Chapter 37
LINDSAY
“I’m heading out, Ms. Flinn.” Anna popped her head into my office, her eyes red rimmed and glazed from having stared at her screen for so many hours today.
I instantly felt terrible about keeping her so late. Just because I was restless and unable to sleep didn’t mean she had to suffer for it. I smiled and waved her away. “Go. I’m sorry we went so late.”
She stifled a yawn, blinking the resultant moisture out of her eyes. “That’s okay. I know we’re still trying to catch up.”
“Even so, I should’ve been keeping an eye on the time.” I waved again. “Go, and don’t come back until tomorrow afternoon. Take the morning off.”
“Are you sure?” She frowned. “Won’t that only make us fall further behind?”
“Nope. I’ve got it. You spent weeks here without me. I’ll be fine for just one morning.” She gave me a grateful smile, yawned, and nodded. “You shouldn’t stay too much longer either. It’s getting really late. Tomorrow is another day.”
“I’m just finishing up some paperwork. It won’t take too long. I promise I’m not too far behind you.”
“Good. See you tomorrow.” She closed my door with a soft click behind her.
I sagged into my chair and rubbed my eyelids, careful not to smear what little was left of my makeup too much. My lenses stung, but I just had a few last things I needed to get through.
One last push for the day.
I’d been texted a few pictures of an incident that had occurred this morning between some of the support staff, and I needed them to complete the report their superiors would be expecting in the morning.
They needed it to conduct their own preliminary investigations before we could officially take control of the management and consequences of the scuffle.
As I scrolled through the gallery on my phone, my heart lurched in my chest when I was suddenly looking at Jaxon’s face. It was a picture of the picture he’d left on my suitcase. I’d taken it to keep a reminder on me about why I needed to steel my heart whenever I saw him.
Now that I knew he was close by, I also knew it would be more difficult to stick to my resolve. This picture would always remind me of that moment I’d found it, and of how I’d felt when I woke up that morning without him.
Seeing it now unexpectedly made a ripple of pain pass through me. I didn’t know how long it would be until I could look at him without feeling the after effects of him leaving, but I wasn’t there yet.
If only I was able to look into his heart, into his mind, to find the answers I knew I shouldn’t want but couldn’t help thinking about anyway. So many questions. So few answers.
He might’ve given me those answers if I’d just asked, but I wouldn’t trust much that came out of his mouth anyway. Forcing my hovering thumb to move, I flicked past that picture and on to the next one before I realized I wasn’t even in the right folder of my gallery.
After eventually finding the pictures and compiling my report, my thoughts returned to Fiji. It was like simply seeing a photograph of Jaxon had shocked my heart back to life when I’d been trying to keep it as emotionless as possible recently.
I went through the motions of sending the report to all interested parties but my head wasn’t really in the game. It was firmly stuck on the island that had been my own personal paradise for all of one week.
When it felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t talk about it, even just for two minutes, I pulled up Big Mac’s number from my contacts. We’d texted once or twice since I’d gotten back, but we hadn’t actually spoken yet.
I checked the time, did a quick mental calculation, and determined it was early afternoon there. My fingertips drummed on my desk while I waited for him to answer, and my stomach was suddenly riddled with nerves.
Why am I calling this poor man? My issues weren’t his responsibility.
Before I could hang up and tap out a text to let him know I’d dialed the wrong number, I heard his voice coming through the line as clearly as if he was standing right next to me.
“Lindsay!” he said in his booming voice. “This is a surprise. How are you?”
“I’m…”I trailed off before deciding that I’d already bothered him. I might as well be honest. “Not so good actually.”
I proceeded to tell him everything that had happened between me and Jaxon since he’d last seen us, but as always, I got the feeling he already knew about most of it. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “Have you been speaking to Jaxon?”
He chuckled. “The question isn’t if I’ve been speaking to Jaxon. It’s whether you’ve spoken to him.”
