Chapter Thirty-two
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
NATALIE
The night they met
I’m not the type of girl to follow a guy I just met into his bedroom. A room that’s in a house he shares with a bunch of other guys to be more specific.
It’s not a smart move, yet this boy—wow. I’m drawn to him.
“Is this the part where you tell me your last name too?” I ask, using the same teasing tone he’s been directing at me all night.
He’s a flirt.
I like guys who still take the time to flirt.
Of course, I’m not going to tell him that. I’ve already called him out for attempting to hit on me. What would he think if I suddenly changed my mind, and I want him to hit on me?
“Banks. Tobias Banks,” he says with enough confidence to make me jealous.
The fall semester is supposed to start in just a matter of weeks, and I’m still trying to decide whether I should leave or not. Go home, call it a good effort, because college isn’t for me. It didn’t help me find what I was looking for or guide me in the direction I’m supposed to take with my life.
You know, all the things a young woman hopes to find.
But Tobias, oh, everything about him screams confidence. It’s not coming off as cocky. It’s more like “Hey there, follow me. I make goals and take action to get what I want” type of confidence. A man who put in the work and is proud to show it off.
Like right now.
I kid you not, if this boy pulls out a romance novel he wrote, I will very well melt right here on the floor.
A guy who writes romance and wants to shout it from the rooftop, or in our case, bring a random girl to his room to show it off, is definitely one to swoon over.
The moment we walk into his room, I hear Elvis’s “Suspicious Minds” playing from somewhere. I make a quick scan of his tidy room—no radio, but there is a computer half propped open, so I assume that’s where the music is coming from.
I love Elvis, like most people, but I don’t mention it.
I’m here to see a romance novel, and I’m not about to let him get distracted.
“Your room is clean,” I say instead. Why? I have no clue. Maybe because the guys I’ve hung out with never have a room this clean. I mean, what is that, lemon and spruce? Is that even a combination? And why do I feel like this room was cleaned by a professional?
Jesus, Natalie, why are you obsessing over the room?
I cross and uncross my arms. Then I pretend I have an itch on my upper arm as he watches me.
“Are you nervous?” he asks, sitting back on his desk, adding space between us.
I’m not sure why I notice it, but his giving me space calms me.
“A little,” I admit.
He grabs the doorknob and opens the door completely. There’s a couple making out in the hallway; beyond them are people waiting in line for the bathroom. One girl looks up at me and smiles.
“No problem. Let me just grab my book and then we can get back to the crowd. It’s the only copy I have right now. Outside of my family, the boys, and now you, not many people know I write romance.”
“Oh, and here I thought you were telling all the girls to impress them.”
“Nope. You’re the first. I must have been waiting for the right girl to talk to me. Should we head back out there?” he asks, holding the book in his hand.
I look between him and the girl who is now taking her turn for the bathroom.
“It’s okay,” I tell him and then close the door a little. “It’s quieter in here, and you seem like a nice guy.”
“A nice guy,” he repeats, rubbing his chin as he crosses one ankle over the other. “Thanks, I guess.”
“You don’t like being called a nice guy?”
“I mean, if you consider the whole nice guys finish last thing, no, it’s not exactly a trait I’d like connected to my name.”
“Oh really,” I say as we find our way back to the flirty vibe we established before coming to his room. I sit on his bed and crisscross my legs. “Tell me what kind of traits you’d like connected to your name.”
He chuckles and hands me a book.
Sure enough, it has his name on it.
“Wow, you really wrote this?” I flip the pages and then look at the back cover. “One moment changed their entire lives.” I read the tag line at the top and then smile at him. “Okay, okay , I’m impressed.”
I don’t wait for his reply as I open to a random page and start reading quietly. I make it about three sentences before I snap the book closed.
“Tobias Banks! You write naughty books.” I laugh.
My gaze scans him from head to toe. He’s still standing away from the bed, but his attention is on me. I want to remember the smile on his lips forever.
A new song starts up, this one by the Black Pumas—he seems to have the same taste in music as I do—and I chuckle. “Okay, let me pick out new traits for you.”
