Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
Rafferty
In case I forgot to mention it, thanks for spending your day with me
Daisy
It’s been three days, Raff.
Rafferty
Been thinking about you for three days, Daze. Also because my son is very upset with us for not taking him to your shop after school.
Daisy
Did you tell him that it’s because HE chose to go with his best friend instead of seeing the flowers?
Rafferty
I tried. He was not pleased by my reminding him of his life choices. His words. I swear, sometimes it’s like I’m raising a teenager and I’m not ready for that. I don’t know where he picks up half the things he says.
Daisy
I’ve been told that kids are sponges and they’ll pay attention to every little thing, especially when you don’t want them to.
Rafferty
Nobody warned me about this. But he did ask his teacher about how flowers and science are connected, and his teacher got really excited. So in honor of you, they’re probably going to learn about photosynthesis earlier than expected.
Daisy
OMG that makes me so happy! Not that I cared much for science, but plants!
Speaking of science, do you remember those experiments I used to help you with?
Rafferty
I think you mean the experiments you DESTROYED.
Daisy
I beg your pardon. I wasn’t the one who ‘accidentally’ swiped everything off the counter like a damn cat.
Rafferty
You have no proof.
Daisy
I am the proof. Besides, that science project was terrible. I’m glad we had to start over, because at least you didn’t get a failing grade.
Rafferty
I dunno, the volcano was pretty cool.
Daisy
Everybody was doing the volcano. You made a catapult that flew paper planes.
Rafferty
I can’t believe we actually made a 100 planes for that science fair
Daisy
We had ink all over our fingers for days. But it was so fun.
Rafferty
I also forgot how to make them. Cal asked me the other day and my brain went blank. I made a lopsided paper boat instead. It didn’t stay in the water very long.
Daisy
Maybe we need to get some practice in and make him the paper plane catapult, or show him how to do it.
Rafferty
There’s a higher chance of my kid wanting to do a science experiment with flowers than paper planes
Daisy
What can I say, he’s got good taste.
Rafferty
Takes after his father.
Daisy
Okay, Mr. Ames. Cool your jets.
Rafferty
A plane pun, nicely done.
Daisy
S he’d been thinking about him for three days too. Mostly because the day they spent together was reminiscent of their New York years. She’d lost track of the number of times he’d appear at her front door back then and make an announcement about going exploring. It was always simple stuff like visiting one of the many parks or going to the zoo, and ending the outing with ice cream. Just like in the city, Daisy had to keep her feelings in check when they went to the park, because she was still figuring it out for herself.
The most unexpected thing now was the flirting. She hadn’t intended to call him hot, but after the second time, she rolled with the punches.
She’d never been able to put into words the way he made her feel. She was twelve when the crush started, fourteen when she realized he could only be her best friend and sixteen when she took her shot and kissed him. Then they were separated by more than eight hundred miles for twenty years. Even now, she didn’t know how to identify them. But he had daisies and her initials inked into his skin. People didn’t do that unless they had feelings, right?
Besides, his priorities were different now. He had an adorable kid to raise, two jobs that kept him busy and she couldn’t assume that she even featured on his ‘important’ list. So these feelings? She’d suppressed them pretty well as a teenager, she could do it again. Or I’ll die trying?
And if she was being honest, it wasn’t like Daisy had all the time in the world either. Spring was the most popular time for everyone to throw parties—weddings, baby showers, engagement and divorce shindigs, anniversaries and birthdays—so the list of events on her calendar was quite long. She was glad the amount of work was also stopping her from checking her phone often. Other than whatever audiobook she was listening to at the time, she didn’t even pay attention to the device tucked into her apron pocket.
She’d taken a break after prepping for one of the three divorce parties when Ripley brought her laptop over. They had a wedding in three months they needed to order flowers for. She tried not to leave anything until the last minute, but there were always certain couples that could not make up their minds.
“It says roses,” Ripley told her. “A variety of roses, if we’re being specific.”
Grunting, she opened up the file that listed what her distributor had available. “How many?”
“As many colors and types as you can find. They only said bright shades .”
Sighing heavily, she scrolled through the list. As her main supplier, Bear of Bear’s Botanics had never steered her wrong. If he didn’t have the flowers she wanted, he would usually source them from somewhere else.
“Okay, what do you think we should go with?” she asked Ripley and smiled when he genuinely looked excited to answer the question.
Here was the thing: she used to like roses. Back in the city, she used to joke with Rafferty about why they were a predictable kind of flower—it always symbolized romance. While married, it was all Clarke gave her on anniversaries, like other florals didn’t exist. However, after the divorce, seeing roses upset her. They angered her. It wasn’t the roses’ fault that bad memories were attached to them, but she didn’t care. She tried to steer clients to pick anything else, so she wouldn’t have to stock large amounts in the shop. But people were set in their ways and it was hard to get them out of the habit.
While everyone at the Patch knew how she felt about roses, they didn’t know why she held them in such contempt. Bear would be amused when he saw her request list, because it was the second time in a short period that she was asking him to get her roses.
