Chapter 15 - Dan
Grace holds my gaze, and for the first time, her eyes look soft and gentle. I feel like something has changed between us, and even though I don’t know what it is, she feels open to me, and I don’t want to lose this opportunity.
“I came on too strong,” I say. “Instead of grilling you, I should have tried opening up to you. I’m sorry.”
“No,” she replies. “I’m sorry. I’m so used to being isolated, and usually, people only talk to me if they want something. Too many times, I’ve opened up, and all it did was get me hurt.”
I can see the pain in her face, as if she has a terrible wound that’s never been treated. The urge to touch her becomes so strong, I can’t fight it and hesitantly reach out with my hand.
She smiles, wrapping her fingers around mine. That strange shock runs through me again, and I can see that she feels it, too.
“What is that?” I ask. “Is it magic?”
“Yes,” she answers. “I don’t understand it, though. It’s never happened to me before.”
“So, you don’t know what it means?”
Something flickers in her eyes, and she shakes her head. “No. I don’t know.”
I have to just take some time to get to know her. Every little hesitation doesn’t mean she’s lying.
“Okay,” I say, sighing. “Let me start, then. I’ve never lived with a woman—or anyone, really.”
“I did guess that,” she says, smiling.
“Yeah,” I laugh. “It’s pretty obvious. But I barely remember anything else. I joined the military when I was really young. Like, thirteen.”
“Were you even legally allowed to sign up, then?” she asks, surprised.
“No. But there was an option to the foster system, or an underage program at Wolf’s Shadow, and I chose the military.”
Grace looks thoughtful, and I can guess the questions that are running through her mind right now.
How did you end up there? What happened to your family?
My memory torments me, dredging up the screams of my dying parents and the fear that paralyzed me, preventing me from helping them. My sister’s cries for help flood my senses, and I shudder all the way to my bones.
“Let’s just start at Wolf’s Shadow for now,” I say, managing to keep my voice calm.
“Okay,” she replies, squeezing my hand.
“Whatever manners I learned as a kid went out the window once I joined the base,” I say.
“I was one of the youngest kids there, and I threw myself into the routine. Even though we were on duty from six to six every day, I got up early to train and worked late running errands. I was just on the go, all the time, and I still kept my bunk made and my boots polished.”
“It’s hard to imagine you being so disciplined,” she says.
“No.” I shake my head. “It wasn’t discipline. I just needed to stay busy. You’re right that it looked like discipline, though. I started earning badges straight away, and I was given more physically demanding tasks. Early on, the commanders saw I had a talent for excelling in dangerous situations.”
“A strong heart,” she says, squeezing my hand again.
I chuckle. “That’s one way of putting it. I just didn’t feel a thing. It didn’t matter if I was jumping out of a plane or rappelling down a cliff; it just didn’t feel stressful to me at all.”
I look down into my lap, my heart aching a little as I think back over my early military days.
I wouldn’t say my heart is strong. It might just be that my head is stupid.
“After a while, they put me into weapons tech. I was already experienced in the most dangerous maneuvers known to man—or wolf. But when they introduced me to guns, I took to it like it was second nature.”
Grace’s hand tightens on mine, and I look over to see tension showing on her face. I realize that it might be my innate connection to violence that unnerves her, but there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
It’s her innate magic that scares me, so I guess that makes us even.
“Explosives were not so much my thing, but I did learn all the basics. Guns, though, I couldn’t get enough of them.
And knives. As soon as I turned eighteen, I ran a few-day missions with the main troop, and I became a decorated soldier pretty much overnight.
I felt like I’d found my place in the world.
I never had to think. All I had to do was act. ”
I want to go into more detail about my missions, but I can sense that she doesn’t want to know.
Let’s just go easy, then. Besides, I’m not keen on telling her my first few missions involved taking out some nasty black magic practitioners—and that I personally terminated most of them.
“When Rex joined a few years later, I was actually his superior. I had years of military experience by that point, and Rex, Shane, Brad, Marcus, and Luke were put under my command.”
“That’s interesting,” she says. “I can’t imagine Rex working for you.”
“They were all soft-handed little boys,” I laugh. “Damn, you should have seen them learning to sleep in the dirt and do ten-mile gear runs. I toughened them all up.”
“But Rex ended up as your superior officer?”
“Yeah,” I reply. “Rex is smart. And he just had the knack for undercover missions, which I definitely don’t. The six of us formed a bond, and when we were assigned units, I was happy that we were all put together.”
