Chapter 13 - Dan
As we walk into town, the sense of awkwardness between us doesn’t fade. I can’t cover my disappointment that this morning’s effort didn’t seem to make much impact.
She said she liked it. What do I need, a fucking parade?
Watching Grace walk a few steps ahead of me, I have to admit I was hoping for a little fanfare. I worked really hard to do something right, and it feels like she didn’t even notice.
What am I even trying to accomplish? Peace between us, or something else?
The question disturbs me, because I know damn well what I wanted. After a brief taste of having her in my arms, I’d hoped that making an impression on her would lead to something romantic.
Not even romantic—just some hot sex on the kitchen table. A kiss on the cheek. Fuck, I’d be overjoyed if she just held my hand for five seconds.
Grudgingly, I admit that getting her physically close to me isn’t likely to happen, especially after I basically assaulted her and didn’t even apologize. The thought leaves me with an ache of anxiety, and I want to catch up to her and say sorry right away.
Too late. If I couldn’t apologize last night or this morning, it would look ridiculous to do it now.
I also have to admit to myself that I don’t really want to talk about last night, and it looks like she doesn’t, either. I have no idea what was going on in her mind while our bodies were so close together, but it felt like she wanted to kiss me.
Maybe that’s just what I want. I have to be so careful. We have to live together and rule the pack for the rest of our lives. It would be unbearable if we had to do it as enemies.
An even worse thought occurs to me as I think about her running away or disappearing, and the ripple effect this would have through the other packs.
Riverside might break up. If the people tried to go back to their old homes, it would create so much chaos; we’d be sitting ducks waiting for the snake to come and destroy us while we were busy fighting with each other.
I also can’t ignore my other thought from last night, when the idea drifted through my mind that Grace might be connected to the spirit somehow.
Do I really believe that?
I narrow my eyes as I watch her walking ahead, and she turns her head to look at me. Her cool gray eyes sparkle in the morning sun, and her lips curve in a little smile. She doesn’t look friendly towards me, but for the first time, she doesn’t look shut down or hostile, either.
Okay, no. I don’t believe she’s connected to the snake, but she is full of wild magic that scares the piss out of me.
I rub my arms a little, remembering the grip of the vines. The bruises have long since healed, but being yanked against the wall and pinned by a bunch of plants freaked me right out.
I knew Alisha was powerful, but I thought Grace didn’t have the same amount of strength. I don’t know anything about this stuff. That’s probably why it scares me so much.
My mind shies violently away from the trail those thoughts lead to. I can hear the screams of my family—mother, father, sister—far off in my memory. I had trouble falling asleep last night, and when I finally did, I fell into the worst nightmares I’d ever had.
When my family was killed, I went straight into the military. It was the only way to save my sanity and maybe make sense out of what happened… and possibly find some kind of justice.
As we reach the square, Grace brightens up, greeting the other women with hugs. I know she struggles socially, but she seems genuine in her warm reaction to them. I really hope that she can find a place where she belongs.
Alisha told me about how Grace has always been an outcast and that it might be hard for her to get comfortable with people. It looks like it’s going well, and I really hope I’m right about that.
I want to go with her as the other women lead her away, but I’m pulled away by Curt, one of our new council members.
“Let the women go and do their thing,” he says. “They want to set up a garden and some food shops, and they want their luna all to themselves.”
“Okay,” I agree, happy to be distracted. “What do the men do in the meantime? Battle strategy?”
Curt chuckles. “Our perimeter is secure. I spoke to our scouts this morning. They said they checked in with you and Rex?”
“Yeah, they did, but I still thought we’d be training warriors.”
“Oh, we will be, but today we have something far more challenging to do.”
Jesus fucking Christ, what?
“I’m afraid to ask,” I mutter.
Curt laughs, pointing out across the oval. I see what looks like an ocean of kids charging at us, all of them screaming at the tops of their lungs.
“Oh, holy hell,” I say.
“You got that right,” Curt replies. “Brace yourself.”
The kids pour into the covered area, all of them shouting at once. At first, I’m completely overwhelmed and have no idea what to do, then something inside me snaps.
“Hey, pups, listen up!” I bellow, at the top of my lungs.
To my surprise, it works, and the small army of tiny people shut up and turn to me as one.
It’s not really that many. Maybe twenty, mixed boys and girls, and not a single one over eight years old.
“I’m assuming that you guys are here for some official training today, yes?” I ask.
The kids all reply with their affirmatives, voices ranging from soft and shy to great yells of excited anticipation.
“Okay,” I bark, noticing that my tone seems to have a direct effect on them. “I want you to sort into groups. Anyone with a bit of experience shifting and running in the pack over this side. Anyone who’s never shifted or been on a pack run, over here.”
