Chapter 14 - Grace
The day was long and tiring, but as I walk home, my heart feels light. I spent the day with the other women, working on getting classrooms ready and opening some small shops.
I really feel like I belong, for the first time in my life. I’ve gotten used to being alone, and I started to believe I preferred it, but now I realize how much I needed company.
Glancing behind me, I see Dan following, and when he smiles, I smile back.
I don’t mean to leave him behind, but I feel like he doesn’t try to keep up with me, either. If he’s hesitant to talk to me, then at least I understand why.
I turn around again, feeling awkward.
If I keep walking ahead, that feels weird, but stopping to wait feels even worse.
Shaking my head, I just keep walking, staying focused on getting home. I’m hot, tired, and exhausted.
The only thing I can think clearly about right now is a nice, cool shower; fresh, clean clothes; and a decent dinner with a glass of wine.
Even though the idea of cooking with Dan sends flutters of anxiety through me, it doesn’t hit as hard as it usually would. I know it’s partially because of how tired I am, but it’s also a lot to do with what I saw today.
He treated every single one of those kids as if they were his own. He was funny, sweet, and caring. I’ve never seen him look so gentle.
I glance back again, and he smiles. This time, I pause and let him catch up.
“You look tired,” he says. “Do you want the first shower?”
“Sure,” I answer. “Thank you. I think I had the worst of it today, unpacking boxes and cleaning while you were out in the fresh air.”
“Out in the sun,” he corrects me, laughing. “At least you were in the shade.”
“It was still damn hot,” I reply. “And stuffy. A big part of our job today was getting the buildings opened up and aired out.”
“How did it go?”
“Good. The classrooms need a bit more work, but we got a couple of the small shops ready to go. How is the supply chain going from Caliente?”
“There’s a warehouse set up at the edge of town,” he says.
“Trucks will come in there to unload, and most of it will get dropped off here, with only a small percentage going to the other towns. People will have to come here to buy and trade. We’re hoping that will prevent the Eccles higher class from controlling resources too much. ”
“I hope it works,” I mutter grimly, his words affecting my good mood.
Dan looks at me with concern. “Are you okay?”
“I know them, Dan. Personally. I don’t have much confidence that this plan is going to work. They will find a way to make this work for them, I promise you.”
“Well,” he says. “They won’t have much choice. The other alphas will see to it.”
I keep my mouth shut, knowing there is no way to explain to him what these people are like.
When Azarian died, I thought it was over. I didn’t realize he was acting on behalf of the entire upper class. I have to wonder if they hid the truth about Sakesh for their own ends, and if that’s true, we have more to worry about than just the snake.
Dan lets me go in ahead of him when we get to the house. I hurry upstairs for a shower. After I’m dressed and freshened up, I head downstairs while Dan goes upstairs to get cleaned up.
In the kitchen, I try to get set up so everything is ready by the time Dan gets back, but he’s a lot quicker than I expect, and I’m right in the middle of making salad when he walks in.
“Can I help?” he asks.
“Ah…” I let my voice trail off.
I don’t want another reason to get angry or another fight.
“I’ll listen to you, I promise,” he says. “I really want to help.”
“Okay,” I reply. “Can you cook the steaks?”
“Tell me exactly what to do,” he says, coming over to the stove. “Usually when I cook meat, it’s cold in the middle and burned on the outside.”
“I’m seriously beginning to wonder how you’re still alive, Dan,” I say.
He laughs. “I told you. Ration packs in the military, tins of food at home. Worse comes to worst, I’d just go out and hunt in my wolf shape.”
“But your human body needs food, too, right? I thought if you spent too much time in one shape, it gets hard to switch back.”
“That’s true,” he answers, but doesn’t elaborate.
I get him set up with the frying pan, and he puts his full attention on the job. Even though I look up frequently to check on him, I can see that he’s completely focused and following all my instructions to the letter.
“Okay,” he says. “I’ve switched off the heat. Now I just leave them in the pan?”
“Yes, that’s fine. The residual heat will finish them off. It’s how they get cooked through without being burned.”
“I’d like to say that makes sense,” he laughs. “But it doesn’t.”
“Don’t worry,” I reply, smiling. “You’ve done a great job. Can you manage the bread?”
“Sure.”
I watch him get out the rolls and butter, but when he grabs a butter knife, I stop him.
“You need to slice the bread with a sharp knife.”
He looks at the knife in his hand. “But aren’t I using butter?”
“Not yet. The rolls were all screwed up the other night because you used a blunt knife. Sharp and serrated knife to cut, blunt knife for the butter, okay?”
“Okay,” he replies, nodding. “I’m really learning something here. I had no idea different knives were so important.”
“So, you’ve never bothered to use a steak knife for steak?” I laugh.
He rolls his eyes. “The many times I’ve struggled to cut steak are coming back to me with vivid clarity.”
I laugh even harder at the mental image. “Didn’t your mom teach you?” I ask.
Dan tenses up, and the atmosphere in the kitchen turns dark, as if someone covered the light.
“I don’t want to talk about that,” he says softly.
“Okay,” I reply, my voice equally soft.
There’s something there that needs to be unpacked, that’s for sure.
Even though I’m curious, Dan’s pain seems to fill the room like a living thing, and I just pray for it to go away so I can go back to enjoying the growing warmth between us.
I’ve seen a side of him today that I didn’t know existed. It would be such a relief to me if we could learn to get along. I don’t know if we could ever become lovers, but I know now that he’s more than a violent savage, and that’s a start.