“The miniatures might be nice?” Ripley said and she nodded.
“How about albas?”
“No, bourbons!”
She grinned at his excitement. “Fantastic choice. Floribundas?”
“Definitely prefer David Austins.”
“I’ll add sweethearts and sprays too, just for variety .”
Ripley chuckled. “Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Bear gets this list.”
She started to respond when a deep voice said, “So everyone knows that Daisy’s highly opinionated about her roses?”
She turned to find Rafferty standing in the middle of her shop with a wide grin. His hair was tucked under a cap, sunglasses hooked into the front of his dark T-shirt, drawing her attention to the hint of tattoos on his chest. Not to mention the way his arms were crossed over his chest, making his forearms flex.
Whatever happens, do not drool .
“Roses are overrated,” she countered, waving a pencil at him. “Even your nonna thought so.”
He chuckled. “Nice to see you again, Ripley.”
“You too. I’ll uh…be over there,” Ripley said and hurried out of sight, leaving them alone.
She didn’t take her eyes off the handsome man in her shop, because he was an absolute sight to behold. She knew he was heading to New York the next day and felt her heart do a tiny dance that he’d come to see her before leaving. He blew out a breath, fluttering his lips as his eyes did a sweep of her. Goosebumps spread across her skin, weirdly enjoying how it felt to have him look at her that way. His arms flexed as he shifted his stance, feet spread shoulder width apart as he stared at her. Tilting her head slightly, she bit her lip as she stared at the strength of his legs encased in khaki pants. I want to lick him like a scoop of ice cream . The thought startled her and she realized that without a kid and dog to distract them, she was blatantly checking him out.
“You’re stunning,” he said. Her eyes dropped to her rumpled and stained apron over a light peach outfit. “I bet that dress is really nice too, but just all of you.”
She leaned against the table and arched an eyebrow. “Are you saying that because I called you hot?”
“Partly. But also because you are beautiful. More people should tell you that.”
Staring at him, she willed her knees to not give out at the sincerity of his words. He stepped towards her, bringing his delicious leather and fresh linen scent with him. The shadow of his cap did nothing to hide the sparkle in his eyes and she breathed out slowly.
Cool it, you hussy .
“What brings you by?”
“Was thinking about you.”
“I tend to have that effect on people.”
He shook his head. “Other people aren’t thinking what I’m thinking.”
Oh my god . “Enlighten me.”
“Our first kiss.”
“What about it?” she asked, sounding steady even though she was tightly gripping the table with both hands.
“The best kiss of my life,” he added and she blinked to stare up at him.
This was taking their flirting a step further and she didn’t know how to respond. Yes, their history was lingering beneath the surface of every conversation they had. But this…this was next level. The first time they’d kissed, slight scruff clung to his face and her skin tingled for hours afterwards. That beard would do so much more damage and she was giddy thinking about it.
“You don’t have to lie to make me kiss you again,” she teased.
“I’m not lying. I don’t care how many people we’ve kissed after that. It was a kiss that I still remember.”
“How many people did you kiss after that?”
“None that were important.”
“It’s a good thing you’re so pretty. Because that’s silly,” she said, patting his chest as a grumble echoed between them.
“Rafferty, it’s so good to see you again!”
She jumped at the voice, hissing softly as her hip hit the table hard. That’s going to leave a bruise . Looking towards the entrance, she saw Ginny walking into the shop with Gavin Rhodes. While she didn’t know all the details of their relationship, seeing her friend glowing made her happy. Rafferty shook Gavin’s hand and she took those few seconds to get her feet under her.
“How are Cal and Boots holding up?”
“Inseparable.” Rafferty laughed. “It’s impossible to get him to school every day and I’m holding you responsible.”
Gavin laughed, holding his hands up. “It’s the power of a loving dog, man. Neither of us had any hope when those two met.”
“Ahem.” Ginny stepped forward, hand out. “These two usually have better manners, I’m Ginny. I’m with him,” she said, gesturing to her boyfriend.
Gavin flashed a sheepish smile and said, “Fuck, sorry, babe. Remember I told you about the father and son that adopted Boots? This is Rafferty. Hi, Daisy, this is an incredible place.”
“Thank you.” She couldn’t stop the blush that spread across her cheeks as she said, “Uh, Rafferty is an old…friend. He just moved to town, so we were…your flowers…big bouquets, right? They should be ready for you.”
She wasn’t one to get flustered, but the memories of their twenty-year old kiss and his proximity was short-circuiting her brain. She could see the amused look on Ginny’s face, which meant that her friend was going to be digging deeper into this later.
“Yeah. You two catch up,” Ginny said, wiggling her eyebrows. “We’ll handle this. Nice to meet you, Rafferty and welcome to Wildes.”
“Thanks and good to meet you too. Cal misses hanging with Bronte, so we’ll probably swing by one of these days,” he told Gavin who chuckled and agreed. They exchanged another complicated handshake-hug routine and the couple walked to the back.
