Chapter 18
Eighteen
Eliot
I was holding a baby and so was Lily, only it wasn’t Kellan in her arms. My tiny nephew Drew was safe with her, and I had Alex. They weren’t the tiniest babies I’d held, but they were close.
Sutton and Wilder were out having a lunch date. They might not have entrusted me with two babies this small on my own, but I had an expert with me.
Cali was sitting between us, reading a book to the babies. They were both fast asleep and had snoozed through the first three stories. Kellan was on a blanket on the floor, happily practicing his rolling.
Cali finished the book about bunnies. Magnolia was the author, and it was one of the gifts Lily had gotten for the twins. She’d also given Sutton a new-mom present that had home spa products like hot and cold face packs, lotion, and gourmet chocolates. Cali had read each of the four books—two for each boy—and the bunnies was the last.
“I can’t believe how well you can read,” I said. Since when could first graders blow through four baby books like they were nothing? “That’s amazing.”
She beamed.
Wilder opened the door to the kitchen. Sutton entered, still moving gingerly. Wilder shadowed her the whole way.
She grinned at us as she made her way through the kitchen and into her living room. “Thank you so much for that. That was my first outside meal since I was put on bed rest.”
“You’re most welcome.” Lily smiled. “Do you want them in their cribs?”
“Sure.” Sutton carefully sat in the recliner. “Hopefully, they’ll take the same three-hour naps they’ve been taking all week.”
Wilder took Drew from Lily. “Eliot and I can lay them down. You two relax.”
Cali snuggled into Lily. The sight always melted my damn heart.
I followed Wilder upstairs to the nursery.
“How’s Sutton doing?” I asked.
“She’s still sore, and she can’t wait to sleep on her side. One of her stitches popped open the first week, but it’s been a smooth recovery from surgery since.” He lifted a shoulder. “As much as you can recover with two newborns anyway. We’re tired but content. Glad I could be around for it all.”
I was glad he’d finally chosen Sutton over his deputy position too. “No clock to punch.”
“No kidding.” He set Drew in the middle of the crib and gazed at him with pure adoration. When I settled Alex, he did the same. “It’s just so unreal. Neither of us thought we’d ever reach this point, and now we’re here. Some days, I’m scared I’m dreaming. Until I change the diaper bin. Then it’s real enough.”
A weird spike of envy speared right into my chest cavity. I tried to brush it off. “I’m happy for you.” I was. The idea that he could be miserable and alone in Buffalo Gully gave me an ulcer.
His attention was on me. “How about you?”
“What about me?” I was being obtuse, but nothing had changed in my life.
“You’re different with her.”
Not him too. Everyone I encountered had to tell me their thoughts on me and Lily, and it was the ones who knew there could be no me and Lily. “Well, I’ve never been married.”
He gave me his cop look, the one I was sure he’d used on drunk drivers who told him they’d only had a couple of drinks. “Why aren’t you figuring out how to lock this down?”
“Did you forget?—”
“No, Eliot. I remember every damn thing, including how bullshit obligations can steal everything I have.”
Didn’t he realize how well I knew all that? My irritation crept up my neck. “My ‘bullshit obligations’ are helping you keep all this.”
“Nope.”
“You’re going to wake your boys.”
He didn’t move. “They’re used to us talking when they’re sleeping. It’s getting them to stay asleep when it’s quiet that’s hard.” He folded his arms. “I don’t need the inheritance.”
He’d gone from a family of two to four in the last month. Of course he needed the money. “We all know the business has to stay afloat.”
“We all know you hide behind that ranch.”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” When one of the babies made a grunting noise, I clenched my teeth. Wilder was a new dad, elated and exhausted, and I didn’t want to crap all over his day with this argument.
“It’s been nothing but a convenient excuse to justify why you haven’t done a damn thing you’ve wanted.” He faced me like he’d bicker over this topic all day.
The heat winding around my throat turned into anger. “And why would I do that? You’re talking out of your ass.”
“One, I’m going to teach my boys to swear, not their uncles, so watch your mouth.”
“I’ll teach them to swear better.”
“Two, I can’t answer that for you. Only you can. We all had baggage we had to get over or that we still carry with us. Ask Cody. Or Austen. Aggie.”
No the fuck I wouldn’t. “What was yours?” I shot back.
“I wanted to please a father figure who I wished was my father so bad that I didn’t realize he just wanted me to live out his lonely fucking dreams.”
