Chapter 28 #3
His words knock the wind out of me. I should be relieved that he’s not going to Stanford because now I won’t have to tell him that I don’t want to see him when we’re in the Bay Area.
But I can’t muster up anything but sadness.
Even though I told Mom I’d never see him again, I told myself I’d never see him again, and I truly believed it was all for the best, a part of me hoped that maybe we’d run into each other in Berkeley or Palo Alto.
Maybe in six months or a year, when I had some distance from Sandy Harbor and Ian did too, maybe somehow, we could make it work.
I rationalized that Ian didn’t want to come back to work at Langley Capital.
My family would be gone from here. Maybe there was a way we could leave Sandy Harbor behind us.
But now, Ian is staying. He’ll be working for his dad’s company after all, and the idea that we could ever put this place behind us is a fantasy.
“But we have a little time before you go, right?” Ian gives a half-laugh. “I know I’m kind of a mess, but…”
I shake my head. “Who could blame you?”
“Can we still be together this summer?” He turns in his seat to take my hand, his eyes hopeful for the first time since I stepped on this dock.
“And maybe… I don’t know.” His eyebrows knit together.
“Maybe we can make it work when you go to Berkeley in the fall. It’s not that hard to fly from Newark to San Francisco… ”
My breath falters.
“Josie, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You mean so much to me.”
I open my mouth, but no words come out. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before either. My eyes fill with tears, and I swipe at them with my palm. My family is leaving in less than a week. We’re moving away from here, and I’ll never see him again. This is agonizing. It’s unbearable.
What if I tell him the truth? What if I open my mouth and spill everything?
When I talked about it with Mom, the possibility that Christopher’s family would come after me, press charges against me, was terrifying.
But now that I’m here with Ian, I know he would never do anything to hurt me.
Mom said that she wanted me to think about my future, but what if Ian is my future?
I’m falling for him, and he feels the same way.
How often does something like this come along?
Another tear spills over, and Ian reaches over to wipe it gently away. His palm drifts across my cheek and slides gently behind my neck. I fist a hand in his shirt to pull him closer. If I tell him the truth, we can put all of this behind us. This nightmare will be over, and maybe we can be free.
I know I can trust him. I know I can.
“Ian,” I whisper. “I never felt this way about anyone either.” I clutch his shirt even tighter, holding on to him like I’m holding on for dear life. “I need to tell you something.”
“You can tell me anything.”
I take a deep breath, and at that moment, I hear a woman’s voice calling Ian’s name from somewhere in the vicinity of the house.
Ian’s eyes widen. “That’s my mom.”
“Ian!” Mrs. Langley yells. “Ian, where are you?”
He glances back toward the house and swears under his breath.
“Ian,” Mrs. Langley calls again, her voice high and frantic, words slightly slurred. “Ian, I need you.”
Ian lunges to his feet. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I say, but my lungs deflate. Now that I’ve made the decision to tell him everything, I just want to get it all out. To come clean so we can move forward.
“My mom is kind of a mess right now,” Ian says in a low voice. “I know I said she was struggling, but the truth is, she’s completely fallen apart. She’s been drinking and taking sleeping pills and stumbling around the house.”
“It’s only been a few days… I’m sure it will get easier.”
Ian shakes his head. “She was madly in love with Dad, and I’m not sure she’s ever going to get over this.”
My heart sinks to my knees. Ian isn’t the only Langley family member whose life was torn apart by Christopher’s death.
I remember how Mrs. Langley looked at Christopher the day we had drinks at the club, like there wasn’t another man in the room.
It had seemed so romantic and, if I’m honest, added to Christopher’s mystique.
Reality crashes over me in a wave. Thank God I didn’t tell Ian the truth about what I did. If Christopher was the love of Mrs. Langley’s life, she’s never going to believe that he attacked me. Maybe Ian wouldn’t go to the police, but I bet his mom would.
I watch Ian’s eyes dart nervously up to the house. If Ian’s mom falls apart, it’s just one more responsibility that will fall on his shoulders. I’ve literally taken his dad, college, his dream career, and now, in a way, his mother away from him. How could he not hate me for that?
“Ian!” Mrs. Langley calls.
“You were about to tell me something?” Ian says, shifting his weight as if he’s torn between running up to the house and staying here with me.
“It was nothing,” I say. “I don’t even remember what it was.”
Ian nods. “We’ll talk later. I should go.” He takes a few steps toward the house and then stops and spins around. “Will you come to the funeral? It would mean a lot to have you there.”
My eyes widen. Go to Christopher Langley’s funeral? What if the security guard is there? What if someone recognizes me? What if I have to look at family photos and hear affectionate speeches and see the man I murdered lying in an open casket?
“I—” What was I thinking? I can never, ever be with Ian.
Ian stares at me, his eyes hopeful. “It’s this weekend.”
“Ian, where are you?” his mom yells urgently.
I take a deep, shaky breath, and then I nod.
Ian’s lips tug into a relieved smile, and then he whirls around and runs up the dock toward the house.
How could I say no? But now I know I can never tell him the truth. Our family will be gone by the weekend. I won’t make it to the funeral.
I watch him jog up the steps to the house. This is the last time I’ll ever see Ian Langley.