Chapter Thirty-three
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
TOBIAS
Waking up alone after spending night after night waking up to the woman you thought you might spend forever with sucks.
I wanted to tell her I loved her. That I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember, even if I might not have known the depth of that love. The day she told me she “doved” me, I knew something changed between us. Honestly, I just thought I was the lucky college kid who’d found this amazing girl who wanted to be friends with me no matter what, but really, that had to have been the day I fell in love with her. Hell, I think I’ve been in love with her since the moment we met.
It sure as hell would have made the last ten years easier had I seen that.
I should have told her how I feel last night.
But I didn’t.
I told her everything else except that.
Telling someone you love them in the middle of a fight seems wrong. Like a last-ditch desperate effort to convince someone to love you back.
I didn’t want that.
She didn’t deserve that.
But now that I’m lying here, staring at the side of the bed that should be filled with her smile and her laugh, I wonder if it would have made a difference.
I would have meant every word, but it was clear she was struggling to believe me.
Not once in our entire friendship did I give her a reason not to trust me.
Not once.
Everything changes when feelings get involved. When your heart is at risk of breaking.
I suck in a breath and roll to my back.
And let me tell you, it really does hurt.
* * *
I do get up to make some food—a broken heart still needs to eat. Well, mine does.
I make a BLT sandwich and grab the cheddar chips Natalie loves and sit by myself at the kitchen table. One of her sweaters is hanging off the chair across from me.
What’s the right move here? Go after her, or give her space to figure this out on her own?
I want to find her and hold her and shake her, tell her to trust me, trust us, until she does. But I can’t make that choice for her.
She’ll come back for it, won't she?
* * *
Early afternoon is also a bust. I worked out. It was mediocre. My heart wasn’t in it because Natalie took it with her wherever she went.
God, I’m pathetic.
She really doesn’t feel the same?
I just can’t wrap my head around it.
There’s no way I could feel this way and not have it returned. Then again, being in love is tricky.
This is stupid.
I’m calling her.
This is not how we end. I’m not letting days or weeks go by. Hell, it’s been six hours, and I’m not accepting this as over.
If she wants to see me committed to someone, she’s got it. I’m committed to reminding her how special she is to me day in and day out. How baking frustrates me, but I’ll do it every day of my life to make her those oatmeal cookies she likes. I’ll get a cat, even though I can’t stand them, just to make her happy. I’ll wake up every morning to train for a marathon with her if she asks me to … again. I’m committed. From the smallest thing in our life to the biggest, I’m hers.
I grab my phone and pull up her name, calling her without a second thought.
Not talking things through is what got us into this. Got me into this. She wants me to be clear. I’ll be as clear as fucking glass.
It goes to her voicemail.
“Fuck,” I say.
I debate hanging up and calling her back over and over until she answers but decide to leave her message instead.
No more debating what I should and shouldn’t do.
Love doesn’t set the rules—we do.
“Natalie, it’s me.” I pause, letting the words sink in carefully before I say them. “I should have told you from the start that the feelings I have for you run so deeply that I never planned for us to end. That when we stood in my office, and I told you I was waiting for the one, I knew it was you, even if my heart and mind hadn’t figured it out yet. My subconscious knew, though. That’s why I’ve never dated long-term. There was a small piece in the back of my mind waiting for me to figure this out. And I did. Please tell me it’s not too late.” I take a breath, blowing it out slowly. “I didn’t want to say this over the phone, but if this is the only chance I get, I’m takin?—”
“Can I go first?”
My heart lurches at the sound of her voice, and I spin to find her standing behind me.
“Dove.”
“Dove,” she repeats with a sly smile. “Yeah, it gets the best of us, doesn’t it? Makes us do crazy things.” She steps forward. “Like run because we’re scared of the unknown.”
I end the call and take two steps to stand right in front of her.
Her hand cups my cheek.
“I’m sorry I left this morning, and I’m sorry about last night. I let my emotions get the best of me. You deserve better than that.”
I let out a breath, closing my eyes and soaking in her touch.
“I should have talked to you sooner.”
She nods. “Me too, but this whole new us is scary, and for some crazy reason, all my mind could think of was how could Tobias Banks ever see me in any way other than his friend for more than a short time ?”
“Oh, trust me, I can. I’ll never see you in any way other than mine .”
“So, can you forgive me?”
I nod and lace her hand with mine.
“I was about to confess my feelings to your voicemail and then search every part of this town until I found you and brought you home. Here. With me. Where you belong. Even when you’re unsure of what happens next. Because I’m sure, and I’ll remind you over and over until it sticks.”
“It’s sticking pretty good right now, but um, what’s the one thing you wish you had told me the night we met?” she asks.
“Easy. That I was, in fact, hitting on you when I said come to my room to see my romance books.”
She slaps my chest and lets out a playful laugh.
“I knew it.”
“And also, that from that night, even after knowing you only an hour, I loved you. That I would love you for my entire life. I’m so sorry it took me this long to figure it out.”
“You love me?” she asks, and her eyes start to glaze over. “Or do you dove me?”
I let out a loud laugh and then yank her body to mine, cupping her cheek the way she still holds mine. She figured it out.
“Both.”
I crash my mouth to hers and kiss her like it’s the first and last time all in one. She presses me back until I stumble and hit the couch. She lands on top of me and pushes herself up with her hands to look down at me.
“Promise me that if you ever start to get scared about us, you won’t run,” I tell her.
“I promise, but same for you, okay?”
She kisses me again, and I slip my tongue in her mouth and then pull her bottom lip between my teeth.
“If I’ve learned anything over the last ten years, it’s this: you and me.” I kiss her one more time because I want all her kisses, day and night. “You and me, Tobias and Natalie. We’ve always been right.”