Chapter 9
Derek
The sound of my phone buzzing on the nightstand startled me awake. It was rare to sleep and being awoken by the sound when I had barely gotten any shut eye infuriated me. More so when I saw the name. I let the call go to voicemail and placed a pillow over my face, hoping it would block the sunlight starting to peek through the window, but no such luck.
The phone buzzed again.
I groaned. “What do you want?”
A low chuckle rumbled through the phone line. “Well, good morning to you, too, brother. It’s been a long time since we talked, and this is the greeting I get? Where are your manners?”
A long time, indeed.
Since the day I took Hannah to his restaurant. I ran a hand over my face, not prepared for the conversation ahead. Dylan and I didn’t have much of a relationship, and he’d refused to meet Evie since I had told him she existed, but I had the feeling he was done running away.
“Are you sober now? Or did I catch you with a hangover?”
“Sober.”
“Alright. So then, can we get this meeting going pretty soon before I back out?”
Scoffing, I sat up, shoving the sheets to the side and sitting up on the bed. “Listen...Evie has had a lot of people walk in and out of her life, including me. If you’re going to walk out on her you’re better off leaving things as they are.”
There was silence on the line. Dylan was the one to run away. Left me as a child to rid himself of our mother’s bullshit. He had the guts to run away before he was too fucked up. I waited, hoping he said he didn’t want to bother, but I knew I couldn’t protect Evie forever. She deserved to know him.
“I’m not walking away. I want to know her. Hannah has spoken wonders of her.”
“Hannah?”
“Well, yeah. Remember? That night she played the piano at the restaurant?”
Of course.
That night seemed ages ago.
Many things had changed since that night.
“I’ll give you her number, Dylan. Evie is a good person with a great family, so don’t fuck it up.”
Dylan chuckled, and I knew what he would say before he even replied. “Hey...we’re brothers. Can’t promise I won’t. See you soon.”
The line went dead, and I sighed, tossing my phone on the bed and not bothering to check it when I heard it hit the ground. One more thing to handle. Evie would be ecstatic to meet Dylan, but the thought of her getting hurt again made me uneasy. I’d hurt her enough for the both of us and though he had been clean for a while, I wasn”t sure I knew who the hell he was. We weren’t a family. We were just acquaintances who were related.
I closed my eyes once again, knowing that the chance to sleep was long gone. I wouldn’t be able to, not when I knew that the meeting with Dylan was inevitable. Not while knowing that I had one more thing to pile on to the pile of shit that we were going through.
I stood, deciding to start the day.
Sleep was overrated anyways.
***
”Oof. You look like shit.”
Lisa…always fucking blunt.
”Gee, thanks,” I muttered as I pulled on my jacket. The fun thing about New York was finding parking. In our case, a parking garage would have to do. Nathan had offered to let us look at ”statement pieces” whatever the hell that meant, for the new restaurant and Lisa was ecstatic.
The gallery was closed to the public, but I knew Nathan would be there. Maybe Hannah.
I hadn’t spoken to her for a few days…not about anything other than our daughters and even those conversations were short. She avoided me at all costs, and I couldn’t say I blamed her. I wasn’t sure that I would be able to control myself around her. Not when I would catch her glancing at me with those eyes full of longing. I could see right through her, and for that I was thankful.
”Really, though. Have you slept the last few weeks? You know resting is important to stay sober and—”
I waved Lisa off. ”I”m fine, Lisa. There”s a lot going on. I”ll sleep when I”m dead.”
Her eyes widened.
”Figuratively speaking, I mean. Not literally.”
”So, there”s nothing to worry about?”
”Not a thing.”
Her smile returned as we approached the gallery and her eyes lit up as she took in the colorful paintings that covered every wall. Lisa squealed, her excitement catching Nathan by surprise as she walked around the building without sparing a glance at him. My own roamed the building, searching for her and finding her next to a couple of paintings. Hannah offered me a smile from afar, but quickly turned her attention to her phone, though I knew it was all an act.