I snapped my mouth shut. He actually answered. A response that made all the sense in the world. I’d even told him once he’d picked his old boss over his wife. Yes, we all had baggage, but mine wasn’t history. I was living and working it every day.
Wilder’s expression grew more determined. “Austen almost moved to California because he wasn’t going to fight for Vienne and be like Barns.”
“I’m not Barns either. Which is why I’m not making Lily feel like she has to stay married to me after the year is done.” He opened his mouth, but I gave my head a sharp shake. “And when the year is done, I’m going to keep the ranch going.”
“Her brother’s doing a damn fine job, from what Cody said.”
Chambers and his big fucking mouth. “He’s temporary. An IT guy isn’t going to give up everything to run someone’s place at a quarter of what he could make in the corporate world. Not to mention, he’s got his property he’ll probably marry for.”
“He’d buy you time though.”
“No.”
“Fuck’s sake, Eliot. You’re going to lose her.”
Fear tore through my body, making my chest tight and my throat constrict. I could not lose her.
Men are toxic, Eliot. They’ll poison a woman with lies to get what they want. They’d do it until her passion dies and the rest follows. And I gave birth to four of them . Mama’s words screamed into the void of my mind.
If it wasn’t for Lily’s first husband, she wouldn’t be a single mom with a ton of school debt. I was better than him, but she was still dependent on me. I wanted her to have a choice. I would never pressure her for my own selfish wants. I was an adult. I was a better man than my father. So I had to be ready. The best thing for Lily might be to let her get away.
Lily
I gawked at the restaurant around us. The dinner rush in Purple Petal was in full effect, but Eliot and I were at a high-top table in the bar. We’d already ordered, and I had a virgin cosmopolitan in front of me.
Eliot had a mug of beer and promised I could drive his pickup.
“I can’t believe you found a sitter.” Anxiety continued to surge. I had left my kids with a teenager. Eliot vouched for Vienne’s daughter, Catherine. His entire family did, and while I’d met the girl, I had rarely had someone watch the kids who weren’t my parents or daycare.
“Catherine has babysat for all the Knights and I’m including Aggie in that. If the girl didn’t play so much volleyball, she’d be able to have a full-time job with just my relatives.”
“She seems like a good kid.” I took a sip of my cosmo. The strawberry slush was like candy and since there was no alcohol, I could drink ten of them without worrying about nursing Kellan. “When I was her age, I was full of the same confidence, but I wasn’t as mellow.”
“You’re mellow now.”
“Necessity. My mom always accused me of not thinking first, but she doesn’t understand that gut feeling, you know? She’ll sit in front of her computer and rework four lines of rhyme for her kids’ books. She’ll go through a hundred different words and turns of phrases, and she’ll do the same thing in her regular decision-making. It used to drive me nuts.”
“And now?”
I could ramble like I was on my third adult beverage. Eliot was easy to talk to, and Carter had never wanted to listen. “I can see the wisdom of her ways. They thought I should work a few years and then go to vet school if I was still interested, but I was applying as soon as possible. If I had worked a few years, I wouldn’t have gone, and maybe I sensed that.”
“Do you think you would’ve felt like you missed out?” The way he scrutinized me spoke of a different motivation for asking than curiosity. He’d been quiet since we’d left Sutton and Wilder’s. He’d gone upstairs with his brother, and when he came back down, he was subdued. Almost angry. Wilder and Sutton had exchanged glances, and I had remained lost.
I had thought Eliot would talk to me, but he hadn’t opened up yet. None of it was my business, but I’d also been told everything in my last marriage was none of my business. Yet many of the decisions made had hinged on the efforts I put into the relationship.
I wasn’t diving down that rabbit hole. Eliot and I were only dating. Our marriage was not part of whatever was going on between him and Wilder.
Or maybe it was all of it.
I should’ve had a real drink. What was his question? Oh, right. “I don’t know if I would’ve felt like I missed out. Sutton’s clinic runs really well. She designed it with a lot of support and flexibility. Carter’s is a money mill. He didn’t care about animals, he cared about upselling. The vet’s jobs were more about how much they could siphon from a family, and I saw the mental toll it took on the vets, on top of the normal stress of the field. Did you know veterinary medicine is often cited as one of the most stressful occupations?”
He shook his head. “I assumed my dad was the reason Sutton had a lot of stress when she worked for the ranch.”
“I’m happy being a tech. I wish I could get a do-over and not take out those loans or see the prenup for what it was—a tool for Carter to use me with minimal risk to himself. But…it happened, and I moved forward. I’m just going to keep going.”
