37
SELENA
FLASHBACK
My birthday. I'd made plans. Real plans. With a guy I'd been talking to for weeks. Nico. Nice. Stable. Safe. He'd asked me to see a movie. I'd said yes. For a few days, I'd actually felt hopeful.
He stood me up. Texted me twenty minutes after I got there. "Sorry, something came up. Rain check?" I stood in the ticket line, phone in hand, staring at the words. The screen blurred.
I should leave. Go home. Eat ice cream in bed like every other birthday. But I'd already bought the ticket. Already dressed up. Already put on mascara and earrings and hope. I couldn't face going back to my empty apartment. So I stayed.
The line moved. I reached the front. Handed over my ticket. And turned toward the concession stand.
There they were. Kai. Jade. Their friends. A whole group of them, laughing, shoving popcorn at each other, deciding which movie to see.
I knew all of them. Sarah. We used to get coffee every morning. She'd tell me about her dates, her drama, her dreams. Three months ago, she couldn't pay her rent. I gave her the money. Told her not to worry about paying me back. Now she was standing next to Jade, holding her arm, laughing at something she said.
Mike. He was in a dark place last year. Couldn't find work. Felt worthless. I helped him get a job at my dad's company. Made calls. Vouched for him. Now he was laughing with Kai, clapping him on the back like old friends.
Derek. His dog died. He was devastated. I sat with him for hours, let him cry, brought him food, checked on him every day for weeks. Now he was getting popcorn, not even glancing my way.
I loved them. I helped them. I thought they were family. They hadn't called me in weeks. Not to check in. Not to see how I was doing. Not anything.
Kai saw me. His eyes flickered over me like I was part of the wallpaper. Then he looked away. Nothing. No recognition. No acknowledgment. Just nothing.
Jade glanced my way. Smiled. That perfect, practiced smile. "Hey, cuz. Happy birthday."
The group went quiet. Heads turned. I felt their eyes on me, pity, curiosity, awkwardness.
"Thanks, Jade." My voice came out small.
Sarah looked at me. Didn't wave. Didn't smile. Just looked, then turned back to Jade.
Mike glanced over. Something flickered in his eyes. Guilt. Recognition. Then he looked away.
Kai said nothing. Didn't look at me again. Didn't acknowledge my existence.
"You here by yourself?" Derek asked.
"Yeah. Seeing a rom-com." I held up my ticket like proof.
Awkward silence.
"Well, have fun!" Sarah said. Too quick. Too eager to end the conversation.
The group shuffled past me toward their theater. Kai walked past without a word. Without a glance. Like I was invisible. Mike walked past. Didn't meet my eyes. Derek walked past. Looked at his shoes. They all disappeared into Theater 7.
I stood frozen in the concession line, clutching my ticket, watching them go.
I don't know why I didn't leave. I bought my popcorn. Found my seat. Alone in the back row. The movie started. Something funny. People laughed. I couldn't focus.
Then I saw them. They were in the row below me. A few seats over. I don't know how I didn't notice them come in. Kai and Jade. He had his arm around her. She was leaning into him. Laughing at something on the screen. I couldn't look away.
He turned to her. Cupped her face. Kissed her. Not a quick peck. A real kiss. Deep. Public. Unashamed. The kind of kiss he'd never given me when I was his girlfriend. Not once. Not ever. Not in public.
He pulled back. She smiled. He smiled back. Then his eyes lifted. To me. He saw me watching. And then he kissed her again. Slower. Deliberate. Like he was showing me exactly what I'd never have.
I died. Right there in that theater seat. Something inside me just stopped.
The movie ended. I waited until the credits rolled, until the lights came up, until they were gone. When I finally reached the lobby, they were already outside. Laughing. Deciding where to go next. Someone mentioned a bar. Someone else mentioned late night pizza. Sarah was right there with them. Holding Jade's arm now. Part of the group. Part of her new life. Mike was laughing at something Kai said. Derek was nodding along, part of the circle.
I slipped past, head down, and found a bench near the curb. Pulled out my phone. Opened the Uber app. Twenty minutes.
I sat there, alone, as they stood twenty feet away, together. The cold seeped through my jacket. My birthday dress was too thin for this weather. I hugged myself. Tried to stop shivering.
Then I noticed them. A group of drunk guys stumbled out of a bar across the street. Loud. Laughing. Stumbling. They looked around. Noticed me. Started walking toward me. One of them called out something crude. Ugly. I flinched. Tears pricked my eyes.
I looked up at the group. At Kai. Even after everything, even after her, even after all of it, some stupid, broken part of me still thought he would protect me. He always did. Before. But before was gone.
They walked right past me. One of the drunk guys said something else. Louder this time. The group kept walking. Didn't look back. Didn't slow down. Didn't care. They got in their cars. Drove away.
The drunk guys laughed. Kept coming. I pulled out my phone. Opened the Uber app. Twenty-three minutes. I counted every second. Tears falling. Body shaking. Men circling. Twenty-three minutes.
The Uber finally came. I got in. Gave my address. Stared out the window. The driver didn't talk. Didn't ask about my day. Didn't say happy birthday.
When I got home, I sat in my dark apartment for a long time. Didn't turn on lights. Didn't eat. Didn't cry anymore. I was empty. I helped them. I loved them. I thought they were family. They didn't call. They didn't check. They didn't care.
I learned something that night. Love is not about what you give. It is about who stays when you have nothing left to give. And no-one ever cared enough to stay for me, no matter how much I gave.
I hate my birthday. I will never, ever celebrate my birthday again.