Chapter Six #2
“Okay, so this week we’re going back to basics and working on strength.
Ryan, I’m going to get you to do a handstand against the wall, then Tillie, you will do one right up against Ryan, facing him, leaning your body against him, and you’ll both stay up for as long as you can,” Lara suggests, and we both furrow our brows.
“Won’t that mean our faces are like right against each other?” Ryan asks.
Lara smiles. “Yes, your faces will be facing each other and together. This is a very intimate pose, generally for couples, but I know you two will be fine. You seem great together and comfortable around each other enough to pull it off.”
I swallow hard as Ryan shifts, clearly uncomfortable at the thought of being so close to me.
My breath hitches, and the familiar ache is back.
Clenching my thighs together does nothing to ease anything this time.
If I don’t get my shit under control and stop letting him affect me so much, he will be able to sense what he does to me.
“Okay, Ryan, up you get,” Lara instructs, slapping his shoulder. “I’ll help you, once you’re up, to get yourself against the wall properly, and then I’ll help Tillie position herself against you.”
His whole body tenses as I stand, and he looks at me, his stare harsh, but he shows no other sign of being uncomfortable.
His strength is so masculine that it sends tingles down my spine as his legs flip up into the air in a handstand.
Lara grabs his legs and moves them back against the wall while his hands shimmy along the floorboards, taking their place. His face slowly turns a shade of red.
“Okay, Tillie, you’re up.”
I walk up to Ryan and face him, my body shaking with nerves about how this might go down, but I’m not going to show him that I’m tense.
“Okay, bend into your handstand, Tillie, and I’ll lead you into position,” Lara announces.
I take a deep breath and flip over. My arms burn as I throw my legs into the air.
I sway slightly, but Lara grabs my legs and starts to move with me around to Ryan.
My hands walk like feet along the floorboards to Ryan, and my face comes in line with his.
Every inch of my body aligns with his, and I feel his every muscle.
My body shakes not only from the pressure of being upside down but from the closeness of being near him.
Our faces are so close his rapid breathing hits my skin like a warm breeze, and I know he’s as nervous as I am.
My head is arched back, holding my lips away from his as I look anywhere but directly at him.
There’s a buzz filtering between us, both breathing so fast from the adrenaline and the effort this takes.
“Good, guys… keep going,” Lara calls out.
My neck aches from pulling away, and so I inch a little closer to him. His breath becomes hotter, and I chance a look. My eyes meet his, my breath catches, and I can’t help it as his gaze pulls me closer. My face inches forward, magnetized to him, his breath now hot on my lips.
With my chest rising and falling so fast, I feel dizzy. Ryan’s intense green eyes bore into mine, searching like he’s seeing me for the first time, and it has me questioning whether it’s my rapid breath or his stare that’s leaving me faint.
All my senses are on overload.
My body trembles and shakes.
The blood courses through every vein, through every inch of me. Electricity crackles all around us, sparking off in every direction, heating my skin to the temperature of a blazing inferno.
Our lips inch closer…
… closer until we’re barely touching.
The heat of his lips contacts mine, and the silkiness of his skin hits the edge of my lips.
I can taste him.
I can feel him.
Just a millimeter closer, and we’ll be kissing.
The energy surrounding us circles in waves as my arms tremble so much they threaten to give way. He exhales heavily, puckering his lips slightly. Combined with his touch, it ignites a fire inside me.
Is he going to kiss me?
On my next exhale, our lips touch ever so slightly, and fireworks erupt inside my belly, sending me into meltdown. My arms quiver as I close my eyes.
But then suddenly, his arms give way.
Our heads collide with a jarring thud as he tumbles forward, and I brace for impact.
He makes a last-minute effort to roll away, but his weight still lands partly on me and partly on the hardwood floor.
We both let out a loud “oomph” as his hand slips beneath my head—just like last time—keeping it from hitting the floor.
But he isn’t so lucky. We lie there, dazed and groaning, as Lara rushes over to us, eyes wide with concern.
“Oh shit! I should’ve seen you were going to fall. I’m so sorry I wasn’t quick enough. Are either of you hurt?” she quickly flicks out a question.
Ryan rolls off me onto his back while breathing harshly like he’s winded, as I squeeze my eyes tight, trying to calm myself from the fall and the fact that my right side is painful.
“I’m okay, probably just a bruise. Ryan, are you okay?” I ask, and he lets out a long, drawn-out breath.
