Chapter 2
Hannah
I waited in the car, staring at my hands, my knuckles white with the force of my grip around the steering wheel. I couldn’t let the damn thing go, thinking of what I needed to do. The apartment complex in front of me held my future, our future in its hands, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to find out what that was. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t think I ever would be.
Pregnant.
We hadn’t used protection and we’d discussed starting a family but to have it happen so soon, under these circumstances wasn’t at all what I had imagined. There was a child growing inside of me in the middle of the chaos, and I wasn’t sure how to accept it. It pushed me to drive to his apartment, but I wasn’t sure that I could even step foot inside.
Thunder rumbled above me, the sky darkening as the wind made leaves float to the ground. I sighed, turning off my car and sitting there for a few more seconds while I mustered the courage to speak to him.
Here goes nothing.
Hugging my arms around my body, I walked into the complex, ignoring the small talk some of my acquaintances wanted to make and pushed the button in the elevator, staring at the floor number as it changed.
One.
You still have time to walk away.
Two.
Forget about him.
Three.
Move on.
Four.
Try one more time.
Five.
He still loves you.
Six.
You’ll always be his.
On the seventh floor, the elevator door opened, and I took a deep breath, hoping, praying, the Derek I knew and loved was still there. Evie said love always conquered it all. Maybe she was right.
God, I hope she’s right.
I knocked a few times, the silence deafening as I waited for the door to open and for him to appear but it never did. I bit down on my lip, taking the doorknob in my hand and twisting.
The stench of alcohol surrounded me, bringing an intense bout of nausea that I fought to keep at bay. Chaos surrounded me. The place was a mess. Clothes on the floor, beer cans scattered around the living room, picture frames broken near the fireplace. I should have taken it for what it was—a warning. But I didn’t.
My stubborn feet moved quietly across the floor, leaning down as I picked up a picture frame with a photo of us that laid on the floor, holding on to it as the memory of when we took it replayed in my head.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
I gasped, dropping the picture on the floor and watching it shatter, much like my heart did when I saw him standing against the wall, another beer in his hand.
He was a fucking mess.
His hair was disheveled, he hadn’t slept, and he looked like he hadn’t showered but there I stood, hoping at the end of this he could take me into his arms and tell me we would be okay.
“I asked you a fucking question,” he said, his tone making me flinch.
“We need to talk.”
Derek scoffed before gulping what was left of his drink before throwing the can toward a trash bag that laid on the floor and missing.
“But please stop drinking.” There was a flash of remorse in his eyes as I whispered those words, brief, but it was there. He was there somewhere, hiding behind the alcohol.
He had to be.
He promised not to leave me.
Promised we were forever.
“I have nothing to say to you. You took everything from me, Hannah, again. I’m not doing this shit anymore. Get the hell out.”
If I left, I wouldn’t have the courage to look for him again and tell him.
Say it.
Don’t wait.
“I’m pregnant.”
My voice broke as I said the words aloud, but he heard me. I knew he did. His eyes widened and for a moment, it looked like he wasn’t drunk anymore, the disbelief in his face and the small hint of excitement I thought I saw shine through his eyes told me he heard the two words that left my lips.
“What did you say?”
“I said I’m pregnant.”
Silence surrounded us. It could have been seconds, minutes, hell, maybe hours—as his drunken mind tried to process what I had said. It was as if he found himself at the edge of a cliff, gazing at the broken bridge in front of him, debating whether to cross it. And for a moment, I thought he would take the jump. Just for a fleeting moment, I let myself think he would take the leap with me.
I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.
“You’re kidding, right?”
I blinked, stunned at the bitterness in his voice.
I shook my head slowly as he took a menacing step toward me, losing myself in the intensity of his dark green eyes. “I found out a few days after...after our fallout.”
I took a step back and he took another step forward, our little dance until my back ended against the wall with Derek towering over me.
“How convenient,” he said, placing a hand over my head, the other on my cheek. I let out a shaky breath, unsure what the hell he was going to do. I was corralled, his body against mine, the fire in his eyes setting me ablaze...though I didn’t know what it was that burned.
