Chapter Nineteen
SIENNA
Iwake slowly, the sun peering through the open window of Axel’s room, my heart in my throat.
For a few seconds, I just lie perfectly still, caught in that space between sleep and consciousness, my body at ease, but my heart and mind very aware of what happened last night.
My chest tightens, waiting for the panic to hit, waiting for that sharp jolt of fear to drag me back under before I even have the chance to gasp for breath.
But it doesn’t come.
The room is bright and quiet, my body rested and at ease.
There’s no nausea, no ache in my jaw from clenching my teeth, no tight muscles, just .
. . warmth. Completely surrounding me. Axel’s arm drapes across my waist, his breath hot against the back of my neck, his stomach flush against my back, his scent invading all my senses.
The realization lands so gently, my heart physically aches.
I slept. And not for an hour or broken pieces as my body gave in to exhaustion, only to be woken up by that fear that clings to me like a shadow.
I actually slept straight through. My throat tightens unexpectedly as I stare at the yellows and oranges of the morning light spilling across the floor.
Axel breathes slow and steady behind me, completely unaware of my mental freakout right now.
I don’t dare move, working hard to keep my breathing even.
My life has been inherently cruel, and if this is a dream, I never want to wake up.
I never want to go back to a life where every single thing means danger, where I’m constantly running and hiding.
Axel’s fingers twitch lightly against my stomach, absentmindedly touching me, bringing me comfort even in his sleep, and something inside me cracks completely open because of it.
I don’t know where this man came from, but my body figured it out long before my mind did.
Some battered and bruised instinct that survived the abuse despite everything recognized the safety before my mind caught up.
Only, now they seem to be on the same page, which is what completely unravels me.
It was never a decision to trust Axel. I never had to convince myself that he was safe, he just was.
Like all these years I’ve been falling, and he’s where I landed, a safe harbor, a quiet place to finally rest.
Another shaky breath leaves me, and I press my hand over where his rests against my bare stomach, threading our fingers together, just wanting to ground myself in the reality of this.
His warm skin, his steady heartbeat, the scent that gives me hope for new beginnings and better days.
His touch feels incredibly profound, magnetic, and life-changing.
Tears trickle down my cheeks, and I can’t help the sniffle that escapes. Could I be any more of a fucking mess?
Axel stirs behind me, his voice rough with sleep.
“Hey, are you okay, sweetheart?” He asks me this often, and for the first time, I don’t want to reply with “fine” because right now, I’m better than that.
For the first time in my life, I rested, and I know it’s because my heart found someone it doesn’t fear, found someone who doesn’t look at me with pity in their eyes, found someone who just accepts me.
No control, no regret or self-loathing because they think they failed me or feel bad for me .
. . just something real. But that scares the shit out of me in the same breath.
Axel pulls gently on my stomach, turning me over to face him. His hand reaches up, brushing my hair from my face, his touch always so gentle. His eyes are heavy from sleep, but they’re so clear, looking at me with awe and adoration. As if I’m something to be revered. Me.
“Why are you crying, baby?”
“I slept, Axel. You calm my nervous system. I just seem to power down around you, but in all the right ways.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been given such a compliment.” His eyes search my face, thumbs wiping the salty tears from my cheeks with a simple stroke.
“I’ve never slept next to another woman before, Sienna. I want you to know that.”
“I’ve never slept next to a man before,” I whisper, my heart pounding against my chest. The hand around my waist pulls gently, sliding our bodies flush against one another. My breathing hitches, his other hand continuing to stroke my hair.
“Is this okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, this is okay.” My breath is coming harder now, my breasts rubbing against his hard chest with every inhale.
My core clenches around nothing, wet and throbbing.
Axel’s hand slides down my waist, over my hip and thigh.
He lifts it, placing it over his hip, the hard outline of his length pressing against my core.
I’m suddenly very aware that I left my underwear in the bathroom last night.
I gasp, and Axel immediately puts my leg down and shifts me so I’m on my back, giving me space. It happens so fast I almost can’t catch up with the change.
“I’m sorry, was that too much?” he asks as he lifts his head up with the other hand.
“No, no, it felt good. It just surprised me, and I’m not . . .”
