Chapter 20
JAXON
Ireached for Lindsay before I even opened my eyes, but my fingers didn’t touch anything other than air and bedding. A frown tugged at my brows when I realized she wasn’t there.
Worry punched me in the gut, but then I remembered where we were, and I figured she probably just needed to be alone for a while. She’d probably gone for a walk on the beach, not wanting to wake me up after all my complaining about early mornings.
Glancing at the windows, I saw that the sun was already up but it didn’t look like it’d been that way for very long. The light was still too soft and it had that definite early morning haziness to it.
Flopping back on the mattress, I yawned and let a smile break free as I thought about our hike. And after.
Sex in the woods had been fucking hot, but I hated that she had to keep quiet. I wasn’t exactly a stranger to fucking in public or semi-public places, but I’d never been as greedy for a woman’s moans as I was for hers.
At least I’d kept my promise about making her raise the roof later. We’d had a picnic near a stream when we reached the waterfall. The afternoon had been spent talking, exploring a few of the shallower caves, and having an early dinner at a small local restaurant on our way back to the hotel.
When we’d reached our bungalow, I’d hauled her into the bedroom and kept her there for the rest of the night.
At around midnight, we’d ordered grilled cheese and ice cream for a snack along with a bottle of champagne, eaten in bed, and then I’d guzzled the drink from her bare flesh before we finally fell asleep at some godforsaken hour of the morning.
At times, between rounds of enjoying our time together, I’d noticed her drifting off into her head. Knowing that she probably had a lot to work out was why I wasn’t upset about her leaving me alone after all the time we’d been spending together.
Despite what it’d felt like this week, she wasn’t mine. She didn’t owe me a text or a note. After she’d sent me the pictures of us with Fred the Constrictor, she had my number. If she needed me, she’d call.
I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d left so she could speak to Ember privately.
They’d been texting on and off throughout the trip, and since I’d heard the conversation the last time they spoke, it seemed likely that she’d gone off to speak to her where I wouldn’t be privy to every word said to her friend.
Wherever she was, she wasn’t mine to worry about. I didn’t own her, wouldn’t even if we really were married, and yet, I couldn’t deny that I was a little worried, if only because I hoped she wasn’t freaking out over us hooking up.
I got out of bed to make some coffee, but before I even got to the kitchenette, the outer door opened and Lindsay walked in carrying a tray. She looked gorgeous as always.
A yellow sundress covered those curves I’d come to love touching so much, and her hair was down and still damp. It hung to her waist, tumbling in waves over her shoulders. Simple white flip-flops adorned her feet, but she kicked them off as soon as she walked in.
She startled when she saw me, obviously having expected to find me still in bed, but smiled when we made eye contact. “Morning, hubs. I got some breakfast from Big Mac himself.”
There was something sad in her gaze. She was trying to hide it, but her smile lacked some of its usual luster, and her eyes weren’t quite as bright.
Walking over to her, I took the tray and set it down on the small round dining table beside the door before opening my arms and pulling her into them. It came as naturally as breathing to me to hold her now. Whatever the fuck that means.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine. I’ve just realized that it’s time to go back to reality soon. One more day and this will all be a distant memory.”
I held her tighter, something dark forming a pit in my stomach. “Going back is going to suck. This place really is paradise.”
She hummed her agreement, staying in my embrace for only a couple of beats longer before releasing me.
“We should eat. The big man made our eggs fresh and he warned me about not letting them cool. Apparently, the chickens that could’ve lived if it weren’t for his Eggs Benedict weep in his dreams if people try eating them cold. ”
“That’s gruesome.” I chuckled as I went to pull out her chair, waiting for her to sit down before pushing it back in and circling the table to take my own. “I’m going to miss him when we leave here, and not just his food.”
“I know what you mean.” She cut open her egg, and the yolk was cooked perfectly from where I was sitting. “He really has become like a friend. Although I’ll definitely miss his food too.”
“Maybe we could keep in touch,” I suggested, and hope sparked in her eyes until I finished my sentence. “I’m not sure if the hotel has a policy against that kind of thing, but we could ask. When are you heading out?”
“Tomorrow.” She didn’t look at me, choosing to admire the view of the ocean beyond our window instead.
Can’t blame her. A strange twisting happened inside me when I realized she’d meant it literally when she’d said she only had one more day. “That soon, huh?”
“Yep. Will you be okay? Do you think they’ll kick you out of the bungalow when they realize I’ve gone?”
“It’s fine. I’m not sure if they would, but I’ll have to head home soon too anyway. I’m sure my job will be calling me back any minute now. It’s a little surprising they haven’t contacted me already.”
In fact, I hadn’t had much time to think about it, but I really should’ve heard from them by now. Ah, fuck it. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
If they’d called me back earlier, I’d have missed out on at least one of the days with Lindsay, and there honestly hadn’t been one I’d have wanted to miss. I would check the flights out later today, though.
Between her leaving anyway, the awkward situation with having to explain why my bride left the honeymoon before I did, and a possible phone call from the airline demanding to know when I’d be back, it was about time for me to look into options for getting home.
The knowledge that my time with her was so limited that the actual end was coming tomorrow settled in that pit of my stomach, joining the yet unnamed darkness and forming a heavy weight I couldn’t shake.
