Chapter 44
Forty-Four
Enoch
My knee bounced rapidly as I took in the unfamiliar neighborhood. The car rolled to a stop in front of a two-story home. I glanced back at Jae behind the wheel who gave me a tight-lipped smile.
“You ready?”
I swallowed, rubbing my eyes, trying to shake the feeling that this was all just a nightmare.
Denial, it was like a drug, allowing me to cage in the pain that was threatening to cave my chest in.
But we were here now, and I needed to keep fighting the urge to cry, the building scream in my chest that was fighting its way to the surface with each passing second.
I was on the edge of a cliff, teetering along the edge of a freefall drop that I knew I wouldn’t survive.
Jae knew, like he always did, that I was hanging on by a thread.
He’d purchased Benadryl at the airport the first time he caught me staring at the bar across from our gate.
Forced two pills down my throat just before take-off so I’d hopefully sleep and avoid having a melt-down midflight.
It worked. At least for half the flight.
The adrenaline came back full force the second I woke up.
I sighed, like it might make it feel like I was taking a full breath, looking at the house once more.
I didn’t see a car in the driveway.
“Do you know if they’re home?”
Jae blew out a breath, eyeing the empty driveway.
“Only one way to find out.”
My palms were sweating, and I wiped them on my jeans.
I eyed the clock and quickly pulled my phone out. Bradley had left when I told him that we had landed. I didn’t have any notifications, but he said it would take him about two and a half hours to get here, to the hotel I’d booked a room at for tonight.
I released another sigh, the weight on my chest so heavy it felt like I couldn’t fill my lungs properly, before unbuckling my seatbelt and climbing out of the car.
I stretched my arms above my head, my body sore from sitting for so long on the plane and then forty minutes from the airport to the house.
Jae’s car door slammed and I shook myself from my thoughts. He led the way to the front door, and my footsteps faltered, my heart pounding in my chest.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered, staring at the front door.
My mind flashed with the memory of Shiloh’s suicide, of the pain I felt then, how I didn’t want to keep going, how I replayed her voicemail for hours on end, cried myself to sleep for weeks.
I looked down, expecting to see a knife sticking out of chest, an explanation for the pain I was feeling.
Jae’s face flashed in my vision as he gripped my arms.
“Hey,” he said forcefully. “Breathe, Nox.”
“I can’t do this,” I repeated, staring into his eyes.
My vision filled with black dots, and I clutched my chest.
Fuck, if I hadn’t asked her stay, she’d never have left the program. She’d be safe right now.
He’s probably hurting her right now because I was too fucking selfish to let her go.
Her body filled my mind’s eye, crouched on my bedroom floor, sobbing, pleading, begging me not to put her in the bathtub.
“Breathe, brother.”
I crouched down, head between my hands, struggling to stop the assault on my chest.
It’s my fucking fault.
I should never have asked her to stay.
How did he fucking find her?
What if Los Siete knows where she is now too?
Was it something I did?
Fuck, was it the Air Show? Fuck! I knew I shouldn’t have invited her to that.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Was there someone there from the cult? Maybe someone took her picture?
Why didn’t I pay more attention? Why did I invite her to such a public space where anyone could have found her?
I vaguely registered the fact that the front door had opened in front of us.
“We talked about it. We only tell them what they need to know to get us the help we’re after.”
What am I doing? I can’t involve my parents.
I can’t tell them the truth. I can’t admit that I failed her. I can’t knowingly involve them in this nightmare that might get us all killed.
They’ll get hurt.
Everything will be my fault.
I. Can’t. Do. This.
I need to leave.
I need to move.
Why can’t I fucking move?!
I can’t lose her.
I can’t lose her.
I can’t lose her.
A hand roughly grabbed mine, halting the fist the I’d been banging against my forehead. I shoved Jae off of me, rising to stand. I stepped back, hands in my hair, as I choked down some much-needed oxygen.
A hand tried to turn me back towards the house, but I shrugged it off, taking a step farther from the door.
I can’t fucking lose her again.
I gulped down more air. “Give me a fucking minute.”
The sound of a soft gasp had me banging my head again with my fist. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Mom. Just…just give me a second.”
I released several more breaths, tipping my head back to the sunny sky, eyes closed.
I focused on shoving it all back down—the fear, the pain, the guilt. I forced myself to cling to the anger and determination instead and nothing more as I screamed silently into my fist.
One last deep breath and I shook out my limbs, rolled my shoulders and neck, until I was confident I wasn’t going to break.
