Chapter 38
Derek
The rain pelted through the window overnight, carrying out through early morning. It was only 6 a.m. and Hannah was already out of bed, doing God knows what in the kitchen. Something told me she was trying—and failing—at stress cooking, but I didn”t bother to check.
I had the feeling she wanted to be alone.
She didn”t let me hold her overnight, leaving a crater between us on our bed.
It wasn”t her fault though...she simply needed space.
And I needed her.
My chest tightened as I realized how much it fucking tore me up that there was so much distance between us, even though it was neither of our faults. It didn”t matter to her...in her mind she would always be to blame.
And that son of a bitch Blake...
Fuck.
I ran a hand over my face, remembering his words.
I didn’t know he was stalking her.
I didn’t know his true intentions.
The man had looked like shit when he told me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. He’d broken her heart and knowing her, had diminished the little trust she had in anyone outside of our family. She would have walked through fire for Blake...never suspecting he would be the one to shove the knife into her back.
He’s dangerous.
Please take care of her.
“Goddammit,” I muttered, covering my face with Hannah’s pillow. It smelled like her but it wasn’t enough.
How much distance could I allow between us before I drove myself crazy?
Groaning, I got myself out of bed, eyeing myself in the mirror that stood by the window. Hannah used the damn thing every time she would get ready and would say it had great lighting.
It sure as hell did.
I could see the bags under my eyes and the exhaustion written all over my face.
I looked like shit.
I pulled on some basketball shorts and a t-shirt and made my way to the living room, where I heard Hannah cursing under her breath as some pots and pans clattered against each other. The tension was visible on her shoulders, and though she had her earbuds in, I could tell the music she listened to didn’t help her relax.
I wasn’t sure anything would.
As if sensing me there, she turned around, her jaw clenching as she eyed me from the kitchen. Almost like she dreaded seeing me there.
“Good morning,” I said.
She forced a smile, setting down the pan she held in her hand and eyeing me with caution, unsure of herself.
Maybe she didn’t trust that I would stick around after all this bullshit was over. But she had to know better than that.
When I realized I wouldn’t get anything out of her, I walked past her to the coffee maker, allowing the brewing coffee sounds and smell to surround us. I handed her the mug and though she hesitated, she took it from my hands and took a sip.
Her heart was utterly broken, and when that happened she shut everyone out.
Breaking the silence between us, I took the empty cup from her hands and caressed the soft skin of her cheekbone, eyeing her curiously as she sucked in a quiet breath.
“You should have gotten more rest.”
Her lips pressed in a thin line and she looked away. “That’s kind of hard to do right now.”
I ran my hands up and down her arms, feeling the goosebumps that formed on her skin as I touched her.
“This will be over soon, baby. It’ll end and we’ll carry on with our lives.”
I should have known then that she didn”t want to hear it, but it was too late. Her eyes...cold, and devoid of any affection typically there, met my own with indifference.
Ah, I could feel the burn of her words before she even spoke.
”Sometimes I wonder if you actually believe that or if it”s something you say to make yourself feel better.”
A punch to my gut.
I nearly fucking collapsed from the damn ache her words caused, but I didn”t say a word. Instead, I dropped my hand from her face, seeing the flush that crept on to her neck as her anger took over.
She”s hurt.
”Because you have to know I don”t believe that anymore, right?” Her jaw worked and her eyes narrowed before she continued. ”I”m sure you know by now that we won”t have a happy ending.”
At her words, I scoffed, shaking my head. My hands balled into fists as I tried to control my reaction.
She doesn”t mean it.
Hannah shielded herself with her words, trying to cause others the same pain she felt. I’d be damned if I said they didn’t hurt, though.
”Hm. That’s really how you feel?” Glancing at my phone, I saw Evie’s text and sighed, knowing Hannah probably wouldn’t like what I had done. “Tell me more about it later, okay? I’m going to check things out at the restaurant and then we’ll drop off the girls with Evie. We’re going out tonight.”
Eyes widening, Hannah stared at me like I was crazy and truthfully, I felt it. I felt every bit crazy as I looked at her, cowering away from me instead of embracing her pain.
Her fears.
Felt fucking crazy knowing that none of this would get better until it was over.
“What is wrong with you? What the hell makes you think I want to go out right now? With all of this—” she waved her hands around, emphasizing the chaos, “—going on? What? Do you think going out for a few hours will make me forget?”
Deep breaths.
Deep. Fucking. Breaths.
Disbelief etched her features, her brown eyes wide and full of anger. My beautiful wife was angry at the whole world...angry that these circumstances were thrown at her.
“I think it’ll do us good to get out.” My reply was short and I wanted to end the conversation with that. Turning around, I began to walk away until I heard her words once more, cutting through me like a burning blade.
“You live in this fantasyland...thinking this will make it all okay...none of this will help, Derek. None of this will make me feel better and you—”
“That is enough, Hannah,” she flinched at the tone of my voice, taking a step back though I kept my distance from her. “You’re having a shitty time, but you know what? So am I. If you’ve needed space, I’ve given it to you. If you needed me to hold you, I’ve done it. Now I am telling you that this is what I need. I need to get the hell out of here. I need to get you out of here so you can get out of your own head.” Her eyes filled with tears at my words, realization dawning on her...but I was too frustrated to care. “So do this for me, Hannah, hm? Can you do that?”
Her lip trembled but I walked away, leaving her to get herself together while I did the same.
***
I’d spent most of the morning at the restaurant, arranging things so I could be out for a few days.