She’d told me a little more about her relationship with her ex—the fucknut who’d let her go—in the last few days, but our conversation when she’d mentioned her brother still hovered at the back of my mind.
If we were running out of time, I wanted to know everything I could about her.
“You know, you never told me,” she began, but I spoke at the same time.
“So, your brother is in the military too?” I cut myself off and gestured for her to go ahead, but she didn’t complete whatever was she’d been about to ask.
The sadness in her eyes grew darker, and for a second, I was afraid I’d pushed her too far by asking. But then she dragged in a deep breath and gave me a slight smile. “Yeah, he’s actually in the Air Force too. It’s a small world, huh?”
“How old is he? Any chance I knew him?”
She shook her head. “Nah, probably not. It depends on exactly when you left, but he’s only twenty-seven. He enlisted about four years ago.”
“Ahh, you’re probably right then.” I reached out and touched her hand, warmth spreading through me when her fingers closed around mine. “I’m sorry I asked. I just kept thinking about it and I was curious.”
“It’s okay.” She tightened her grip on my fingers, spearing another bite of her food with her free hand.
She chewed with a thoughtful expression on her beautiful face, swallowing it down with a swig of the orange juice Big Mac had sent along.
“Talking about him can just be hard sometimes. We didn’t leave things on the best foot. ”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” I understood what it was like to have things you’d rather keep to yourself, but I also knew that sometimes bottling it all up made it even worse. “I can listen if you want to, though.”
She let out a soft sigh, her eyes darting back to the window as she nodded. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve spoken about him, but he’s not some deep, dark secret. I don’t want him to seem that way. He was just always a troubled kid, you know?”
“Troubled how?” My voice was cautious.
We’d made a lot of headway this week. I would hate to see it all crumble the day before she fucking left.
Lindsay didn’t even hesitate, though. She still didn’t meet my gaze and focused on the ocean with a wistful look in hers. “He was my best friend growing up. I loved him more than life itself. It was me and him against the world.”
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
She lifted her shoulder. “I don’t even really know. We were in our teens when he started growing distant. His school would call all the time to let us know he hadn’t shown up. I’d already graduated by then, but I knew some of the kids he’d started running with. They were a bad crowd.”
“Drugs?”
She shrugged again. “I think so. There were definitely rumors, but we never found anything on him, and he never seemed that out of it or anything like that.”
“You haven’t asked him?”
“No.” Closing her eyes, she took another deep breath.
“He’d pretty much shut me out by then. When he left high school, he took a stab at a few different things but nothing ever panned out.
I’m pretty sure my parents sent him off to the military, but they’ve never admitted it, and I haven’t heard from him since. ”
“I’m sorry, Linds.” I stroked her knuckles. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I still have a lot of contacts there if you want me to ask about him.”
“No. It’s okay. I don’t want to pry into his life. I just like to think that he’s doing well for himself now. It’s better this way. We’d have heard if he’d been discharged. Four years is longer than he’s lasted anywhere else, so it must be good for him being there.”
I felt her pain all the way down to my bones. There were so many people just like her brother that I’d served with. People who had no more ties to their families and thought it was better like that.
Since I’d always been so close to my mother, I’d never been able to understand it. I always felt for them, though. Not pity but the same immense sadness I felt coming from her now.
I didn’t know what I would’ve done without Mom in my corner. I hoped I didn’t ever have to find out. That only compounded the grief I’d felt whenever I’d heard a story like hers, though.
Fuck knows how you survive without family support.
Lindsay swiped her fingers underneath her eyes. “That’s enough of my sob story. What are you going to do today?”
“I don’t know. It’s your day. I figured we’d hang out together again. What’s on the cards for us, Cruise Director Flinn?”
She laughed but it didn’t quite sound genuine. “I’d actually planned a wrap-up day. Do all the things I hadn’t gotten around to doing. I’ve ditched that idea, though. I’m going shopping for some clothes instead.”
“Want me to come?” I asked, even though I couldn’t think of anything worse than spending possibly my last day here shopping.
“I’m okay,” she said, giving my hand a final hug before freeing hers to finish her breakfast. “Enjoy yourself. I’m sure we could both use some time to decompress before we head back home.”
I hadn’t known her for very long, but that cloudy gleam never left her eyes as she gathered her things and headed out.
It clued me in to the fact that she wanted alone time because the vacation was coming to an end, considering she’d been sad about that since coming back from the dining area, but it was also about her brother.
Having already asked her about him, I didn’t push the subject any further. I didn’t even know the dude’s name, but digging deeper would only bring her unnecessary pain to appease my own curiosity. It wasn’t right.
She didn’t want me finding out about him anyway, so it really didn’t make a lick of difference who he was. It killed me to see her hurting so much over him, but I’d extended the offer.
If she ever wanted to take me up on it, she could. For now, I simply kissed her goodbye before she left and then I went down to the beach.
I didn’t want to leave without scuba diving, and snorkeling with the sharks didn’t really count as that. I knew there was a dive operator on the premises, and I was itching to get wet before my time on the island was done.
Setting my thoughts and worries about Lindsay aside, I headed out to do just that. Make the most of every moment, right?
Even the ones that would feel kind of empty now with the Lindsay-shaped hole she’d left at my side.