Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
REID
My dad and Pam’s weekend visit disrupt my desire to spend more time with Annika.
I’ve taken them through Balboa Park, to a few museums and beaches, and walked around Gaslamp.
Pam always wanted to go to the Long Beach Flea Market, which is a few hours north, so we decided to make the drive up there this weekend.
My dad refuses to take my truck, though, and rents a car.
He says it’s because he doesn’t want to put more miles on my pickup, but I know it’s because I don’t have a radio and he wants to keep tabs on the Giants game while we drive up.
So far, this week has been great. I love spending time with my dad, especially since he and Pam got serious.
She showed me her engagement ring almost immediately when I picked them up from the airport.
She gave me the biggest hug and teared up when she saw me.
Pam fills this void I never knew I had. She will check in on me to make sure I got my flu shot and will send pictures of her garden.
She will always randomly send me books that she has finished reading and thinks I’ll enjoy.
I’m just as happy to see her as she is to see me.
Saturday arrives, and we pile into the SUV my dad rented and make the trek up to Long Beach. Pam insists we get there by eight a.m., so we leave by six-thirty. Five minutes into the car ride, and I’m sprawling across the entire back row getting my extra hour of sleep.
I decided to tell my dad and Pam about my last couple of dates with Annika.
He remembers her from when I was in middle school.
I told him it is still pretty new, so he doesn’t ask that many questions about her, but I know he’s probably holding back.
I don’t have too many answers. She seemed distant this past week.
I pull out my phone and look at our last messages to each other.
Sunday 11:18 a.m.
Reid
video attached
Annika
:’D :’D
Monday 2:03 pm
Reid
Today is the perfect beach weather… ;)
Annika
I wish I didn’t have three exams to study for :(
Reid
ah bummer…
Wednesday 10:55am
Reid
There are free donuts in the cafe by the Psych building
Annika
yum, thx!
If I was just going off our recent text history, I’d say she isn’t into me.
But another part of me remembers our dates and the chemistry we had.
Maybe she’s just a terrible texter. Maybe I’m a terrible texter.
She could be busy with school. She did mention she has three exams to study for.
I’m probably overthinking everything. Maybe I should talk to Pam about it and see what she says.
We pull up to the Long Beach Flea Market, and it’s already filled with cars.
Pam wasn’t kidding that this is a popular spot.
Pam already told my dad that she’s prepared to cancel their flights and drive back if she finds stuff she likes for the house.
Dad smiles and pulls out the folding cart that they picked up at some point during the week.
“Wow, you guys are really committed to this flea market. When did you get this cart? I could sit in it.” I jokingly make a move to hop in, but Pam puts her hand up.
“Nuh uh, no, this is for the rare antiques we find today. I’ve been wanting to go here for years. This is a dream come true.”
She grabs my dad's hand, and they begin their way walking through the maze of vendors and stalls. I decide to wander around alone, checking out some of the clothing vendors. One booth is selling vinyl records that I spend a decent amount of time in, and I end up buying a Beatles album. I can see why Pam was excited to come here. The selection is diverse and of great quality. I pass by them at one point, and their cart is halfway full of stuff already, and Pam gives me a big thumbs up. Yup, they’re driving back home after all.
I’m starting to get a bit hungry and walk over to the food truck vendors and order a couple of carnitas tacos.
Nothing beats tacos from a food truck, I don’t know what they do differently, but they always taste better.
My dad texts me that they just finished going through once and are going to start making their way back but going to see if a few vendors will haggle so I make my way toward the front of the flea.
On my way over, I notice a stall selling some maps and see a stack of postcards.
I flip through them, and my mind immediately goes to Annika.
I’m about to buy one for her when I see something shiny catch my eye on the table next to the postcards.
The vendor is selling some jewelry that fits the same vintage theme as the other items in their stall.
A few rings, some bracelets, and about ten different necklaces.
Each is on a simple gold chain with a pendant on the end.
I hesitate for a moment. We’ve only been on two dates, and yet I want to buy jewelry for her?
But I can’t walk away from this. It’s perfect.
I’m done taking things slow. I want to show her how much she means to me and that I want to take our relationship further.
It’s not like we just met. We’ve both told each other that we’ve had a crush since we were kids.
I pay the vendor the twenty dollars that’s listed on the necklace, and she slides it into a velvet pouch for me. I tuck it into my back pocket, and it feels like I put a brick back there. It belongs to Annika, and I can’t wait to give it to her.
My dad and Pam drive back to Nor Cal the next day, leaving me with a day to unwind and catch up on studying.
I ignore everyone and keep my head down in my textbooks.
I notice it’s been five hours since I left my dorm room.
I reach for my phone to check the time and feel guilty I haven’t checked in with Annika.
But on the other hand, she hasn’t either.
It was a mistake buying her that necklace.
But, I just can’t shake the feeling that we are meant to see this through.