“Cryptic.” I shook my head at him even though he couldn’t see me, but by not answering my question, he’d told me what I needed to know. “What did he say to you?”
“Let’s just say I have a feeling it’s not over for you two.”
So he hasn’t spoken to him since the last conversation we had.
I ran my hand through my hair, loosening it from its tie and letting it hang in a sheet over one shoulder. With my eyes pinned to my desk, I let out a soft, shuddering sigh. “It’s over between us, Mac. I made sure of it.”
“We’ll see,” he replied cheerfully before I heard his name being called in the background. “I’m sorry, Lindsay. I have to go. We have a wedding on tonight, and I think someone just burned a sauce I’ve been perfecting for the last seven hours.”
He was gone before I could do much more than say goodbye, and a pang of longing speared me in the gut. I hoped those people who were there right now knew how lucky they were and how much they should cherish each moment they had there. Not only because of the place but also because of the people.
Unlike them, however, I wasn’t on vacation. I had to work again tomorrow, which meant it was probably about time to get my butt home and to bed. Maybe tonight I’ll finally get some sleep.
A yawn overtook me. I covered my mouth with one hand while checking that I had everything I needed out of my desk with the other. As I stood up, I thought I heard someone in the waiting area outside of my office.
A frown flickered across my forehead. I knew Anna had gone home, and there weren’t usually many other people here this late, but it had happened from time to time.
Relaxing when I remembered the last time I’d gone stiff as a board after hearing something, I smiled at the look of terror that had been on the intern’s face when I’d emerged while he was sifting through Anna’s stuff looking for spare staples.
Shame. Poor guy.
It was best I didn’t scare the living beeswax out of an intern again. Making sure my heels clicked against the floor as I crossed my office, I opened my door with a little more force than was necessary.
Whoever was out there had to have heard me by now, but I still closed the door loudly as well. I was prepared for an intern this time, so hopefully I wouldn’t jump a foot into the air again when I saw the intruder.
What I wasn’t prepared for was an even more intense physical reaction when I saw who was waiting for me out there. Jaxon stopped at the end of the hall after turning the corner. He looked at me like he couldn’t really believe I was there, and yet he had to have come here looking for me.
My heart sped up so much I was afraid it might explode in my chest. My hands got all sweaty and shaky again, which was something they really needed to stop doing. Jaxon just seemed to have that effect on me, though.
I was unable to move when he zeroed in on my eyes with his. There was nothing but single-minded purpose in them. I just wish I knew what that purpose was.
He didn’t make me wait long to find out. Raising his hands as if in surrender, he stayed rooted to his spot. “I won’t come any closer. All I’m asking is for you to hear me out.”
“I already told you that I don’t want your excuses or justifications, Jaxon. I’m not interested in those, so why are you here?”
Resolve was written all over him. It was there in the set of his shoulders and the tilt of his jaw, the way his nostrils flared and how his muscles were bunched, straining against the confines of his shirt.
“I’m not here to give you excuses or justifications.” He lifted his chin, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’m here to fight.”
“Fight? About what?” I frowned and drew my hands up slowly to my hips. “Are you drunk or something?”
He shrugged. “I’ve had a few drinks, but I’m not drunk. I didn’t come here to fight with you. I came to fight for you.”
My brows swept up and my fingers gripped my hips tighter. “Oh, yeah? How are you planning on doing that exactly?”
“By telling you everything I should’ve told you that morning before I left.
” The world around seemed to blur a little more with every word he said, until there were no conference rooms in the hallways or an office behind me.
There was only him. “I’ve kept quiet so far because I was trying to respect your wishes.
If you tell me to leave and never come back after you hear what I have to say, then so be it. ”
My lids fluttered closed as I sucked in a deep breath. “Fine. You have five minutes, Jaxon. I’ll hear you out because you’ve done the same for me, but I’m not making any promises.”
“Five minutes is all I need.” He strode across the distance between us, cupped my face between his large hands, and allowed me to see the truth in every word he spoke when he finally gave me my answers.