Chapter Sienna
SIENNA
The sun has long set behind the mountains when Axel comes back to the room. Our eyes meet as I look up at him from the puzzle I’m working on at his desk. He doesn’t say anything, just walks over, his body at my back as he peers over my shoulder.
“I remember this one. Took me a full week. You’re better at this than me.
” I look down at the puzzle that’s about a quarter of the way done already.
This one is another fall landscape, the trees a beautiful burnt red, bright orange, and deep yellow.
Fog dances over the grass and the tree trunks, a few birds in the misty sky.
“Well, I’ve got nothing but time to kill, so it keeps me busy. Plus, it helps keep my mind from spiraling into a pit of despair and worry.”
“Sienna. I’d keep you from falling,” he whispers, his fingers toying with a strand of my hair hanging down my back. The touch is light, but it sends goosebumps scattering across my skin, my scalp tingling. “Would you go for a walk with me? I have something I want to show you.”
I look down at my simple black T-shirt and cutoff shorts and then back up at him. I don’t know why I’m looking for reassurance here, but I have no idea where he’s taking me.
“I promise, what you have on is fine. No one is dressing up here at the clubhouse for anyone.” Axel holds out his hand to me, and I take it willingly, warmth spreading from the spot, those damn butterflies freaking out again.
Axel leads us out of his room, and I pull from his hand, avoiding any unwanted attention.
He doesn’t seem bothered, just stays shoulder to shoulder as we walk through the clubhouse.
The large hangout room is empty when we get there, which surprises me.
Axel’s hand on my lower back ushers me outside.
He’s taken me for a walk through the field before, so I assume that’s where we’re headed, until we turn the corner and the side yard has been completely transformed.
Fairy lights are strung from the trees, leading to a huge projector screen, blankets and pillows laid out on the grass.
Monroe, Bristol, Morgan, Kinsey, and Saige all sit together in comfy, casual clothes.
Food is sprawled out everywhere. Fruit, cheese, crackers, meats, chips, pastries—my eyes settling on the gooey cinnamon rolls from that place in town.
All the air whooshes from my lungs, and I struggle to get out my next words.
“Axel, what is this?”
“You said you never got to have a sleepover with girlfriends where you stay up all night and binge old eighties movies. These are the best women I know, and I’m hoping you’ll give them a chance. I still don’t know what kind of snacks you like, so I got a bit of everything.”
“You didn’t have to do this.” Why did he do this?
“I wanted to. You deserve to have a normal life, Sienna.” Exactly what I’ve always wanted and never could quite reach.
“I got you all the classics: The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Pretty in Pink, Friday the 13th if you’re wanting something scary, The Princess Bride, Risky Business, Heathers, and Top Gun.
Plus a few others I can’t remember anymore. ”
I look up at him, completely stunned, emotions going absolutely haywire inside me. “I don’t even know what to say.”
Axel steps into my space, and I’m only semi-aware of all the women in front of us, sitting on blankets, waiting for me.
He’s close enough that we could touch, and despite the lack of physical connection, I feel him just as strongly.
I arch my neck to look up at his blue eyes, my heart settling the moment ours meet, everything in my body softening.
This is the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me, and I don’t know how to discern all these emotions it’s causing.
“Say that you’ll relax tonight,” he whispers. “Ignore every intrusive thought about the past or the future and stay grounded, right here in the present.”
I nod. “I can do that.” At least, I’ll try to do that.
“Have fun, sweetheart. I’ll see you after.” Axel walks away from me, and I stand there for too long, watching him go until I can’t see him anymore.
“He’s a good one. He really went all out to make you feel special and give you a memory.
” A voice breaks through my trance, and I turn to find all the women looking at me.
My stomach flips over several times like I’m on a rollercoaster.
This is a completely foreign situation for me, and something I’ve been missing, even if I didn’t let myself wish for it.
Instinctively, my arms wrap around my waist, but I take a deep breath and kick off my sandals, stepping onto the blanket and taking a seat in an empty spot.
“He’s been trying really hard to take care of me lately,” I tell them honestly. “I just struggle to let anyone close enough to succeed. Not that anyone but my brother has tried.”
“I think we’ve all been there a time or two. At least you aren’t actively trying to kill him. The same can’t be said for me,” Saige says, popping a bite of a cookie in her mouth like what she said is the most normal thing ever.
“According to Rhys, Camden had to handcuff her to his bed just so he could sleep soundly at night, out of fear she’d slit his throat,” Bristol adds.
Saige laughs with her mouth full of food, covering it with her hand. “All true! But honestly, that doesn’t surprise me about Wrath—er, Axel. He kinda gives off major Daddy vibes.”
“Daddy vibes?”
“Oh, yeah. He’s got that whole comforting, guiding, protective, nurturing thing going on. But also, the growly, touch-her-and-die side to match it. I can totally see it.”
“Does he?” Bristol asks, her lips turning up as she contemplates the idea.
Butterflies take flight in my stomach, fluttering everywhere like they’ve lost their minds again.
Do I like that? My entire life I’ve had people taking care of me, but it’s been what they all think I need, what they’ve decided is best for me.
But Axel is the opposite, he considers what I want, encourages me to make my own decisions.