“I’m fine. Did I hurt you?” he questions, still lying flat on the floor.
I shake my head in a lie. His heavy frame when he landed on me hurt my side, but I’m not going to make him feel bad. Not when we just shared a moment like that.
“You stopped my head from hitting the floor. Thank you,” I say instead of mentioning my injury.
He sighs. “All good. But maybe we should lay off the couples yoga for a while?”
I turn to face him.
His face is stern.
Cold even.
Unreadable.
I furrow my brows and suck on my bottom lip. “You think it’s too unsafe?”
He shrugs. “Too uncomfortable.” He stands and stumbles to the door.
My head jolts back in confusion, and my breath catches in my throat. Was he not in the moment like I was? Maybe this is all one-sided. Perhaps the kiss stopped because I was forcing it, and he didn’t want it.
Oh my God, I’ve just made a fool of myself!
Swallowing hard as tears well in my eyes, I slowly sit up with a wince. It seems my right arm is hurt as well. Sniffing, I look to Lara.
“I’m sorry, Tillie, that was my fault. I pushed you two together before he was ready. But give it time. He’ll come around,” Lara says, and I wince.
“You did that pose so we would kiss?” I ask, and she purses her lips and nods.
“I’ve seen the way you guys look at each other, but you both fight it so hard. I just wanted to help things along.”
Sighing, I stand and move over, grabbing my bag and Hunter the rat. Tilting my head, I shrug. “See you next week, Lara,” I yell out over my shoulder.
“Bye, Tillie… and sorry again.”
“No, don’t be. We’re… complicated.”
Her lips form a thin line when Lara nods, and I walk out in search of Ryan, who’s standing against the wall, looking out the window to the street. He’s thinking about something, lost in his own world, but his solemn face tells a story I’m not sure I want to know.
Taking a steadying breath, I move behind him and stand tall, ready to talk. “You okay, sunshine?” I ask, repeating the words he said to me.
He turns, standing taller, his face brightening slightly. “Yeah, just lost in my own head.”
“What’s going on in there?” I ask as he steps toward me.
“Nothing that would interest you.” He continues past me, his shoulders slumped and his eyes unfocused.
“Ryan, you can talk to me.”
He exhales and turns back to me. “I don’t even know why I’m thinking about them. I only allow myself to think about them one day a year. That’s it! But then you come along and wake something up inside me,” he admits, and I’m more than a little confused.
“Ryan, what do you mean?” I take a step closer, searching his face.
His body tenses, his eyes widening with something close to regret. “I shouldn’t have said that. Forget it. It’s nothing. Let’s go back to the office, yeah?” He turns, walking down the hall, through the door, and out of sight.
I wish I knew what he was talking about.
He’s obviously hurting, and somehow, I’m bringing on that pain.
A heavy ache settles in my chest. Whatever pain he is carrying, I seem to be digging it back up without even knowing how or why.
And that I hate more than anything.
Taking a deep breath, I turn and follow Ryan, meeting him at the car. Apparently, he wants to drive again because he’s sitting in the driver’s seat waiting, so I silently place Hunter in the back seat, then slide into the passenger’s side. He briefly glances at me and then back to the road.
There’s an eerie silence before he starts the car. There is tension always between us, rippling off us in waves, but this? This is something else. Something new.
I felt the spark between us in the gym, and I know there’s a weird chemistry between Ryan and me, but whatever that chemistry is, it can never lead anywhere.
He’s my boss.
Plus, this is quite possibly one-sided.
One thing I know for sure is that I like him, just the way he is—ornery, arrogant, funny, and stubborn as hell.
There’s something about him that eases my nerves and calms me, even when he’s boiling my blood.
I want to help him, to save him from himself.
The protector in me is strong when it comes to Ryan, but I have to bide my time.
I can’t push my way in. He’s guarded, of that, I’m sure.
As we drive back to the office, I glance out the window, trying to focus on my schedule for the rest of the day. But my mind keeps drifting back to Ryan—his guarded looks, his rare flashes of vulnerability, the way he holds himself as if carrying a weight only he can bear.
I may not know all his secrets, but I know one thing—I’m not giving up. Beneath that tough exterior, there’s more to Ryan than he lets on, and I’m determined to be the one who finally breaks through.
Even if it means risking everything.
With a steadying breath, I turn my attention forward, ready for whatever comes next.