Lisa had assured that everything would be fine—and I knew that—but the restaurant was the only thing left firmly standing around me.
I couldn’t take the chance of anything changing that.
She’d dug into the situation and confirmed it had been Blake to take from the restaurant. She was heartbroken… but it didn’t seem to matter. Lisa didn’t hold grudges, but I couldn’t say the same for me. The fact that Blake had hurt Hannah so much…I couldn’t forgive it.
“Take all the time you need,” Lisa had said when she realized the severity of the situation. She embraced me in one of those hugs that she reserved for moments like this. “The restaurants will still be here when this is all over, Derek. Take care of your girls.”
“Please keep me updated.”
I felt her laugh against my chest and she pulled away, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
“I will most definitely not.”
I believed her. I had been lucky enough to find my family...to find Evie, to find Dylan...have them in my life. But Lisa was the sister I had chosen. She stuck around even when I gave her a million reasons to walk away.
And now, with Hannah next to me, as we drove past the Welcome to Pennsylvania sign, I wondered if I had done the same with her. She was so close to a breaking point, so close to giving up that I could feel the uncertainty surrounding us.
She hadn’t said a single word the whole drive, but finally, when she realized we had crossed state lines, Hannah cleared her throat and looked over at me.
“Why are we in Pennsylvania?”
Hannah’s torn expression gave her away. New York was her home. New York was the place where she had started over, where she’d started a new life.
But to me, Pennsylvania was the place where it had all started...the place where I met her, and our story began.
I wanted to remind her of everything we’d overcome...and that we would do it once more.
Even if she doubted it, I would believe enough for the both of us.
“You’ll see,” I finally replied. Her cheeks reddened, but she offered me a small smile before turning her attention back to the road. The air surrounding us lightened and we fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the trip.
That was until we pulled up to a restaurant we had visited so long ago, at a time when we were completely different people. Her quiet gasp made my heart thud in my chest when I realized how much the place still meant to her. Her eyes sparkled at the lights that shone at the entrance.
Without a word, I pulled the car up to the valet and walked around, taking Hannah’s hand in mine as I helped her step out of the SUV. With my hand on her exposed back, the low cut of the dress allowed me to feel the goosebumps that coated her skin. She brushed a loose strand of her hair back as we stepped inside the building, her hand falling into mine as she searched for comfort. I told the attendant my name and with a nod, the man walked us upstairs, to the balcony that overlooked downtown Philadelphia. It was completely empty other than us and a single table set for two. Hannah smiled once again as I pulled her chair back.
“Well, I’ll be damned.”
Hannah furrowed her brows, glancing from me to the man who had just walked onto the balcony.
“Imagine my surprise when they told me Derek Hensley had called to set up a reservation, for two, mind you. Never thought I’d see the day.” Kevin Myers smiled at me and greeted me with one of those hugs that always included a pat on the back.
He’d opened his restaurant around the same time as me, and now, his place was a staple in Philadelphia. I could see why—the view of the city was just as stunning as I remembered. Almost as stunning as the girl I’d had dinner with so many years ago who”d had stolen my heart.
“Great to see you,” I replied, glancing over at Hannah who had a curious look on her face. I extended my hand, and she took it, standing up next to me.
“Hannah, I’d like you to meet Kevin. We started out our businesses around the same time...had a friendly competition going.” She laughed softly. “And Kevin, I’d like you to meet Hannah, my wife.”
He raised his brows, and pride filled my chest as I had the opportunity to call her my wife once again. I didn’t think that feeling would ever go away.
“Well, damn...” Bewildered, Kevin shook Hannah’s hand and chuckled. “How long have you been married?”
“A few weeks.”
Hannah smiled back at me, her beautiful eyes lighting up.
“Well, you must be a saint. I never thought he would settle down.”
“Why? Was he a bit of a playboy?”
“Not at all. Just never thought he’d find the woman that made him feel the married life was worth it.”
Hannah blushed again, and I pulled her close to me. She hadn’t seen the extent of my alcoholism...how fucking close I’d come to losing everything, even my life.
“Well...I’ll leave you two to it,” Kevin said with a grin. The man seemed genuinely happy for me, and I believed it. He was a few years older than me but had married his high school sweetheart. “I’ll send some drinks up for you. Enjoy your night, man. Glad to see you married and healthy.”
He closed the door that led to the patio, leaving Hannah and I alone, listening to the soft music that played in the background. Her gaze landed on me, and she rested her face in her hands.
“I’m sorry for all the things I said earlier.” I cocked an eyebrow, watching her beautiful lips turn up with a sad smile. Regret covered her features, and I ached to make it go away. “I hope you know I didn’t mean any of it.”
I reached over, caressing her cheek. “I know, beautiful. I know you’re overwhelmed. But I’m glad I got you out of the house. You look amazing tonight.”
The flush on her cheeks deepened, creeping down her neck.
“It took everything in me to actually take you out and not have my way with you at home.”
Hannah rolled her eyes, but I could see the teasing glint that made her expression soften.
“I’m with you, Hannah. Forever. I meant it when I made that vow...through anything life may bring...I’m here, and I refuse to give up on us, on everything we have.”
“How do you do it? How do you really believe in everything you tell me right now, even when everything feels like it’s falling apart?”
“Because I look at you and our daughters...and I know that I’d walk through hell itself for you.”
We ate in silence, me watching her every move, memorizing the sight of the woman that had stolen my fucking heart, invaded every cell in my body...the woman I would never give up...even if the world was against us.