“You two are fucking awkward to be around.” I snorted at Nathan’s words and scratched the back of my head before glancing at Lisa who stood looking at a painting across the room.
“Did Dylan call Evie?”
Nathan nodded, letting out a breath and the tightness in my chest intensified.
Part of me hoped that Dylan backed out, but it seemed he hadn’t wasted any time. He was serious about meeting her. I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing. Our life had been full of darkness, it took a lot to get out of it. Dylan wasn’t the type of person to stick around and get attached.
Evie was the complete opposite.
“She’s excited but...”
“He’s a stranger. I know. He’s the better one out of us two, though.” Nathan raised an eyebrow and I shrugged. It was true. He had less trauma. “The worst he can do is visit and then disappear for a few months. Then visit again. But he won’t hurt her. He’s like a pesky little fly. Only comes around once in a while and then decides to find somewhere else where the grass is greener. Evie’s strong. She can handle him.”
Nathan chuckled. “That she is.” He gestured toward Lisa who had approached Hannah in the distance. “You’re doing the right thing…with Hannah, I mean. She’ll come around eventually.”
Doubtful.
Hannah was too scared to feel the pain…the hurt. She wasn’t used to it, didn’t know how to deal with it…and I didn’t want to be the reason why she hurt.
As if sensing the conversation was about her, she turned around. She hesitated before she headed in our direction. Her dress clung perfectly to every curve and now that she was a mother, there was a confidence radiating from her that I hadn’t seen before, and it made her that much more stunning.
She took my goddamn breath away.
“I’m closing the gallery tonight,” she said when she approached us, glancing between Nathan and me. She hadn’t slept either. “The girls will be at Evie’s, but if you want, I’ll give you a call when I leave and we can meet at my house so you can drop them off.”
“Okay.”
Hannah smiled again, and this time it made her eyes sparkle. “You know…I had them wear that outfit you brought. They look adorable. Look…”
She scrolled through her phone, holding it up so I could see the picture she’d taken earlier in the morning. Their toothless grin lit up the world and I knew that all the pain was worth it. For those beautiful smiles…for those innocent faces…
And for their mother.
She looked at them with adoration.
“It’s big on them,” I noted.
Hannah shrugged. “It’s okay, they’ll grow into it. When they were born, they outgrew the newborn clothes fairly quickly.”
A pang in my chest.
I’d missed so much.
“I found a few paintings I want,” Lisa said, breaking the conversation and for the first time, I was thankful. The regret at being absent all of Hannah’s pregnancy and their first months clawed at my insides, and it was unbearable. Nothing I did would make up for the time lost.
“Which ones?”
Hannah looked away, hugging herself with her arms…as if the mere presence of Lisa and me together was too much. She still had so much to say.
“So many. You have done an incredible job arranging everything, Hannah. Nathan tells me you’re in charge of marketing and setting everything up. It’s brilliant.”
I wanted nothing more than to take her into my arms and ease her pain, but Hannah pursed her lips before speaking up once more. “Don’t do this. Just pick whatever you want to buy and let us know. I’ll be in the office when you decide.”
Her beautiful eyes ablaze with an anger that was palpable in the air. She didn’t say anything else and simply walked away.
Lisa sighed…she’d hurt Hannah with her accusation so many months ago, and now, that friendship was over.
“Sorry…too much, I guess.”
Or not enough.
***
“You know…the diapers are usually easier to change if you do them one at a time.” Evie stood by the door, laughing as I struggled to change Annie and Isa’s diaper. Changing them both at the same time was by far, the stupidest idea I’d gotten.
“Well, thanks for telling me before I started,” I muttered, struggling to get anything done as the girls kicked their tiny legs. Their squeals filled the room and though I should have been frustrated, I couldn’t help but chuckle when they found the situation amusing. Evie approached us, handling Isa’s diaper while I finished with Annie.
