Chapter Seventeen
AXEL
When Sienna returns to the bedroom, I’m eager as fuck to see her.
I’ve never been desperate for anything until she walked into my life.
Now I’m consumed with the thought of her, with wanting to get my eyes on her pretty face, with hearing her voice, with feeding her and making sure she feels safe.
For thirty-two years, all I ever had to think about was myself and this club.
Now I have this angel who appeared out of nowhere, when I least expected it, and settled right in the center of my universe.
Everything rotates around her. I’ve been sucked into her orbit, and I never want to leave.
Fuck everything that came before us.
All that matters is right now, while we have it.
She walks into the room, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth, looking lost in her head. My heart falls. My hope for tonight was to help get her out of her head, clear her mind, and give her a reprieve from the constant state of fight or flight. Heavy on the flight.
“Hey. How was your night?”
She looks up at me and startles, like she forgot I’d be in here. Then she softens, her shoulders visibly relaxing, the expression on her face gentler than before. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but she looks relieved to see me.
“They’re really nice. I see why all the men love them. We only got through one movie because we were talking the whole time. I’ve never had that before, and it was good. Tonight was good, Axel. Thank you so much.”
I take a chance by walking into her space, stopping just a few inches away.
She has to arch her neck to look up at me, her pretty blues so endless and open.
On instinct, I reach out, gently rubbing my hands up the outsides of her arms from wrist to shoulder and back down again.
Her eyes flutter closed for a brief moment as if she’s soaking in the touch.
Jesus, has she not had any physical affection?
I would understand it, especially after everything she’s been through.
But humans need physical contact, and it seems Sienna has been depleted for way too fucking long.
Her mind is telling her that touch is wrong, but her body is screaming out to me.
When she opens her eyes, they’re glossy, her chest rising and falling harder now.
My heart is pounding behind my ribcage, a relentless fucker, like I’m not giving him exactly what he wants right now.
I’ve got to take this slow for her. Restraint I’ve never needed to use before when it comes to physical touch.
On my next pass, I don’t stop at her shoulders; I curve over them, cupping her neck with both palms, scratching my fingers delicately into the hair at the base of her neck. Sienna sways, but she doesn’t look away. Her eyes look up at me, silently pleading, saying everything her words can’t.
I’ve got you, baby.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Sienna,” I whisper. She frowns, a heartbreaking, self-loathing expression. Then, like I had imagined it, the moment between us is gone. Sienna takes a large step away from me, her arms wrapping around herself, shoulders slumping forward.
Fuck. I lost her. That’s okay. She’ll get there in time.
“Please don’t say that. That’s not true,” she says, her eyes refusing to meet mine.
“What did you just say?” I growl, a little harsher than I probably should have. But there’s no way I heard her correctly.
“Don’t say things you don’t mean. That’s cruel.” She can’t be serious right now.
“The only cruel thing is that you seem to disagree with me.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Axel. I know you’re not blind. Look at yourself,” she says, waving her hand up and down my body from head to toe. I throw my hands out to the sides.
“You’re right, I’m not blind. And I’ve never met someone as beautiful as you are.”
Sienna shrinks in on herself, which shouldn’t be possible with how small she’s already trying to be. “That’s mean.”
This isn’t fucking happening right now. I move back into her space, careful not to cage her, but needing to demand all of her attention. I grip her hips, guiding her to sit on the bed. Then I drop to my knees in front of her, gripping her chin between two fingers, angling her head to look at me.
“What did I tell you? I don’t say useless shit.
Words matter. You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.
When you walked up to that table at the diner, I felt like someone kicked me right in the lungs.
My world spun on its axis, because I’ve never seen someone as breathtakingly stunning as you. ”
Sienna shakes her head from side to side, a few tears escaping her eyes and trickling down her fair cheeks. My heart fucking shatters. This sweet, beautiful woman. How could she not see what I do? What I have from the moment I saw her.
“What did he do to you, Sienna?”
“He made sure no one would ever want me after him. He made sure that he’d be the only one who would ever accept me. He defiled me in so many ways. I’m damaged, Axel. Inside and out.”
I have to take a deep breath to keep the rage at bay. My focus is Sienna. But fuck, I need to up the timeline. I need to find Cain. He’s going to regret the day he was born after I’m done with him. I’m going to fucking kill him for hurting what’s mine.
“Talk to me, baby.”
“He drugged me just enough so that I couldn’t fight back, but I was conscious through it all.
I felt everything, I saw . . . everything.
I was a virgin, only eighteen. He raped me in a storage closet, over and over again, and when he was done, and I told him he didn’t ruin me, he threw chemicals at me that left me with these burn scars.
I guess my screams were loud enough to make him flee before I passed out.
Gage found me, and it really fucked him up.
They took me to the hospital, and a police report was filed.
The club would have taken care of it, but I was in bad condition.
After that night, I couldn’t look at myself anymore.
Malice is right, I bleach my hair. Just a desperate attempt to not look anything like the girl whose life was ruined all those years ago.
But I can’t hide the scars. I can’t hide the fact that physical touch feels like a thousand knives against my skin and makes my stomach sour.
He got exactly what he wanted. He ruined me.
All to get back at my dad for something that happened in the past.”
I’ve done terrible things; I’ve seen worse.
Hell, I just watched Malice skin a man alive without so much as a wince.
I read Sienna’s statement to the police and felt rage, but hearing it directly from my woman’s mouth?
My stomach curdles with nausea, my emotions ruminating with a volatile mix of anger, rage, and wrath. Cain will suffer. And suffer slowly.
