Chapter 21
LINDSAY
The town closest to the resort was situated on the banks of the river after which it had been named. Jaxon and I had done some exploring there before, and I was sorely aware of his absence now.
I wandered around the market selling fresh produce, tropical fruits and vegetables, freshwater mussels, and a whole variety of other things. When I’d told Jaxon I wanted to go shopping for clothes, I hadn’t been completely honest.
It was true that I did want to pick up some of the locally made textiles and maybe another T-shirt or two as souvenirs, but I really just needed some time to myself.
A bustling market was a strange place to come to so I could be alone, but it allowed me to do some window shopping for trinkets and to get lost in the crowd.
What I couldn’t tell Jaxon, nor let him in on, was that I felt miserable over the prospect of having to leave.
Talking about my brother this morning had simply made it a little bit worse.
I wasn’t sorry Jaxon had asked me about him.
I’d meant it when I said he wasn’t a deep, dark secret.
My heart just ached whenever I thought about all the good times we used to have together.
It was an ache I was used to, however. The other ache which was much more intense and completely unfamiliar came whenever I thought about the fact that in less than twenty-four hours, I’d be on my way home.
Without Jaxon.
Sure, he lived in the same city I did, but he’d said in so many words that he was hardly ever there.
I also knew that he didn’t really do the relationship thing.
So there I was, ostensibly on my honeymoon, crushing on my fake husband who I had no chance of ever having anything real with.
The whole situation was so absurd that I would’ve laughed if I wasn’t so close to tears.
A handicraft store at the end of the market near the railroad boasted a coffee shop, and I darted inside and ordered the biggest Americano they had. I had to get the pitiful weepiness out of the way and out of my system before I went back to the hotel.
Just because I’d wanted to spend some time by myself today didn’t mean I wasn’t planning on spending the night with Jaxon. It was our last night together—probably ever—and a herd of wild horses couldn’t drag me away.
I wasn’t in such a state that I didn’t recognize I needed to talk to him about all this, at least hear his thoughts on staying in touch, but that required me having a handle on what I felt all this was. Which I didn’t.
A friendly barista delivered my coffee to the table I’d chosen near the edge of the property and the river, and I stared off into the middle distance before I realized I was getting nowhere. No matter which way I sliced it, I just kept coming up with the same two conclusions.
The first was that I had a major crush on my fake husband and I’d like to see where it goes, and the second was that I knew for a fact he wouldn’t be interested.
If there was anything I’d learned from this week though, it was that taking unplanned risks could lead to the most treasured experiences I could ever have.
But before I marched back into the bungalow, sat him down, and confessed that my feelings were more on the real side of the spectrum now, I needed to talk to Ember.
My voice of reason had never steered me wrong.
Without her, I wouldn’t even have met Jaxon to begin with because I’d never have come here if she hadn’t encouraged me to do it.
Fiji was seventeen hours ahead of Houston, so I checked the time on my phone to ensure I wouldn’t be waking her up with my drama. Nope. All good. It’s still yesterday afternoon there.
Her voice was chirpy and cheerful when she answered my call.
“The prodigal bestie has finally found a moment to speak to me, huh? I’m honored you’d take time away from your hottie so I can actually hear your voice for a change.
Unless it’s been him texting me all along because he ended up being a serial killer, and Jaxon wearing Lindsay’s skin is on the other end of this call.
In which case, prepare to lose your dick, mister. ”
“That’s a weirdly specific threat.” I laughed when her rambling greeting ending. “And no, it’s not Jaxon wearing my skin. It’s really me. Total false alarm on the whole serial killer thing.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” she said excitedly. “Tell me everything. All I know is that you’re okay, spending time with the hot husband you still haven’t even sent me a pic of, and that we’ll talk about it all later. Texts suck. I can’t wait to see you in person.”
“Yeah, me either.” It was true. I really missed my friend, and having her sitting across from me while I worked all this out would’ve been the best thing ever. “I’ll be home soon, though. You’re still picking me up from the airport, right?”
“Of course. I’ve got that printout of your ticket stuck up on my fridge. You can bet your sexy ass I’ll be there.”
“Thanks,” I said but my voice sounded strained even to my own ears.