To my surprise, it’s something of an even split, and some of the older kids are in the group that has never shifted. I realize I have a lot to learn about how our young wolves develop, and I feel the massive weight of this responsibility falling on my shoulders.
But it doesn’t feel bad. It feels… pleasant. Like I belong here.
“Right,” I say, smiling. “I want you kids who have never shifted to hang here with Curt for a minute while I talk to these guys. Everyone just stay settled and don’t get too rowdy. I promise you’re going to need all your energy today.”
The kids gather around Curt while he talks to them about their new homes and how they’ve handled the transition from the other packs. I take my group out into the field, and I can feel their attention focused on me, almost like a palpable force.
So, this is what Rex talked about when he said becoming an alpha would feel different. That even my senses would change as the others looked up to me as their leader.
“Okay,” I say, smiling at my group. “What I want you guys to do is focus on completing a fluid shift and using your nose. There will be dozens of scents to follow around here, and once you’ve become comfortable with a shift, I want you to try and count as many different scents as you can and follow just one.
I’ll be asking you at the end of the exercise what trails you could pick up and why you chose to follow a particular one, as well as how difficult it was for you.
Do you all understand the rules of the game? ”
The kids nod, and one girl puts up her hand.
“Yes?” I ask, a new wave of horror flooding me as I realize I’ll eventually have to learn their names.
Sometimes, I can barely remember my own! How am I supposed to commit all these names to memory?
“I’ve only shifted once before,” the girl says. “I’ll have a hard time just managing a comfortable shift, and I probably won’t get a chance to participate in the game.”
She looks so worried, I want to run straight over and hug her, but I just smile kindly instead.
“That’s perfectly alright. I’ll have a special prize for each of you, no matter what, and all I ask is that you give it a good try, okay?”
“Okay,” she answers, smiling shyly.
I don’t have any problem with awarding everyone for trying, no matter what other people think. The kid who won knows that they won, and they take victory with them. Everyone else deserves a reward for putting in their best effort. It will encourage them to keep showing up and work towards that win.
I put a couple of the older kids in charge and tell them to come and get me if anyone has any trouble, then I go back to the others.
“Hey, Curt,” I say. “Can you make sure we have some cakes and candy for later? I want to make sure all the kids get a reward for today.”
“Sure thing,” he replies. “I’ll make sure we have some cold drinks, too. Just let me go and check in with the girls.”
I watch him walk over to the women, and my eyes linger on Grace. When she looks up, and our eyes meet, I quickly turn away back to the kids.
I just want to forget about all of that for now. I can stress out about my marriage all night if it comes to that. This is the best distraction I could have asked for.
“Okay, kids,” I say, turning back to them. “We’re going to work on your coordination today. It will be the biggest help to you when it finally comes time to shift. Are you ready to play some games?”
The kids all shriek with excitement as I lead them out onto the field. They help me set up some poles and other obstacles, then we come up with creative ways to navigate the course and race through each one.
Curt joins us after he’s set up the treats and drinks for them, and he changes up the games a little. After a couple of hours, I’m surprised to see everyone improving in skill and speed, and my heart swells with pride.
I never thought I’d enjoy this so much. It makes me think about what it would be like to have one of my own…
I shy away from that thought, not wanting to torture myself further.
Grace and I would have to tolerate being in the same room together for at least a short period of time for that to happen.
The afternoon grows late, slanted shadows alerting me to the fact that night is swiftly coming. Parents arrive to pick up their kids, and all of us share some cakes, candy, and ice cream.
As they leave, most of the kids stop in to give me a personal goodbye, and when they reach their sticky fingers up to me, I happily hug them and congratulate them on their hard work.
“I have to thank you for this, Alpha Dan,” one of the women says. “I know that alphas have a big job to do, and it’s nice to see you interacting with the kids. It really makes them feel included in the pack.”
“No sweat,” I reply. “We’ll make this a weekly thing. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it.”
“That’s great,” she says, smiling. “Also, thanks for wearing them out. They’ll sleep very well tonight!”
We laugh together. Soon, I realize that the area has cleared out and it’s just me, Grace, and a couple of other women. She says goodbye to them and then turns to me, and it feels like a searchlight just picked me up out of dark scrub.
Why is she looking at me like that? Have I done something wrong without even trying?
“Ready to head home?” I ask, trying to keep my voice neutral.
She nods. “Sure, let’s go.”
She turns to walk away, and I follow her, wondering if I’ll always be a step behind. The good feelings from the day carry me along, and I don’t feel as confronted by her as I did before.
If we are really going to do this, we have to open up to each other. It can’t go on like this. Both of us will die of stress.
Instead of hurrying after her and trying to talk to her now, I let her walk ahead of me, my thoughts tumbling together as I think about what I need to say.
I’ll make every attempt to clear the air while we cook dinner together, but then I’m done tip-toeing around her. It’s time to ask the really hard questions.