Chapter 18 - Sara
The other girls try to bring me back into the conversation, but I feel like I’m a million miles away and underwater.
If anything, this is worse than being an outcast. These girls genuinely seem to want to be my friends, but I can’t trust them.
I notice Scarlett watching me closely, and her gaze is so gentle, it reminds me of Jess. To my frustration, tears fill my eyes and threaten to spill down my cheeks.
Dammit! If I do one fucking thing today, can it be to stop crying?
“Sara,” Scarlett says, “no one expects this pack transition to be easy, but we do really want to help. You don’t have to be scared of us.”
“Really?” I shoot back, my anger rising. “How can I just sit here and pretend like one of you didn’t murder Talon?”
The silence that follows my words is so tense, it feels like glass about to break. The girls look around at each other, and finally, Alisha shakes her head.
“Alright. I shouldn’t have been running away from this, anyway. I was there, yes, and I killed some of the warriors. I don’t know if I killed Talon, honestly, but I’m sorry for your loss.”
“I was there, too,” Grace says softly.
“You didn’t go fully berserk with your powers,” Alisha says flatly. “I did. I took out three wolves without even thinking about it. I just waved my hand, and wham, they got flattened.”
“The earth obeyed you without question,” Grace adds. “I’m sure you weren’t expecting that amount of power to answer your call.”
“I really wasn’t,” she says.
“Talon and Jess would have most likely led the attack,” I mutter, looking at my lap. “So it probably was you who killed them.”
“I was protecting the pups,” Alisha says defensively. “Including my own. They were enemies charging us, teeth bared and howling for blood. What would you have done?”
I glare at her, my teeth clenched to stop me from screaming.
Initially, we heard from Bruce that the other pack had powerful magic that repelled their attack, as well as incredibly fierce wolves that fought so well, we didn’t have a chance.
The fact that they threw magic at us only confirmed our stories of how dangerous Eccles is—and the very idea of witches terrified everyone so much, we folded to the new alphas without even a whisper of rebellion.
I read a lot about witches and magic in Talon’s books.
Some of it was good—that they worship the earth, and bring balance, but some of it was horrible.
There were tales of sorcerers who could draw unimaginable power from the earth and kill at will.
How can I know what kind of witches Grace and Alisha are?
Hot tears start to slide down my cheeks, and Scarlett puts an arm around my shoulders.
“Tell us about them,” she says in a gentle tone. “Sometimes, it helps to talk about the ones we’ve lost.”
I wipe my nose a little, trying to get a deep breath into my lungs.
“Jess was so sweet,” I begin. “And Talon was strong but gentle. When I was very little, they would invite me back here on the way home from school. My mother had just run away—or died, depending on who you ask—and the other kids didn’t talk to me.”
“That’s awful,” Scarlett says, rubbing my arm. “So, they took care of you?”
“They tried,” I answer, realizing I’m on the edge of a big reveal, and knowing I’m not ready to unload yet, especially to people I barely know. “They were kind to me, and they didn’t deserve to die. That’s all I can really say right now.”
Scarlett gives me another squeeze, and I hear her sigh as if she knows I’m holding back.
“You will have to let it out sometime, you know,” she says gently.
“I cried for days when I found out they were dead. How can there be anything more to let out?”
“There always is,” Grace says. “You’ll grieve for the rest of your life, but a time will come when you can remember them and be grateful you knew them instead of just being sad that they’re gone.”
Even though I understand what she’s saying, I reject her words. The storm of pain in me won’t accept sense or reason in this situation. It’s too unfair.
And their deaths were so incredibly senseless and unnecessary.
“It’s getting late,” Alisha says. “We should go back out to the park and see how the guys are getting on.”
“Yes,” Scarlett says. “I’m interested in meeting other women in the town, especially the elders. Will they be there, Sara?”
“I…” My voice trails off as I realize I haven’t seen any of the elders for days, even at yesterday’s feast. “They should be, but I’m not sure. Leah, our oldest pack member, hasn’t been around lately.”
And someone should really check on that.
“Let’s head out and see if they’ve arrived,” Grace says. “If not, we’ll track them down.”
I follow the girls through the house, still feeling the odd, numb haze I haven’t been able to shake all day. My worry for Leah and the other elders flickers at the edge of my mind, trying to spur me into action, but I feel like every movement is an effort.
When we reach the park, a few people are playing a lively song on their instruments, and others are dancing. The smell of delicious food drifts in the air, accompanied the laughter and happy smiles.
This looks idyllic. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t feel real.
We pause at the edge of the clearing, and I look around, hoping to see the elders. When I don’t see them, my worry deepens.
Where are they? When is the last time anyone saw Leah?
My desire to leave town for good gets tangled in my moral compass, making me feel even more trapped.
How can I just leave if the others are in danger…especially if it really is Father responsible for all this?
