CHAPTER SEVENTEEN ALARA #4
His heartbeat is erratic underneath my ear, his fingers dancing on my damp skin. I try not to let my smile widen, try not to let those butterflies bat their wings too wildly inside my stomach, but I’m unable to control the way I’m just falling into him after this.
“I came so hard,” he says, which makes me realize he still hasn’t disposed of the condom, “that it leaked out.”
I kiss the spot above his heart tenderly, and he shudders. “I’m on birth control, so we’ll be fine.”
He huffs out a breath of relief. “Good to know.” When I sit up, I lean into his touch when he brushes my hair out of my face.
His cheeks are flushed, a soft smile playing about the corner of his lips.
His fingers are trembling, but he doesn’t seem to care as he traces intricate shapes down my arm. “Was it good?”
“So, so good.”
“Even if you didn’t come?” I can tell how much it’s stressing him out, and it’s hard to ignore the pang in my chest. He’s probably thinking he’s not a good lay when he’s actually the best I’ve had.
“It wasn’t you,” I assure softly. “You were amazing. I just . . . overthink when it comes to sex, but if there’s one man who’ll be able to make me come while fucking, it’s you.”
He nods. “Talk to me. How come you can’t climax? What goes through your mind when you’re intimate with someone? I want to learn your body. I want to know how to pleasure you. Let me help you get out of your head.”
“Why?” The admission almost makes me want to weep. No one has ever cared enough to ask those questions. But the thing with Diego is that we both care a lot about each other.
The sincerity in his eyes is beautiful. “Because it’s important to me that you enjoy the stuff we do. Your pleasure is extremely important. I want to make you feel good, Alara.”
His fingertips trail down my arm. He observes the goosebumps rising in the wake of his touch, and I watch him study my reaction.
The pad of his index finger moves to circle my hardened nipple, my entire body at his mercy.
Everything is different when it comes to Diego – both on an emotional and physical level – and that’s why I have no doubt that I’ll manage to climax with him.
I don’t think he understands the gravity of his words and actions. For someone who’s been adamant about keeping this casual, he values me and makes me feel seen. Most importantly, he makes me feel safe, which is why I don’t find myself hiding when I open up.
“I focus a lot on my partner,” I admit. “I’m too much in my head. I wonder if I’m doing everything right. If my partner feels good.”
He scoffs, lightly caressing my stomach, my navel. He doesn’t go lower, though. “Trust me – I felt amazing. You felt sensational.”
“Don’t say that just to make me feel better.” I blush.
“I’m not. I’m serious. You were incredible.” Placing a kiss on my jaw, he sighs. “I’m sorry that you were with guys who made you second-guess yourself and didn’t take the time to learn how your body works. I’m not like any of them, okay? I’m going to make sure you have a good time with me.”
Brushing sweat-dampened hair away from his forehead, I nod. “I trust you.”
A small smile tugs at his lips. “I trust you too.”
“Just— don’t feel defeated when I can’t get there.”
“You should know better than to throw a challenge at me. I will make you come, even if it takes several tries. Even if you ask me to take a break. I promised I’d take care of you.” His hand tightens around my hip. “What would help to get you there?”
“Just you touching me, kissing me, talking to me.”
“Do you like it when I talk you through it?”
I nod. Just earlier, his voice and words alone were enough to make me breathless.
Heat flares in his gaze. “Alright. I will do that.”
His expression softens as he stares at my smile.
He makes it so hard to stay emotionally detached, but I’m so glad he cares about me enough to make my pleasure his top priority.
He has made it clear that he wants to learn and understand my body.
Undoubtedly, this entire situation and my feelings will blow up in my face, but do I truly care about the consequences?
I have in the palm of my hand a man who treats me like a queen. I consider myself highly lucky.
“Thank you,” I whisper. My heart is a mess. It doesn’t know where it should stand – if it should cross the line or stay where it currently beats, crying with despair for him to meet me at the finish line.
“Do not thank me for this. Never thank me for wanting to see you and get to know you on a deeper level, whether it’s intimately or emotionally speaking.
” He brushes a light kiss on my shoulder.
My emotions are all over the place, and I feel like I might burst into tears.
“Do you want me to touch you? Do you want to go upstairs and spend some time exploring what you like?”
My cheeks heat up. Pathetic, after what we just did. “In a bit. Let me just clean up, then we can go to bed.”
His grin has become my favorite feature of his. “Sounds good, beautiful. You’re so safe with me, Alara. I hope you know that. And you can set the pace. We’ll do everything at your own rhythm. You’re in control here.”
Ugh! He’s perfect. No one gets me the way Diego does.
I lean in to kiss him tenderly, my heart on the brink of exploding when he grabs the back of my head to deepen the kiss. “You’re free to stay the night if you want,” I say. “If you don’t want to walk back home, I mean. I know it’s a bit of a contradiction to our rules, but maybe—”
He shuts me up with another kiss – the brush of a promise. “I’d love to stay. Thank you.”
And as I move toward the bathroom to clean up, I realize that keeping this casual without letting feelings interfere is going to be excruciatingly impossible.
He’s already ruined me in every way. He’s made his way into my veins like a strong dose of a drug, and I have no idea how to find a cure – if I want to find a cure.