“Listen to me, baby girl, he didn’t ruin anything.
You’re fucking perfect. He did something horrific to you, but that doesn’t define you or your beauty or your worth.
He got exactly what he wanted, control over you long after he left your body.
Don’t let him win. Fight like hell against it. This is your life, not his.”
“How can I when I cringe when I look at myself in the mirror, Axel? When touch feels . . . wrong?”
“Does it feel wrong when I touch you?” I know it fucking doesn’t.
She’s denying it, refusing to see what’s right in front of her.
To further my point, I run my hands up the outsides of her thighs, settling them at her waist, my thumbs swiping back and forth over her thin T-shirt.
Her eyes flutter closed, and she sways slightly.
That’s my girl. “No, it doesn’t, does it? It feels good.”
“Yeah, Axel, it does,” she breathes roughly. “I-I can’t explain why, though. I don’t know why it’s different.”
“There’s some deep part of you that feels safe with me, Sienna. That trusts I’d never hurt you, that I’ll take care of you and keep you safe. Would you be up for exploring that? I think it could help.”
Her eyes snap open, and she pulls that pretty, plush bottom lip between her teeth, eyes darting back and forth between my own.
I know she’s searching for the hidden agenda, the lies .
. . but she’s not going to find them. If I can help her work through this, nothing would make me happier, and it has nothing to do with my own selfish needs.
“What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean. You struggle with touch, with your self-image. Let me help you work through that. We’ll go slow, as much as you can tolerate at a time.”
“What do you get out of this?”
“Knowing I helped you heal from your trauma, getting to watch you take control back from your abuser, that’s enough for me.” I brace myself for her to recoil, to retreat, and tell me no, my mind already working out different ways to help her work through the trauma.
“Okay.”
Wait, what? “Okay?”
“Yeah, you’re right. It’s different with you, and I don’t want him to have this control anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore, Axel.”
“I’m not going to let you. I’m going to help you figure out what you need.”
“I just have one rule.”
“Anything. And you can add rules as we go. I’ll always respect your boundaries. You’re in control here. Always.”
“I don’t want to kiss. It’s personal. It’s the one thing that wasn’t taken from me. I only want to give that to someone I love, if that ever happens someday.”
Fuck. Why is my first thought that I want it to be me?
“I can respect that. I don’t kiss either.”
“You really don’t mind doing this?”
“You’re a beautiful woman I enjoy spending time with. Helping you through this is no hardship. I want to see you happy and in control of your life.”
“You’re too good for this world, Axel James.”
“Nah. I’m just a Heathen biding his time on Earth, trying to rid it of the evil that lurks here.
” My hands move of their own accord, running back down over her thighs, pressing my fingertips a little more firmly into her tight muscles.
Her bare skin is so smooth, so warm, and I can’t get enough of it.
“Close your eyes, baby girl,” I whisper, my voice deeper than it was just a moment ago.
Sienna does as I say, falling back on the bed.
I focus on one leg, running my hands from the hem of her shorts down her thighs, passing her knee, and massaging her calf.
When I get to her ankle, I pull off her sandal, setting it to the side and running my fingers over the arch of her foot.
She painted her toes dark red tonight, almost a rust color that reminds me of her name and autumn leaves.
It’s the polish I picked out specifically because it’s my favorite color.
I smile as I press my thumbs into each one.
Sienna breathes roughly, her lower back arching. Fuck, she’s liking this as much as I am. My cock strains painfully against the zipper of my jeans, but I ignore it. I can’t help how he responds to her, but the bastard won’t be getting anything but my hand after she’s asleep.
I rub her foot, moving slowly back up her leg, a little firmer this time, figuring out what kind of touch her body responds to.
She seems to prefer it more gentle, slower, so I pull back slightly, grazing my fingertips over her smooth skin.
Goosebumps scatter outward, her skin puckering.
I get to the hem of her shorts, dipping my fingers just under the fabric, gauging her reaction.
Then I work my way back down the opposite leg, removing her shoe, and starting the process all over again.
I’m completely in tune with all of her, every hitch of her breath, every tremble, and I soak up all of it. I explore her body like I’m mapping it out, committing every inch of her to memory.
Once I’ve massaged both legs, I slide up the outside of her thighs, over the slight arch of her hips and dip under her shirt. I can only reach so high in this position, so I stay around her waist, ghosting my fingertips over her skin, circling her belly button.
“Axel . . .” she breathes roughly. And fuck if I don’t love the sound of that way too much.
Her eyes are closed, her lower back arched.
Fuck, she’s gotta be aching. Her pussy is right there, and I’m tempted to stay on my knees and beg for a taste of what’s waiting beneath her clothes.
My cock strains painfully against my jeans, throbbing and leaking precum into my briefs. He’s gonna have to wait.
“It’s me, baby girl. How’s this feel?”
“Good. So good.” Good. Not fine. Not okay. I’m making her feel good.
“Such a good girl. Just feel it. Let your body relax.” Sienna stretches her arms out above her, her shirt tightening around her perky breasts.
My thumbs swipe against the soft skin of her stomach, and she’s so fucking smooth, so intoxicating.
Sienna is everything, and getting to have my hands all over her body like this is the privilege of a lifetime.
Fuck orgasms, who knew that massaging someone you care about could be so intimate?
The guys are right. I’m a fucking goner for this woman. She’s mine, and I’d like to see Cain come out of hiding and try to take her from me. The Devil himself would lose that battle.