“Wearing anything under your shirt? Thought you were missing a piece of clothing.” I blush, my cheeks heating. “Are you sure this is okay?”
I nod frantically. “Yeah, I’m sure.” Axel’s hand slides up my leg again, but now I’m on my back, and it’s completely different.
When he curves over my inner thigh, his thumb brushes along the crease between my pelvis and leg, making my back bow.
That ache inside me intensifies, a coil low in my stomach winding tighter and tighter.
Axel does it again, running his hand up and down my leg, getting closer and closer to where I want him most. On his next pass, his thumb drags right up my center, sparks zapping through my veins, my body shaking.
“Fuck, you’re so responsive to me, Sienna. Tell me what you want,” he whispers as he drags his nose against my jaw, inhaling my scent.
I bite my lower lip, my voice shaky when I speak. “I want you to touch me, Axel. Like I did last night.”
“You want my fingers on your pussy, Sienna? You want me to make you come?”
“Please,” I pant, gripping his forearm. Axel’s expression is molten, his eyes heavily lidded, his chest rising and falling harder now. I can feel the hard length of his dick against my hip, and it fills me with warmth and confidence knowing I’m affecting him the way he is me.
Axel’s fingers slowly skim over my skin, running back and forth several times before sliding down. He doesn’t stop until he’s cupping me in his hand, a single finger sliding through my lips. He growls, deep and low, and so fucking sexy.
“Baby girl, do you have any idea how wet you are?”
“No . . .” I gasp as he slips around, gathering up my slick wetness and dragging it upward.
Last night felt so good, but this? This is a completely different experience.
Axel touches me like we have all the time in the world, like he wants to explore and try new things, his eyes focused on me the entire time, watching and noting every single reaction.
When he finds my clit, swirling his fingers around it, my lower back arches, his name a moan on my lips.
“Axel . . .”
“That’s right. Fuck, you feel incredible, baby. You wanna come all over my hand? This pussy is so hungry for it.” God, I want that so bad.
“Yes. Make me come, Axel, please,” I beg.
His head has fallen down, our foreheads pressed together, our breaths mingling.
My hips start to move of their own accord, gyrating against Axel’s hand.
He never penetrates me, focusing on my clit, bringing me closer and closer to that edge of bliss.
My fingernails dig into his forearm, grounding myself, never wanting this feeling to end.
“It feels so good, doesn’t it, baby girl? You like when I play with your pussy?”
“Yes, Axel! I’m—oh my God!”
“No God, my baby, just a Heathen.” Axel doesn’t stop his ministrations, our lips brushing against each other’s in a featherlight touch. It’s not a kiss, but god, I want it to be.
“Come, Sienna. Take what you want. What you need.”
I combust. Stars shoot behind my eyes, my entire body shaking with the force of the orgasm. Blood rushes between my ears, and I gasp for air, tears streaming down my face as it pulls me under. The pleasure steals my breath away, my body arching, toes curling.
“That’s it. Good. Fucking. Girl.”
Axel slows, my body melting into the mattress, into him.
Aftershocks roll through me, my body quivering, goosebumps scattering everywhere.
When I open my eyes, Axel has the fingers that were just between my legs in his mouth, his eyes locked on mine, while he licks them clean.
I’m so shocked by the action, my mouth falls open.
He pops his fingers free and looks down at me with the cutest damn expression.
“Good morning, beautiful. Coffee?” he says so nonchalantly, like he didn’t just wreck my world.
“Yes, please,” I practically squeak.
Axel gets out of bed, pulling on his jeans, and exits the room, leaving me to figure out how my body works again.
I drop my arm over my face, stunned as the magnitude of what we just did washes over me, settling into my bones.
Shame doesn’t come, but insecurities start to creep in.
Cain’s words about no one ever wanting me after him make me feel nauseous.
Axel returns before I have the chance to completely spiral.
His head is cocked to the side, hands juggling two cups of hot coffee.
My eyes roam over his chest, the large tattoos scattered across his muscled skin.
He’s so gorgeous. He knows it, but he isn’t cocky about it.
It’s just natural confidence of someone who is completely comfortable with who they are.
Something I used to have, something I miss more than I can put into words.