Chapter 16 - Grace
Dan’s lips on mine are so hot, it feels like my skin is being scorched. The shocks that flicker between us bloom where our mouths touch, rippling through me with so much force, it feels like my bones are catching fire.
My hands come up to grab his shoulders, and for just a moment, I give in to the feeling and almost pull him against me to kiss him even harder. Somewhere deep inside, though, I hear a whisper of fear and doubt, and that sliver of ice is enough to cool my passion.
I shove him off me, gasping as I stagger backwards off the couch, almost falling straight on my ass. Dan looks up at me, his eyes wide as the color drains out of his face.
“I’m sorry, Grace,” he gasps. “I thought you wanted to kiss me.”
I did!
“Don’t!” I yell, not even sure what I’m denying. “I can’t!”
I turn and bolt from the room, performing my run up the stairs and slamming the bedroom door like a conditioned response. The idea flickers through my mind that I could make a routine out of it and never go to bed any other way. A high-pitched giggle sings through my teeth, scaring me.
Fuck, I’m cracking up. I’m actually losing it.
My lungs heave as I try to take a deep breath, but all I can manage are shallow gasps. My body is on fire, blood racing, heart pounding. I’m shaking so hard, my legs give way, and I slide to the floor with my back against the door.
What the fuck am I going to do?
Hot tears streak down my cheeks, and I put my face in my hands, trying to cover the sounds of my sobs.
I can’t do this, I really can’t. How am I supposed to stay in this house another second? All we do is fight or almost kill each other. Or… almost fuck each other’s brains out.
The worst thing about the situation is that my body still has not calmed down.
My nipples graze against my dress, so sensitive that even the slightest touch feels like pain.
The throbbing between my legs is a hot, pulsing ache, and I press my thighs together, trying to stop it, but it only makes it worse.
What do you want right now? I ask myself, trying to calm the chaotic stream of thoughts by focusing on something that might make me feel better.
I want to run downstairs right now and wrap my legs around his pretty face.
Okay, that didn’t help.
With difficulty, I summon up the feeling of awkwardness that usually exists between us, and my annoyance that he can’t act in a basically civilized manner, even when he’s trying to.
Now that I know something about his past, these feelings are a lot gentler, but it helps to take the edge off my desire.
Physical chemistry doesn’t equate to love and balance. I know this better than anyone. It will hurt so much worse if I give in.
Slowly, my breathing begins to settle, and the heat dies down. To my frustration, there is still a flicker of arousal inside me, but I don’t think it will ever go away, so I resolve to just get used to it.
After a while, my thoughts begin to wind down, and I turn off the light and climb into bed. Even though I feel tired, my anxiety doesn’t leave me, and all I can manage is a light doze.
Suddenly, I sit bolt upright, a splash of light behind my eyelids waking me. The thought of Kyra fills my mind, and I know she’s somewhere nearby, waiting to speak to me.
She’s the youngest, but also the most powerful. Stronger than me—even stronger than Alisha.
I open the door slowly so it doesn’t creak and go downstairs. Dan is stretched out on the couch, snoring, and I breathe a sigh of relief, slipping on my boots and hurrying out the back door.
Out in the woods, I follow the pull of magic to a nearby hill and find Kyra and Trix waiting for me.
“Blessed be,” Trix says, taking my hands and kissing me on the cheek.
“And to you, too,” I answer, hugging Kyra as well. “I understand this was probably urgent, but did you have to contact me via migraine?”
“Sorry,” Kyra winces. “I’ll try to tone it down. I didn’t think the surge of energy I sent was that strong.”
“Well, my skull is still intact,” I say. “But just barely.”
“I am sorry,” she says again. “But we had to tell you, Sakesh is on the move.”
“He is?” I ask, dread ringing through me. “Where is he?”
“Right now, we don’t know,” Trix says. “Gretchen is still in deep meditation. She’s barely moved for days.”
“She’s waited her whole life for this,” Kyra says. “Her mentor told her the chance to stop him would come in her lifetime.”
“But she hasn’t eaten or slept,” Trix says. “I’m so worried.”
“That will only heighten her spirit senses,” I say. “She will be more in the otherworld than here at the moment, and Sakesh can’t hide from her there.”
“True,” Kyra replies. “He leaves a big, fiery trail everywhere he goes—but especially in the spirit realm. I was wondering why I couldn’t focus on him, but it must be because I’m too anchored here.”
“And Gretchen would want it that way,” I say. “She’s passing her knowledge on to you, isn’t she?”
“Yes,” Kyra confirms.
