Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
The crack of training swords rang across the sparring field as Aevar drove Rollo backward in a relentless flurry. The boy, just thirteen, had recently joined the huskarls in training and was learning, but not quickly enough. His shield sagged again, leaving his ribs wide open.
“Keep your shield up,” Aevar snapped, the words landing harsher than he’d intended. “It’s no use flopping at your side like a broken wing.”
Rollo flinched but adjusted, sweat streaking down his flushed face. Yet within minutes, the shield drooped once more. Aevar halted the bout with a sharp breath through his nose and gestured toward the sidelines.
“Ingvald, take over.”
As the other warrior stepped in, Aevar strode away, tension knotting his shoulders like rope twisted too tight.
Nearby, Kian leaned on his shield, arms folded and one brow lifted in silent judgment. “Rollo is doing his best. You know he hates to disappoint you.”
“Which is why I had Ingvald step in.” Rollo was a good kid. He just needed more practice, but Aevar did not have the patience for training today. Better to let Ingvald handle it.
Kian gave him that I-know-you-too-well look. “He’s not the only one you’ve been short-tempered with lately.”
Aevar clenched his jaw. The truth of it scraped too close to the surface, and he didn’t trust himself to respond. The fact that he was short-tempered only fueled his dark mood. He knew full well it was uncalled for but wasn’t keen on too closely examining the cause.
Without a word, he handed his sword and shield off to Kian and strode away from the practice field.
Kian called after him to ask where he was going, but he waved him off.
He needed to clear his head. Maybe a swim would help.
Though the days had warmed, the fjord was still cold.
Hopefully, cold enough to shock him back to his senses.
At the beach, he walked to one of the docks. The water stretched before him, dark beneath the midmorning sun. Wind moved across its surface, scattering the reflection of the sky. He pulled off his outer garments and walked barefoot to the edge of the dock, the wood rough beneath him.
The cool breeze gave a taste of what was to come.
With a deep breath, he dove in. The icy water struck him like a fist, and he surfaced a moment later with a gasp.
The cold clutched his chest, coiling around his lungs and limbs, stealing the air from his body.
Each breath burned, but he forced his muscles into motion, treading water and letting it pull the heat and frustration from his blood until the worst of the tightness in his chest loosened.
As soon as he could breathe more fully, he struck out toward the middle of the fjord as if his thoughts would stay behind if he pushed far enough.
But they followed.
Eadlyn’s soft voice reading at night. Her fingers smoothing her apron dress. The confusion in her eyes.
He swam hard, out past the shallows, into the deeper chill where the water turned black beneath him.
His arms ached, and the cold burrowed down to his bones.
Only then did he turn and cut back toward the dock, breath coming in harsh pulls.
His limbs dragged with effort, and his whole body had numbed. His mind not as much as he’d hoped.
When he reached the dock, Erik waited there, crouched like a cat and grinning. “Cold?”
Aevar huffed a breath, not dignifying the question. Erik offered a hand and hauled him up onto the sun-warmed wood. Water streamed off him, dripping from his hair and limbs. The sun was hot on his skin, but it only made the chill more apparent, a contrast that prickled and burned.
He swiped the water away and reached for his clothes. “What are you doing here?”
“I was passing by and saw you swimming.” Erik settled on one of the pilings and leaned over to peer at the water. “I thought about joining you but remembered I like my bones not frozen.”
Aevar dragged his tunic over his head, fighting back shivers. “You’re going soft.”
Erik shrugged and glanced up as a gull flew over them, shrieking. “So how are things with Eadlyn?”
Aevar narrowed his eyes, trying to decide if he was prying or just casually asking.
He bristled at the question, his walls going up, but then they crumbled.
All the tension and irritation he’d been carrying drained out of him, leaving a sort of heavy uncertainty in their place.
With a sigh, he sank down on the post across from Erik.
He did not want to talk about Eadlyn, but the truth slipped out anyway.
Maybe the cold had cracked something open.
“It’s harder than I thought it would be.”
Erik studied him, curiosity in his gaze. “How so? She has taken to life here remarkably well. Better than I expected. I’ve not heard her complain once since we met her. Considering the circumstances, I’d say you are very fortunate.”
“That’s the problem. I didn’t expect her to integrate so well into our family.” Aevar lowered his voice. “I didn’t expect to be so drawn to her.”
Erik’s lips twitched as if he found the confession humorous. “Is that not a good thing?”
“I…” A burn at the back of Aevar’s throat caused his voice to die as the truth he’d been battling rose to the surface. The words grated, raw from long denial. “I’m afraid to care for her, Erik. I’m afraid that if I let my guard down, I will lose her like I lost Thora.”
He swallowed hard. What if the gods heard and made it so? But according to Eadlyn, there was only one God, and He cared for His creation. Could that be true? He banished the thought, unsure of where it had even come from. Now was not a time to tempt fate.
Erik’s smile had disappeared, understanding coming to rest heavy on his expression.
“We’re all afraid of loss. Loving Ranvi and the children terrifies me sometimes.
But what’s the alternative? A life with no love at all?
Just keeping her at arm’s length, going through the motions, and growing old in silence? Is that really what you want?”
Aevar winced at the question, not sure he could answer it honestly.