“You roll with the punches and collect more animals while you’re at it.”
I grinned. “You have to admit that Bug is turning out to be the goodest boy.”
“I suspect he thinks there are cookies when I’m around.”
I laughed. I barely remembered there were cookies in the break room Bug had been after. I’d been so shocked by the sight of a sexy cowboy. “I wouldn’t have met you without him.”
“We’d have crossed paths.”
“I wouldn’t have named you as a potential husband, Romeo.”
His gaze flickered. “Why not?”
“I’d have probably accepted my fate. But you tried to help then and then you were so nice at the party. I don’t know. It’s not like I know any other single guys.”
The server arrived with our food. We started eating, but he was drawn in on himself.
I ate half my club sandwich, but my appetite was lacking. Something was bothering him. Was I the cause? “Eliot. What’d I say?”
“Nothing.” He shoved a fry in his mouth and kept chewing. His throat worked when he swallowed. “I’m just reeling over my brother being a dad of twins when he was just divorced from that same wife a few years ago.”
That wasn’t it. I should quit asking, but why wouldn’t he open up to me? We were getting closer. Or I was letting sex cloud our circumstances. “You can talk to me. I know we’re not…”
He arched a brow. “Husband and wife?”
“That’s on paper.” He was showing me how things should’ve been in my first marriage. It wasn’t all fake, was it? I let my food sit. I needed to hear his answer first. My heart pounded against my ribs. “What’s going on between us is more.”
He scooted another fry through his ketchup, then ditched it on his plate. “It’s more, but at the same time, we both know what it is.”
Maybe what I was asking was whether he wanted it to be more? We’d gotten married. Then we’d slept together. Now, we were on a date. Our process was ass-backward, but couldn’t it still lead to somewhere?
“I care about you, Lily, and those kids. But at the end of the year, we’re each still going to have our own life. If we still want to keep seeing each other, this is what we have.”
If we still want to keep seeing each other… “Long distance?”
His gaze darkened. “Long distance isn’t good enough for you.”
Surprise crashed through me and shifted to irritation. I was tired of people deciding what was best for me. My in-laws made it seem like their mean words were for my own good, but it wasn’t. They said what was in their best interest. “Don’t I get to decide what’s good for me?”
“One year of pretending won’t be enough for you to decide. I can’t even live under the same roof.” He deliberately pushed his drink farther away. “You have time, Lily. Your only requirement is the year. Nothing in those documents said you have to stay married the entire seven years.”
He made it sound like he was thinking of me, but he was coming off like he wanted us to be as temporary as the nuptials. Wow. Hurt resounded through me like a gong strike. Temporary. I had known it, but when he’d driven through a winter storm to be in my bed, I had convinced myself it was so much more. That he meant what he said.
In reality, he wasn’t looking for more than what Carter had wanted. Only Carter had sought out the marriage to solve some of his issues with Cali and his clinic. I was Carter in this case, but the thought only made me feel more foolish. Carter could keep his wits about him. I was falling hard for Eliot.
I wanted him to be the man who wanted to be by my side for no other reason than love. Not obligation. Not for a trust. Not for his own needs. I wanted him to be a man who would change more than a weekend to be with me. Meanwhile, he was a man whose goal was to become my second ex-husband.
Eliot
I was in the shop, making sure all the snow removal equipment Lily inherited was working. Cali had played outside for two hours and then she’d gone in. The sun was high, and the temperature had swung back up to be unseasonably warm. Melting snow could be heard dripping off the roof and trees.
Being gone from the ranch wasn’t as nerve-racking as it used to be, but it was time for me to go. Jasper had called. We’d lost a mare. There was nothing that could’ve been done. Sometimes, an illness took hold of an animal before we saw any signs. He and Alexander had handled the situation, but I needed to leave before dark, or that melt would turn to ice on the highways. I wouldn’t be as driven to get home in time as I was to get to Crocus Valley on Halloween night. If I could spend every weekend like this one… That was a reality that wasn’t mine.
Lily entered the shop. The big doors were open. I washed my hands and dried them, turning to enjoy the view. She was looking around the building. I had straightened and organized tools, separating old junk that wouldn’t be useful, like spare engine parts from equipment that was no longer on the property and tires. Why so many tires? I piled all that in the corner to haul to the dump if I was ever around during open hours.
You could make that happen.
Maybe I would. It couldn’t be a regular occurrence. I had a job. And she hadn’t argued about not filing for divorce and finding a guy who could take a load to the dump. A guy who could make her feel desired every day instead of when it was convenient for him.
