Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Maisy
I cling to my resolve to be strong and bottle it all up and wait until I’m home before I lose it.
After calling Axel, he got us both on the next commercial flight to Albuquerque, and then rented a car and drove us back to Bad Bear. I didn’t say a word the whole way, and neither did he.
Thank God for friends like him.
Daisy is waiting on the doorstep. I run to her, and she opens her arms wide, like she used to when I was little. I hug her carefully because she feels so thin and frail in my arms. This time, I’m holding her up, instead of the other way around.
“Maisy,” her voice is clogged with tears. “Thank goodness you’ve returned.”
“I’m here. I’m okay.” She’s shaking, and I’m afraid she might be cold standing on this icy stoop. “Let’s get inside.”
She lifts her head, and her face is wet as she looks around. Axel’s already driven off, probably to give me space. “Where’s Matthias? I want to thank him for bringing you back to me.”
I try to be strong, but my face crumples a bit, and Daisy realizes something is wrong.
“Oh no, sweetheart. Tell me everything.”
Maisy
“So that’s why I came home early,” I tell Missy.
She was still at her mom’s in Santa Fe and dropped everything to come up the mountain for a sleepover tonight.
My throat is scratchy from explaining everything while holding back tears.
I cried a bunch when telling Daisy, but with Missy, I leave out the shifter stuff, so all she knows is that I found out Matthias was with me because he felt obligated.
“He doesn’t want me, he just felt like he needed to help me. Like a protective big brother.”
“Oh, Maisy.” Missy sets her mug of hot chocolate on my bedside table and scoots closer, so she can take my hand. “I’m sure that’s not true. He said yes to the date.”
“Only because he found my New Year’s resolution list and thought he was helping me,” I whisper. I can’t cry, I have no more tears. My tear ducts ache. There’s a black hole in the pit of my stomach.
I felt strong when I marched away from Matthias, clinging to my pride, but now, with my best friend, I allow myself to wallow. I deserve a damn pity party.
“I just feel like no one’s chosen me. Not my father, not my mother. I even had a pity date to the prom.”
“I chose you. Daisy chose you.” She squeezes my hand.
I look out the window. It’s snowing again. The whole world has darkened even though it’s not yet dusk.
“Daisy had no choice. She took me in because she had to–my mom O.D’ed, and my dad was a drug addict, too.
And you’re an amazing best friend, but…I don’t know.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just your sidekick.
” I don’t know why all my truths are tumbling out right now.
I don’t want to hurt Missy, but I just can’t hold it in.
I guess I’m just too demoralized to pretend things are fine with me when they’re not.
Missy looks dismayed.
“It’s not your fault. I’m not blaming you. But you’re the pretty one. The popular one.”
Missy looks shocked. “You’re nuts. First of all, Daisy adores you.
You’ve never been a burden on her. I’ve always been jealous of how much she loves you.
And I’m so sorry you feel that way about us.
You’re the only person who has been a true friend to me.
When we met at school, you were the only one who didn’t hate me for being Miss New Mexico Teen at fourteen–a pageant I never wanted to enter but had to because my mom’s love is conditional, by the way. ”
It’s true that other girls hated Missy, but I didn’t even know she’d noticed. She always acted so confident. But of course, she’s a great actress.
I give her a hug. “I’m sorry your mom sucks.”
She squeezes me tight. “I’m sorry yours died. And I know you’re hurting, but it’s not true that you’re unwanted. We love you for you. Because you’re awesome.”
“Thanks.” We pull apart, and I wipe my tears.
I don’t feel awesome. I feel like I’m still that little girl who was excited for her dad to visit only to realize he just wanted her birthday money.
I got duped. I thought I meant something to Matthias, but it turned out it was just biology. He didn’t want me. He was taking drugs to resist me.
Ugh.
Matthias is back on the mountain with his brothers. Daisy called Winnie to confirm. I told him not to contact me, so it’s stupid that I’m hurt he hasn’t come to see me.
Do I want him to fight for me?
Yeah, I guess I do.
But I don’t know what he could say to change the hurt I feel.
He was doing everything he could to keep from biting me and making it permanent.
He wanted to protect me, but…he was leading me on. This was worse than a pity fuck. I thought it was real.
He fucking married me. And let me joke about having a honeymoon and helped me with my virginity, and…oh God, it felt so real. I mean I guess it was real, but just the physical part. Just frickin’ biology.
Missy squeezes my hand. “You’re going to get through this. And you’ll get over him. You’ve been through a lot in the past few days, but you’ve lived through worse. You got this.”
“Thanks.” I don’t feel like I am living. I feel like I’m the dirt on someone’s shoe.
Missy forces a smile. “Why did the dad stop using his discount card to scrape his windshield?”
“He only got ten percent off,” I answer dully. Not even dad jokes can cheer me up. I cringe at all the times I told them to Matthias like a big, goofy idiot. Probably another instance where he thought I was too young.
No wonder he doesn’t want me as a wife.
“I’ll get us more hot cocoa,” Missy says. She gives my hand one more squeeze and heads out into the hall, where I hear murmured voices. She and Daisy are conferring.
