Track 21
‘I WILL REMEMBER YOU’ (SARAH MCLACHLAN)
The following day, Adam awoke on the sofa. It had been a fitful night’s sleep filled with dreams of Eve and he was worn out. He pulled himself to a sitting position and rubbed his hands over his face.
Today would be hard.
Today he would tell Lily he needed to be alone for a while.
Today he would say goodbye to Eve properly.
He had no clue why he felt it had to be today, but it just had to be.
He had been heartbroken for almost a whole year now and he knew he couldn’t sustain that state of limbo much longer.
Eve would be so mad at him if she could see how he had put his whole life on hold after losing her.
He would never get over her completely. He would never forget her.
But he was just thirty years old and knew he couldn’t spend the rest of his life looking back.
So today, there were places he wanted to walk.
He wanted to be alone with his memories of Eve.
Lily yawned as she slumped onto the sofa beside him. ‘Morning, Adders. Coffee?’
He turned towards her. ‘Lil… I need… I need some time alone today. Is that okay?’
She scrunched her brow. ‘Sure, of course. Is everything okay?’
He nodded. ‘Yeah… I just feel like… I don’t know… like I need to be with my memories today. Does that sound mad?’
She smiled warmly and squeezed his arm. ‘No, it sounds like you.’
‘What will you do? Will you be okay?’
She waved a dismissive hand. ‘I’ll be absolutely fine. I may go shopping again.’ She widened her eyes and opened her mouth, feigning horror.
He smiled and shook his head. ‘That chartered return flight is looking more necessary by the day.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll stick to window shopping,’ she said with a wink as she stood and walked to the bureau to make coffee. Adam walked into the en suite and turned on the shower.
While Adam was in the shower, Lily ordered room service.
Adam needed a good meal before he went out as she knew there was little chance of him taking time to eat if she wasn’t there to encourage him.
She knew how difficult today would be. She spotted the list of places he wanted to visit and knew that these were places he and Eve had talked about going together.
He had decided to do a harbour tour first to take in the views of the spectacular Statue of Liberty and then make his way back to take a walk in Central Park.
She knew these two places were the ones he and Eve had been most excited about.
Later in the evening, he was going to visit Times Square when the billboards were lit brightly, dazzling pedestrians and drivers alike with their vibrant coloured images and advertisements.
He came out of the en suite with a towel wrapped around his waist and one in his hand that he was using to rub vigorously at his hair. His eyes had the red-rimmed, telltale signs of tears cried once again.
Poor Adders.
She smiled warmly, deciding not to ask about his wellbeing, knowing she was beginning to sound like a broken record.
‘I ordered pancakes and maple syrup. They came with bacon. How dodgy is that?’ She giggled as she lifted the silver bell-shaped lids from the warm plates.
He walked over to take a look. ‘Dodgy? I think it sounds amazing. Oooh, and the bacon’s all crispy too.’
Lily scrunched her nose up at the crispy pinkish coloured strips. ‘Yeah, crozzled more like.’
‘Nah, this is perfect. Nice and crunchy,’ he said as he chewed and it sounded like he was munching on gravel. ‘You’ve got no bloody taste, that’s your trouble.’
The two friends ate their breakfast in silence. He still sat in his damp towel while she tried not to imagine him naked.
Eventually, she pushed her chair back from the table. ‘Well, I’m stuffed. I don’t think I’ll need lunch now!’
‘Aww, you’re a lightweight! You used to be able to eat a tattie more than a pig, Lil. What’s happened to you?’ he asked with a mouthful of bacon and pancake.
She pretended to gag. ‘Adders, I can see everything smooshing around in your mouth. It’s disgusting!’
A wide grin spread over his face as he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. ‘Blaaaaargh!’ He shook his head from side to side.
She threw her scrunched-up napkin at him. ‘You really are a pig!’ He laughed as she made her way to the en suite and shouted over her shoulder, ‘Get some clothes on, too. I can see your arse!’
‘You know you love me, really!’ he shouted after her.
An hour later Adam walked onto the busy sidewalk of Park Avenue.
He hailed a cab and one pulled up beside him almost immediately.
After giving the driver his destination, he pulled out a photo from his wallet.
It showed him and Eve cuddled together beside a model of the Statue of Liberty they had seen on a weekend trip to Amsterdam.
It was built from tiny building blocks, the type that children play with.
Done this way, however, it looked more like a sculpture.
He smiled and stroked his thumb over the image of his wife and got lost in his thoughts.
I’ll see the real thing today, Evie. You’ll be there with me in spirit, I know you will.
I wish you were beside me now so I could tell you how much I love that you did this for me.
This amazing trip. Being here just makes me miss you more.
I know I’m going to need to let you go at some point.
Although I really don’t know how to start that process.
I know how much you loved me and I hope you always knew how much I loved you…
still love you. I dreamed about you last night.
It was so real. You were snuggled up on the sofa next to me.
The curves of your body moulded to mine just like they always did.
I held onto you so damn tight, but… when I awoke you were still gone.
