Chapter 44
Dex
Korren’s words lodge themselves deep in my chest, where they begin melting away the ache left from all the smoke.
After the way he reacted earlier, when I told him how I felt, I’ve been treading a delicate line between giving him comfort and affection and not pushing against the boundary he drew when he told me this wasn’t part of the deal.
Now I look into his eyes, unable to believe what he’s just said. His eyes are puffy from crying, his cheeks tearstained—I know how hard it was telling me everything, know that it would have felt like a violation of his basic nature to open up instead of keeping everything locked in tight.
“Korren,” I whisper.
Even in the dim light spilling from the window behind me, I can see the wide-open vulnerability in his eyes. He’s given me everything he has, and he’s waiting to see how I react.
I’m still wary. I don’t know what will be too much for him right now.
“Korren. I love you so fucking much,” I say in a low voice. I graze a thumb over his cheek and then lean forward to give him a gentle, lingering kiss.
We can figure things out in the morning. Right now I just need to show him that I love him unconditionally, that nothing he’s told me has changed anything.
“Where even are we?” I ask, looking around. “This isn’t an actual hospital, is it?”
“Just a temporary medical station they’ve set up,” Korren says hoarsely.
“Is there somewhere for us to sleep?”
“No idea.”
I take his hand and lead him back inside, where the nurse insists on taking my blood pressure and oxygen levels and listening to my lungs before releasing us to a nearby motel that’s being used for emergency accommodation for anyone working on the fire.
There are two double beds in our room, and suddenly I’m not sure what we’ll do, because he was always very wary of the dares that involved cuddling and bed-sharing, more so than full-blown sex.
And as much as I love having him close at night, if being with Korren means we have to sleep separately, I’ll do it. I wouldn’t give him up for anything.
Before I can ask, Korren answers my question when he ventures, “Can I sleep with you tonight?” There’s hope and desperate need in his voice, which I was absolutely not expecting.
“’Course, baby,” I say, tugging him close into my arms, where his head rests against my chest. I hold him there for a long time, so damn glad I’m allowed to do this now. “I love sleeping with you. You must’ve know that. But I thought you hated it.”
“I’ve never liked it before now,” he mutters. “Not with any of the girls I dated. It seemed like I was letting my guard down too much.” He hesitates. “But I do like cuddling with you.”
“So you liked it even when you were grumbling about it?” I ask in amusement.
Korren lifts his head off my chest to give me a sheepish smile. “It just scared me, because it felt too much like we were in a real relationship.”
“And that was a bad thing?”
“It was when I thought we were both straight and none of it was real. I—”
The look from earlier is back in his eyes, like he wants to give me a piece of his soul only it hurts like hell.
“I’m still not quite there yet. With getting over what happened. Being around you has helped a lot, but that scares me, because if I ever lost you, I’d be a fucking wreck. And I—” He turns away from me. “I’ve been feeling that way for a while now.”
“Korren. Baby. I’m never going to leave you. I promise.” I wrap my arms around him from behind and pull him close against my chest.
When we crawl into bed at last, Korren curls into my arms and falls asleep with his forehead against my chest. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, because I know it’s going to be a big thing for both of us when this becomes public, but right now I just want Korren to feel safe and loved and whole.