My phone beeps, and I check it. For a second, I wonder if it’s Matthias reaching out, but no, it’s a text from Axel. It loads slowly, and when it appears it takes my breath away.
It’s our wedding photo. We’re at the aisle of the little chapel, the triplets laughing in the background, in their kilts and purple bouquets.
Matthias and I look so happy. I look like a freaking movie star. The star of the show.
I was so happy–even after being kidnapped to marry a mobster by my own dad. I touch my face. Was that really me?
I was glowing. Not just from the diamonds around my neck. I’m in love.
Matthias looks happy too. But it must have been a lie.
Missy returns to find me sobbing.
“What happened? Who do I need to kill?” Her fierce tone reminds me why she’s my best friend.
Wordless, I show her the photo. Her little “Oh,” makes me cry harder. Because she gets it. She puts her arms around me and lets me soak her sweatshirt with my tears.
“I wanted it,” I tell her. I had it, and I lost it. And I want it back, even if it was all fake.
I press my face into Missy’s shoulder. My belly cramps with familiar pain, but it’s not the ovarian cysts acting up.
It’s heartbreak.
Matthias
I stare at the charred log in my fireplace. It’ll be cold tonight, well below freezing. I should light a fire, but I don’t feel like it.
The cold numbs me the way the Moon Cure did. It’s about the only relief I’ll ever get, far more than I deserve.
Maisy. Maisy. Maisy. My bear won’t stop chanting her name. As if I were thinking of anyone or anything else.
I hurt Maisy. After all these years of trying to hold back to avoid exactly that, I never saw that it would be my act of holding back that inflicted the deepest wound.
A distant crunch of a boot alerts me to a visitor. Axel opens my door and slips inside without asking permission. He takes in the sight of me staring at the empty fireplace. I don’t look up, don’t move. I don’t have the energy.
On the bright side, I don’t want to kill him anymore. He’s the only tie I have to Maisy right now. He’ll take care of her in the way I can’t.
“Have you talked to Maisy?” he asks.
Just hearing her name sends a wave of fresh pain throbbing through me. I shake my head, feeling too tired to speak.
“I wanted to give you this.” Axel sets something on my coffee table with a click. It’s the diamond necklace. Her collar. “She left it in my car.”
Of course she did. Why would she keep it? “What about the ring?”
“I didn’t see it.”
I'm still wearing mine. I realize I’m twisting the gold band around my finger and drop my hands. “Is she okay?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
She’s broken-hearted. I sold her a fairy tale and shattered it. There’s no going back. She knows the sort of person I am now.
This is for the best.
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “I’m going to need you to watch over her.”
“That’s your job.” His eyes glitter with his bear. He’s pissed at me, and I get it. I’m pissed at myself.
“Not anymore.” My bear grumbles, and I lose myself in the lonely sound. “She asked me not to contact her.”
Axel steps in front of me, snapping his fingers to get my attention. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but you have a responsibility to her. You married her. Why in the hell haven’t you marked her yet?”
“What was I supposed to do?” I thunder, all my frustrations suddenly flooding to the surface, especially because Axel seems to be demanding the same thing Maisy was.
“Mark a girl who’d never been kissed before our wedding night?
How fair is that to her? I’m ten years older than her, Axel.
She’d never been on a single date before.
Never been kissed. Still lives at home with her grandmother.
You think it’s right for me to snatch her up and mark her just because it’s what I need? What about her needs?”
Axel shakes his head. “She’s a grown woman. Did you give her a choice?”
I grip the sides of my chair. “I’m protecting her!” I’m full-on shouting now, which I never do. I’m the one in the family who never loses his temper. Who is always cool, calm, and controlled. Now I can’t even think with my bear caterwauling at me to find Maisy.
“You’re not protecting her. You're protecting yourself.” Axel shakes his head. “If you leave her alone, you’re not the man I thought you were.”
“What do you want me to do?” I snarl. “She asked me not to contact her.”
“I want you to be worthy of her.”
I say nothing. I’m not. I never was.
Axel shakes his head and walks to the door. He opens it and turns to look at me. “Get your head out of your ass, Matthias. Maisy needs you, whether she admits it or not.”
It’s a full bear-roar that comes out of my throat as he shuts the door. I shove up from the chair and pace the room, considering Axel’s words.
He might be right, but I’m not going to railroad her into this mating. It’s the one thing I promised myself from the start. Maybe it’s how I got myself into this mess, but I have integrity. I will keep this vow.
For her.
Maisy Maisy Maisy—
I’m losing control, and I don’t know what to do.
The memory of her innocent New Year’s resolution list scrawled in neat, hopeful writing flashes in my mind:
Glow up
Dr. appointment for PCOS
Plan DD expansion
Set boundaries with Allen
Stand up for yourself!!! You can do it!
Go on a date
My eyes burn as I let out a bitter laugh. Well, my sweet, beautiful mate completed all of them, including standing up for herself.
Good for her.
Maybe I should make a New Year’s resolution list.
I grab a sheet of paper. My fingers have long, curved claws–my bear taking over. It takes me a few tries to get them to retract. Finally, I grab a big, black, permanent marker and hold it in my palm to write. My scrawl fills the whole page, but that’s okay. I only need to write out one thing:
Get Maisy back.