Before I can think too hard about it, Father gets up and stands at the top end of the park, waving his hands. People turn and look immediately, smiling at him as if he’s their chosen savior.
If I have to listen to another one of his speeches, I’m actually going to be sick.
As Father talks, expressing his usual grand ideas that I know, very rarely lead to actions, Shawn suddenly leaves his friends and walks over to him.
Great. Am I going to see another bromance moment?
When Shawn verbally knocks Father down, it shocks me to the core. I listen to the exchange, watching Father react as Shawn firmly puts his foot down and crushes his promises.
Seconds later, I realize Shawn’s mistake. Father turns to the pack with apologies, gravely regretting his offense of the alpha and consoling them that yes, of course, they’ll get the help they need, when Alpha Shawn decides it.
But Shawn had no choice! No matter what he did, Father was going to capitalize on it and make him look bad.
“Hmm,” Scarlett mutters.
“Yeah, I know. That was pretty transparent,” Alisha agrees.
“Not to them,” Grace says, gesturing at the crowd gathering around Father.
“He’s been grooming them for years,” I say absently. “They don’t know any better.”
“We have to get to the bottom of this,” Alisha’s voice is firm. “I’m sorry, Sara, I know the beta is your father, but something is seriously wrong here.”
“No, it’s okay,” I say. “I wouldn’t defend him—I know he’s been doing bad things. I just don’t think I ever realized how deep his influence is.”
“We’re here now,” Scarlett says, taking my hand. “We’ll help, I promise you.”
I can only nod in response, because my words are trapped in my throat again.
It’s a good thing I’m not feeling well today, because otherwise I would have spent the whole day fucking screaming.
“I need to talk to Rex,” Scarlett says. “You’re okay, Sara?”
“Yes,” I reply, even though I’m not.
As the girls go over to meet them, Shawn and his friends pull away from the park a little and put their heads together. I drift across to the opposite tree line, taking in the whole scene.
Shawn shouldn’t have left the pack like that—now it looks like he doesn’t care about them. Meanwhile, Father is right in the middle of things, acting like a member of the oppressed lower class.
Even though I’ve spent the day unwell, my strength begins to return as I walk around the edge of the park.
A cool breeze gently trickles through the trees above, lifting the heavy heat of the late afternoon.
When my mind clears, incidents from my past flit through my mind, and as they begin to fit together, I don’t like the picture I see.
Father has always been manipulating everyone—I always knew that. But what if it goes deeper?
Watching him in the crowd, it strikes me that everyone treats him as if he is the alpha, not just an authority, but a beloved, trustworthy leader.
Knowing him as I do, this seems impossible, but I’d never seen him in action like this before.
I was always locked in the house or out in the garden, slaving away for him.
I didn’t know he had the majority of the pack wrapped around his little finger.
Alisha’s words come back to me, and the grief in my chest deepens yet again. It’s a truth I’ve known from the moment I heard Talon was dead that I just couldn’t accept.
Father got Talon killed. I shouldn’t be angry with Eccles pack—they’re just trying to help us. I should be angry with Father!
Now that it’s been released, a powerful, burning rage floods through me, pointed directly at the one person who has hurt me every day of my life.
I assumed that everyone feared him or hated him the way I do. But they love him!
His manipulation has never been so clear to me, and suddenly I am very frightened for Leah and the other elders.
He’s planning something—he has to be—and now it’s all coming together.
I look around, keeping to the edge of the field so I have a good view of the entire area. I can’t see the elders, but they could be near the center of the meadow. I walk quickly around, heading back to the top of the field so I can get a better look.
If they aren’t here, I’ll go straight to Leah’s house.
As I come around the furthest edge of the park, I can see a faint hint of the far-off horizon through the trees. For just a moment, my longing for a different life echoes through me like a scream from my soul.
I don’t want any of this. I’m tired, so very tired. I’ve been fighting my whole life. When does it get easier? When does it ever stop?
Taking a deep breath, I turn my back on the horizon and slam a mental door shut on my oldest dream.
I can’t escape now. Even if I left, part of my heart would always be here. I don’t know how to get through this—confronting Father, undoing his lies—but I have to try.
I’m about to break away from the park to head to Leah’s house when I see Shawn walking up towards the house. Even though I still don’t trust him, a big part of me still wants to.
I can’t forget the feel of his body against mine…even though I’m trying to deny it, when I was in his arms, I felt safe for the first time in my life. If there’s any chance it was real, that I could have it back, I need to try.
Without making a conscious decision to do so, I cross the field to follow him up the path towards the house.
I have to talk to him.
The way he stood up to Father proved to me that they aren’t partners as I thought, and my realization today of how badly Father has manipulated the pack makes me wonder how much Shawn and his friends know.
Maybe if I want things to change, I will have to trust them.
The idea of trusting strangers from Eccles is a scary one, but I’m much more scared of Father and what he might do to the pack if we don’t stop him.