Chapter 30
chapter thirty
juan pablo
“Did Milo really just leave in the middle of Cards Against Humanity to go fuck Tom?” I didn’t even know why I sounded surprised anymore.
“Y’all are really doing the most. Damn. Nesto, leave Jude alone, he’s trying to eat some popcorn.
” I was whining. But I was horny, tired and I’d been drinking, so my ashy ass friends were just gonna have to hear me complain.
“Juan Pablo, stop!” Pris was on the other side of the couch I was lounging in, with her feet on my thighs, and she sounded more amused than pissed at my litany of complaints, so maybe I’d just keep doing it.
She’d been rubbing on my legs and generally getting me revved up all night.
My poor dick was in agony. The past two days we’d been back to the times when we’d be at my parents’ basement, trying not to get caught.
She winked at me as she gestured to Nesto for some more wine. “Jude’s learned to live with the constant pawing.” Jude smiled, his blond hair mussed from all the touching Nesto was doing.
“Oh I’m used to it, I also really enjoy it, so don’t discourage him.
” I looked at Pris when he said that, searching for her reaction.
When our eyes met, I didn’t find the regret in her eyes I’d been expecting, instead there was a spark there.
Something good and hopeful, and I was sorry for not being able to act on it.
After another minute, Patrice and Easton excused themselves, claiming exhaustion even though the fire in both their eyes indicated that sleep was not on the agenda any time soon.
Pris and I were left sitting in front of the fireplace and from the tension in her shoulders, I knew I was not the only one feeling more than a little flustered.
Desperate for some kind of distraction, I blurted out the one thing I knew would get both our minds off fucking in a hot second.
“So what did you think about Tom’s offer? ”
She shrugged and ran a finger over the rim of her glass. “I mean what is there to think about? It’s a typical ‘Tom is a Unicorn’ type of thing.”
I laughed at how deadpan she said that, but waited quietly because I knew she had something else in there.
“I can’t make those decisions right now.
I have obligations. I have cases. I have bills to pay.
Chasing some dream of teaching people how to love themselves more may never be a way to make a living and I don’t know that I’m brave enough to take that risk, J.
” She looked crestfallen, ashamed to be admitting she was scared.
I wanted to hold her, but I knew that doing that would only shut her down.
When she opened her mouth again, her words were soft and just a little bit tentative, like she couldn’t believe that she was saying them herself.
“I’m discovering that there’s so much in our parents’ dreams that are tied to our own, it’s hard sometimes to untangle it all.
And their dreams are always safe—doctor, lawyer, cop. The dreams of security, stability.”
Her smile was bleak, almost resigned. It was an expression I’d never seen before.
And that was when I really understood that Priscilla and I weren’t those kids who fell in love anymore.
We weren’t even the people who broke up a few years later.
No, we were a man and a woman who had lived and struggled, and paid a cost to dream our dreams.
When she opened her mouth again, it was like she was summoning the words from a place deep inside where they’d been hiding for a hundred years.
“That dream of legitimacy, sometimes we have to be the ones who fulfill it for them. Papi wished more than anything to serve this country and for years he wasn’t able to.
Once he could, he was too old and I wanted to do it for him. ”
I took a small sip from the Zacapa I’d been nursing and laid my head against the armrest. “I know what you mean. My old man, all he wanted was to leave a legacy, to claim a little piece of the American story for him and his family. And I—”
I almost shied away from saying what was on my mind, because I feared it would put us back in a bad place.
Bring memories of some of the worst moments we’d had into the room and I didn’t want anything but her and me here.
Still I said it. “I didn’t give him the thing I knew would have made him feel like he had roots.
” I didn’t need to tell her what that was.
“I think that’s why I was always so defensive whenever it came up between us.
Why I could be such an asshole about your job.
It took me a while, but I see now that my negativity was more tied to my own shit than anything else. ”
I didn’t know why I’d said that, but once I did and saw Priscilla’s face relax, I knew it had been the right thing to say.
She was thoughtful, but her mood had shifted; she wanted to say whatever was on her mind.
