Chapter 34 #2
My heart crashed wildly in my chest, causing a tight searing pain.
Oh my God. Oh, my fucking God. I’ve been judging him for weeks now, thinking he was a selfish prick, when he was actually doing exactly what Adrian is trying to do.
Fuck! I’m a horrible sister. I’m fucking horrible piece of shit, weak-ass puta.
“You realize that my brother was also doing this for me. To get me out of here. Playing the white knight, big brother superhero just like you’re trying to do for Lonnie. And how did that work out, hmm?”
I raised my brows, Adrian staring at me blankly.
“He got a bullet in his skull,” I spat, my voice breaking under the pressure of grief suffocating me.
“So,” I paused, taking a breath to try to gain some composure. “By all means, go ahead. But think about how Lonnie’s gonna feel when you’re caught and murdered in front of him. Think about the shit storm Lonnie will be in when he’s forced to work for Carlos to make up for the fuckups you caused.”
“Shiloh, I get why you don’t want to get involved. But this is different. I know how to share information without a trace. It’s my fucking job as a sabueso to be a ghost online. I know what I’m doing.”
“And what exactly do you think is going to happen when you one day suddenly have ‘enough’ dirt?” I said, my voice cold with impatience for his ignorant ideas.
“I’ll be given immunity for anything I have to do in the process to gain the information, as well as a whole new life. I’m talking witness protection for me and Lonnie for life. We won’t get caught, Shiloh. I’m smart and I’ve never been suspected of anything.”
I shook my head, almost feeling sorry for how much he believed that could actually work. Adrian stared at me for a long silent moment, and I wondered if there was a reason why I was even bothering to give him a reality check.
He looked pissed as he held my stare. “At least I’ll have tried. At least I’ll have stood up to them. Done something to maybe even save the lives of other innocent people who are trapped in Los Siete. If I’m going to die, I might as well die fighting.”
I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest that felt like it was going to cave in. “Don’t fuck up my freedom because you’ve got some delusional superhero complex.”
Adrian sighed in defeat, and I thought it was because he actually heard what I had to say, but I was wrong.
“Freedom? Really? You think going to live with these religious freaks is going to earn you freedom?” Adrian scoffed, shaking his head. “At least I’m not a coward, letting my brother’s murderer and the men who raped me go free and continue to hurt other people.”
I couldn’t hold back the emotions anymore, and I didn’t care. My body was boiling with rage as I ran across the room and shoved his chest with all my strength.
“Shut the fuck up!” I screamed in his face. I swung my arm back, aimed to slug his face, but he quickly pinned both of my wrists behind my back.
“You’re only upset because you know I’m right.”
“Chinga tu madre pinche hijo de puta,” I gritted out between my locked jaw as I tried kneeing him in the balls.
He pulled our bodies too close for me to have any distance to leverage. Adrian sighed like he was dealing with a toddler throwing a tantrum. I used his lapse in judgment for underestimating me and threw my head towards his arm, unclenching my jaw long enough to lock onto the flesh of his bicep.
The fucker hissed in pain and tried to shrug me off of him, causing us to stumble back into the living room. But I wasn’t a quitter and only bit down harder.
“Puta madre, Shiloh. Let go before you break the skin!”
I glared into his eyes before finally relenting and pulling away. He groaned in disgust at the lingering trail of saliva dripping down his arm. Using his shirt to dry off, he shot his eyes up to mine.
“Jesus. What are you, a fucking dog?”
“Call me a fucking coward again and I’ll force feed you that whole tray of lasagna,” I threatened, pointing to the stovetop.
Adrian sighed with a wince, closing his eyes for a moment.
He looked up, his face stone serious. “I will do whatever I need to for you to comply.”
I scoffed with a shake of my head. “Like what? You don’t have anything to threaten me with. Emotional manipulation only works if I give a fuck about you. I have all the fucking power here. I can murder you myself. Tell Carlos you were a soplón just like my rat brother.”
He licked his lips, a cruel smile curling his lips upward.
“Oh, you have all the power do you?”
My shoulders tensed at his question.
“Does your boyfriend know that you shot a man in the head to get revenge?”
“No.” The sound barely pushed past my lips as the scene replayed in my mind for the first time in weeks.
“Does his dad know that his son is sleeping with a murderer?”
I’d been so good about blocking it out. Tucked away in a vault in the back of my mind. But the fact that I had murdered a man to join Los Siete sent me to my knees.
The gun was heavy. Heavier than I thought it would be.
Its weight felt impossible to hold in my shaking hands. I couldn’t stop the trembling racking through my whole body. It forced me to lean my weight against the solid warm chest of the man forcing me to do this—Carlos.
“I can’t,” I whimpered, my arms going slack beside me.
“You can and you will. You don’t have to look if you don’t want to. Just pull the trigger. It’ll be over soon, güerita.”
He placed his hands on my arms to raise the gun and aim it at the man hogtied on the ground.
He was crying and by the wet stain on his jeans and the puddle beside him, he’d pissed himself.
The stench of it lingered in the damp air of the concrete box of a room we were in.
A single light bulb hung from the ceiling casting yellow shadows around the room.
I ignored the other body on the ground. The one Adrian had already been told to shoot and kill and had done so without hesitation.
I shivered again.
Carlos’s hands pressed against my own, his body curled around mine and hot breath tickled my ear.
“I’m doing you a favor, Shiloh. Would you rather I make you watch him get tortured until you get the balls to put him out of his misery? He’s got plenty of blood left to bleed.”