“After fifteen minutes of knowing each other?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Okay, let’s hear it, but only if I get to pick yours too.”
“Oh, now who’s getting cocky?”
He shrugs. “What can I say? I have a way with knowing people’s characteristics.”
I roll my eyes, but I love that his comebacks are so quick.
“Hmm, Tobias Banks is driven and likes to have goals.” I hold up the book. “Creative and realistic.” I lean in close and whisper, “Everyone wants sex in their books, but they don’t admit it. I mean, sex happens to everyone; it’s the most realistic part of any story.”
He chuckles.
“He’s smart, and he trusts easily. He’s also very organized, and he’s very good with words.”
“Not bad,” he says.
“I’m not finished. He’s also a nice guy.” Tobias cringes. “With a dirty mind that may as well make him the modern-day Casanova.”
He fake gags.
“Do not start that. The guys would never let me live it down.”
“No problem. I’ll be our secret.”
“Thank you.”
“Okay, do me.”
His eyes widen, and his bottom lip drops.
“Not like that. Jeez, Casanova. Calm down. I mean my traits. What do you think they are?”
He chuckles but rubs the back of his neck and starts to move around the room.
“You’re stubborn,” he starts, and I just smile. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that one. “You like a good sparring match in conversation, and you’ll defend the people you love, no questions asked. You speak your mind and people probably mistake your honesty for crudeness far more often that they should. You don’t make rash decisions. You need time to think the big things through but will take risks if they help point you in the right direction. Hence, you came up here with me to see my book. Oh, and you wish your room was as clean as mine.”
I burst out laughing at his last line as if I weren’t in shock. After just minutes of knowing me, he figured me out to a T.
“Am I right?”
I nod. “Scary right.”
Finally, he sits next to me on the bed.
“I knew it. Are you going to Wind Valley University this fall?” he asks.
“Yes,” I answer without thinking. What was it he said? I’m willing to take risks if it means pointing me in the right direction.
“Good. I hope I see you again.”
I can feel my face heating before I look away.
“I’d like that.”
And I would, because for the first time in months, I feel like I just made the right choice, and it didn’t scare me. Leaving and never seeing Tobias again after tonight—now, that scares me.
Present Day
Leaving before Tobias woke up wasn’t an easy choice to make, but I had to make one, and being around him … well, I can’t think straight.
When did every choice in life become a debate?
Why is there this need to pick between right and wrong instead of just what you want?
I hate that somewhere in life, I lost myself. And just when I was starting to feel like I’d found myself again, something popped up to remind me to question if it is what I need.
My heart says yes, go get what you want , but the what-ifs stop me every single time.
What if it doesn’t work?
What if I hurt him?
What if he hurts me?
What if he does get bored?
What if I love him and it ends and causes this domino effect on our friends, and they suddenly feel the need to pick sides?
What can’t I just accept that I was happy?
I roll over on the bed in Nora’s guest room. I’ve been here for a few hours now. I wasn’t sure where else to go. I’m sure she’s eager with questions, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to answer them.
I let out a groan and cover my eyes with my arm.
I’m out of a place to live twice in the last few months.
Well, not exactly. Tobias would never kick me out, and that makes my heart hurt even more. How can he be so sure of us? Why can’t I feel that? What’s holding me back?
“Knock, knock,” Nora says, pushing the bedroom door open slowly. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
I sit up on the bed and sit cross-legged. She’s carrying a box in her hands.
“What’s in the box?” I ask as soon as the door shuts behind her.
“I don’t know yet. We’re going to look through it together.”
She drops the box to the bed and then sits, reaching in to pull out a polaroid camera.
I laugh and take it from her. “And to think these things are all the rage now.”
“I know. Simon used to tease me so much during college for using one. Oh, look at this.” Nora pulls out an old phone. The iPhones now are at least twice the size of the one in her hand.
“Can you imagine the pictures on that thing?”
Her eyes light up, and she starts to dig deeper into the box, looking for something.
“Yes!” she cheers, pulling out a charging cord and plugs it in. “We’re going to find out.”