I nearly sneered at the thought. Fuck that guy. But no. I wasn’t selfish with women, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to stand in Lily’s way of happiness. She’d been thoughtful after our date, but as soon as I got her home and got her clothes off, we were back in sync. Deep down, she likely knew I was right.
She shoved her hands in her hoodie. The shop’s interior was cooler, with the concrete floor radiating cold, but she’d be fine if she kept moving. The outline of the baby monitor and her phone were visible in her hoodie pocket.
“Is Cali napping again?” I asked.
She smiled and it was a punch to the gut. The serene, content smile she got sometimes when all was right in her world made me a satisfied man. It didn’t happen often enough, but I’d seen it more the longer she was settled in the house that would soon be hers.
“Running in the fresh air for a couple of hours tuckered her out. I have the third handset in the living room. She’s passed out on the couch.” She set the monitor on the shop bench and put her phone beside it. “You’ve really cleaned up in here.”
“Your grandma hadn’t done much in years. Understandable. Besides, cleaning and organizing is almost all it needed.” I lifted my chin toward the junk pile. “Check for anything you might want to keep.”
“I will.” She tipped her head and studied me. The indigo of her irises nearly blended with her pupils in the shadows of this place. “When will you be here next?”
I lifted a shoulder. A hard question to answer when leaving was starting to become the last thing I wanted to do. I’d come next weekend if she needed me, but I also had to keep space between us. I would never be the man Mama thought I’d grow up to be, and I didn’t want to create more loss for myself when we parted ways. It’d be easier if I was used to seeing her less than once a month. “We’ll have to see what the weather’s like.”
Her brows pinched together like she didn’t care for my answer. “Of course.” She licked her lips. We’d had sex last night, but seeing her tongue was an instant turn-on for me. My dick remembered what she could do with it. “Do you have Thanksgiving plans?”
The holiday was less than a month away. “I haven’t done much the last few years. I’ll probably stay at home so the guys can be with their family.” Unmarried employees still had parents, siblings, and close friends they needed to connect with. “Sometimes, I can sneak up for the day, but all my siblings are going to be having babies or home with newborns. I doubt there’ll be any feasts getting prepared.”
The furrow between her brow deepened. “You shouldn’t spend the holiday alone.”
“It’s happened before.” Admittedly, not as much as one would think. Not until the rest of my siblings had moved away from Buffalo Gully.
She pushed her hair back. “My mom just messaged and told me not to worry about making it there. It’s a long drive with small kids.” She rolled her eyes. “So I told her I’d already gotten a pet sitter.”
Her mom had a reason to be worried. “It’s a six-hour drive.” A long drive for a woman with two young kids.
She leveled me with a stern stare. “It’s shorter than driving from Kansas to Billings with a fraction of my worldly possessions, morning sickness, and a five-year-old who doesn’t understand why we’re leaving everything she knows. Although I’ll grant you that Cali switched between my car and my parents’ on the way to Billings.”
And she didn’t want me treating her like that time in her life, like she couldn’t take care of what needed to be done on her own. “I worry, that’s all.”
“Cali will be in the back seat to help entertain Kellan. If Catherine can’t pet sit, then I can ask someone at the clinic.”
I shook my head. “You don’t have a pet sitter lined up yet?”
She smiled, and I caught a glimpse of that impulsive girl who’d worried her family. “You’re welcome to join us. The drive is about the same for you.”
I’d be working so Jasper could go to her family gathering. “I don’t want to say I’ll try and then disappoint you.”
“No, you definitely make sure I know what to expect.” The tension in her voice was a warning bell.
She had the same stiff set in her shoulders when I’d told her I wanted her to have a choice. Telling a girl that on our first official date wasn’t romantic. Mama wouldn’t have been surprised. Your dad would rather get me pregnant again than buy me flowers. That’s his idea of romance.
“I don’t want to disappoint you,” I told Lily. “It’s important that you know where I’m at in this marriage.”
She focused on me, but I couldn’t read her expression. Several moments ticked by. “I understand,” she finally said.
Did she? The skepticism in her voice said otherwise. “Lily?—”
“I think we have a short window where both kids are napping and you have to leave soon.” She closed the distance between us and tucked her hands underneath my sweater. Her cool fingers wrapped around my waistband, but I’d warm them up soon enough. “Think you can keep me warm?”
Sex would be a distraction. But it was her using it, not me, and I’d let her do whatever she wanted as long as she knew she always had an out.