Chapter Eighteen
SIENNA
Iwake up to the sound of the shower running in the bathroom, a low light streaming out from the partially shut door.
I’m lying under the sheets in the same T-shirt I had on when I went to the girls’ night Axel set up for me.
I’m just missing my shorts. Then it all comes flooding back in—his hands, the agreement we made to explore touch.
Axel massaged almost every inch of my body from waist down, and it was incredible.
He’s right, his touch has never felt wrong.
I’ve never once feared him or felt threatened.
He’s comfort, and safety, and hope, all wrapped up in a gorgeous, caring package.
If only it came without the leather cut.
He makes me feel things I shouldn’t feel, but for the first time ever, I want to explore it. With him.
I bite my bottom lip, warmth spreading through my core, a shiver running up my spine. I sit up, looking at the light escaping from the bathroom, and curiosity wins out. I climb out of bed, my footfalls silent as I walk up to the door, pulling it open just enough to step in slightly.
Axel stands under the stream, his left hand braced against the tile, his other moving quickly in front of him.
His entire body is flexing, the spray hitting his back.
Every inch of him is covered in dark ink.
From the tops of his feet to right under his ears and chin are intricate tattoos.
The foggy glass distorts the view, but then I realize too late what he’s doing.
His hand moves over his very large, very hard length, and I gasp, quickly slapping my hand over my mouth.
Axel’s head moves to the side, eyes meeting my own. His are heavily lidded, aroused, and holding mine hostage. I should leave, should run, but he holds me frozen right where I stand.
Axel stands up straighter, keeping his hand wrapped around his length as he looks at me. He’s confident, not at all ashamed to be standing in front of me, completely naked while he pleasures himself. What was I thinking walking in here? This is such an invasion of privacy.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I walked in, I—”
“Don’t be sorry. It doesn’t bother me. You can watch me whenever you want.
” The girls’ comments replay in my head.
How Axel likes an audience, likes to be watched.
Of course he wouldn’t be bothered by me walking in.
Sounds like everyone else here has already seen him like this.
The thought shouldn’t make me jealous, but it does.
“Do you ever touch yourself, sweetheart?”
I shake my head. I’ve tried a few times, but it always felt so taboo, so wrong. “No.”
“It’s healthy and good for you. Will you try it now?” My stomach bottoms out and my breath hitches. Holy shit, is he serious? Can I do that? My entire body feels like it’s on fire, and my core clenches tightly, desperately. I nod, wanting to at least try.
“Slip your hand into your panties and tell me how wet you are.”
I bite down on my lower lip, gnawing at it, contemplating if I can really do this.
Axel doesn’t stop stroking himself, his palm gliding over his hard length from root to tip.
I can’t see him completely, but he looks so good, and heat pools between my legs.
My heart flips over repeatedly in my chest, my breathing shallow and ragged.
I have no idea where my confidence comes from, but my hand skates up my thigh slowly, my eyes never leaving his through the glass.
Goosebumps scatter across my skin, my heart working in overdrive.
I know he can’t see much, just outlines and overall shapes, the fogged glass keeping us both distorted just enough, but there’s still no denying what we’re doing.
I’ve struggled to touch myself, but with Axel’s eyes on me, his voice urging me forward, all fear and reservations seem to dissipate.
When I reach my underwear, there’s a wet spot on the fabric.
I slide over it, sparks shooting from my core outward.
Then I’m pushing my panties down, letting the material fall to the floor.
Axel’s eyes track the movement, his hand running over his length a little faster now.
I can’t believe I’m doing this. Does he really want to help me?
Or is he using me for his selfish gain? My head starts to swim, panic beginning to claw its way through my chest.
“Stay with me, Sienna. You’re safe. I’m right here.
It’s just the two of us. Focus on the feeling.
Close your eyes if you need to. Slide your fingers up your slit.
” I take a deep, steadying breath, keeping my eyes focused on Axel’s.
I don’t want to look away, so I don’t. He looks so good, and as I drag my middle finger up my center, I’m met with so much moisture it surprises me.
My lips fall open slightly, pleasure sparking from the spot. So, I do it again.
“That’s it, baby girl. Does that feel good? Fuck, look at you. Tell me how wet you are.”
“So wet, Axel. I’ve never . . .”
“It’s good, baby. The wetter the better.
Keep going. Focus on the feeling.” The feeling is incredible, but what he doesn’t know is that I’m focusing my attention on him.
He’s consuming, and I don’t want this to end.
All other thoughts seem to disintegrate around me, melting into the steam swirling around my head.
I dip my finger inside, just to the first knuckle, my knees practically giving out when I pull out and drag my arousal back up to where sparks had me nearly seeing stars. I press against my clit, swirling around the bud, my legs quivering, my lower stomach contracting.