By the time we set the table, the mood has lifted a little, and as we sit down to eat, I feel relaxed and comfortable.
Now, the ultimate challenge. What are we going to talk about?
“So, how long have you been a witch?” Dan asks.
I chuckle, shaking my head. “Forever. I was born a witch.”
“No, like, when did you find out you weren’t a wolf?”
“Oh,” I say. “I think I was about nine. I used to go for long runs out in the hills, trying to call my wolf. One night, I—”
I can’t talk about the coven!
“I, ah, just realized I couldn’t feel a pull from the moon,” I say quickly, trying to cover my slip. “I had such a connection with plants, it was like they spoke to me, and I knew I had to be a witch.”
Dan narrows his eyes. “That simple, huh?”
“Yeah. Well, it took a long time, and it was difficult for me, but once I stopped trying to shift, it became clear who I really am.”
“Your family wasn’t any help?”
I give him a long look, wondering where all this is coming from, especially since he just said he didn’t want to talk about his family.
“My parents died when I was little,” I answer carefully. “I was in a foster home with a few other kids.”
“So, they couldn’t help?”
“No,” I reply, my voice starting to get high. “They didn’t even care about me, let alone try to help me.”
“You’ve really been an outsider your whole life?”
“Yes,” I say, feeling all my old hurts rising in my chest and my anger blazing to protect me from that pain. “Why are we talking about this?”
“I just want to know if you had any connections in town, anyone you’d call family. Otherwise, it seems like you’d have no loyalty to wolves at all.”
I stare at him, and he stares right back. Even though I’m frozen in place, my anger and grief are simmering high, about to mix together and cause a massive explosion.
“I did not feel like I had family until Alisha came,” I say, my voice low and rough. “Otherwise, I was alone.”
“No one taught you magic?”
Alarm bells ring through me, and I remember all those little clues I saw that made me think he could be a witch-hater.
Is this why they wanted me to get close to him? Because he’s our enemy?
“No,” I say firmly.
His mouth twists as if he knows it’s a lie. “But you’re so strong and skilled. Surely someone taught you.”
“I don’t know any other witches,” I protest, a bit desperately. “I’ve been stuck in Eccles all by myself for as long as I can remember, and the only way I survived was by keeping my head down so that everyone forgot about me.”
“What about the snake?” he asks. “Are you sure you don’t know anything about it?”
Fear rips through me, striking sparks that ignite my rage.
“Stop it!” I yell, standing up and slamming my hands down on the table. “I don’t know what the fuck’s gotten into you, but I’m not someone you can interrogate. I’m your wife!”
“Even more reason to know all your secrets,” he says, his voice even as he stares at me.
Secrets.
My fear grows, racing through my veins, chilling me to the core.
“I don’t know what secrets you think I have,” I snap. “But I’m not the only one—you have your share, too! Maybe think about that before you come at me again!”
I don’t give him time to answer, I just bolt from the room, running straight up the stairs until I get to the bedroom and slam the door behind me.
I’m so emotional, I want to cry, but my fear won’t let me. It streaks through my body like lightning, squeezing my heart and stealing the air from my lungs.
It’s like he knows about the coven. What other reason would he have for asking all those questions?
I wrap my arms around myself and take deep breaths, trying to calm down. A few minutes later, I hear his footsteps in the hall, and my fear returns, freezing me in place.
“Grace,” he says through the door. “I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to upset you, truly. I just wanted to get to know you better, and I wanted to understand more about magic.
It… scares me, okay? I’ve never trusted it.
Now we’re here, dealing with a magical spirit and facing down sorcerers, and I’m living with a witch.
I thought if I knew more about it, I’d feel better, but I also just want to know more about you. I’m sorry I made you mad.”
His footsteps slowly move away, and my fear melts a little. His voice was so soft and full of regret, I really wanted to believe this was a huge misunderstanding.
I’m paranoid because I’m not supposed to talk about the coven. It’s making me edgy. There’s no reason for him to know anything, and I’ve freaked myself out assuming he does.
As I go back over the conversation, I realize it could easily be seen as Dan being emotionally awkward and asking his questions with too much force. I groan softly, rubbing my scalp to ease the tension.
Now I feel bad for yelling at him. I can’t leave things like this.
I open the door slowly and creep out into the hall. My stomach is a huge bundle of nerves, and I’m still not sure what I’m going to say.
I can’t tell him about the coven, and he might sense the lie. Still, I have to tell him something, and I really appreciate that he made an effort.
When I creep downstairs, I find him on the couch, drinking a beer. He’s staring straight ahead, his eyes bloodshot and his face drawn. He looks like he has so much suffering in his soul, and my heart goes out to him.
“I’m sorry I yelled,” I say, coming into the living room. “I understand that you were just trying to get to know me, and I overreacted. I appreciate the effort, I really do.”
He nods, looking up at the ceiling as he takes a sip of beer.
“It’s just painful,” I say, sitting on the couch next to him. “That’s why it’s hard to talk about. I’m sure your past is exactly the same.”
Those words make me feel bad, because I suddenly realize I’ve made absolutely no attempt to learn about him.
Dan nods again and slowly turns his head to look at me. “I went about this the wrong way,” he says. “But it is important we talk.”
“I agree,” I answer, nodding. “But it looks like it’s going to be hard for both of us.”
“Well, then, let me start,” Dan says, and his blue eyes seem to darken as if there is a wide, fathomless ocean of depth in this man that I simply never bothered to see.