’m the one creeping around his dock. I blink in horror. I’m the one creeping around his dock. What am I supposed to tell him about why I’m here?
“I guess you saw the reporters out in front?” he says, his smile fading.
“Um… yeah.” I wring my hands in front of me to have something to do with them.
“Thanks for sneaking through the dunes. It means a lot that you came.”
I slowly process his words. He thinks I came to see him.
My heart cracks open and the ache of it nearly has me doubling over.
I want so desperately to tell him that’s why I’m here.
I take a hesitant step toward him. His face is drawn, eyes rimmed with red and underlined with dark circles.
I want to sit on the couch and wrap my arms around him and take away his pain.
And I want to rest my head on his chest and feel his heart beating under my cheek and to know that as long as I’m with him, everything will be okay.
In another life, we would have been the ones to hold each other, to comfort each other, to support each other through everything. But that can never happen now.
“I—” I don’t know what to say, and I hate that I have to lie to him. But how could I tell the truth? Finally, I manage to choke out a strangled, “How are you?”
He lets out a shuddering breath. “To be honest, not great.”
Ian doesn’t know who his dad really was, and this must feel like an unbearable loss.
I did this to him. His entire life was shattered because of me.
But I can’t quite bring myself to say I’m sorry.
Because if I hadn’t pushed his dad and run, where would I be right now?
What would have happened to me? Would I be dealing with an even more terrible trauma?
A wave of horror rolls over me. Would I have been the one floating in that water? My hands begin to shake.
“Are you okay?” Ian asks, squinting up at me.
I need to get it together. I can’t fall apart. “I just feel so sad for you,” I manage to choke out, which is the truth. Ian didn’t have anything to do with who his dad was. He didn’t deserve this.
“Do you want to sit?” He moves over on the couch to make room for me, and I freeze, staring at the spot he’s left open. My body heats as if Christopher’s hands are still crawling across my skin. I don’t know if I can do this. But I need to find that necklace before someone else does.
“Josie?” Ian asks.
My gaze slides over his dark hair, his angular cheekbones, the concern in his eyes.
My racing heart slows. I was sure that looking at him would trigger memories of Christopher, that being around him would traumatize me again and again.
But it’s not true. His presence on this dock is the only thing that doesn’t leave me feeling vulnerable and exposed.
Ian is still the same guy who made me laugh, who appreciated my art, who defended me when Cal was being a dick.
Nothing about him could ever make me feel unsafe.
I should feel relieved, but it only leaves me heartbroken.
As I sink onto the cushion, it takes all of my strength not to lean into him.
But I know it will only make things harder, so I inch closer to the armrest and try to remind myself why I’m here.
I discreetly slide my hand between the cushion and the wooden frame to feel around for the necklace.
When I come up empty, I turn my gaze to scan the wide wooden planks that disappear under the coffee table, but there’s no hint of gold there either.
Is it possible someone already found it?
Or maybe it was never here to begin with.
It was a terrible, futile plan to come looking for it.
But I can’t quite regret that I’m here because as I turn to focus on Ian, I can see his eyes are even sadder up close.
“Do—do you want to talk about what happened?” I ask, torn between needing to comfort him and terrified that I’ll have to listen to him talk about what a great guy his dad was.
He stares out at the water like he’s thinking it over.
“It’s just been a lot,” he finally murmurs.
“My mom is struggling. And my dad’s lawyer has an endless list of decisions I need to make about the funeral, the house, and especially the business.
” He turns his gaze to me. “My dad named me as his successor. I’m supposed to take over Langley Capital. ”
My eyes widen. “Now?” I knew Christopher wanted Ian to work for the family business, but that was supposed to be someday in the future. Even if Ian had wanted the job, which he didn’t, how could his dad possibly believe he’d be ready to shoulder all of that right now?
But then I realize that Christoper probably thought he had plenty of time for Ian to go to college and come back and learn the ropes. He never imagined he’d end up drowning in the ocean when his son was only eighteen.
And he wouldn’t have… if it weren’t for me.
Ian’s breath hitches. “I don’t know shit about running a company.”
“Can your lawyer help at all?”
“He’s giving advice, but ultimately the decisions are up to me. I don’t know what Dad was thinking. I’m not equipped for this.”
A part of me wonders if leaving Ian in charge of the business was Christopher’s way of trapping Ian into the life he wanted for his son.
Christopher was a shrewd businessman; he knew what he was doing.
“You know you don’t have to take over if you don’t want.
Just because it was your dad’s dream, doesn’t mean you’re stuck with it. ”
Ian chews on his bottom lip. “So many people are counting on me though. Dozens of employees. Clients who signed contracts. Suppliers with outstanding invoices. I can’t let all those people down.
” He scrubs a hand over his eyes. “But I just can’t see myself taking over and continuing to buy up land and build horrible mansions. And the environmental impact…”
I turn to look at him. He really is nothing like his dad.
“You could take over the business and not do those things. You wanted to work on conservation, and you have so many ideas your dad rejected. Development is going to happen. People need housing. Maybe you could offer it in a more sustainable way.” I press a hand on his arm.
“You could have such an impact on this island and be so much better than your dad ever was.” I feel my voice shaking as the words come out of my mouth.
He stares at me across the cushions as if he’s turning my words over in his head and it’s dawning on him that they might be true. “It means a lot to me that you’re here, Josie. You have no idea how much.”
It’s completely irrational but I’m glad I could be here for him too. Even if this is the last time. Even if this is goodbye.
Ian sighs. “Whatever happens, I won’t be going to Stanford in the fall. I’ve deferred for now, but I don’t see it happening. I’ll probably enroll in some classes locally.”
All I can think is that this is my fault too. “I’m so sorry, Ian.”
“I was hoping that if I was at Stanford and you were at Berkeley, we could…” He lifts a shoulder. “We could be together.”