“I have to say, Derek…being a dad suits you.” Pride swelled in my chest at her words. I wasn’t fucking sure if I was even a good man, but I needed to be a good father to them. “I’m proud of you.”
I sat down on the bed, looking at my daughter’s eyes. I would fight to keep their innocence. Fight to keep them happy despite the issues Hannah and I could have.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about them.” Evie’s apology carried through the silence of the room. The words lingered heavy in the air…but I didn’t want them. I didn’t need them. None of this was her fault, and I couldn’t blame her for keeping Hannah’s secret. After all, I hadn’t exactly been the easiest person to talk to during our fallout. “Hannah didn’t want me to tell you. She was hurt…angry. And you wouldn’t listen to anyone.”
“Evie…I understand. I wouldn’t have told me, either.”
“I’m trying to be impartial,” she whispered. “But it’s difficult. She’s hurt, Derek…but I know she’s hurting you in the process, too, and I’m not sure what to do with that.”
I glanced at my sister, watching how her gaze lingered on her nieces, but I didn’t answer. There was nothing I could say. The relationship between Hannah and me was too broken…too fractured. There weren’t enough apologies in the world to fucking save it.
I wasn’t sure Hannah wanted to.
Nathan’s footsteps carried throughout the house as he approached the bedroom. He walked into the room, eyeing us curiously before pulling Evie into his arms and giving her a kiss.
“I’m glad to see you two talking, but Lily and Noah are waiting downstairs for a family bedtime story,” he said.
I chuckled. I took both girls into my arms and followed behind the happy couple downstairs. Lily was indeed, waiting with her little feet swinging from the couch while Noah sat on a blanket on the floor, playing with a large construction toy I’d given him when I returned.
“What story are we reading today?” I asked, sitting next to Lily.
Lily beamed, holding out a book. “Little Red Riding Hood.”
“Feeling dark today, aren’t we?”
“Uh huh. And I want you to be the big bad wolf.”
“How fitting,” Nathan muttered with a smirk.
I shot him a glare that said “shut the fuck up” but all he could do was shrug while Evie laughed softly next to him.
I was, indeed, the big bad wolf, and Nathan played the grandma—ironic—while Evie was Little Red Riding Hood.
I did feel like the goddamn wolf all the time now. Waiting for Hannah to show some weakness, waiting for her to leave a gap where I could consume her once again and show her how good we could be. I couldn’t live like this…pretending to not be crazy about her when all I wanted to do was kiss away the pain. But she would never let me. Not after the way I hurt her.
“Uncle…it’s the wolf’s turn!” Lily shot me an exasperated look and handed me the open book.
“Geez…” I cleared my throat, forcing my voice to become even deeper. “Uh…all the better to see you with.” Evie stifled a laugh, saying her line when a phone began to buzz.
Nathan frowned, pulling his phone from his pocket and immediately, a deep sense of dread set in. Something wasn’t right. And when I glanced at Nathan’s phone and saw Hannah’s name, it only increased.
She never calls.
She only texts.
“Hannah…” Nathan paused, his eyes widening slightly when she said something on the other line and stood up, letting go of Evie’s hand. “What? Are you okay?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“I’m on my way.”
Nathan hung up, staring at his phone for a few seconds in silence, as if he was still processing what Hannah had said.
“What happened?” Evie asked for the both of us, and I was glad, because I wasn’t sure I could fucking talk.
“Someone broke into the gallery as Hannah was closing.”
Fuck.
Everything else was a blur…his words, everything surrounding us. “She’s…uh…she’s okay, I think. But I’m heading back to the gallery.”
“I’m going with you,” I said, standing up with the girls still in my arms.
“Derek—” Evie stood up, eyes wide and shaking her head.
“I’m going, Evie.”
Nathan nodded once, looking at his wife briefly…but enough for her to know what he meant.
“I’ll watch the girls,” Evie said, her lips tilting up. “But Nathan will drive, Derek.”
I nodded, placing the girls in her arms.
I needed to see her.
Needed to know if she was okay.
Fuck…
Please be okay.