The pickup we were talking about was rushing at me way too fast, and it felt like I still had too much to get through before I left.
It was really only one conversation, but it was one that had the power to make me feel like utter shit.
Unreciprocated crushes are the worst.
Ember obviously noticed my tone, and all the bouncy excitement disappeared from hers. “What did he do? I was being serious about cutting off his dangly bits if he hurt you.”
“He didn’t hurt me.” Not intentionally anyway. “I might’ve just gotten a touch too attached to him.”
“Whoa. That was fast.”
“I know.” I covered my face with my free hand and hung my head. “I’m a terrible person. It hasn’t even been a month—”
“You misunderstood me. I don’t give a fuck about Will. He left you on your wedding day without even having the balls to tell you to your face it was over. I’m talking about it being fast for you to have fallen for Jaxon.”
“I haven’t fallen for him.” I scoffed, lifting my head away from my hand to sip on my wonderful caffeine fix. “I’m just crushing a bit. That’s all. He’s so different than any man I’ve ever been with, and I think I’ve gotten a little intoxicated by him. It’s nothing serious”
“How is he different? I’ve never heard you use the word ‘intoxicating’ in connection with a man before. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use it that way in real life.”
“That’s because they haven’t met him.” I groaned. “You don’t understand the effect he has on me. Being with him makes me do stuff I’d never even have considered before. He has this presence I can’t escape. It draws me to him again and again.”
I lowered my voice and whispered furiously into the receiver. “I seduced him on a hiking trail yesterday, for God’s sake. There is something wrong with me when I’m with him. How is intoxicating not the perfect way to describe that?”
She let out a whistle between her teeth. “That sounds really intense. Good on him for fucking you in the woods or wherever you were hiking, though. It’s about time someone lights that fire in you.”
“What am I supposed to do with it now that it’s lit?” I shook my head. “I’m leaving tomorrow. I can’t even think about saying goodbye to him without getting all emotional.”
There was a long pause before she replied.
“This is the trip you needed, Linds. Something quick and dirty and without any ties. He’s just the rebound guy.
The one who shows you everything that the world has to offer and that you don’t have to settle for the boring guy unless that’s actually what you want. ”
I dipped my head back and let the sun soak my face, but I still felt cold on the inside at the prospect of leaving behind this little slice of heaven I’d carved out for myself here.
“It’s not just a rebound crush. I really, really like being around him.
It’s been unreal and I’m not ready for it to end. ”
“Listen to me and listen well,” she said firmly, letting the steel core of who she was shine through.
“Every single person who’s ever had an erotic hookup on a tropical island has probably felt the exact same way you’re feeling now.
It’s the kind of relationship you enjoy, but you leave it behind in Fiji.
That’s where the magic lies, my friend. You don’t bring that shit home with you. ”
“I don’t know how to leave it behind,” I admitted after hesitating for moment. “I don’t want to ruin the magic, but I also don’t know how to say goodbye.”
“Easy. You have one last wild monkey-sex night with the guy, and then tomorrow morning, you shake his hand and wish him luck as you wave goodbye. Clean break, honey. It’s the only way.”
Ember drilled me for information about Jaxon for a few more minutes and made me promise to snap some shots of him on the beach. I might do that but I would never show them to anyone. Then we hung up.
Her advice was solid. Logically, I knew that what she’d said was the right thing to do. My head was right there with her. It was my heart, the bastard, that was the problem. It ached painfully every time I tried to imagine a scenario where I shook his hand and waved him off.
Moping about it wouldn’t bring me anywhere, though. The only part of her plan that sounded appealing was making the most of the last night I had with him. Regardless of my emotional state, I should never have suggested that we spend this day apart.
Our last day.
Dropping a few notes on the table for my coffee, I hurried into the street and hailed a cab. As I slid into the backseat, I snapped at the poor unsuspecting driver. “Step on it please. I need to get there as soon as I can.”
The entire vacation, I’d been harping on about how we had to utilize every moment to its fullest, and yet I’d wasted more than half of my last moments with him wandering around a market feeling sorry for myself. At least I’d purchased a few souvenirs along the way, but that hardly made up for it.