The cab pulled up to the kerb where Adam could wait for the water taxi, and he climbed out, handing bills to the driver. He made his way over to the booth and bought his ticket. Standing in line with the other eager tourists, his thoughts drifted back to Eve.
Well, here I am, Evie. I’m waiting in line to do one of the things you and I were supposed to do together.
I’m glad it’s a nice bright day. It feels like you’re smiling down on me.
I can see the statue off in the distance.
I don’t know what I expected, but… well…
it’s huge, Evie. It’s beautiful. I wish you could see it.
I hope that you can. The sun is shining down on it, and it looks like it’s lit up with a gigantic spotlight just for us… for me.
People began to move and eventually he boarded the boat that would take him closer to the statue.
There were people of all nationalities surrounding him.
Funnily enough, he ended up sitting right next to a Scottish couple.
From what little conversation he overheard between them, he could tell they were on their honeymoon. He secretly envied them.
It’s typical, Evie. Everywhere I turn there are couples. Everyone here is with someone. Except for me. I’m here with my memories. Memories of you and how beautiful you were. How happy you made me. How amazing it felt to be with you. We could be anywhere and it didn’t matter.
He felt the familiar sting of tears as the boat travelled nearer to the imposing lady, looming forty-six metres tall over New York Harbour.
He gulped back the tears and bit the inside of his cheek as he pulled his jacket around his body to guard against the sea breeze that bit at him through his clothing.
Wow… there she is, Evie. She’s even more beautiful up close. I can’t quite believe I’m here. And… I can’t quite believe you’re not.
People frantically snapped photographs as the tour guide reeled off fact after fact about the icon which was a gift in 1884 from the French and symbolised freedom and the dedication to liberty as an ongoing concept for the American people.
Adam couldn’t help the overwhelming emotion that surged from deep within.
A stray tear spilled over, and he quickly wiped it away.
Once the boat was safely docked once again, Adam looked back over his shoulder one last time.
Goodbye, Liberty. It was nice to finally see you in real life…
not that the building block version wasn’t impressive…
but… well, you’re the real deal. Oh, Evie, I remember that day like it was yesterday.
We vowed then and there that we’d see the real thing…
one day. I think Central Park is next. You’d been desperate to go there ever since we watched Serendipity for the first time together.
Although it was probably your fiftieth watch. That film has a lot to answer for.
He smiled as he began to make his way in the direction of Central Park. After walking for thirty minutes, his restless night began to catch up on him, and his legs grew more and more tired with each step. He hailed a cab and made the rest of the journey in air-conditioned comfort.
Central Park was like an oasis of calm in a sea of chaos.
The skyscrapers skirted the edge of the vast green space as if waiting to step inside.
Blooming magnolia and cherry trees framed the pretty lawned areas where families were picnicking on plaid blankets, basking in the June sunshine.
Adam bought a hot dog and a bottle of water from a vendor who stood reading the New York Times.
He inhaled deeply as he glanced around himself.
Oh, Evie, you would just love this; the place is amazing.
It’s so colourful. It’s busy, yet somehow peaceful at the same time.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to lay out a blanket and sit with your head in my lap while I stroke your hair.
You’d read a book and I’d be people watching.
I love that this place exists amongst all the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple.
Oh… a horse and carriage… and yet another couple who look deeply in love.
He watched the horse and carriage pass by as he licked the relish that had dripped down his hand.
An elderly couple walking hand in hand towards him stopped.
‘Here you go, doll. Looks like you need this.’ The lady, clearly a New Yorker from her accent, was wearing lilac trousers and a yellow jacket embellished with diamantes.
She held out a folded paper handkerchief to him. ‘It’s clean.’ She smiled.
He cringed, realising ketchup was now dribbling down his chin. ‘Oh, heck, thank you, thank you very much. That’s very kind.’ He took the hanky and wiped the sticky mess away.
‘You’re welcome, honey. Can’t have a handsome young fella like you getting all icky on the way to meet his lady.’ She winked and she and her husband carried on walking. Adam smiled to himself and shook his head.
Now if you’d been here, Evie, we’d be going for coffee with that old couple right about now, and you’d be inviting them to visit us back home in Scotland.
He came across a pretty little arched bridge and walked up to the mid-point.
He stood and watched a couple of teenagers as they rowed a little boat along and argued jokingly about who was doing the most work to propel them forward.
He inhaled deeply once again, trying his best to imprint the memories in his mind forever.
It’ll be time to go home soon, Evie. Back to Scotland.
Back to life in the real world. The world that no longer has you in it.
But you’ll always be in my heart, Evie. No matter what.
Even if… and it’s a big if… but even if I meet someone, I’ll still love you.
I hope you know that. I’ll never forget you.
How could I? I have so many happy memories, Evie.
I can’t believe you’ve been gone almost a year.
My mum and dad, and yours for that matter, tell me I need to look forward because looking back can only sustain me for so long.
They tell me it’s what you would want but how do they know?
I can’t replace you. I don’t want to move on.
But I know I have to. But it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten.
It doesn’t mean you’ve been replaced in my heart.
Because you were one of a kind. My beautiful girl.
My love… the missing piece of my soul. My Eve.