Erik stared out at the fjord as the wind rippled the surface before shifting his focus back to Aevar. “For me, the risk is worth it. Was the time you had with Thora not worth it? Would the time you could have with Eadlyn not also be worth it no matter when or how it ends?”
Pain bloomed sharp and sudden, but Aevar forced himself to sit with it. Forced himself to remember Thora’s laugh, the way her eyes had crinkled when she smiled, the tender moments together. He wouldn’t trade any of it. Even knowing the end, he would do it all again.
He let his shoulders sag in a kind of surrender. “You’re right.”
A twinkle returned to Erik’s eye. “Of course I am. I’m older than you. I’m always right.”
Aevar managed a laugh before Erik’s expression turned serious again.
“She’s a good woman, Aevar. You’ve been given a second chance at happiness, and I would not waste it. It would not only rob you, but her as well.”
Aevar let that settle, heavier than the frigid water. He had been punishing Eadlyn for his fear. Protecting himself but condemning her to a loveless marriage right alongside him. She didn’t deserve that. He could change it if he took his brother’s advice.
But would she even be receptive? What if any advancement scared her off?
“What if she is not interested in anything more?”
Erik chuckled, standing. “I do not think you have to worry about that. Woo her, and she will respond. I’m sure of it.”
Aevar released a long breath. How did one go about wooing a woman who was already their wife?
Whether she welcomed his interest or spurned it, they were still married.
That would not change, which meant he had to tread carefully and slowly.
Had to keep the feelings that had been building inside him from growing into a heartache that would eat him alive if she did not reciprocate.
Erik crossed the dock to clap Aevar on the shoulder as if he knew what he’d been thinking. “Go, find your wife. Start by showing her you care.”
He walked away, the dock creaking as his footsteps faded.
Aevar remained sitting, the breeze cutting through his damp clothes.
The fear he’d carried for so long wanted to resist his brother’s advice and left a cold reluctance at the thought of going to find Eadlyn.
But he was tired of it dictating his life.
Pushing to his feet, he left the dock and headed toward the longhouse.
He spotted the women in the garden when he arrived, and his pulse thumped harder than seemed reasonable.
Eadlyn worked there among the rows, sleeves pushed up, dirt on her fingers.
In his fog of agitation this morning, he’d failed to notice the golden yellow dress and red apron she wore.
Her braided hair was especially dark and rich against the bright linen.
At the edge of the garden, his mother straightened. “Aevar. A little early in the day for a swim, isn’t it?”
He glanced at the wet splotches on his clothing. Typically, the men waited until later in the day after working or sparring to cool off in the fjord.
He shrugged. “I had things to figure out.”
He shifted his attention back to Eadlyn. She remained focused on pulling weeds from their sprouting vegetables and didn’t acknowledge him. Not that he blamed her after how steadfastly he’d ignored her lately. Guilt pricked his conscience.
“Eadlyn.”
Her eyes darted to him, the surprise on her face driving the guilt deeper.
He cleared his throat, his heart trying to choke him with a final protest of fear. There was no going back if he took this step. He swallowed his hesitation. “Have you taken a walk yet today?”
She shook her head.
He gestured to the village. “I’ll take you if you’d like.”
She hesitated long enough that he braced himself for the polite refusal he deserved and looked at Ranvi.
No doubt the two of them had done a lot of talking about his recent behavior.
The surprise in her expression shifted to something softer, almost cautious, like the moment before stepping out onto thin ice.
“I would.” She straightened and brushed the dirt from her hands as she stepped from the garden.
It left Aevar strangely winded, as if he’d just run a race he hadn’t known he was in. He caught an approving nod from his mother. One less weight on his shoulders.
They walked side-by-side back toward the fjord, their steps falling into a rhythm, but neither said anything. The silence pressed between them, making each footfall echo in Aevar’s ears. Finally, he asked, “How is your training coming?”
“Well, Heida is intense, but a good teacher. She’s very inventive when it comes to ways to incapacitate a man.”
Aevar gave a low chuckle. “She’s a dangerous woman.”
Eadlyn smiled, though more slowly than she had with him a couple of weeks ago. “She is that.”
“The more you can learn from her, the better.”
Her smile faded. “Do you think I’ll ever have need of her training?”
Aevar hesitated, the fear of something happening to her trying to snatch his breath. “I hope not.”
Down at the shore, they stopped. Eadlyn’s gaze swept across the water, the breeze lifting strands of her hair.
There was something reverent in the way she viewed it.
The way she breathed in the air and the peace that washed over her expression as if all worries disappeared when she saw the water.
Despite everything she had left behind, she had found contentment here, never complaining, just as Erik had said.
Aevar had never known anyone with that kind of resilience.
She turned to him, and he averted his eyes so she wouldn’t catch him staring. She didn’t speak right away, but he felt her studying him now.
At last, she said, “I don’t know how to swim.”
He turned back to her. “You never learned to swim?”
“I never had the opportunity. Or permission.”
“Then I will teach you.”
Her brows shifted ever so slightly upward. “You would?”
He gave a firm nod, hoping for a day when the doubt he’d created in her healed. “Yes. But not right away. The fjord still has teeth.”
They shared a smile, hers tentative but warmer. Aevar let out a slow breath. It was a beginning—a cautious one—but one he’d fight to protect.