“Then she needs you here,” I reply. “Grounded in reality. That means we stop him here, in the real world, and destroy his link to physical existence.”
“This is freaking me out a bit,” Trix says. “When I joined the order at thirteen, Sakesh was an abstract. I never thought I’d be dealing with him directly.”
“You just got lucky, I guess,” I laugh.
“The other thing we came to tell you is that the runes on the rock are glowing,” Kyra says. “And Rex’s guys have been checking it out.”
“We need to keep them out of harm’s way,” I reply, with concern. “They’ll just get incinerated if Sakesh makes any moves.”
“Agreed,” Trix says. “But we can’t reveal ourselves.”
“Yeah, that part’s getting old,” I reply, sighing.
“How is it, with Dan?” Trix asks, rubbing my shoulder. “Your aura is chaotic.”
“It’s been… challenging.”
“It shouldn’t be,” Kyra says, narrowing her eyes at me.
“What do you mean by that?” I snap, losing my temper. “Are you about to give me another completely cryptic pep talk?”
“Grace…” Kyra says, looking pained. “The last thing Gretchen told me is that Sakesh is waiting for you to fully come into your powers.”
A hot blush rushes to my cheeks as I understand her words. After my talk with Alisha, right after she was with Brad, I know exactly what that means.
“Are you saying I have to—have to—” My throat closes, and I can’t finish the sentence.
“You don’t have to do anything,” Kyra says. “Everything is still your choice. This is just how the cards have fallen.”
I stare at Kyra, holding back my tears and every raging emotion in me that wants to scream at her.
You forced me out here, made me marry him—now I have to fuck him, and you’re saying this is all my choice?
“Grace,” Kyra says wryly. “I can’t read your thoughts exactly, but I’m getting the gist of things.”
“You’re not me,” I almost wail. “You’re not the one jammed up in this situation.”
“No, I’m in a worse one,” Kyra snaps. “I’m the weapon.
My powers bloomed when I was five, and I had to leave my family to join the order.
My powers are so strong, I can’t live in the human world.
Tell me how hard your sacrifice is again, when it involves being a revered luna and living with one of the hottest men to ever walk the planet? ”
I take a step back, Kyra’s words hitting me like physical blows.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I didn’t think.”
“No, you didn’t,” Kyra says. “But it’s alright.
I haven’t fully considered your situation, either, and we shouldn’t compare.
Bringing Sakesh down was never going to be easy.
He’s killed so many, and lived in these woods for thousands of years, just waiting for the perfect conditions to take over the right person and spread across the whole world. ”
A shudder runs through me as I think of Sakesh with the power to move across whole continents. He’d bring hell to earth, turning our beloved forests to ash and all water to lava. Fire would live on the skin of the world instead of flowers and animals.
“Anyone who survived it would live in agony,” I whisper.
Kyra nods. “And Sakesh still needs to be fed. People would need to be kept alive to suffer. That’s how it works.”
“You’re right,” I say, squaring my shoulders. “I hear what you’re saying… but that doesn’t mean I can do it. What happens if I don’t?”
Kyra shrugs. “The world turns. You know how it is—the cycles flow, all we can do is try to flow with them. You also know that decisions we make with our minds aren’t always what our heart chooses.”
“Yes,” I say, feeling the conflict rising in me again.
Does this scare me so much because it gives me permission to do the one thing I really want to do and not worry about the consequences?
“We need to go,” Trix says. “But we’ll call you again when we need you.”
“Try not to kill me,” I mutter, hugging them both. “Give me a mental nudge instead of a scream, okay?”
“I’ll try,” Kyra chuckles.
I wave to them as they walk away, then turn back towards home. My emotions tumble inside me, not as intense as before, but troubling still.
Does this mean Dan is my fated mate? If that’s true, then we really are compatible; we just haven’t learned it yet. If being with him is inevitable, is there any sense in fighting it?
I examine myself carefully, and I know I can’t just hurl myself into his arms because the prophecy said so.
I have to be ready—I have to choose it. I’m my own person, and that is important in the great scheme of things. It has to be.
Deep down, I still feel like I wouldn’t even be here with Dan if the coven hadn’t ordered it, and it makes me angry, even as I try to reason it away.
Suddenly, a sense of foreboding trickles through me. I stop, looking around in the dark woods. I can’t see or hear anything, but my magical senses are screaming alarms at me.
I’m being followed.
To test my theory, I turn away from town and jog a short way, and the strong presence gets even stronger. Fear sparks in my chest, and I turn back towards town, breaking into a hard run.