I froze. Unable to move even though the logical response would be to not test Carlos.
“José.”
I swallowed. My brother’s replacement as arreglador stepped into the room a moment later.
“Yes?”
“Play with him.”
He blinked once before approaching the sobbing man and kneeling beside him, careful to avoid the piss and blood from the other body beside him.
He flicked open a blade from his back pocket and grabbed one of the man’s fingers.
They were already blotchy and purple from him failing to remove himself from the ropes wrapped around his wrist. It didn’t take much effort for José to dig the knife into the knuckle and begin sawing through the bone.
I gagged at the blood spraying out of the wound, the exposed bone protruding grotesquely from the mass of blood. My ears were ringing at the pitch of the man’s screams. But even those were muffled by some sort of gag beneath the head covering.
José finally dropped the digit into the piss puddle. I bent over, wholly supported by Carlos’s arms around my waist as I dry heaved over the floor.
“You can end this, Shiloh. It’s up to you how long this man has to suffer. Listen.” He paused, the screams making my whole body tense. “He’s begging you to end this.”
I sat up straight, allowing Carlos to aim my hands for me once more.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
My finger pressed the trigger, and I jolted at the reverb. I watched the man go limp against the concrete. My eyes burned with tears. I knew it was only minutes before my sight was fully obstructed.
I let Carlos take the gun from my shaking hands.
I was hot and sweaty, yet cold and shivering at the same time. I could feel my body shutting down.
“Remove their face coverings,” Carlos commanded.
I slammed my eyes shut.
“Dad?” Adrian said through a wheeze.
Oh God! Oh God!
I slowly peeled my own eyes open to find the lifeless brown orbs of Peter staring up at the ceiling. I flicked my gaze to the left to find Marcus in the same state.
Dead.
I’d killed Peter and Adrian had killed Marcus.
My knees gave out, and I began vomiting again, the stench of their bodily fluids making me nearly pass out.
“How does justice feel, Shiloh?” Carlos rasped behind me. “They can’t touch you now, can they?”
I shuddered, the tears falling uncontrolled as Carlos pulled me upright. The room became a blur as he guided me towards the door. My chest constricted and I struggled to get air into my lungs.
I’m a murderer. I’m a murderer. I’m a murderer. I’m a murderer. I’m a murderer.
My body flinched against the contact on my shoulder, and I realized I was kneeling on my hands and knees. A whine left my throat, raw and grating, as I tried to keep the sobs from escaping.
I’m a murderer.
I gagged, nothing but bile rising up my throat.
Adrian was saying something but there was a whooshing in my ears blocking it out. I staggered to my feet fighting back the tears with every last ounce of willpower left in me and Adrian reached to steady me.
I didn’t hesitate this time. I swung with all the power possible in my legs and hips, slugging him square across the jaw so hard it sent blood spraying on impact.
I stepped back, chest heaving with effort as I watched Adrian slowly straighten, wiping the blood from his mouth. His eyes met mine with a look that said I had made a mistake.
“I wonder what Carlos would think if he knew you were sleeping with the son of a law enforcement officer that’s not in his pocket.”
My stomach dropped. “No.”
Not in his pocket. Not in his pocket. Oh my God. I’d involved him in something awful.
“I wonder what he might do to make sure that you hadn’t spilled any secrets or told any lies. Or if he felt you had betrayed the family and squealed like your brother.”
“No,” I shook my head forcefully. “Don’t you fucking dare get them involved.”
“Oh, but you already have, Shiloh. You. Already. Have.”
I was panting, heart thrumming with fear.
No. No. No.
He wouldn’t.
“They’re innocent. I swear. Please don’t,” I begged. “They don’t know anything.”
“Or what about that other friend of yours, what’s his name…
” Adrian paused to tap his chin in fake thought, my stomach twisting with anticipation.
“Oh, that’s right. Pedro’s nephew and Alfonso’s son, Sebastian.
Does he know you murdered his uncle? Does Carlos know that he’s frequently back in town, that’s he’s married and has a baby? ”
I shook my head, eyes wide. Fuck, how had I underestimated this man? How had I let myself trust him enough to know these intimate details about my life? To know enough to manipulate me?
“Huh. Maybe he could be your replacement. Yes! That’s a great idea,” he nodded to himself with a sick smile.
“I’m sure it wouldn’t take much for Carlos to persuade him.
He did cause some trouble when he tried to get his father arrested for domestic violence and child abuse back in the day.
I’m sure Carlos would love to make sure he’s learned his lesson before he was initiated.
Sebastian seems like the kind of man to do anything to protect his family, even becoming a confidential informant. ”
Adrian stepped closer to me, a smirk on his face. He’d won. And he knew it.
“I promise I won’t be the one to tell Carlos about who you’re spending time with if you promise to sign a contract to be an informant. If you don’t do exactly as I say, Shiloh, I will kill your boyfriend and his family, make sure to recruit Sebastian, and then kill you myself.”
Fuck!
“Okay. Okay,” I nodded, holding up my hands. “Please, just don’t hurt them. Please. I’ll do what you want. Okay?”
His shoulders relaxed and he nodded once.
“Good choice. Now get out.”
I didn’t wait around for him to change his mind and ran out of his apartment, taking the stairs two at a time down to my floor. I ran until I reached my apartment, locking myself in the bathroom and curling up in the bathtub.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. Everything was spinning out of control, and I didn’t know how to make it stop. I just wanted it all to stop. I could feel my vision going with spots clouding everything and I welcomed the darkness. I didn’t want to be conscious anymore.