I won’t lose her again.
I cleared my throat and at last turned on my heel to face the heated stares I’d felt on my back.
My mom had her arms wrapped around herself as she eyed me with concern. I closed my eyes against the guilt that bubbled up for shouting at her.
Fuck, I was doing that a lot lately.
I eyed Jae, not ready to see the look on my dad’s face.
He gave me a small nod and mouthed, “Together. Ride or die.”
After another breath, I nodded back and finally, finally, I met my dad’s stare. His lips were pursed tightly, his arms crossed over his chest as he silently studied me.
Would he hate me for continuing to lie to him?
“Why don’t you come in?” he finally said, no hint of judgement in his voice.
My throat constricted, no sounds coming out as I opened my mouth.
“Nox?” Jae called, brows raised as he waited for me to say something.
I swallowed roughly, suddenly in need of some water.
“Y-yeah,” I forced out.
I rubbed the ache in my chest and pushed forward, following them all inside.
Jae and I slipped off our shoes and my eyes bounced around the unfamiliar space. Even the photos on the walls were different, many of them void of me, memories of milestones and events I’d been absent for.
We passed through a hallway into a large open kitchen, dining and living space. My dad motioned for us to take a seat at the table and my mom lingered in the kitchen. Drinks, I realized, as she pulled out a pitcher from the fridge.
I sat down at the only thing I recognized in the space, our family dining room table, and Jae followed, sliding onto the bench seat beside me. My dad sat opposite us, hands folded on the table as his eyes bounced between Jae and me.
“It’s a pleasant surprise to have you both home. Is there a particular reason you decided to show up today?”
I swallowed, giving my mom a nod of thanks as she set a glass of iced tea down in front of me.
He wasn’t stupid, my dad knew something was going on, even if I hadn’t had a fucking meltdown in the driveway.
I waited for my mom to sit beside my dad, taking a sip of the tea to further delay responding to my dad’s question.
When the silence grew too long and charged, I cleared my throat and smoothed my palms against my jeans beneath the table.
“I need your help,” I finally said. “But if I tell you what it’s about, it could put you all in danger.”
My mom’s brows bunched, but my dad’s face remained stoic.
“I don’t understand, honey. What’s goin’ on? Ya know ya can tell us anythin’ at all. Does this have to do with your sobriety?”
I shook my head as Jae placed a hand on my leg, a silent gesture to cease my bouncing knee.
My dad sucked his teeth and glanced at my mom. “You can tell me first, and then I’ll decide what I share with your mom.”
My mom clicked her tongue with disapproval and sent my dad a glare. He ignored her and held my stare.
I eyed Jae and he shrugged. “It’s up to you. But you’ve gotta speed things up. We’re on a time crunch here.”
Fuck. He’s right. Bradley is on his way to the hotel.
I took another deep breath.
Fuck, this is excruciating.
“Okay.”
My dad turned to my mom, stroking a hand across her back. “Go in the yard and I’ll come get you when we’re finished.”
My mom’s nose bunched like it did when she was real mad but she complied with his demand and rose from the table, not giving any of us a second glance before she slipped out the sliding glass door.
When it was shut my dad motioned for me to spill.
“I need your help finding people who have the means to execute an extraction mission. Tactical training, maybe some old military buddies who do this kind of thing for hire. And I need them available like yesterday.”
If he was shocked, his face didn’t show it. He licked his lips and nodded slowly. “Okay. I’m gonna need some more details than that. Like who are we rescuing?”
“We,” I said, motioning between him and I, “aren’t doing anything. You’re gonna be involved as minimally as possible so I don’t have to worry about you getting hurt. We,” I emphasized, pointing a thumb at Jae, “are rescuing my girlfriend.”
My dad blinked. “Your girlfriend.”
I nodded.
“And where is she?”
“In Texas.”
“In Texas,” my dad parroted, steepling his hands beneath his chin as he leaned his elbows on the table.
“Yes.”
He narrowed his eyes, glancing between Jae and I for a disconcertingly long minute.
“Why exactly does your girlfriend need a contract extraction team?”
“She’s been kidnapped by her ex-husband, a leader of a cult.”
My dad sighed, the only sign that he was processing any of the information I was giving him.
“Right. And law enforcement isn’t enough because…?”
“Because…” I trailed off, trying to think of a vague enough reason but failing. “Because…fuck. Because we can’t involve them, okay? For numerous reasons that I can’t share with you without putting you in unnecessary danger.”