Track 5 #2
She had just handed her virginity over to someone she didn’t love, just so that she could rid herself of it like she would discard an old item of clothing she no longer liked, as if it meant nothing.
Elliot had been sweet, but the earth had certainly not moved.
It hadn’t been how she had either expected or wanted her first time to be.
She had stared at the dark, mottled patch on the ceiling where something had clearly leaked in the past and felt nothing but numb.
A sort of emptiness had crept over her as if this was all happening to someone else.
And all she could think about was Adam and Eve and how they looked at each other.
How their first time would no doubt involve angels and choirs and stars and fireworks and feelings.
She dragged her fingers through her wild curls and took a few deep breaths, then she splashed cold water onto her face and hoped that no one else would be able to see that she’d been crying.
When she opened the bathroom door, Elliot pushed off the wall and circled her in his arms. ‘Thank you, Lily. It meant a lot to know I was your first.’ He kissed her and she let him. ‘Next time will be better, I promise.’
She smiled and nodded, knowing full well there wouldn’t be a next time.
Saturday morning arrived and presented Lily with the throbbing head usually associated with overindulgence in alcohol.
Elliot had dropped her off at her door at one o’clock in the morning after she had ended up consuming too much of the rancid-tasting brown liquid that Jacko was passing off as beer.
She had drunk the vile concoction solely to rid herself of the memory of the colossal mistake she had made.
As she lay there staring at her clean, blank white ceiling, trying not to replay the previous night, and trying to ignore the nauseating sensation that someone had carpeted her tongue with the same cheap seventies shag pile she had walked on the night before, she remembered that she and Adam had arranged to go into the city for lunch and a catch-up.
It had been arranged for a while, but they hadn’t confirmed things recently, so she was surprised when there was a knock on the door while she tried to stay still for fear of the room spinning.
She clambered out of bed dressed only in an old faded oversized Ramones T-shirt that had once belonged to Adam.
‘Morning!’ he trilled as she opened the door. His greeting was quickly followed by a sharp intake of breath as he baulked. ‘Shit, you look rough. What happened?’ He pushed in and plonked himself down on her unmade bed.
She yawned and stretched her arms over her head. ‘Beer and loud music.’
Adam suddenly averted his eyes. ‘Er, Lily, I know we’re best friends and all, but all you have on under that T-shirt is a pair of flimsy knickers. I am a bloke, you know.’
She dropped her arms quickly and felt heat rise in her cheeks. ‘Whoops, sorry.’ She cringed, grabbed a pair of yoga pants, and pulled them on as quickly as she could. ‘So, how did your first official date with Eve go?’ Not that I actually want to know.
A grin spread across his handsome features. ‘Oh, Lil, it was fantastic. We kissed.’
Her heart sank a little as she remembered what she had done on her date, but she forced a smile. ‘Oh, great. That’s really great.’
He frowned, causing a familiar crease between his brows. ‘How was your night? Did you go to that house party?’
She nodded and plastered on a fake smile. ‘I did… it was really… yeah… good. Elliot’s really sweet.’ She wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince the most.
He laughed coldly. ‘Sweet? That’s not a word I would’ve associated with him. Just be careful, okay? He’s the kind of guy who you don’t want to be handing yourself over to. I… I don’t trust him.’
She pulled her brow into a frown and gasped. ‘You can’t say things like that, Adam. You don’t even know him.’ She folded her arms across her braless chest defiantly.
‘Look, like I just said, I’m a bloke. I know what he’s after. And I just don’t think you should go giving it to him.’
She felt the heat rising in her cheeks again and her hands fisted on her hips. ‘Yeah… well… that’s… you… it’s… it’s none of your business who I…’ She shook her head as she stumbled over her words, the right ones evading her completely.
His mouth fell open and a red hue rose rapidly in his face. ‘Please tell me you didn’t?’
She turned her back on him and folded her arms once again. ‘Didn’t what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
She heard him stand and blow out a long breath as if he was trying to calm a rage.
When he spoke again, his voice was quiet and controlled.
‘You know exactly what I’m talking about.
Tell me you didn’t sleep with him, Lil.’ They had always agreed it was better to wait until you were in love before you gave yourself to someone.
Adam was very old-fashioned that way and Lily had always thought it very sweet.
She could almost feel his eyes boring into her back.
Her cheeks warmed to the point where they could burst into flames at any second. She had never been able to lie to Adam. Not successfully anyway.
She swung around to face him and narrowed her eyes as anger at his judgemental attitude twisted her insides. ‘Well, Adam, what I can confirm is that there wasn’t any sleeping involved.’ Shutupshutupshutup! Not helping yourself!
He stood and walked over to her, his fists clenched at his sides, and a pained look in his usually warm eyes.
‘You didn’t?’ She remained stoic. He dragged his hands through his hair and groaned as if she had kicked him.
‘Oh shit, Lily, why? What did you do that for? Do you have feelings for him? Seriously? Sodding Pippi Longstocking?’ The pain in his eyes turned to disappointment and he shook his head.
She gritted her teeth. ‘His name is Elliot Longthorne, Adam, and it is none of your business. So I had sex? So what? I enjoyed it,’ she lied.
Her words were meant to hurt him as the anger both at herself and Adam bubbled to the surface.
‘It was great, and I’ll be doing a lot more of it with or without your blessing.
I’m an adult. Remember? Now if you’re going to stand there being all Judgy Judgerson, then I suggest you sod off out of my room! ’ she shouted, pointing to the door.
He shook his head as he turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
She let out an angry guttural scream and punched her mattress.