I decide to leave my dorm and go for a walk, maybe stop by the coffee shop, until I see Annika from afar.
I stop dead in my tracks at the site of her.
It’s a bit colder today, so she has on an oversized sweater and black leggings with her Converse.
Her short black hair is braided into two pigtails.
She looks like the girl I first met on the playground.
All my doubts melt away, and I jog over to her.
“Annika!” I wave and smile. She sees me and lights up for a moment then I notice she reins in her expression. “Hey, I’m so glad I ran into you. Sorry, I’ve been quiet. My dad came to visit.”
“Oh, it’s no problem. I’ve been really busy with school, anyway. I hope your dad is doing well.” She isn’t looking me directly in the eyes.
“Yeah, he’s great. We went up to Long Beach yesterday to the flea market.
” I reach into my back pocket to get the necklace but realize I left it in my room.
“I-uh-got something for you. Nothing big, thought maybe I could give it to you during dinner? Friday night? With me?” I ask, trying to lay on the charm with a big smile, except Annika isn’t smiling back.
She’s looking at the ground, avoiding my eyes. Something is wrong.
“Reid…about dinner, I don’t know…if I feel…if I should…” She looks at me with a look of hurt across her face, and suddenly, I feel my world spinning. How could I be so stupid?
“I just feel like we are going too fast. I am so preoccupied with school, I don’t think I can handle dating. I don’t think I can do this.” She starts fumbling with the books in her hand as she looks down at her feet and then back up at me. Her eyes are glassy.
“We can go slower. I… I thought our feelings were mutual. Do you not feel the same way about me that I feel toward you?” I can’t believe I just said that out loud.
I can’t tell if she shakes her head or nods, and I’m not sure what she says after that.
Everything turns blurry, and I think I hear, “I’m sorry, Reid.
” I barely register that she turns and walks away when I don’t say anything back to her.
Maybe the timing isn’t right, or maybe the timing will never be right.
Either way, I feel like my heart has been ripped out and tossed in a fountain like a worthless penny.
I forget why I even left my dorm, but I turn back towards it and go straight to my bed.
I don’t know when I started, but I notice that I’ve been crying into my pillow because it’s half soaked from my tears.
I’m filled with “don’t knows.” I don’t know if I’m crying because my heart is broken.
I don’t know if I feel an ache in my chest for the past me who was picturing a relationship with her.
I don’t know if I feel this dread to leave my dorm because she suddenly seems everywhere.
I don’t want to see her for a while. I don’t know why she doesn’t feel the same way.
I don’t know why she doesn’t feel the tingles every time we touch.
I shouldn’t have let my heart fall so deeply so soon.
I couldn’t help it, though. We had a second chance to turn our childhood crush into a reality.
Except, apparently, it was all my fantasy.
The necklace pouch sits on my desk, taunting me. I chuck it in the box of knick-knacks I’m going to send up to my parents. They left a few things here before they left, and I don’t want this necklace in my sight.
The remnants of feelings that linger after a breakup are some of the most sour, in my opinion.
It’s not even that it’s on your mind all the time.
It’s that anything at any point of the day can remind you of that person, remind you of what could have been.
The sun reminds me of her because the day after the beach, I got a sunburn on the top of my ears, so I had to wear a hat until it faded.
So now that hat also reminds me of her. I can’t see someone in pigtail braids without thinking of her.
I push the thoughts away, though, because I’ve convinced myself that it’s for the best.
I’ve spent the past few months head down in school, replacing the uncomfortable void with my biology major courses.
With summer courses and keeping the grades I’m at, I should be able to graduate early and do the training needed to work as a Physical Therapist. Being able to help people day to day is something that keeps me trudging along.
Although it would be good to blow off some steam, my roommate invited me to his DND match, which I know nothing about, but he always talks so lively about it. I’m sure it's entertaining to watch.
I pivot on my walk home to treat myself to a cold brew with whip.
It’s been a while since I had one, and I’ve passed all my finals so far.
The campus is alive as the semester is coming to a close.
I can feel the relief of summer break like a ray of sunshine after a cold winter.
The coffee shop I usually go to by the student store is packed, and I am feeling impatient, so I’ll try the one by the dorms.
I grab the door handle, but not before looking inside and seeing Isaac sitting with Annika.
He is leaning in, talking to her. What could they possibly be talking about?
I know they are old friends, but their body language doesn’t look friendly.
It looks flirtatious. He puts his hand on her leg.
She doesn’t move it. I think I’m going to be sick.
“Hey, are you going in?” I realize I’m clutching the door handle, preventing people from entering.
I open the door for them and turn away. I really can’t come around this side of campus ever again. Or maybe I can transfer schools. Is that too dramatic?
Isaac? My friend? He knew we dated. How could he go behind my back like that? Even if he asked me first, I’d say it wasn’t cool. Dang, I need new friends. Suddenly, I’m even more relieved it’s summer, so I can get out of San Diego for at least a little while.