“From the first day of the training academy, I knew I’d have to work hard to stay in the force for the long haul.
Not just because of the obvious misogynistic and racist bullshit that I’ve always had to deal with, but because there was something about the job and the work that didn’t always fit with me.
” She closed her eyes and I knew she was searching for a gentle way to say whatever she was thinking.
I knew despite the struggles, she still believed in what she did.
“Don’t get me wrong, I think there are a lot more good cops than bad ones, and there are some fucking rock stars in the force who believe in this work, in getting better.
I just think I’m more of a community builder.
I like a level playing field. Sitting with people and helping them figure things out. ”
I could see her doing that. Getting on her podcast and breaking shit down for folks, bringing in guests and getting down to the nitty gritty with them.
“You’re good at that. You’ve been amazing at the workshops. We’ve got a waiting list.”
She laughed at that, and I could tell how happy she was about how much people loved her classes.
“I’m glad I can fulfill that need. Especially in our community.
We’ve had our heads filled with way too much bullshit about what sex should look and feel like for black and brown bodies, and if I can help get people at least thinking about things differently, or a little curious, then I will have done my job. ”
It was on the tip of my tongue to point out that with the demand at the center, how well her podcast was going, and the fact that Tom had all but offered her a place where she could open her store, it seemed like trying this out for real was not as far-fetched as she’d thought even just a few weeks ago.
But, of course, our fucking friends had to be obnoxious.
At first I couldn’t tell what the thumping was, since I was so focused on figuring out how to push Pris a little on Tom’s offer, but when she started busting up and looking at the ceiling, I finally tuned into the noise.
“Sounds like the honeymoon is still going strong.” She said it between gasps because she could barely speak from laughing. I sucked my teeth and jumped up from the couch. Turned around as moans started coming from the other side of the wall behind the couch.
“What the fuck?” By this point I was starting to fear that Pris was going to hurt herself from cackling. But the moaning together with the thumping from upstairs was giving me the giggles, too. Our friends were horny freaks.
Pris had put down her wine glass so she could clutch her stomach and was shaking so hard, the pineapple on her head was bobbing like crazy. “Oh shit, that’s Patrice and Easton. They have the big downstairs suite.” She pointed at the wall as another long moan came through the wall.
“What the hell is Patrice doing to him? He sounds like he’s getting skinned!” I knew I sounded like a baby, but now that the shock had worn off, I was getting a little bit turned on with all the porn sounds coming from every bedroom in the house.
Pris finally stood up, a silly grin still pasted on her face.
“I don’t know if skinned is the right verb, but whatever it is, sounds like Patrice is doing a great job.
” She tugged on my hand as I stood there, half horny as fuck and half mortified.
“Let’s go to our room. We can watch Stranger Things or some other scary show that will calm you down. ”
“I’m calm!” Wow my voice was super high and now she was looking at the tent in my pants.
But I’d promised myself I was not going to be the one to break our no-hookup agreement.
My heart sped up from embarrassment, but also because I caught the exact moment when she realized she wasn’t as unaffected by the fact that we were basically engulfed in fucking noises.
Her eyes ran up and down my front and stopped for a couple of heartbeats on what I knew was a raging erection.
I had to fight the urge to smack my dick down.
The only thing that kept me from doing it was the knowledge that I’d probably pass out from the pain.
I wasn’t trying to be any kind of hero right now.
And damn, the way Priscilla was licking her lips had me feeling some type of way.
Fuck. I wanted her.
She went from looking goofy to flushed and, oh shit, this wasn’t good. I almost tripped trying to get to the stairs, and the moment I started moving, she jumped back like I’d shocked her. I pointed in the direction of the stairs. “Uh, I need to shower.” She nodded slowly and pointed to the kitchen.
“I’m gonna tidy up here.” She took off for the kitchen like a rocket and I was on my way up the stairs in a hot second. I was going to strip my dick raw in that shower as soon as I locked that door behind me.
I got to the room in two seconds flat and was skinning out of my sweats as soon as I was on the other side of the door. Motherfuckers had me acting like a thirteen-year-old.