“And then you all retired together,” she says, smiling. “It must have been a relief for you.”
“Actually, no,” I say, feeling frustrated.
“I wanted to go back to base. It’s the only home I’ve ever had.
When the others took downtime or visited their families, I took on extra missions or trained up new recruits.
When Rex retired, and the others chose to stay, I didn’t want to, but I also didn’t want to leave my buddies behind. ”
I look away from Grace, feeling an ugly twist in my chest. I might have left them, if it wasn’t for the snake and the military operation staying here.
While Sloan was still here, it was kind of like being on base, and I couldn’t leave my buddies at the mercy of that creature. They need me to watch their backs.
“So, you’re completely out of your comfort zone,” she says. “I think I understand now. You didn’t ask for any of this.”
“No,” I reply. “I hoped that I’d just run missions between the packs and it wouldn’t be too different from the army days, but I never thought Rex would make me an alpha.”
“Do you know why he did?” she asks. “He would know the strengths and weaknesses of all of you. Surely, he had a good reason for this, and the creation of the Riverside pack is a delicate job.”
I sigh, shaking my head. “I think he wanted me to have a home. A family. He knows all our secrets, it’s true, and I think he was trying to do me a favor by giving me a place to belong.
It feels completely wrong, to me, though.
Almost like a trap. And there’s no way out, because I’ll never let Rex down. ”
“Wow,” she says, her eyes shimmering. “I had no idea.”
Please don’t cry. I’m not worth it.
“Well, at least I wasn’t chosen to lead out of a lottery,” I say, trying to change the subject. “That must really suck.”
“Yeah,” she chuckles. “I’m pretty out of place here myself. I never thought I’d end up as a luna.”
“Well, that’s where you are now,” I say, sitting up and squeezing her hand. “Maybe you should embrace it.”
“I’m trying,” she says. “But it’s hard to trust. I really have been an outcast my whole life. I truly didn’t have a single friend until I met Alisha.”
“Really?” I ask, curious about her magic, but deciding to stay away from the subject. “You never had… someone special?”
“Oh!” she says, grinning. “You mean, did I ever have a serious relationship? No. Once or twice, I thought I fell in love, but it really wasn’t.”
Even though she’s smiling, I can see something raw in her expression, and it activates my protective urges.
“Did someone hurt you?” I ask carefully.
She goes to make a flippant remark, but the words get caught in her throat. She looks away, her hand suddenly gripping mine very tightly.
“A lot of people hurt me,” she mutters.
“Never again,” I say.
She keeps her eyes down, and I squeeze her hand. “Hey, look at me,” I say, and she does, her big gray eyes even more beautiful as tears gather under her lashes, sparkling like diamonds.
“No one is ever going to hurt you again,” I say. “I mean it. Not while I’m here.”
“What about you?” she whispers.
At first, her words don’t make sense, and I shake my head a little.
“I mean, will you hurt me?” she asks, her voice barely audible. The words sink into me, and slowly, I realize what she means.
“I—” I stutter hopelessly, wanting to reassure her, but not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry, Grace, I—”
“It’s okay,” she says, shaking her head as she wipes tears from her cheek. “I know that we are both doing our best.”
I squeeze her hand again, and she squeezes back. We look into each other’s eyes, and something passes between us, a shared emotion I don’t have words for. I rub her hand with my thumb and feel the faint tingle of electricity that happens so often when we touch.
She smiles, and I see her chest rise and fall as her breath speeds up. A faint sheen of sweat appears across her shoulders, and I can feel her blood running hot. The thick, sweet scent floods my nostrils, intoxicating me.
Is she turned on?
A combination of exhaustion, emotional exposure, and beer has affected my judgment, and suddenly, all I can think about is touching her.
It’s been a while for me. Physical encounters always leave me so empty… but Grace is my wife.
The arousal I’ve been trying to suppress ignites inside me, and suddenly my eyes are devouring her—the long, lithe lines of her body; the firm, high breasts and lush red lips. I’m mesmerized as she leans in closer to me, smiling as she links her fingers through mine.
Slowly, as if I might startle her, I brush her hair back from her cheek. She leans into my hand and bats her lashes at me, her eyes deep and serious beneath them, but with a hint of mischief in her smile.
Fuck it.
Tightening my grip on her hand, I slide the other across her cheek to cup the back of her head, then lean in.
When our lips touch, she tenses against me, and the weird electric ripple runs through us both.
She shivers, gasping under the force of it, but I just pull her mouth back to mine and give myself up to the raw intensity of my desire.