CHAPTER EIGHTEEN DIEGO
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
DIEGO
I’m fucked. Royally fucked.
I’ve thought of it more than once, and I ignored all the warning signs when I realized that Alara would fuck me over.
I couldn’t stay away from her, though, because every time those pretty eyes locked to mine, I wanted more, more, more, and, now that I understand that she’s officially ruined me for anyone else, I’m terrified of this feeling.
Terrified because I can’t get her out of my head.
Currently I’m lying on my stomach as she grazes her nails over my spine, and I sigh contently.
We had sex twice after the first time, and both times were focused on her pleasure.
She told me she’s usually in her head during sex, trying to focus on her partner instead of chasing her own needs, so that’s why I laid her down on her bed, took the time to use my fingers, studied the way her body reacted until she begged me to fill her up.
With my fingers continuously stimulating her clit, she came fast and so hard that it drew out a long and intense orgasm from me.
I swear I’ve never come so hard as with her.
The second time, I took her in the shower, her back pressed to my chest. Again, I helped her come while playing with her clit, and the way she shuddered was enough to make me topple over the edge again.
It mattered to me that we discussed what she wants and enjoys. She is important.
I have never wanted someone the way I want Alara.
I have never felt closer to anyone than I do with her.
I like to think that I have all the time in the entire world to learn the way her body works.
When we talked about what she likes, I hated that sudden pang of jealousy that had wrapped around my heart at the thought of the guys she’d been with in the past. And, obviously, none of these boys cared about her pleasure – I made sure to show her how thoroughly different I am from them.
I’m scared to admit it, but Alara is everything I’ve ever looked for in a woman – and not just on a physical level. I’m trying to stay as emotionally unattached as possible, but I can already feel myself struggling.
It’s the first time in my life that I’m allowing myself to depend on someone else.
Ever since I arrived at Blue Ridge Springs, she’s taken care of me without batting an eyelash, and, as much as it pains me to say it, I do like it.
I’ve never opened up to anyone about my family’s financial situation, except her.
I’ve never let anyone know the real pain I’m bearing, except her. I’ve never let anyone in, except her.
Alara looks at me, and she sees me. She sees beyond the walls of self-preservation, the parts I keep hidden to protect myself. She sees it all, and, instead of stepping back, she constantly pushes further and farther, intent on uncovering all those layers that surround my heart.
“Come here,” I whisper, when I roll over to lie on my back.
Alara sleepily moves to rest her face in the crook of my neck, her legs tangling with mine. I’m hyper-aware that we shouldn’t do this – seek affection, laugh, talk – after sleeping together, but I can’t help myself.
Her palm is splayed out just above my heart. “It’s beating so fast,” she whispers. I don’t reply, already drifting toward a deep slumber.
It seems like my heart always acts stupid around her, and it’s maddening how much power she already holds over me. I’ve got to be careful, lest I hurt us both when the time comes for me to leave.
When I wake up several hours later, the smell of coffee is permeating the air. I stretch out, my hand blindly searching the spot to my right, only to find it empty. I’m confused for a fragment of a second when I see I’m on a mezzanine, then remember I spent the night at Alara’s.
I blink, rub the fatigue out of my eyes, and glance down at my bare stomach when I feel something on it. Tabby is curled like a loaf atop my abs, glaring at me with her yellow eyes.
I hate to admit this, but I’m warming up to this pet. She’s kind of cute. Part adorable, part demon.
The sound of Alara’s soft voice filters through the room as she sings along to the music she’s playing in the kitchen. Right on cue, my heartbeat starts speeding up. Tabby blinks at me.
“Lo sé,” I whisper. “I’m fucked.”
Taking the cat and putting her down on the mattress, I sit up and look down into the cabin’s open space.
Alara is busy folding the blankets we used last night and rearranging the throw pillows on the couch.
When she moves toward the small hallway that leads to the bathroom, I stand and make my way down the stairs.
I find my phone on the coffee table. It’s a little bit after seven, and I have a meeting with Dr Ellis at eight-thirty.
I need to get home before my sisters or mom notice I was out for the night, because I don’t have the energy to face an interrogation.
It’s Monday, okay? Let me start the week in peace.