While we wait for it to charge, one by one, we find random pictures or things from our college years. Me and her, old boyfriends, the boys with their first books, parties, and more.
“I don’t mean to be this dramatic, but is there a reason you chose to come in here with this box?”
She shakes her head. “Just good timing, I think.”
I roll my eyes as she hands me a picture of Tobias and the guys.
“What night was this?” I ask.
“I think it was Graham’s first book release.”
I look closer; it looks like Hero and Simon are barely holding him up.
“Oh yeah, the shots night.”
Nora laughs. “College was fun.”
“Even though you had to see Hero as much as you did.”
“Yes. It’s crazy to think that the night you met Tobias, I met Hero. Only Hero asked me out and then stood me up, and you put Tobias in a hard-core friend zone.”
“I didn’t put him in a hard-core friend zone,” I defend myself. “He just never hit on me. Where else was I supposed to put him?”
“What if you had fallen in love back then?”
“Well, we probably would have broken up because we were kids, and he wouldn't be the best part of my life now,” I tell her.
“Mm-hmm.”
He really is the best part of my life. He’d love looking through this box with us.
Why is the idea of Tobias and me as more than friends so hard to accept?
I sigh loudly as the door to the room opens.
“Hey,” Hero says, poking his head in. “I’m just going to order a pizza for lunch. Any requests?”
“Dessert pizza,” I say with a big old smile.
“And for the main course?”
“Pepperoni.”
“Crust?”
“Thick.”
“Second pizza?”
“Hawaiian.”
That's what Tobias would want. Even though he isn’t here.
“Soda?”
“Water.”
“Do you love Tobias?”
“Yes.”
My head snaps up as Nora gasps. Hero slaps the doorframe as he leaves.
“What just happened?” I ask.
“You finally admitted that what you want is what just happened. Over a pizza order.”
She keeps scrolling through her old phone as I think about the last thirty seconds. I do love him. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Maybe that’s why I can’t just accept it. Because if it did end, it would hurt the worst, and I’d never recover. But I know it would hurt worse if I never took a chance on him. On us.
You don’t make rash decisions. You need time to think the big things through but will take risks if helps point you in the right direction.
I wasn’t meant to go to his room that night to see a book. I was meant to go so that I could be with him.
Because I was meant to fall in love with him. The way I am now.
“Oh, I just found a video of you and Tobias,” Nora says. The video starts to play in the background.
Why am I here? I should be with Tobias and working this out. We might not have all the answers figured out today, but I sure as hell won’t get any closer to them if I’m not with him.
He’s my person.
He’s my best friend.
He’s the man I fell in love with ten years ago.
I just didn’t know it until now.
“Ahhhhhh, oooooo.”
My gaze snaps to Nora’s phone at the very clear sound of my own drunken voice. Oh god, what video did she find?
“Nat, stop swaying like that, I can’t get the video to focus,” Nora voice fills the screen as the blurry image evens out, revealing Tobias and me sitting next to each other on one of the end tables at his old college house. He’s got his arm around me as I … I think I’m trying to sit-bop to the music, but I can’t be sure at this moment. Tobias is looking down at me with a giant smile.
“Tobias, get her water,” Nora’s voice chimes in again.
“She’s been drinking water for an hour now, Nora. I’ve got her.”
“I’m sure you do,” Nora says in a teasing tone. Tobias turns to glare at her, but I grab his face and make him look at me.
“I have to tell you something,” I say to him.
“What’s that?”
“I … I …”
“Jesus, Nat.” Nora hits me as we both stay glued to the phone screen. “Spit it out.”
“Seriously, how drunk was I?”
“You …” Tobias says in the video, his hand on my chin to gently force me to look at him. “Tell me. It’s just me.”
His voice gives me goosebumps.
“I dove you,” I say and then turn to Nora, smiling into the camera. “Oh! Nachos,” I shout and then run off.
“Natalie,” Nora is yelling at me, but her camera is still on Tobias.
“Yeah, Nat,” he sighs. “I dove you too.”
“Holy shit,” Nora whispers.
I grab my purse and run out of their house.