It’s a different type of caretaking . . .
one that I think I’m very much on board with.
At least, my body is. My head seems to be pretty fucking confused.
“Oh, I could have called that years ago,” Morgan adds.
“Is he into that?” I ask quietly, biting my bottom lip and reaching for a cinnamon roll.
“No one really knows what he’s into except for public play.
He’s got major rules—he only fucks out in the open, never brings anyone back to his room, and he never finishes inside them.
” Good god. Those butterflies? They just stole the breath from my lungs and took over my heartbeat.
Axel has had me in his room every night since I got here.
Granted, he hasn’t been in it with me, and we most definitely aren’t sleeping together, in any definition of the term.
But why would he put me in there if he has that rule?
“How do you all know this? It seems deeply personal.”
“It’s a clubhouse, honey. Everyone knows everything about everyone, for the most part.
And like I said, Axel likes to fool around with people out in the open, like where other people can watch.
So, it’s all public knowledge. We aren’t sharing anything that everyone doesn’t already know.
If I had some dirt on him, though, I’d spill so you could use it to your advantage.
Men, even the good ones, need to be reminded who’s really in charge from time to time. ”
Warmth spreads through me, my core clenching for the first time since before everything happened to me. The thought of Axel like that is . . .
“Oh, you’re cute when you blush!” Kinsey squeals, laughing.
“I’ve known Axel for almost two years now, Reid has known him forever, and I can honestly say he’s never been like this with anyone else.
And if you two ever got together and you weren’t up for the public play, I know it wouldn’t even faze him.
He’s just that kind of guy. Plus, I always kinda figured he had his reasons for that besides the kink. You know?”
My insides twist. This is one of those things I always wanted: girlfriends to relax and talk about everything with.
I know they’re making assumptions based on what they’ve seen and how Axel is treating me, but they have no idea what I’ve been through, and why assuming it’s even a possibility for Axel and me to hook up is not even on the table.
But imagining it? Something I haven’t even wanted to do?
Melts my core a bit. Would I like that? My initial instinct is to recoil; the idea of having sex is terrifying.
Axel doesn’t see me like that, though. Like they said, he’s got those caretaker tendencies.
Maybe he has a savior complex, and I’m just the damsel in distress.
I gnaw on my bottom lip as I contemplate everything, even while my heart is pounding in my chest and my stomach feels like it’s caged a bunch of wild butterflies that are desperate to get out.
“What movie should we watch? Axel even got nail polish, babe. In like twenty different colors because he didn’t know what you’d like,” Kinsey tells me, picking up a box and shaking it.
“Reminds me of Camden. We have a real fucked-up history, but he made this huge picnic for me up on the hill out in the field, under a gorgeous tree. He didn’t know what I liked, so he got two of everything so I could try it all,” Saige laughs, shaking her head.
“And Rhys, he figured out what I liked pretty quick. I was engaged when we met, and he became my friend first, but he’d always bring me my favorite drink and breakfast. Now he still does it, except he likes to hand-feed me.”
“That’s really sweet!” Monroe coos. “Crew leaves me daisies. Literally everywhere. And he watches me. I still can’t find how he’s doing it, but I can feel it.”
“He watches you?” I repeat, my eyebrows shooting up to my forehead.
The girls laugh. “Crew is a little rough around the edges, but I love him. Pretty sure he has hidden cameras throughout my house and my work.”
My god, that seems like a huge invasion of privacy. “That doesn’t bother you?”
“Oh, no. I actually like it?” she says, clearly unsure if we’ll understand. I don’t want her to be uncomfortable, so I jump in, especially after realizing it’s clearly their thing.
“I think that’s amazing. He must be pretty obsessed with you,” I tell her honestly. If she’s giving consent, and they’re both happy, no one should judge her.
“Oh, he is,” Morgan adds for her. “Jesse was very similar to Crew. I guess he saw that they were cut from the same cloth. He met me at a party. I came here with a bunch of friends looking for some dangerous fun,” she says with an eye roll.
“Jesse took one look at me and said, ‘That one’s mine.’ I never left.
” Morgan bats a tear away, and my heart caves in on itself for her.
Cain took him from her. Took my parents.
My innocence. My life. He needs to die. The thought comes hard and fast and settles into my bones.
I’ve understood death since I was a kid.
I know my dad’s club did dangerous things to bad people, and I remember the first time Maddox came home after he killed a man for the first time.
But even after everything I went through, I never had the thought of wishing death on him. Not until now.
Morgan shakes her head, straightening out her shoulders. She wears her armor well, putting it in place to function throughout the day. I hope she takes time to let herself process and feel. “What about you, Kinsey?”
“Reid? God, what doesn’t he do? But something that sticks out is him tattooing me. I let him have full control over the design, and he chose to do a gladiolus, which means little fighter. My nickname.” Kinsey blushes, recounting the memory.
Each of them seems so incredibly happy, so comfortable in their own skin.
All of this is messing with my head. Their men did all those things because they love them.
They’re all together and happy. Axel and I just .
. . well, I don’t know exactly what we are.
Friends? It’s certainly not more than that.
He did this huge gesture because he cares, I just can’t explain why.
But for the sake of my heart, I need to convince myself it’s the savior complex and not me. I’m no one special.