Once they were out of sight, Rafferty leaned in, his warm breath against her neck making her shiver. “Haven’t seen you flustered like that before, Hero.” She nudged him back with a scoff, but he didn’t go too far. “So we’re old friends, huh?”
“We are.”
“Old friends who kiss.”
“ Raff ,” she muttered, arms crossed over her chest. “What’s going on with you?”
He chuckled. “Missed you these last few days and I’m gonna miss you this weekend, so getting all my flirting in now.”
“Is that what you’re doing?”
“Obviously not,” he said with a scoff.
She laughed and stepped out of his space, a sigh of relief escaping her.
“That last summer we had together was the best, right?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Why?”
“Wish we could go back to that time in our lives.”
“Why?” she asked again.
There were parts of that time she liked and all of that had to do with him and the Ames family. But it had also been some of the hardest years of her life. She thought that after all the trauma with her mother, dealing with her bulimia and bullying at school, she’d be able to handle divorce and heartbreak. Nothing prepared her for that. She was one of those people who never wanted to go back to the past. She kept her eyes ahead and focused on how she was going to make the most of the future.
“Because we had each other.”
“That was the best part of the past, but l like who we are now more.” He nodded slowly, the distance feeling a lot bigger with the slump of his shoulders. She tilted her head and added, “What’s going on?”
“Thinking about how different our lives would have been had we not lost touch. Who we might be to each other if we’d actually followed through on all those promises. You know?”
“I used to think about that too. But not for a long time.”
“I guess lots has happened since then, huh?”
She smiled and nodded. While she wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone and would have preferred not to go through heartbreak at all, those things had made her into the woman she was today.
“Think of it this way, if we hadn’t lost touch, you wouldn’t have your absolutely adorable son.”
“Maybe we would have had one.”
There was absolutely no way to hide how she reacted to that statement. Her eyes slipped shut as she leaned away from him. He couldn’t know the impact those words would have on her, how desperately she wanted them to be true. Not necessarily that they had a kid together, but that she had a kid at all. So many people didn’t think about being a mother when they were kids, but she put it on the list at the back of her journal—be a good mom.
Having spent six awful years with a terrible mother, then growing up without one until her father married Pia, she wanted to break the cycle. She had so much love to give and she wanted to shower all of that on a child of her own. Thanks to the Ames family, she knew that she would raise the best kids in the world.
Her body, however, wasn’t on the same page. Her bulimia triggered a hormonal imbalance which led to her PCOD? * diagnosis. The doctors said that she could get pregnant, but there might be complications. She did her own research and found that while other women with PCOD hadn’t had any trouble during their pregnancy, she might not be that lucky. Daisy knew that in trying to please her mother from a distance, she’d taken away her chance to have it all.
Now Rafferty was talking about how they could have kids together and it sparked a fresh round of frustration.
“Daze, you okay?”
She saw the confusion in his eyes and remembered that he had no idea what she had gone through. The words came out clipped anyway. “Callahan was a surprise, wasn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
“Before you found out she was pregnant, did you want kids?”
He frowned. “Why?”
“Answer the question.” She hated the wobble in her words.
He hesitated, watching her intently. “No.”
“Yeah.” The word came out as a loud whoosh, before she added, “I always wanted to be a mother, to give my kids what my mother could never give me. So yes, I would have loved for us to have a son like Cal. But we didn’t and we won’t.”
“What?”
How could she lay the truth at his feet right now? She had put it to the back of her mind for so long and now that it was in the forefront she felt like she was choking on it. Blowing out a breath, she shook her head. “Nothing, I should get back to work.”
“Daze,” he whispered as she started to walk away. “Hey, come here.”
She could feel the ghost of his hands, but he wasn't touching her. Looking up, she saw the anguish in his eyes and it was clear her words had been a surprise to him. He hadn’t expected her to take his casual words so seriously or to feel so deeply about any of that.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that or made it seem so simple and easy. I’m sorry that you weren’t able to have what you wanted, that something you yearned for so deeply wasn’t given to you. I wish…I do honestly wish our lives had been different, that you and I could have built this world together.”
Tears were sliding down her cheeks now and she nodded, understanding what he was saying. That was the thing—it wasn’t just about kids, it was about a life with him. She didn’t have the two things she hoped for and she wasn’t sure how to explain that to him.
“Good luck with your meetings, Raff. We’ll…we’ll talk about this later, okay?” she whispered and saw his hands rise, but stepped away quickly, wiping at her face furiously. She closed the door to her office and collapsed to the floor, allowing herself to cry for everything she’d lost for the first time in a really long time.
* ? In PCOD (Polycystic Ovarian Disease) the ovaries start releasing immature eggs that lead to hormonal imbalances and swollen ovaries, among other symptoms; while in PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), endocrine issues cause the ovaries to produce excess androgens, which makes eggs prone to becoming cysts. These cysts won’t, however, be released like in PCOD - rather they build up in the ovaries themselves. [Information from Unicef.org ]