Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Charlotte
M y sister Merry gave me two thumbs up over the video call from where she sat on her little hotel room couch. She was traveling for work, and I hadn’t seen her since I’d gotten back over two weeks ago, but we’d video-chatted every few days since I’d moved away so this was all par for the course with us. “He’s a goner.”
I swallowed down a swell of nervous anticipation. “I don’t want him to be a goner. But I do want him to be irresistibly attracted to me and unable to think about anyone else.”
She laughed broadly, one of my favorite things about her. “Yeah, well, that’s what being a goner is. Plus I’m pretty sure he’s always looked at you like that’s what he’s thinking, so I think you could wear a burlap sack and be just fine.”
I waved her away and inspected my makeup in the mirror while holding the phone to the side. “I just don’t want this to be weird. I never imagined going out with him, and yet I feel like I’ve thought about it a thousand times, you know?”
Her expression was a mix of yeah right and you’re ridiculous . “I know you were all kinds of focused and bent on getting out and seeing the world, but don’t try to pretend you weren’t at least a little in love with Cody in high school.”
I blew out a raspberry. “I mean, I was, but it wasn’t ever an option. I knew I had to leave.”
She gave me an unimpressed look. “Yeah, yeah. Horrible Silverton holding you down and all that.”
A familiar pang hit. Was that what everyone thought of me? That I was some whiney girl who hated the place where they’d chosen to stay? It was so similar to how Cody had talked about me leaving, and she’d said this before. Evidently, I’d done a terrible job of explaining myself.
“Listen, my leaving was never to get away from you or Mom and Dad. Or Cody, for that matter. I just… I needed the perspective and experience of life outside of this small town. That’s no judgement on you for staying here and loving it here. And honestly, being back now, I fully get it. Maybe it’s the time away, or maybe it’s my age, but?—”
“You are getting to quite an advanced age, dearest. Might be time to find a husband and begin breeding so you’ll have someone to take care of in your old age.”
I laughed right as she cackled at her own hilarious joke.
“Seriously though. You know I love you, and I can even say I love Silverton. I’m enjoying being back.”
“Well, good. And thanks for saying that. Logically, I’ve always known that was true—that you didn’t leave me. And that it’s good you got to spread those special wings. I know I’m not supposed to ask you this, but how long are you planning to stay?”
Dread clutched at my neck and tightened my jaw. “Uh, I don’t know. I’m contracted through the main part of the season with the resort, so I’ll just need to play it by ear.”
Her lips pressed together, then parted on a sigh. “Nice. Well, at least we’ll have you through the holidays. But hey, he should be there soon, and I have a social hour thing. Let me know how it goes tonight.”
“Will do. Love you.”
She returned the sentiment and the screen went dark, leaving me with a twisty sense of disappointment and irritation. Why was it such a shock I would leave again? Why did everyone keep acting like it was just a matter of time until I left and yet seem so frustrated with me for planning to go? Stack on top the fact that I had no idea where else to go and wasn’t sure how much I could acknowledge that I wasn’t sure I wanted to go at all and… ughghg.
I groaned out a grumbly “I don’t know what to do!” at myself in the mirror, but halted before a complete breakdown about my future spiral got started when the doorbell rang and I shifted gears to mild panic about going out with Cody.
“Coming!” I hollered as I scrambled to load my smaller purse with gum, wallet, lipstick and gloss, tissues. My heart had turned into a hummingbird’s wings, fluttering shallow flaps instead of beating. I felt almost dizzy with excitement and nerves.
He’d hardly reacted at all yesterday. Cody had been harder to read this visit than ever before, and telling him I wanted to date him had barely ruffled his feathers. He’d smiled at me and seemed genuinely pleased, but the heat from the night before, and every other interaction the last week or so, was somehow missing.
Honestly, it made me feel more dread than anticipation, and I’d been mad about it all day. I wanted to be happy about this, and excited. Why was I stuck feeling dread that we wouldn’t have chemistry, dread that I’d feel bad for leaving when I did, and dread that I might not leave at all and I’d be happy to stay?
“Gah. Time to get out of your own head, girl,” I mumbled under my breath just as I reached the door. I had a vest to keep me warm and my purse slung over my shoulder, and pulled open the door expecting to find him waiting a few steps away, ready for me to walk out and get going.
Instead, he stood there looking at me over a gorgeous spray of flowers wrapped in the deep purple that I’d learned signified the seasonal bouquet from the local flower shop, Bloom.
“Evening,” he said, eyes glimmering in the dusky light.
Wait, what? Since when did Cody’s eyes glimmer? And how the crap were they doing that in the dusk? Oh, yeah, no, that was just the porch light.
“Evening. Are those for me?”
He nodded and held them out.
“Do we have a sec to put them in water?” I took them as he nodded and turned, hoping he’d follow. He did, only a foot or two behind me.
“Let me grab you a vase.”
He reached above the hood of the oven, and I let my eyes slip over him before he turned back. Dark plaid collared shirt and jeans. Some kind of leather-looking boot on his feet. He’d trimmed up his beard, and though his hair was still just a touch long, he looked good.
My heart leaped. Really good. He’d made an effort, and I loved that.
I ran my hands over the dress I’d chosen. Nothing elaborate, but nice enough to go most places without seeming too fancy or too casual. In a creamy color with a boat neck, it was more a winter white, but I’d wanted something light. I had on darker tights and brown boots with a little heel. I’d curled my hair so it had a little oomph to it, and since it’d been a few months since I’d had it cut, it hung down to just above my shoulders. The whole thing was a little sexy in that it showed my neck, shoulders, and decolletage, but still casual enough to seem relaxed.
For some reason, not seeming stuffy or fancy had become really important as I dressed. He’d been so sensitive to that a few years back when I’d popped in while working in Paris for a short stint, dressed to the nines at all times. I’d loved the fashion and had very little else to spend my money on. He’d joked about how I was too good for Silverton, and it’d stung.
I didn’t want any of that between us tonight. I didn’t want anything between us anymore… it’d been too long that we’d been at crossways, just slightly, and maybe tonight we’d finally click back into place.
“Ready?” he asked, and I realized he’d taken care of the flowers and had maybe even had to say that twice.
“Yes. Yeah. Sorry. I’m just nervous, I guess.” Hated to admit that but might as well get it out there now.
He smiled the same sweet, genuine Cody smile I’d seen a thousand times, and my body relaxed. But that only lasted a few seconds, because he stepped close, ran his thumb along the edge of my jaw until he held my chin lightly between his thumb and index finger, and leaned in to press a light kiss to my lips.
“Don’t be nervous,” he said in a tone just above a whisper.
My breath hitched as I gazed back into his dark eyes. “Sure. Yeah. Easy.”
He smiled even bigger, apparently completely unfazed by my nerves and pleased with my babble. “Ready?”
I took the hand he held out because why not? He’d just kissed me like we did this all the time. Why not take his hand, feel his fingers slotting between mine, revel in the rough feel of his palms, and marvel at how different his hands were now than they used to be? Why not soak myself entirely in the experience of him, something I’d been deprived of for too long and only just now realized how desperately and completely I’d missed.
Was I ready for this? Maybe not for the longest time, but now? Yes. I wouldn’t say it like that—not now . So I said, “Always,” all jaunty and fun, not betraying the gravity I felt for this night.