Leaning against the bathroom’s door frame, I instantly smile as Alara’s eyes meet mine in the mirror’s reflection.
She’s about to tie her hair up, but as though she’s remembering my words from yesterday, she lets the waves cascade down her shoulders.
She’s only wearing a tiny top and boy shorts, and I’m seconds away from pulling them down and taking her from behind.
Alara can read me better than anyone I’ve ever met, so when she notices the shift in my gaze – from soft and tender to hungry – her eyes fall to my sweatpants where my morning wood is still straining.
I know she’s sore, though, and since she admitted it had been a while since her last hook-up, I decide to give her beautiful body some rest.
I lean my temple on the door jamb. “Morning.”
Her smile is breathtaking. “Hi, superstar. Sleep well?”
I come to stand behind her, grinning at how tiny she looks in front of me. She’s maybe five foot six, but in front of my six-three frame, she appears small, and that makes me want to protect her all the more.
I don’t tell her it’s been the best sleep I’ve had in years – I can’t lay all my cards on the table like that – but it’s the truth. I don’t think we cuddled, aside from the moment we fell asleep, but the simple act of being by her side helped me sleep peacefully. “Pretty good,” I answer. “You?”
She nods, still looking at me via our reflections. The apples of her cheeks are tinted with the most enticing blush. “It’s the first time I slept through the entire night without waking up, so yes.”
“You usually wake up throughout the night?” When she nods, I gather her hair over one shoulder and kiss the other shoulder blade. “Got something stressing you out?”
“Always the same. My future and all.”
I don’t like seeing her so doubtful, so uncertain of herself.
She’s such an intelligent woman, quite possibly the most brilliant I know, and I know she’s capable of finding something that’ll make her happy.
“Don’t put so much pressure on yourself with that,” I murmur against her temple.
“What’s meant for you will come your way at the right time. ”
The smile pulling at her mouth is so damn beautiful I almost lose balance. “You’re right.”
“You’ve got all the time in the world to become everything you want to be.”
She cranes her neck enough to lingeringly kiss my cheek. “True too. Who knew you were so wise under all that armor? You’re welcome to stay the night whenever you want, since it looks like we sleep well next to each other.”
I smirk. “Tempting. Might raise my family’s suspicions, though.”
She pops a shoulder, like she couldn’t care less for others’ opinions – a quality I admire about her. “Do you want to stay for breakfast?”
“I’d love to, but I should probably get going and make a pit stop at my place. I have PT in about an hour.”
Sleeping for countless hours after my fall has rebuilt my energy.
Maybe pushing my body to its limits wasn’t a good idea, and even if it felt like receiving a slap in the face, I now know that I’m not remotely close to being ready to ride again.
I’m still struggling to come to terms with it, the acceptance sitting bitterly in my chest.
I’ve received a lot of support from my family, the Bradfords, Coach, and even Dr Ellis, but I’m glad that no one really knows what happened. Except for Alara, who’s showed up for me in many, many ways.
Honestly, I’m grateful that my recklessness hasn’t worsened the rupture in my knee. If I’d hurt myself even more? If I had fucked it up all over again? I would’ve never forgiven myself for returning to square one. I’ve barely started being kind to myself.
Alara squeezes a tiny dollop of moisturizing cream onto her hand. “Be honest with him, okay? Don’t tell him that you fell, but you could lie and say you went to the gym with me and hurt your knee on the treadmill.”
I arch a brow, surprised. “You’d cover for me if he asked you?”
She finishes hydrating her hands. “One hundred percent. I’ve got you, but this is the last lie we tell.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I smile, wondering what I’ve done to deserve a woman who understands me so effortlessly.
Still, I don’t think I can be honest with Dr Ellis just yet.
What if my sponsors drop me? What if I can’t provide for my family anymore?
Too many people are relying on me, and I refuse to give up on them.
My desperation to get back on the slopes and compete will kill me, but there’s nothing more important than Mom and the girls.
If hurting myself again is the only way to make sure they get through life without an ounce of worry, then so be it.
“You can take my car,” she offers, when I stand there and observe whatever she’s doing with all her beauty products. She’s completely oblivious to my inner battle. “I’ll catch a ride with my parents to Rock Snow, and you can drop my car there when you come in for your shift.”