Axel keeps stroking his length, his eyes roaming all over my body. His muscles flex, the veins in his forearm protruding.
“Sienna, you look so good right now. Does it feel good?”
“Yes. So good. I think, god, I think I’m—”
“You’re gonna come. Let go and come for me, baby girl. Make yourself feel good. You deserve to feel so good.”
Pleasure builds and builds until suddenly, it snaps.
I gasp, arching forward, digging my nails into the curve of the counter I’m leaning against. Wave after wave crashes over me, and I struggle to get air into my desperate lungs.
It’s euphoria. My brain completely turns off; all that exists is this feeling I never want to end.
Then it starts to ebb, and I pull my hand away, slowly sitting up just in time to watch as Axel releases a long, deep, sexy moan. Cum erupts from his length, his hand continuing to pump steadily over it.
“Sienna,” he moans, and I practically melt into the floor.
Did he just finish to me? My haze clears quickly, and I turn, leaving the bathroom and crawling back under the sheets.
I can’t believe I just masturbated with Axel right in front of me, while watching me.
Oh my god, I watched him. What was I thinking?
I focus my eyes out the bedroom window, the wind blowing cooling gusts to caress over my heated cheeks.
It’s only a few moments before Axel returns to the bedroom, walking around to my side of the bed in nothing but a towel wrapped low around his waist, the deep V of his pelvis defined and . . . mouthwatering.
He squats down in front of me, brushing the hair from my face. My heart immediately settles, the pressure in my chest starting to lessen. What is it about this man that calms my nervous system?
“Hey, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you. Did that feel good?” God, can I just disappear now? Why is this so embarrassing? It definitely wasn’t while it was happening. “No getting lost in your head, Sienna. There’s nothing wrong with what we just did.”
“Axel . . .” I argue.
“We’re two consenting adults. That’s the most important thing. And remember? We’re helping you explore touch and learning to love it, to crave it, to fulfill all your desires. That’s going to come with some orgasms, and there’s no better way to learn to love your body than to explore it yourself.”
“And if I didn’t want you in the room when I do it?”
“Then I’d leave, no questions asked. But we both know you loved my eyes on you while you played with your pussy. You’re very pretty when you come, by the way.”
My cheeks flush, and I want to bury my head in the pillow. But there’s no hiding from Axel. He sees and notices everything.
“You liked it?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. He runs his fingers over my forehead, trailing down the side of my face and jaw. His eyes pierce into me with so much heat, I know his answer before he speaks the truth of it.
“Yeah, baby girl, I really fuckin’ liked it. I liked watching you take control of your body, liked watching you come, liked having your eyes on me while I stroked my dick. You made me come so fucking hard, Sienna.”
“You have a dirty mouth, Axel James.”
“Baby, you haven’t heard anything yet.” Even though I just came, I can feel the wetness pooling between my legs. I haven’t felt aroused since before that night with Cain, but Axel is changing everything. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He stands to leave, the bulge between his legs noticeable against the fabric of the towel.
It seems both of us are affected by the other person.
I don’t know why I say it, why I want it, but continuing on my reckless streak tonight, I lean into it instead of denying myself.
I haven’t felt good in so long, and I don’t want it to end. A terrifying thought.
“Axel?”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“You don’t have to sleep on the floor tonight. The bed’s big enough for both of us.” He arches a brow at me.
“Are you sure about that? I don’t mind giving you space.”
“I-I don’t want space, Axel.” He bends over, running his hand over my head affectionately, and I lean right into the touch.
“Such a good girl, telling me exactly what she needs.” My entire body melts. I can’t explain why I respond the way I do, but when Axel praises me for speaking up, using my voice, it’s slowly healing the broken pieces inside me; it’s helping me find my strength.
Axel walks over to his dresser and drops the towel, his firm ass on full display.
I let my eyes wander over the tattooed muscles of his back, the slight dip before his round ass.
Even that skin is tattooed. He steps into his boxer briefs, pulling them up to his waist, the fabric clinging to his body like a second skin.
He really is an incredibly gorgeous man.
Axel turns off the light, and the room is illuminated by a light-yellow glow from the moon shining in through the open window. He pulls open the sheet and pauses, always giving me an opportunity to change my mind.
“You’re sure this is what you want?”
“Get in bed, Axel. Let’s get some sleep.
” If I can. Sleep has always been evasive for me, fear creeping its ugly, slimy hands through my veins and calling all the shots.
But tonight? With Axel’s warm body next to me, the lingering haze of my orgasm still pumping, I fall asleep without a fight, my body relaxing and giving in to something I haven’t felt safe enough to do in years.