Chapter 34 #2
“I’m sorry, Anni, to be brutally honest. I just don’t want to see you at your lowest like that ever again. I didn’t know how to help you. I was so scared. I’m worried it will happen again.
“Also, selfishly, I’m warming up to this town. And if you try something with him again and it doesn’t work out, do we stay? Leave? This town isn’t huge.”
“He dated the baker girl down the street, and they broke up. It’s not impossible.
I just, I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid, but I want to try for real.
I was afraid to let myself go toward my feelings back then.
I was self-sabotaging every aspect of my life.
I never followed my heart toward what I actually loved.
What I loved doing and who I loved being with.
I was doing everything in my life for the wrong reasons. ”
“Okay, so what if it does work out? Are you going to move in with him? Are you leaving me alone? Or is he moving in here? Because we’ve already decorated the place exactly how we like and I can’t imagine where we are going to fit all his books in here.”
“Whoa, okay, wait. You were just saying you want to figure things out on your own.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want you to move away from me. I need you close! At least for the start of it all.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Even when we are old and wrinkly. I’m going to bother you for your whole life. I want your support, but I get where you are coming from.”
“Just maybe, don’t do anything drastic yet. Feel it out for a little bit. It might just be a crush.”
I nod in agreement, even though I’ve thought about this for a while. Honestly, ever since he brought me the dirty chai a few months ago, I knew this was a sign to try again. The third time's a charm, I suppose.
My weather prayers were answered, and so far, August is cooler than July.
I can’t wait for the fall in Oregon. Tyler said the view from his house when September hits is picture-perfect.
I can already imagine all the landscape photo shoots I’ll take once the oak tree leaves turn amber and mix with the dark emerald redwoods.
I’ve been taking Chloe’s advice and not making a move on Reid.
Instead, I’ve spent the last few weeks texting him about books and stealing glances.
I admit it’s not that creative of me to have a crush on the same guy three times in my life, with two of those times not working out.
The first time wasn't my fault, however. If he hadn’t moved away, we could have gone to the dance together in middle school, married, and lived happily ever after.
But no, now we have gone through a different kind of dance where we twirl around, brushing shoulders or missing each other completely.
Reid is my closest friend besides Chloe and Tyler.
Tyler is nice and great, but no one makes me feel as equally relaxed and overwhelmed as Reid does.
A part of me is definitely saying not to make a move. Our life is so lovely now. I can’t help but notice the emptiness I feel when I look to my future without trying again. Even if he still rejects me, I’ll know I at least tried one more time.
Chloe has been eyeing me since I told her.
I feel like my every move and glance is being cataloged and criticized.
Chloe doesn’t want me to do anything about my crush, which hurts because I know I won’t be able to hold it in for much longer.
So, I’m ultimately going to betray her, but for the first time in what feels like my entire life, I am finally doing something for myself.
The four of us are sitting in a corner booth at the Human Bean, sipping on our iced drinks, enjoying the mild weather and bright sun.
Iced hazelnut latte for Tyler, iced matcha for Chloe, iced green tea with honey for me, and iced black coffee with whipped cream for Reid.
He never strays. It’s a Sunday afternoon, and it never feels old that I don’t dread going to work tomorrow.
I have two client meetings tomorrow and a bunch of photos to develop. I can’t wait.
“Yo, no way, Chloe, bringing soup to the theater is weird as fuck,” Tyler says to Chloe.
“Sometimes I just want something hot and comforting while I watch. I put it in a thermos and sip. Plus, they always crank the air conditioning in the theaters, so I get chilly.”
“You’re telling me you drink chili because you’re chilly?” Reid doubles back, laughing at his own dumb joke.
“Oh, and please tell me what book you are reading, Reid!” Chloe retorts, making Tyler snort laugh. Reid can’t help but laugh at her joke himself.
I snap out of my thought cloud and try to pick up the pieces of their conversation.
“She’s brought soup to the movies at least three times in the past year. She’s obsessed with soup,” I interject.
Reid chuckles and shakes his head. It hurts to look at him as each day goes by, knowing I shouldn’t do anything about it.
I want to lean into him, feel his body heat against mine.
To run my fingers through his hair and pull him into me, running my lips along his neck.
I peel my eyes off him and realize Chloe sees me staring.
I give her a little smile and focus on my green tea instead.