“You know what? I think I do have a few things to say.” His eyes dropped down to my lips and he smirked, mockingly. “You really think saying you’re pregnant will make me run back to you? Do you think it’ll make me forget the shit you put me through? Stealing from me? Betraying me again? You did it once, of course you would do it again.” He leaned in, gripping my chin in his hand. He wouldn’t hurt me, no.
Not physically.
But the violence in his words was unmatched.
“I’m not falling for your shit again.”
I met his eyes, hoping he saw the truth in mine. “Derek, I am pregnant. I can show you the test. I’ll take one in front of you.”
He looked at me, like I was a puzzle. Like I was something he couldn’t figure out, but it was simple. Couldn’t he see my walls were down? Couldn’t he see me?
It was only our quiet breathing for those few seconds in which he looked at me, he looked through me, searching for something--truth or lies. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to find. I didn’t tear my eyes from his though. I held his gaze, even as his thumb went up to my cheekbone, caressing me briefly before he spoke.
“Even if you are, why should I believe it”s mine?”
It was then I knew.
What was aflame was my heart. He tossed it to the side, doused it in gasoline and set it on fire. I sucked in a breath, watching as he walked away from me, from us, and disappeared into the kitchen, the sound of glass breaking forcing my feet to move, this time away from him.
I managed to take a step, then another, until my feet were running to the elevator and then through the rain to the car. Only then, far from his words, far from him, did I allow myself to grieve.
To grieve for the family I would never have.
For the father my baby deserved.
I mourned the love that was once mine.
It was over.
This time, it was really over.
The Paradis was crowded. The restaurant smelled of home and elegance, all mixed into one. There were people everywhere, the lively chatter of clients filling the Friday night air as I entered the restaurant, a waitress laughing until her eyes fell on me. I smiled at her.
“Cat,” I greeted, watching as the color drained from her face. Funny, how people could become strangers so damn quickly. There were murmurs from the other staff who’d seen me enter. Me—the person who betrayed Derek Hensley not once, but twice. The person who caused him to spiral. I rolled my eyes, putting on my fa?ade, one I had become an expert at wearing from a young age. My mother was the best teacher after all, and though inside I was falling apart they would never see it.
My pride would be my undoing, but it was better than heartbreak.
Anything was.
This wasn’t what everyone meant when they said I needed to talk to him. Sure as hell wasn’t what Dr. Carmichael meant when she said I needed to close this chapter of my life and turn the page for a new one to begin, but I couldn’t let myself be weak. The thought terrified me.
“I’m...uh...do you have a table reserved?”
I smiled. “No. But you know that already. I need to talk to Derek.” Cat opened her mouth to speak, but I waved her off. “No need to guide me. I remember the way.”
I walked past her and like I expected, no one stopped me. No one said a damn word.
It didn’t take me long to find him. He stood to the side, talking to Lisa, her eyes widening when she saw me. Regret instantly covered her features, like she cared. Like she felt bad for what had happened.
But Derek...he didn’t look surprised. He looked different...older.
Wiser.
Nothing like the man who broke my heart.
It ached.
It hurt.
I watched as he nodded toward his office, wordlessly telling me to meet him there.
I walked past Lisa, not bothering with a greeting and walked into the familiar space, ignoring the memories that replayed in my head. The kisses he’d given me, the times we would sneak into his office and he’d make love to me over the desk, against the wall...anywhere he could. And when he looked at me, his eyes dark and intense, I knew he was thinking the same thing.
And for a second, I couldn’t speak.
I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say, I couldn’t even fucking breathe.
He took it all from me.
Because the way he looked at me, with such intensity, knowing, began to shake the ground underneath me, breaking the foundation to the walls I’d built around my heart. I could see it.
The regret.
The guilt.
The love.
Could he see it in mine?
I swallowed, looking away for a moment before clearing my throat and speaking.
“So, you’re back,” I managed to say, keeping my voice firm, steady, even though everything inside me began to crumble. “I’m assuming we need to talk. So...let’s talk.”
His lips pulled up, only slightly, a fire in his gaze as he sat on the edge of his desk. Not once did he break eye contact. Derek wasn’t afraid, no. He was thrilled.
And when he spoke, it took everything in me to stay standing. It was war...and one I wasn’t sure I could win.
“Alright, Hannah. Let’s talk.”